Write Ups and Blogs

Run write up for the Palace Run at Jackadder Lake

Being the first to turn up, I was feeling like I was going to be the only one from Perth hash to go to the run. But along came Skid and then Sea Gull, Junior Sea Gull (aka Q) Elbows and then the Bucket Driven by Budgie. Always the way, Budgie comes good.

The run got away to a good start along the water and around the corner to a False Trail the run was very well set with lots of false trails and checks, using the streets of Woodland to good effect. The Pack was kept together at all times and we were never more then 2 k from home.

On returning back to the bucket Lasagna, Gnochie, Bushie, and Sir Knob. Not to forget Bare foot ( Angel and his BETTER Half, Ripper).

The Harriet's did a good job of the Circle and kept it short and sharp. All the clubs sang their song. And after Sir Knob stated Perth Hash members need some practice.

Harriet's put on good food,  Hamburgers.

Well done to the Harriet's for the Run, The Circle and the Food ( Great Job).

On on

Neon

Assembling at the wonderfully named Penistone Park our eager hash men were in receipt of two announcements: one from Nanny claiming that the walkers would be on an entirely different route from the runners and the second from Neon pre-emptively scoring the run at two. At least that’s what I thought Neon’s two fingers meant.

The walkers were indeed given a map different to the actual run as Nanny is under the misconception, according to Phantom, that the walkers bugger up the run. Phantom claims that on the contrary their map has saved the run on a number of occasions.

The walkers did enjoy a stroll through parks and bushland meeting up with Hamersley several times in the process

The highlight, I am advised, was the two Ten Pound Poms, Antman and Botak , losing contact with the walkers (they were “gasbagging” too much ) and arriving back 15 minutes late.

The runners looped around Penistone Park and following a well set trail eventually headed 2.5 km west to Annato Park before beginning a long northward trek turning just short of Hepburn Avenue.

Although we were occasionally disturbed by the appearance of Hammersley arrows co hare Ripper’s long false trails (apparently) kept the pack together.

We returned, all of us together, to Penistone Park via Smallman Avenue and Cockburn Park. Who was actually in charge of naming Greenwood?

The phone app recorded a total distance of 6.3 km but that doesn’t include any of the false trails!

As is becoming the new regime’s custom a relatively short circle followed. Birdman was absent but apart from the continuing presence of chips appears to be running the show on remote.

Down downs were awarded to Rimmer and his guest Cameron, FT, Raindrops, Elbows and assorted members whose names I forget. An esky full of Heineken beers appeared on the back of Neon’s vehicle.

An erudite and highly academic analysis of the many and varied usages of a very valuable word was then delivered.

Relenting from his initial harsh judgement Neon scored this excellent run at 8.2

Members then adjourned for a highly nutritious and macrobiotic meal of organic spaghetti bolognese.

On on

Sir Knob

Run 2404

Hare: Boner
Sub Hare: Stewie

Location: Up in the Hills near the Perth Airport Radar Tower

A new starting point, at least for me. Ample parking, plenty of ambiance, hares offering a warm beer or two before the start. Yep, no doubt about it, the Hillbillies have a way of setting a run,  that no one else can come close to. Although we are yet to see one of them go streaking through the circle, I’m sure its only a matter of time. You knew it was going to be a reasonable run when Elbows and Rusty were phoning other runners for directions at 5.45pm, no one answered of course (because they were already there and were afraid the new RA would see them and make an example of them).

A couple of minutes past six and still no signs of the bucket, there was the call to arms (read legs) and off we took on the experience of a lifetime if you listened to the hares. As expected the trail was well set, flour when you needed it, chalk just far enough apart. There was no real luck involved, the run was just well set. Experience and a bit of thought go a long way towards a good night. There were sufficient short cuts for those no quite as fast as we used to be, plus the added bonus of  spotting SCB (and the other YOUNG ones) leaving the trail and heading off to the left on a big short cut for those lagging behind the front runners. It was so good that we beat the front running bastards in by 5 minutes. We knew we were onto a winner when the kids met up with Walkers who I am sure had a bit of fun and sent the kids along  the trail (in reverse). Those of us who have had to deal with the skulduggery of walkers before immediately spotted the joke and took off behind the walkers (easily overtaking them within metres – because we haven’t succumbed to having to walk YET).  

To be honest I was surprised where the trail actually finished and home was just a few meters away, I was sure we were coming in from the other side????  Well done hares.

Food was not over the top, but a new take on sausages in a bun. There’s no doubt from any who tried them, that they were top shelf sausages. Well done hares.

Whats wrong with me, you ask? Fancy complimenting an ex-RA who poured water on me twice in one night in Winter – BASTARD. Better than being splashed when you ARE  the RA.

On oN
nanny

Just 1 Goats committee’s last Harrah   AGPU 2403
We arrived at the Canning Sea scouts hall, to see a big crowd of Perth hashers and unusual amount of “visitors” drinking our piss. Now I love having visitors come and enjoy Monday’s run with us, but when we run out of piss half way through a circle I have to wonder if they are there for the run….
Anyway on to the AGPU. It was left up to the father/son team of Gnocci and Lasagne to set the run. We took off down Centenary drive, under Leach hway and into the maze of Wilson suburbia. The run was well set with the pack meeting up at the drink stop for a refreshing Frangelico and goat’s milk drink, which curdled well in the summer heat.
Some of the highlights of the run included JJJ at the head of the pack calling onon. The first time this has happened since 2001.
A gum tree was spotted hiding behind Elbows, who had also made his way to the front of the pack due to some crafty short cutting.
Debi was still visibly upset that some uncouth hash men had suggested that he might have put on a couple of kilos over the off season.
Rumour has it that the mole ran on some of the trail and rumour also has it that the new GM Skid will be gagging the mole during circles this year.
On home was a short sprint for most of the pack except for Ring burner who came in 25 minutes later than everyone else.
Back at the bucket a salubrious spread of cheese, biscuits, sausage and assorted shit was provided by the committee. We now know why chip rations had halved during the year. To pay for this spread!
The circle was called in the scout hall where the Seagull gave up his joking telling to a stand-up comedian, the highlight

being the story of how the bucket had run out of beer. It was funny until the pack realised he wasn’t joking! A search party was called and more beer was found at the local.
Of course the highlight of the AGPU is the awards. I have to admit that I was very confident of taking home a few myself. In fact I bought along the trailer to put them in. However to my amazement I didn’t get 1! Unbelievable! I thought I was a big chance for run of the year, regardless of the fact that I didn’t set a run last year. At least we now know who all the suck holes are in the club.
Then the new committee was introduced by a big Monkey. Various names were thrown around but I didn’t take too much interest in who was called out. I have to admit I was sulking a bit about my awards snub. I think someone said something about Skid, Neon maybe Action and mark 1 was mentioned somewhere during the night.
It doesn’t matter to me, I just have to work out a price to pay them for me to win run of the year, which is happening this Monday up in the hills. Watch out for snakes!

ONON BONER

Run 2402

Hares: Mumbles & Polecat  with St peter

The pack gathered in the Melville tennis court car park in 42 degrees heat, preying that the hares had called off the run or set a single lap around the oval. Seagull arrived with a boot load of bottles of water and ice to keep us all alive. Budgie arrived shortly after with the van and took 5-6 goes at parking as far away from the 50 lights in the car park as possible. 

By 6 o'clock an impressive crowd had bravely gathered in the heat ready to torture their bodies. We took off with a bottle of water in hand at a steady pace. By 6:30 we realised that this was not just a walk around the park but we were glad to reach a drink stop at Stock Road. Delicious big chunks of watermelon was provided and more water. Boner tried to impress the younger hashers by throwing his peel over the pack and into the bush but he could make the distance and hit Angel in the face. 

The pack continued on but began to stretch out. Eventually runners followed the short cutters home only to find out they had taken the long way in. The first runners staggered in around 6:50 still in 40 degrees heat. As we munched on cheese, crackers and melon we noticed Bushie and Antman walking across the oval heading for a second lap. They had probably drunk too much at the nearest tav and couldn't recognise their fellow hashers. 

The pack was called in to hear the sweet voices of their legendary committee sing their Just One Goat Committee song for the final time. There were a few tears… 

Antman was pulled up for a down down for changing into his hash clothes while hiding from his dog in the garage. It was just too hot for his pampered pooch. Boner and his son 3G got a drink because 3G locked their car keys in the boot after the run and had to call up mum to rescue them. Angel got a drink too for not disposing of his water bottle appropriately on the run and JJJ got one for trying to tell us about the run for a reason event. A few boys got birthday down downs for being born in the year of the monkey and The Sweenz got one too for being incredibly good looking… and poor. 

Dinner was served in the dark but there were many lights to choose from to piss under (just incase some couldn't find their own peckers). We had chicken rolls with lettuce, cucumber, tomato and spinach but No Mayo! A good feed, a good crowd and a good run. A score of 9 for Mumbles and Polecat's efforts. Thanks boys.

See you all at the AGPU,

Sweenz 

HASH RUN 2400

Run: 2400

Run date: 25 January 2016

Hare: Phantom

Co-hare: Sweeney

Australia Day Iron Man was the theme for the Committee’s run. It was a Fremantle run. The Committee ordered good weather and the weatherman obliged except that he should have been told not to make it so humid. True to form, Scumbag immediately started to jeopardise the run by loudly interrupting the proceedings when the run instructions were being announced. Ultimately the boys got going. The run was easy at first because it was down the hill to the middle of Freo. We should have realised that as Phantom and Sweeny were running it, all it would be would be a pub crawl. The first stop was the Norfolk. As it was Australia Day the following day, we were treated to lamingtons as well as jugs of beer. Off again for the second stage. Amazingly even Bushie didn’t stay at the pub. A few more streets, checks and false trails and we got to the Orient. Who should be there but Phantom with dry Weet-Bix to eat. Bloody hopeless!!! He could have at least had Vegemite on them for Australia day. On again and the next (and last watering hole was Clancy’s. Again Phantom was there, but this time he had cold meat pies. Rusty Nuts was complaining that the pies were

cold and the beer was warm whereas the pies should have been hot and the beer cold. Now the problems came. Whatever goes down has to go up. We had run down to the City and consequently we now had to run up the hill home and back to the bucket. Birdman, however, with his superior knowledge of short cuts led Shakin and a group of other Hashers, all  who acted like sheep and followed him, the short way home after they crossed the oval only to be stopped by a 7 foot iron fence. This added another 10 minutes to their run and the honest Hashers could only but watch with glee and sip their beers whilst watching them trying to extricate themselves from their predicament. Overall a good run. Thanks also to Colonel, who alerted us to the Booze Bus at North Freo allegedly arranged by Freo Hash as punishment for invading their area.

Mole scored it 11/10  -praise indeed if you can believe anything he says

Conman

Conman’s  Chilli Con Carne run

2401 run no         

Hare  Conman  Co Hare( The co hare when you’ve asked everyone else) Phantom

Date 1/02/16

What a place to start amongst all the multi million dollar mansions of Nedlands/Peppermint Grove, or should I say Phantom’s favourite territory. The run/walk set off in an easterly direction and meandered thru some older houses  past Steve’s pub ( at least it was known as that when I was a boy ) along the river past Neddies Rugby Club, which most probably has more Kiwis playing for them than there are in NZ. From there it went along the river past some magnificent dwellings and some yacht clubs  and then it got worse. Up a very steep hill which I didn’t know was even there and then onto Birdwood Pde ,where some of Perths wealthiest live.,then past Sunset  ( when are the govt going to do something with that site ) and then on thru some more salubrious homes homes  thru to Neddies Golf course  and then on home. I must admit there may have been a bit I missed out ,but as I was at the back of the pack I apologise for perhaps leaving some parts out

Food was Chilli Con Carne and bread made by the local butcher. It actually was quite mild ,most of being catering for Colonels/Budgie/Dick Tracey’s delicate palates.

Next run is Mumbles’ run of the the year in good old downtown Palmyra , don’t miss it

On on

Dilligaf

Run 2399
Hare: Jerrycan
CoHare: Bushranger (The secret Splash Dumper)

Ask anyone in Real Estate its all about the location. In fact, I asked this of Haggis as we were staggering up some small rises on the run and he informed me, "It doesn't matter, how big the house is (or the house next door) its all about, location, location, location". So there we were in the car park before the run, watching Colonel and Deeply's dogs pissing on Jerrycans bag, looking at the house next to the parking area trying to figure out if it was a house or a small hotel. It was generally agreed that in this location it was in fact a doss house for some poor unfortunate Chinese nationals just trying to get a bit of money out of China before their economy went completely to shit (but thats another story – does anyone know if Emu has left the country recently on the quiet).

There we were at the start of the run getting instructed on how to run this challenging course, complete with chalk and flour (the fact that flour was only seen at the start line was a revelation none of us had expected). In due course we were told to head off up the hill. Did I mention how nice the location for the On On was?

The run up the hill was well set and had more than a few of us puffing significantly within the first 50m. Check at the top brought us back together, then a false trail. Well, well, Jerrycan may have got it together for this run?

The pack was soon spread out over a few hundred meters within 5 minutes of the start. Alas, this was the last moment when I thought it might be an OK run.T hen the pack really started to fragment as the faster runners went off in search of a trail. Any trail would have done. At one point about 10 minutes into the run we came across the walkers who indicated that the written instructions that came with the map, had in fact nothing to do with the trail. By this stage there was at least 5 running packs of not many members each out searching for trail. Runners going left, runners going right, runners going bonkers. What a shambles. Did I mention what a great location it was.

There were lanes everywhere, there was great hill /look out we have run up to on several recent iterations of running in Mosman Park, there were loops to be used and some nice public open space with pathways for hashing use. The golf course was hardly used, there was one quite nice false trail down a particularly ugly piece of road, that I suggested to French Tickler he should check out, there was a two minute explanation in French complete with gestures as to what he thought of my suggestion. Haggis thought it prudent not to check it out either, I think he speaks French too. Aghhh, but the scenery from the top of the park overlooking Mosman Bay. Indeed what a location.

At last back at the trailer there was some very pleasant biscuits and cheese provided by the Hares, (thanks, a nice touch, but not enough to give them a decent score though) and the company of Hashmen is always pleasant so long as the dogs don't piss on you. In due course the circle transpired, Seagull entertained the masses for a mercifully short time. Nanny was even less entertaining, but would have been congratulated by next years On Sec, Birdman for the brevity of his rant. Food was well presented, Phantom was second in the food que saving a place for Mark1 I believe, and the company acceptable, and the post run intercourse was as always entertaining. The run score was 5.97. due to confusion and weird /lack of marking

Food was a delicious beef stew  At least that got a good score

But what a great location.

On On
Committeeeee

RUN 2398 Barcode and Sweeney, Jorgensen Park, Kalamunda

The start was delayed from the usual for 10 minutes to allow the intrepids from Freo to make it on time. Bardode advised runners that they had to learn to Love hills, love snakes and love trees to the groans of the assembled.

Runners: (Bushies Bit)

We set off at a brisk pace (well brisk for Bushie) down the scrub where a golf course had existed in the past. There was much confusion when the trail ran out and Seagull quietly admitted that he had found the home trail already. After about 5 minutes the real trail was again located and the pack galloped off back past the cars and beer bus (I was very tempted to grab a beer back I knew the Kalamunda Hotel  was close by. The young guns set a blistering pace almost equal to the Adventurethon in Albany that I attended on Saturday (as support crew for Park Ranger). I held back waiting for Crayfish and Barefoot as a sign of respect to their years of hashing and their seniority (they are old farts in other words).

I was running up the hill with Mr Wong in the real trail as we spotted Scummy doing a spot of Shirt-cutting. He must have spotted FT who as we know is a serial short-cutter. Are scaring a few locals we sprinted down the hill in suburbia – well maybe it was a gentle jog. Then after some clever running through some more bush we popped out on the eastern side of Kalamunda.

Crayfish called the trail on right but Bushie and Barefoot had noticed the scent of beer in the air and turned left towards the Kalamunda Hotel. We spotted Birdman who appeared to be pretending he was a finely turn athelete looking for trail near the Northern Terminus of the Bibbulmun Track.

No amount of yelling could convince Birdman to turn back for a cleansing pint of ale. So it was left to Barefoot and Bushie uphold a long tradition of stopping for a drink stop at a pub on a hash run. We both enjoyed a pint of Kilkenny whist blending in with the locals although Barefoot pointed out that wearing one red and one green sock, multi coloured shorts, athletic  hash running shirt and Adventurethon head sock caused the Bushie Blending to be ineffective. Never mind the beer was great. Then we meandered down the Bib Track back to the on on with Barefoot recalling numerous anecdotes of his trip to Samoa with his young family to take up a posting.

(End of Bushies Bit).

Second half of run (Action)

After losing Bushie and Barefoot at the pub we continued on past the hospital, where 3G learnt that you shouldn’t grab hold of recently burnt trees as you get very black very quickly. There were some good false trails in the bush past the hospital that reversed the pack and after a long steep descent down a fire break Polecat and Action led the pack into the drink stop at the end of Spring Road.

The remnants of the pack (minus serial short cutters (Birdman, FT and The Mole) then progressed along the aptly named Rocky Pool Walk, up over some granite outcrops on the Schipp Walking Trail on to the Bibbulmun Track back to the old golf course and the “On Home” that Seagull had found more than an hour before. Seagull did the fatherly thing and waited for his son at the so they could run in together

 Walkers:Scene on the run was a sign noting IQ of 15, which seemed a bit on the high side for the assembled walkers. Along parts of the Bibullmun track, there were lots of groans as altitude was progressively lost, but some great views and lovely county.

Down Down: After guest Thane (Seagull’s boy), returnees Rumpole, Skid (one other ?) were duly honoured, Angels lad Jack caused much consternation and the appearance of the despot Seagull as the moniker ‘Cerub’ was decided on, to howls of abuse from the usual suspects. Skid produced some compromising material on Seagull and suddenly the name was overturned to ‘Ripper’. The Eric “Sir Knob’ variety reckons he’s never seen so much enthusiasm for a ‘Ripper’ in years and he was impressed with the number of votes received which was more than he ever received in parliament. .

Scummy was rewarded for 128 years of hashing, Sir Tom for a lot more. Deke (the youngest 72 I know and claims ‘I was born on Australia Day, destined to be an Australian’ ) and Stewie were birthday boys.

MUMBLES cotinued his run of bad luck by crashing over the low retaining wall and worrying all his mate (2 anyway ) that he had further damaged his knee. It can be reported that he is OK but still speaks funny

The new Hash Flash made a maiden appearence (NOT SO BOORING's dog with Go Pro attached) eat your heart out SHERLOCK

Food was an excellent beef roll with gravy and coleslaw.   Run Score 8.5

ON ON JERRYCAN and BUSHIE and ACTION