A large pack convened at Hamer Park in spite of the instructions and lack of a sign until 5:50 when the pack had assembled. Folks looking for North from the South were disappointed as it is called Longroyd from Lawley Street.
The horn was blown to get the attendance list done and the pack away and the Hare from Lala land was elsewhere on the planet. A belligerent arrival and a brisk on-on had us away through the burbs, not crossing Walcott or into ECU, A good start. Arrows, checks and FTs plentiful. We use Ps at HHH but not Scummy; he uses arrows. There were enough of them.
We crossed Alexander Drive, used laneways rather well and came up through the back of Angove. This was good running territory.
Thereafter we crossed back over Fitzgerald and now the smallish pack disintegrated. At this stage, there were seven of us left. We got across Walcott together and remained on trail until we are asked to turn right at Queens when on Clifton Street. By then Gumby had called enough and Bushy and Moses, thought the extra loop to the East a luxury,
The four who decided to go on must have lost trail and added a stack as Gnocchi had 9.4km and Moses only 7, with Q somewhere in between.
All said a pretty good run; the hamburgers were really terrific after a long spell of Covid suited food and this author would say something over 8 was an appropriate score.
The Premier of Western Australia, Mark McGowan MLA, speaks to the hash chapters of Perth on the steps of Parliament House.
Mark McGowan MLA, on the steps of Parliament House addressing the gathered hashers (from the many chapters in greater Perth area). The Premier spoke about the benefits of running hash and commented that he has known Eric Ripper, former leader of the Labor Party, known to us as ‘Sir Knob’ for over 25 years. He went on to say he has never seen Eric looking better so Hash must be benefitting him.
The Premier then called ‘On on that way’ and depending where you where standing it was either to the left or to the right, showing that Hash is apolitical.
Well you could say a tectonic fault affected the whole run. Was well planned, but outcome was disjointed. Quite a few holdups as trail was hard to find. Grey chalk is not very visible, especially when hidden under a bush! Or perhaps the hares marked the trail last Thursday and it became somewhat faint. Territory was good with plenty of false trails and use of laneways. A couple of times it became a walker-led run which is pretty embarrassing for elite athletes. Nonetheless, there were positives. Length at 55m was good, weather beautiful, lighting from the Optus stadium excellent [sorry, I meant from our new van], tucker of rolls & snags tasty and a good effort. Scummy scored a down-down for calling on when he saw some painted arrows on the footpath [where was Pembo when you need him?] RA Nanny scored it 9.05. Does the scoring begin at 9 nowadays?
On On Emu [in lieu of Gumby who has vanished to the republic of Victoria]
Hare: Conman Co Hare: Budgie Alinea Building – Shenton Park If they were selling real estate, this had it all. LOCATION. LOCATION. LOCATION. Unfortunately for the hare, this is Monday night and it takes chalk, chalk and more flour. Then as an even more discouraging aspect the Hare was unable to use the alphabet, instead falling back on N American Indian iconography (I suspect we can blame Budgie for this after his many years in the snowdrifts of USA). There was significant inventiveness about the route, except for all the laneways that remained unused, lack of direction once we hit Rosalie Pk was also a source of frustration for the runners. Most of the pack failed to see any chalk after we left Rosalie Pk in a fog. Enough of the bad talk. The location (as previously mentioned) really leant itself to a conviviality about the evening. The climate control exercised by the Hare (forget about the Co Hare here) was commendable, along with the abundance of cold VB cans, plenty of lighting and more than adequate parking to keep everyone together without leaving anyone out, to go and have to find more parking. Once the circle started, there was general agreement from Elbows that there was an influx of new songs (which probably came as a surprise to those at the back of the circle) which were agreeable to many in the circle. Perhaps these new found singing hymns can be continued???? Gumby is always willing to assist in these endeavours. I think the pack is getting slack as they failed to serenade the Religious Advisor as he stepped forward to present his sermon, with the club song. SLACK. That apart, there was general consensus that the ramblings of the RA were mostly harmless and everyone immediately did the normal thing and made for the food cue. Here is definitely where the hare resurrected his score, as there was plenty of food and enough for thirds for those that had failed to have lunch. So there you have it, another great night at the best Hash Club in Perth on a great evening. Wouldn’t be dead for quids. On On nanny
After all these years you’d think the Children would have grown up enough, to be able to get run directions correct. A fallacy if ever there was one. Not only were we given the wrong location, but it differed by almost 30Km. Then when the new directions came through, streets did not have the supplied names on the directions. Great start to a joint run. When I arrived I was amazed to see something that resembled an awning hanging off the bucket. I am still to be reliably informed that this is the same piece that has been hanging off the side of the bucket since it came to hash.
As is now common, there was a quick briefing by hare suggesting that it was an 8Km run with a drink stop, and that it started in that direction The pack of runners took off in the appropriate direction, only to turn around and go in the opposite direction. EXCELLENT. Around through the newer streets of the locality, and through the cunning use of false trails and checks kept the pack together for the first half of the run, then about 10 minutes before the drink stop it all went to manure and the back half of the pack fell away, and were forced to rely on the irregular sounding of the horn (sorry, I will lift my game in future runs, as will Moses).
The drink stop was in the newest street on the run, with not a single completed house in view and at least 15 in various stages of construction. This part of the run had obviously been set on the afternoon of the run, as none of it had been “disappeared” by the actions of the tradies. EXCELLENT. A short canter after the drink stop, back to home and once again the tail of the pack fell away to come in at a substantial distance from the front half of the pack. A shame really because it had been a well set run, just that these young buggers run too f…ing fast.
Back to the bucket and it was heartening to see how many of each of the clubs were involved in deep discussions about whether Rhino should be re-named, and the quality of the run. All too quickly the circle was called and was led by the On Sec from West Coast (sorry again, can’t remember his name), accusations were made and not denied, drinks were awarded, and singing of DIFFERENT songs was heard, some Perth Hashmen even joined into these infrequently heard tunes.
Basil Brush was called up to give a run score and critique, and was then that he made the inflammatory call for the ice. Little does he realise that the victim of his icing, has a long memory.
Food was called for, and Crayfish is to be congratulated on the new cuisine, which was well accepted by all, and I doubt there was much left at the end of the evening. Unsurprisingly, because of the first flush of cold weather for the season had arrived on the evening, the girls blouses from West Coast left early which led to a charge by those from the Golden Triangle to retreat to the Western Suburbs in quick succession.
All in all, a great evening, even if it was a long way from our normal haunts.
Well done West Coast and Crayfish, let’s hope we can do as well when it comes around to our turn.
In the absence of FT, and without or authority, a quick comment on the Joint run set by West Coast at Dayton.
After a false start with a run set in the East rather than in the West as first announced a large pack found the location, no thanks to UBD, TomTom or Garmin or car GPS, though apparently Prick in the Wall found the location on Google Maps. Point was sent off by his GPS to Dayton, Ohio. This Dayton is brand new and certainly a different demographic, but all seems to work rather well really.
This clown turned South at Arthur and in 50 metres decided in had to be North so a U-Turn fixed that and Polly has a little sojourn to the South before guiding Moses to the car park. It was a bit small for the numbers, but a good location with light and easy access from Reid Highway, once you knew where it was.
Very well set run using paths through bush and a bit of gravel and even shaggy requiring a small leap over a stream which Bushie reports the short legs could not achieve so one wet shoe and sock. One Jack Russell thought her name was Jesunna and got more than a wet undercart.
The front runners did 6.5km and those who got to 5.7 were passed by Phranger about a dozen times, so kept together and very well set and marked. Well done Hares. Even a drink stop at Basil Lane, posed by the same bod who gave the wrong venue and start time first up.
Run time about 43 minutes.
The Subway arrangements marshalled by Crayfish worked well and a few fairly happy campers started leaving at about 8:00pm.
Unofficial report on PEMBO’s Run in Canning Vale. SHAKIN, with a dickie knee and still rehabilitating from his ankle surgery was his bar assistant.
The run was set in new territory, the On On being in the middle of a vast industrial area growing ever bigger by the day. Given the run location being far out of town, for some, the turnout of 45 hashmen was a great endorsement to the hare’s capacity to cater well, over many years. Among those visitors were ST PETER, ERNIE DINGO, and the hare SiL.
After taking delivery of the wine cartons purchased by the Perth Hash members concerned with improving our financial outlook, we were sent away looking out for our trail which, this time, was marked with chalk and flour, not paint. We quickly ended in bushland, following the east-west freight train railway to Ranford road before cutting back towards Market City and into more commercial real estate then back to Bannister road and on home.
We were greeted on our return by a shirtless person, of the youngish female variety, handing out the hash splash. Within minutes of our return, the poor thing was mobbed by our ageing “Tart Minders” all jostling for a moment’s attention and a boost to their flagging libido…
The circle was a swift and uplifting affair (the GM being imprisoned in a man cage, looking down on his flock). RAMROD was announced as our interim OnSec keeping with the trend of recruiting non English speaking candidates.
The RA gave the run a 9.15 score for the 6.4km, 50 minutes trail and the hares got their photo taken hugging the shirtless person.
The formalities being over, we all moved out and got a belly full of delicious pizza cooked by Vince the Mobile Pizza Man while sipping some fine red wines provided by our host.
The crowd quickly dispersed when the shirtless lass became bottom less and bedtime was looming.
Great night and great effort by PEMBO.
Next week, we’ve got a joint run with the “babies” in Stirling. Enjoy that, I’ll be riding the Munda Bindi from Albany to Walpole.
Surprise. Surprise. Budgie set the run from Percy Doyle Reserve – a dog non-friendly reserve according to the sign.
Moses and I shared the disdain of this ridiculous situation and noticed the locals disregarding the signage with their dogs on the oval without leashes.
Back to the run. It’s been a while since Budgie set a run, complete with birdseed, so there were high expectations. Heading through Percy Doyle Reserve, we rounded the Duncraig Public Library and Recreation Centre this side of Warwick Road.
Great to see Sherlock back on trail, happily snapping away.
The trail then re-joined Beddi Road and on through Kariong Circuit. The heat slowed a few down as we headed through Trigonometric Park. Grizzly enjoyed the heat more than most in his exosuit and kept up with the fastest walkers.
Then on back to Percy Doyle Reserve for the OnOn.
Nanny, despite injuries sustained during the run, awarded Budgie a fitting 9.1 for the run and great meat and salad rolls.
Many of our members never knew Hashers live so far away from the metro area! It was a great bush location with the lights of Kalgoorlie in the distance just over the hill. After a short briefing by Q, PHANTOM armed with an excellent map – which even he could understand – set off in the same direction as the runners. The run and walk took us through a variety of bushland including some large, expensive homes on very large blocks. The pack and walkers crossed paths a couple of times. School sites were also passed along the way, with some locals asking the walkers what the hell was going on. RUMPOLE had some sort of altercation with a motor bike rider and POLECAT scared some innocent kids in the school grounds. A good drink (water melon stop) was set up by SEAGULL near a swamp area. How do you have a swamp hundreds of metres above sea level? After about an hour all returned to the bucket, guided by the red light of the nearby signal tower. MOLE ran the wine tasting of our expensive purchase of SB for club fund raising. At the ON ON HAGGIS told a joke about a massacre that happened 399 years ago. The Labor Party reinvented this massacre only last week. DOWN DOWN to NANNY – 22 years of Hashing, MOLE – collecting raffle cash winnings, NOKI – a birthday carton, MASTITIS and HORSE – can’t remember what for. HAGGIS also told a joke about a nun being cross – there is nothing like a hot cross nun! SIR KNOB scored the raffle prize of a bottle of wine – no cash. NANNY took the stage with DOWN DOWNS to NEON – for exposing himself under his coat, ELBOWS – for being community minded with a fellow Hasher, RUMPOLE and POLECAT – for the school yard altercation. The Hares scored 9.1 for the run, even though it was set using an electric scooter. No-one got lost which is always a bonus when in the bush. Good food and location. The weather turned cold about 8pm and everyone went home early.
Well nothing as it was a public holiday, but on Tuesday there was the Blue Dress Run at Wireless Hill Reserve.
What looked liked being a washout because of the black clouds and torrential rain experienced by early arrivals eased off by the time of the run start at 7.00 pm. Being a joint hash run with all the usual suspect hashes, a large contingent of hash men and women with a number of the former well attired as their female counterparts, set off along the very narrow trails in the Reserve making things difficult for the runners to overtake the lethargic walkers whose tongues were being exercised more than their legs.
The run took us down onto the residential streets around Booragoon and onward into Garden City Centre carpark then northwards towards the river and finally a path back to Wireless Hill Reserve amounting to a short 4 kilometre run including checks.
On On Haggis On Sec Perth Hash House Harriers Inc.
From: On Sec Sent: Saturday, 13 March 2021 1:25 PM To: undisclosed-recipients: Subject: Blue Dress Run (or do I say The “Blew” Dress Run)
Just thought I would drop you a line with info on the Blue Dress Run.
Firstly please thank all of your members who braved the terrible weather to attend. How good was it to have LaFitz & Shorty chat about Waddles? Plus Sarah from MND certainly hit home with her informative speech. It’s great to know we can all make a difference.
Secondly, from me personally, I am very sorry for the debacle with the registrations…we never had a plan B (or a working pen it seems haha) We were so caught off guard when our poor Hash Cash was held up on the Freeway due to the dreadful weather in the Northern suburbs. We will definitely be better prepared next year ( afterall we already have the blue bands we didn’t get to use haha)
Anyway our clever Cash ‘Gorgeous’ managed to decipher my hieroglyphics and we had a total of 103 hashers attend. Down by about 50 on last year but perfectly understandable with the shocking conditions.
On saying our attendance numbers were down we have still managed to send a fantastic donation of $1775 to MND which includes the $325 raised from the raffle (thanks again to Horse).
Thanks to everyone who pitched in when the rain began and helped with shelters busses etc you helped make the run a success. We can’t do this without your club’s participation so please know we are indeed grateful.
The pack assembled at a fairly familiar run location on a warm night and after a quick debrief explaining that we would in fact be on chalk and flour for a change the runners headed off towards Stirling Highway and the walkers went, well, who knows.
The run was well set with a good amount of false trails in the first half as we passed over the bridge before heading along the beach. After emptying the beach from our shoes we headed back across the highway and train line. Inconsiderately, the runners decided to skip the drink stop entirely with a spot of shortcutting leaving only the walkers to relieve Jerrycan of his refreshments. A long straight home without too many falsies took us along the bank of the Swan River before arriving back to the bucket at Tom Perrot Reserve for a drink or three.
Soon after, the circle was called and we were subjected to more “Hash Trivia” courtesy of Haggis. Hopefully he gets the memo that his circles are clearly far too advanced for the average hashman. On the other hand, The Mole managed to win “Who wants to be a Hashionaire” when he pulled the Joker, winning a bottle of his own wine and the $400 kitty.
After the circle had finished the Hares served up a great chicken curry while also managing to provide full dining accomodation. Certainly setting a precedent for future runs.
This write up was supposed to be produced by Polly. But he is too busy avoiding his hash duties so I’ll publish my Weekly Facebook Post instead. Unofficial report on STEWIE’s run in Lesmurdie. BARCODE was co-hare. A pack including West Coast Hash assembled in mid thirty degree heat to savour this yearly classic which invariably ends up with someone hurting themselves. I am glad to say, to my knowledge, no one took a tumble, or admitted to it, but our OnSec, HAGGIS, was seen on all four after a gravel slip at the much appreciated drink stop. Both he and The MOLE cut their losses from there and went straight back to the On On by road from there… SCB the pair of them. The run was clocked at 6.5km, half of it uphill, the rest descending the same bloody hills! Having FRANGA and BONER up front saved the pack some distance, both running out most false trails. Great run on tracks and trails with some paved sections. After a quick refresh, the first circle for the SHOCKJOX committee commenced with HAGGIS dispensing birthday and returns Down-downs before reading the pack a men’s health warning linking cunninlingus with throat cancer. Play now, pay later I guess. He could have saved this for next week’s circle and see how well received that would be! And then, to the pack’s delight, it was payback time for NANNY, as he stepped up to deliver his RA sermon the pack erupted in a raucous version of our anthem, stealing his close out opportunity as he has others, this reporter included, many times over the past couple of years. The hares were called and a run critique handed out with a score of 9.5 before we lined up for a serve of LESLIE’s shepherds pie and preparing our selves for the long drive back to civilisation. Next week is the Harriettes’ BLUE DRESS fundraiser for MND from Wireless Hill. Bring your dosh and your no-doze. On oN. FT
Polly is like Lazarus of Bethany, he keeps on rising from the dead. But not 4 days after his last demise, a full 28 or 27 years after leaving Perth Hash in 1990 or 1991. 1
So we were expecting a great run from this very experienced hashman. His co-hare Polecat (no relation), or Aristo as he prefers, has set many great runs. So with a team like that we were in for a treat.
The hashers gathered in the carpark of Kathmandu with a few (including me) going into the shop to check out the specials before the run. The hare addressed us before the run (as has become custom) and made excuses as to why there would be no chalk for the first section through the Ikea carpark. Seems like the ‘Fat Controller’ was present and like all good ‘Fat Controllers’ liked to rule his patch – i.e. he rubbed out the chalk. Can one still say that; has that term not been banned by lexicographers? Ok let’s not get into sesquipedalian speech.
Not to be thwarted Polecat ‘live hared’ the carpark to keep us on the cleverly reconnoitred trail which went down the side of a creek adjacent to Ellen Stirling Boulevard. After negotiating a low fence, Moses dog, Missy, decided it was time for laying down a barkers nest. She didn’t want to be outdone by Nanny’s dog Meeka who had already dropped a load. One could reminisce about the time (allegedly) our very dear Scottie, sans dog bags, scooped up Snoopy’s dog poo with his bare hands and disposed of it and then wiped his hands clean on the grass (would Colonel have done that?).
We ran along the bank of the creek for long enough for your scribe to get bitten by sandflies. Not as many as when I fell asleep after a Rogaine with The Mole (I may have consumed a few dark ales to relax) whilst sitting around the campsite in the fading sunlight. That took months to recover from the blighters itchy bites. I know one shouldn’t scratch the bites as that makes them worse. I challenge you try and ignore the itchy bites! They are more annoying than The Mole :-), ha ha… we still love you Mole.
At the end of the gully was the Fat Controller’s Filter. How did Polly get through the hole in the wire fence? Being a boy from the bush I climbed over the fence as the pack was lined up squeezing through the hole in the fence one-by-one to the cries of ‘you are too fat to get through that size hole, move over and let us skinny bastards get through’.
The industrial size blocks in Osborne Park that don’t have interesting alleyways and walkways don’t lend themselves to great hash running territory so the run became predictable with the trail going along Scarborough Beach Road, then north up King Edward Road with occasional left hand false trails. Over the Mitchell Freeway foot bridge at the corner of King Edward Road and Hector Street and onto Telford Crescent before a clever left across a small bridge over a creek and the Joondalup PSP. Through the Stirling Civic Gardens before going through the car park, bus station, train station and over the Mitchell Freeway on the pedestrian foot bridge. The On Home was marked just before the ankle challenging dirt descent to the vacant block north of Ikea. Meeka was allowed free rein down the hill whereas Missy was more dignified and restrained (by Moses and like Moses).
Through the Ikea car park sans chalk arrows and on to the bucket where Mole was already enjoying a cold one.
Polly was reveling in his new position serving drinks in the bucket. He is very experienced in this role having done it ALONE in 1976 and 1986! I am not sure if this is an official committee position or if he has been recruited by Rumpole to make up for the lack of co-splashes. Rumpole has been running the slick operation on a minimum crew of at least three since 2015 but added a fourth in 2020 as Grizzly was apprenticed. Not sure how long Grizzly’s apprenticeship will last but I guess with Government JobKeeper payments the club can afford to have a fourth hash splash on the payroll.
Our resident Quiz Master, On Sec Haggis, then delivered his segment but most hashers couldn’t correctly answer his quiz questions. Even El Beaux was struggling. Dollar was called up for a down-down for being a returnee. Bushie, as proxy for Sawbones 81st birthday was awarded a down-down. Sawbones put on a carton of Gage Road Single Fin and paid the full amount as is the 2021 system to help balance the books. The pay $50 and get up to $90 of beer (the club paying the balance) has gone. It never made much sense to me anyway. Ramrod put on a carton of Guinness cans and copped a down-down. Gnocchi was called up as were Moses and Botak. Botak for not remembering where his car was parked.
Action won the draw for the Polly Joker Raffle but was two or three cards off the mark. APITW managed to slip the Joker in afterwards when the stewards weren’t looking and showed the hashers that it was in fact in the draw but Action missed it.
Haggis almost ran overtime but was reminded that the food preparations were under way and Nanny was biting at the bit to get on the crate.
Our 2021 GM, Triple J, got up on the box and spoke about the club’s financial position left by an overspend on the new PH3 bucket purchase and fit-out. We were told that without fundraising the club will run out of money by September 2021. However we must look forward and not dwell on last year. The 2020 committee were called out for a collective down-down. Triple J could have had a great career as a diplomat. We look forward to another year of great Perth Hashing.
Nanny (ever enthusiastic) delivered his weekly sermon and called out various hashers for down-downs including your scribe. Nanny called for a show of hands for any of Colonel’s friends. A large number of Colonel’s friend’s admitted that fact and were called up for a down-down. Sir Knob demonstrated his down-down skills. Mumbles was called up for a down-down.
Mole set up his tasting table and Stumbles will have to be careful as he has competition with future wine tasting gigs. Mole signed up a number of hashers keen to balance the books and keep the club afloat after September 2021 (when the funds are predicted to run out).
Food is on was the call and we lined up for Polly’s curry meal which the members were not able to finish. There was still some stuck to the bottom of the pots when I got them back to my apartment in Subiaco to do the washing up as Gerrycan managed to delegate his duties by going on leave in the country. The plates were almost put in the bin at the apartment block as there isn’t much room to do the washing up in a one bedroom apartment. There is a call for members to bring their own plates, cutlery and mugs instead of the club providing them. This happens in most other Perth Hash chapters. My wife, Mary Poppins, suggested that it was not a good idea to throw them out before the new arrangements start so she helped with the washing of the bowls, plates, plastic forks, and used a hammer and chisel to clean the bottom of the pots.
Wouldn’t be dead for quids.
1 Ed. Background on Polly’s Hash History – from the Modus Operandi on his Rogues Gallery entry.
Polly joined on Run 281 in July 1975 and ran until August 1979, 4 years.
Polly re-joined in 1982 and ran through until 1990 or 1991 (depending on which calendar one uses), another 8 odd years as Polly already has a 10 year mug from that period.
Then Polly re-joined in 2018, another 3 years. And still as enthusiastic as ever.