Run 2769 – Colonel in City Beach

Run 2769 – Colonel in City Beach
On a nice and sunny day with temperatures at a pleasant level until the sun decided to move below the horizon a large pack of hashers gathered at the Ocean Village Shopping Centre car park in City Beach. Indeed we got to see more of the City then of the Beach.
We were released not far after 6 pm on a well marked trail, apparently ably set by Twitch (Colonel’s dog) with the help of Colonel and Budgie. Despite the excellent markings and the unique check markings there always seem to be people who wander of trail and get lost. In this case it was Scumbag who found himself detached from the pack, but was able to get back at the On On before the circle and food.
The runners pack must have set a new record as it concerns participants, I counted at least more than a dozen. So an excellent turn-out. As mentioned the trail was well marked and meandered through City Beach (unable to list the street names as the map provided showed the trail covered in a 10 cm2 area), I believe more uphill then downhill as every street had a at least one hill. We only sighted the ocean on one occasion but the beach was behind the dunes so unable to see any chicks around. Some in the pack complained that there were not enough false trails (note: likely for the obvious reasons that it saves the hares from walking them), but all in all it was an excellent run.
It took the runners, with the exception of Scumbag, approx. 45 minutes to cover the 5.5 – 6 km run and several hundred meters of climbing, a great effort. Most of the walkers were already back near the bucket by that time.
After the chippies the circle was called with some returners (Triple J, Antman, ..), Birdman and Mumbles for posts in the newspapers and Colonel for knowing the difference between yellow and red bins (colourblind?). There may have been others but I did not pay attention. The hash songs came from Gumby’s catalogue (better to say paper snippets).
Food served by Colonel was bun, burger, salad, (plastic) cheese and the lot. Well received and no left over.
With a score of 9.1 issued by RA the hares were well rewarded. I enjoyed the run, good job by Twitch, Colonel and Budgie
ONON
Another Prick in the Wall.
PS: I promise there won’t be as many hills in next week’s run.
PS2: only two (2) PHHH signs handed over, the third one may be missing in action unless recovered by Colonel later in the evening.

Run 2768 – Phantom in Claremont

WESTERN SUBURBS GERIATRIC RUN

While thinking about how to summarise the run I stumbled on an underling theme which I am surprised Dickie being a bit of a clairvoyant had not picked up on ,however bearing in mind he did have trouble finding the venue being in the Western Suburbs so he was a little confused , the theme, considering the seniorority of the hares , the route took us past the Ghost Ride, The Covid Clinic the into Karrakatta Cemetery , scary stuff.

Getting back to the run a reasonable size pack met at a very good location plenty of light and cover , pack set off on a scenic tour of the Showgrounds, they became a little unsettled as hash hound Twitch did the mandatory poo amongst them, in their haste to vacate the area they disappeared up some well set false trails, then headed up past the Clinic before losing the tail for a short while outside the ground.Run. then took us through the Cemetery parts of Claremont before returning to the heart of THE MIGHTY FIGHTING TIGERS.

Have got little information regarding the performance of the runners as my contact FT failed dismally, however being a noted shortcutter , he would have little information regarding the run anyway. In hindsight a very poor choice.

The circle was very entertaining with Gumby in fine form, lots of laughs, mainly at Chunders expense ,in summary a very good run , excellent food, a good time was had by all.

To keep Phantom happy, I failed to mention the hares by name could you add at the bottom,” Well done Hares Phantom and Sir Knob”
On On
Colonel

Run 2767 – Barcode in Kalamunda


BARCODE and Family The Kalamunda Hillbillies
It,s a long drive for the Chardonnet set from the Western Suburbs and was made longer by the fact that our regular passenger , BOTAK ,was not at the pick up spot .We phoned to find out that he lost track of time –a sign of Old Timers disease . to his credit he did turn up and join us at around 6:10 – [editor’s note! 5:10 may be the correct time?]
Anyway we arrived with 5 minutes to spare to the freezing climate of the hills . After a great loop of the Oval and environs the pack ,including Walkers ,arrived back on Canning Rd.The runners went one way and the Walkers short cut to the Shopping Centre where we followed various lanes ,arcades and false trails to Stirk Pk
At this point PEMBOs pooches thought a swim in the swamp was a good idea-not . Then Dickie and Colonel did a 360 on the slippery park and the Running Pack caught up with us .Over Kalamunda Rd and into the bush where we found evidence of PEMBO again -Arrows painted on ground – and the pack then took off downhill .We slower chaps headed for home arriving at 7PM whereas the runners showed up about 25 mins later.
A well set run with lots checks and good false trails (as expected )but probably a trifle long for our aging runners (except Q )
At the ONON we were graced with other locals like DAVE the POM and SEAGULL but the standout was the ageing Nat Fyfe look alike -ARISTOCAT Talk about trying to stay Young
Several Birthday cartons appeared -Wagon Guinness and Cans assorted Old English Ales -Hope didn’t miss anyone
Finally the food Very tasty triage of chicken /beans /curry and rice
A few more beers and back to civilisation –Glad I wasn’t driving home
ON ON WBDFQ
PHANTOM

Run 2766 – Skid in Palmyra

Skidding out on the Highway to Hell – Take 2
2020 saw the Highway to Hell Festival in Perth, tens of thousands of people lined Canning Highway for an event for the ages – would the 17th of August 2021 be the same? Well, there wasn’t quite thousands, but certainly 40 odd keen participants who gathered between the banks of our beautiful river and the curbs of the renowned Canning Highway.
After watching the typical back and forth and round and round of the bucket trying to park (I’ve seen semi-trailers fit into tighter spaces with less effort), and after a somewhat rowdy on on a group of a dozen or so runners headed off for the inevitable loop around Tompkins Park. Alas, this is where it started to come undone, half the pack, led by FT and Q, in an effort to short cut, tried to leap frog the more responsible runners (led by Barcode) but simply achieved the bypassing of a critical false trail. So while the Barcode team headed east along a loooooong and boring stretch of trail aside the river, FT and his mob decided to “go west young man” and do the run in reverse – I know those of the Gaulish decent are known for some level of oddity (driving on the wrong side of the road for a start) this really took the cake – or gâteau if you prefer.
Moving on…….when we did finally move away from the mighty Swan the trail took us somewhat predictably south up Wireless Hill where we passed FT, Q and Another Prick in the Wall heading in the wrong direction. When we finally did reach the summit however, despite searching for several minutes, the trail was lost to us. A vote was called and given the time, the clear consensus was to find the way down the hill and back to the bucket. Down the hill was not that simple though given Barcode decided to lead his dedicated followers down a goat track of sorts; but despite the incessant grumblings of Moses all made it safely to firmer ground, with even the evergreen Pitt making it through unscathed.
The circle issued its standard down downs for returnees, birthdays and anniversaries before the On Sec Ramrod delivered easily the joke of the decade to date, the hilarity was so immense Ramrod lost all composure only part way into the gag having to read lines between bouts of schoolgirl giggling. Sherlock took to the podium to once again highlight the casual and institutional racism which continues to permeate all levels of society. Polly’s rigged raffle was held and Stewie astonishingly not only had the winning ticket, but also drew the Joker!! Looking forward to a father son lunch at the pub Stewie, obviously your shout.
Nanny then did what Nanny does best, shout non-sensical stuff at people and incite roars of derision. He attempted to back up Ramrod’s excellent oratory with a joke of his own, how did it go? – FLAT – AS – A – PANCAKE. The hares were eventually called up and issued a near perfect score by the RA, astounding given half the runners lost the trail somewhere near the mid-point and the other half did the run backwards. The peaceful and affluent residents of Alfred Cove were then witness to a proud rendition of “We go hashing on a Monday…..” before the pack was treated to an excellent serving of hot, individually wrapped fish and chips.
Well done Skid and Grizzly, perfect weather, solid run and excellent fare. On on. Barcode

Run 2765 – Jack Russell in East Perth

This run had all the signs of a disaster with a storm front passing through although a surprising 33 turned up despite the weather. Would have been 34 but Bushie got lost on the way!!! No shelter, no light and no parking (as the Eagles match at Optus stadium had been moved to 6:10pm and the area was awash with cars). However who said Hashmen can’t get a quart into a pint pot! With some excellent marshalling all the cars were squeezed in one way or another. The van provided light and limited shelter was provided by an gazebo tied to a fence after it had blown away once.
The pack gathered in the dark with the runners set off in one direction and the walkers led by Phantom in the opposite. We went along the river and around Claisebrook and back in record time as Phantom seemed to worry about getting wet. Very pretty lighting effects to entertain the troops. Back at the bucket after about 35-40 minutes we found the runners who had lost the trail in the dark and wet. See the attached map below to find where you should have gone.
Everyone got stuck into the ration amidst complaints of “no dark stout”. This was because of the large amount of other beer returned from a fortnight ago. Have no fear there will be some next week. After the circle and food (plenty of excellent pizzas) the heavens opened with the rain trying to fall horizontally. The pack brought a new meaning to social distancing huddled under the gazebo in the space not taken up by a table and resembled a group of penguins in perpetual motion- those on the weather side constantly trying to move to the centre or the lee. Once that stopped we packed up and moved out (again expertly extracting the vehicles) before the spectators at Optus came back to their cars. We didn’t know that they were prevented from leaving because of the threat of lightning.
It was a great night despite the conditions. Well done Jack Russell and Moses you turned a disaster into a success under very difficult circumstances.. On On. by Ramrod (only because Skid is too slack to provide a write-up)

Run 2764 – Hamersley 2222 Joint Run in Karrinyup

Run 2674 – Hamersley 2222 run at Millington Reserve, Karrinyup.

19 PH3 members along with West Coast and Bullsbrook joined Hamersley for their run. After some confusing instructions the runners set off goodness knows where and the walkers went off down Elliot Road past St Mary’s Anglican Girls School and under Marmion Avenue down to cross West Coast Highway. Turning south walking until we came to the underpass which led us to Bounemouth Parade then to a walkway that took us back to Peet Crescent and another path that took us back to the other end of Elliot Road and followed back to home. A lot of the time we were on trail but didn’t see the runners till near the end.
The venue was under shelter at the Scarborough Football Club Rooms which was just as well as it was very cold and the scanty serving wenches kept warm by fast service of liquid refreshments. Large amounts of cheese, ham, corn chips, humus, and excellent chillis greeted us before the circle. This was typical Hamersley with lots of charges and long jokes. The ice seat was well used including by Nanny. Horse and Ramrod also had down downs but no ice thank goodness. Later sitizens had it hot and cold with a wench on each knee. Missed out there Nanny. The evening must have heated up as the girls had to dispense with half their clothing. Eventually the food was served in individual containers – an excellent chilli and rice. I thought it a top night and well worth the money.
Ramrod

Run 2763 – Elbows in Rossmoyne

We had the Macbeth storm, but no witches. 23 pitched up with the bucket, held up on the Freeway long enough to distress GRIZZLY, but assisted by BUDGIE and Dozer, a frazzled driver parked at 6:00 on the nozzle. The wind and rain was severe until 6:00 until he that parts the waters worked some magic Nine went on a run with a very capable BIGGLES doing a great job of live hare, with some trail surviving. We had canine support with Dozer and Maggie in attendance and Meeka and Malone having more sense, staying home curled up next to the fire. We abbreviated the run somewhat and Q reported 5.5km or so. STEWIE took the 15 or so for a walk and by 7:00 we were all a bunch of happy campers, with just about enough cover for the 23 as we had a few showers come through during the circle.
During the one hour of hashing, both rain and wind ceased and the runners were complaining of overheating.
PEMBO looking dressed for Ascot car parking attendance duties could not stay away as he did not want any Hashmen eating without alcohol bathed hands. That is dedication. As a result he had to get to work at 5:30 on Tuesday. Good job Pembo.
The run. ELBOWS had a Polish cat of aristocratic heritage as co-hare with HAGGIS on bucket duty. The Hon. RA produced a score of 10.1 but being forgetful he failed to consider the deductions to be applied: Cover insufficient – 0.06; Hare constant interruptions and arguing black and blue due to failing memory – 0.45 and the doozie – forgetting the chips – 0.5.
Energetic ELBOWS provided the food from the local take-away and a piping hot individually packaged lasagne with garlic bread, all delicious and plentiful with a starter of olives and cheese satisfied the small but dedicated group. The Western Suburbs were not up to any representation. Tut-tut.
On on. MOSES

Run 2762 – Moses in Dianella

HARE: Moses. Co HARE: Jack Russell. On a friggin’ cold and bleak night and expecting the worst from the weather, 30+ intrepid hash souls gathered at Breckler Park Dianella. With Moses as Hare we expected a long but good run and evening. No disappointments yet but it was early with plenty of scope for problems.
First was that Moses insisted on parking the bucket, which is about 3m high, under a 2.5m high tree. That sorted we gathered in the bleak gloom with all seeking their household fires (ref: Thomas Hardy’s “Commonplace Day”)and realised that some of our finest were missing. Turns out they were at a birthday bash for Grandad/Larry/Looselips at his restaurant. Ooo..kay! (Why on a Monday night?)
Off on the run after Moses delivered the sermon from the mountain top (No flour, all chalk, now bugger off). About even numbers of runners/walkers which augured well. Walkers ably led by Stewie or so the pack thought until we realised he had disappeared without anyone noticing. All corrected by flashlight in the very dark and early gloom. A good solid walk right around the golf course plus some, very hilly and the full hour. The walkers were joined by Haggis very early cos the run looked too tough and the weather too Scottish.
The runners set off well and apparently separated early with Pitt and Polecat thinking independently of the pack but all getting in almost on time. They win the Viagra Award for the week for failing to keep up. Again the full hour loop without too many hills after going though suburbia, parks and bush reserves. Pretty good run with some long stretches but still dry if bloody cold even after all hashers mentioned they were sweating from the run. Good to see Grizzly back running after his accident.
Into the circle:
Visitor: Long Balls ex Carnarvon and Ding ex Hamersley who skived a beer and then went into the local clubrooms for a meeting.
Returnees: Gumby apparently.
Birthdays: Lasagna (Zero alcohol beers for a Dry July. Brave!) and Pembo (Guinness) Thanks blokes.
Down Downs were awarded for things I can’t remember or read cos I wrote them in the dark without my glasses but Haggis figured prominently because of the Scots/Edinburgh influence and Hon Sec’s singing in a foreign tongue. Gumby managed to come up with a different D/D song for each offender. Antman also scored one then tried to atone by offering Castelli wines for sale to benefit the club. Good stuff too. Speak to him directly for those.
The Hon Sec then managed to find another joke we’d all heard before. Doesn’t seem to matter at our ages, does it?
Emu helpfully pointed out that Nanny had stepped in his own dog’s primary output and both scored a D/D for that.
Biggles won the raffle and failed to draw the joker but scored a bottle of wine for holding the winning ticket.
The hares were awarded 9.24 for their efforts. Well done.
Into the tucker of superb silverside and enormous amounts of mashed potato. Really good effort there and a great night of good company and a few beers. Thanks Moses and Jack Russell. On On. Elbows

Run 2671 – Mastitis in Kingsley

MASTITIS RUN NUMBER 2671
KINGSLEY FOOTBALL CLUB
The weather as forecast by BOM and not able to be influenced by Grizzly was meant to be nothing less than dreadful with 35kt winds and heaps of showers. It certainly kept away the less adventurous Hashmen, with only 25 attendees. The running numbers were abysmal, starting at 7 including the co-hare FT to make sure we did not get lost. As it transpired, most of the chalk (engineer grade white and yellow) survived reasonably well and we may have managed to stay on trail, but appreciated FT’s help. This bod stayed on trail for all of it and did a few less falsies than Q who clocked 8km whilst we all thought it was 7km or a smidge less. We meandered East, heading North towards Shepherd’s Bush Reserve, traipsed through that, checked out Barridale to ensure it had not been washed away, meandered thru the burbs, crossed Balmain and then looped round and back West and then Northwards through the bottle shop and home after a really good run in great running territory. A lot of walking so just under the hour.
Notes: 2 bugles and a horn out of 7. Q was sole front runner, guided by FT, with Nanny, Bushie, Emu, Moses, late arrival Polecat all aided by Meeka and Maggie.
Visitor – Wayne from Bahrain.
Cartons from FT and Soft Top, with Moses taking the down-down for Soft Top having summer in Bodensee.
Mastitis with Co-hare Neon are commended for a great effort, good location change, big effort on setting the trail helped by FT and an excellent miserable weather meal of roast beef with gravy, choice of rolls and coleslaw. Nibbles of cheese and biscuits noted.
RA scored it 9.97. Not a bad sort of a number really.
On On.
Moses

Run 2670 – It’s a long way to Tipperary

ITS A LONG WAY TO TIPPERARY

And a bloody long way from Dawesville to Wembley but I couldn’t resist a run set by the Dynamic duo Crayfish and Bushie, dogs in the car, wet weather gear and we are on our way humming that old tune ‘Stormy Weather‘. Freeways reasonable until Russell rd. and the heavens opened up and the traffic went wild, tailgating and changing lanes, standard fare.

Directions were perfect I arrived early and took Pepper round the oval for a walk, the disadvantaged group were doing skills training under the direction of an old Hamersley hasher Motor Mouth. There was also a colts group and a women’s team under the direction of a lady  who coached a league team, she gave a great exhibition of slipping on her arse and getting wet pants. The blonde with the pony tail won the wet tee shirt competition.

Crayfish and Bushie arrived, out went the placards and slowly they arrived with what was promising you would have to be a dedicated hasher to come and 32 turned up, I stepped into a 6 inch puddle and couldn’t feel my feet, Crayfish gave Motor mouth and myself a Muscat to help fight the cold, loads of dogs, Pembo with twins, Colonel and more , lots of arse sniffing and that was just the owners.  Ramrod arrived, then I heard Budgie from 50 metres away, we are set, hares are worried but its only light showers and they are off. Antman arrives having met a hurdle  before leaving, as old mates we settle down for a long chat, rain gets worse, we huddle under the shelter, soon lots more dogs arrived from lady walkers, one Rhodesian ridgeback tried very hard to get to the rolls.

Rain gets harder, The walkers arrive lead by Phantom and Birdman they all went straight to the Wembley pub now upmarket and made a dent in the beers, a sensible decision. First runner in is FT now surprise there but he may have short-cutted as the the rest of the runners lead by Emu came in at 7.30 pm Emu says 6 km but I checked the map and its more than that well 90 minutes is along run. Circle starts and then the storm, lightning, huge gusts of wing [over 90 kph] and buckets of rain we huddle round the heater. Ramrod carries on with the circle I get a down down, Sir Knob 5 years, Mastitis I think for working for Pfizer and not getting us any Jabs, all good fun. Crayfish arrives with KFC, chips, coleslaw and rolls and we tuck in Birdman commodores my chair I stay with the fire. I haven’t seen a storm like this for years but its home time on the Freeway normal idiots, home a hot shower and a couple of doubles and all’s well with the world. Top night for the true hashers. 9/10.

On On  Stumbles