Author: Phantom

2443 DICK rocks the STAR

PHE Run 2443 Report            A Dick in the Swamp

 

Your Reporter, being a mere walker, and having been shown a map which included only the walker’s itinerary, is able to report accurately only on that section. Given that we walkers did the whole length of Star Swamp and back and still got in ahead of the pack, indicates to me that there must have been enough checks and false trails and side-tracks for the run to have been fairly interesting.

This opinion is reinforced by three external Factors:

1,            Hares are well experienced and rarely, if ever stuff up.

2.            Very few mutterings were heard when the pack got back.

3.            Skid, a very experienced Hashman was enjoying the scenery so much that he explored the area to the fullest, ignoring the passage of time, and only got back once the circle was underway

The walkers, thanks to a well-marked trail could just about detect where their route intersected and diverged from that of the runners.. Certainly the Swamp (?) made for pleasant walking.

The circle was as raucous as usual, but I couldn’t hear the joke and can’t remember who did or didn’t have a birthday.

Prior to the run commencing Action called for attention and informed the pack of the deaths last week of Bo Derek and Deeply Boring’s wife. We all observed a minute’s silence.

Grub was good, but your correspondent’s hope of a dry dinner were dashed by the serving of a very tasty curry and a casserole.

At least they didn’t burn the pots!!

On. On.

Captain

2442 Horse turns 40

RUN 2442 – 14/11/16                                    HARE – HORSE                                  CO-HARE – PITT

Monday night was a night of highlights and milestones which are listed as follows:

  • HORSE’S 40th year of PH³ membership
  • HIGH FIRE THREAT IN THE HILLS
  • HOTTEST DAY FOR THE YEAR – 38°
  • SUPER FULL MOON
  • WEST COAST INVITED (RENTA CROWD)

The run was late starting as most of the committee were suffering from altitude sickness in upper Mundaring.

After a brief dispute between PHANTOM and STEWIE over the location of the walkers’ map, we were underway.  The map of course looked like one of HORSE’S bowel ex-rays.  The condition of the map explains why PHANTOM had to back track to get the walkers home.  RUMPOLE with his efficient G.P.S. led CANS along the correct trail to the bucket.

Fortunately the weather had cooled down as the back runners returned, with SIR KNOB, RELUCTANT and CRAYFISH heading straight for the bucket.

The ON ON was commenced and the drawing of the raffle by HORSE was subject to controversy.  Some members will contact the Crime and Corruption Commission as the majority of winners were committee members – some of who didn’t even buy a ticket.

BAR CODE was relieved of the bell after two weeks of non-ringing.  The bell was awarded instead to RUMPOLE for lack of ice in the bucket.

West Coast had a couple of down-downs – I can’t remember what for!

On the run BAREFOOT injured his knee after trying to force it into the gravel track.  Hope it’s nothing serious.

The circle didn’t hear much about the Rotto weekend – everyone must have behaved and gone to bed early.

HORSE picked a good location with plenty of parking and light and well away from the public.  Food was great and as a special treat for 40 years of hashing, dessert was served.

NEON gave the hare a score of 9.2.

Great job HORSE with a bit of help from PITT.

ON ON

DICK TRACY

2441 STEWIE with assistance of 3G in Kalamunda

Run 2441  KOLDER than KASHMIR    STEWIE and 3G test the pack

The hare Stewie and his able bodied cohare, young 3G, were waiting for the pack to amble up to the hills. Crayfish was there early, collecting money for a Prostate Cancer raffle; he even nabbed the members before they had time to turn off the car’s ignition. Bushy was hiding behind his 4 days growth of facial hair or is it his new disguise for the Rotto weekend? Rimmer arrived with his red nose; I believed it was from hitting 87 off the stick in his game of golf and not watching the Aussie loose 10 wickets for 87 in the cricket.

The hare (in reference to last week’s run) said the runners were on plain flour and the walkers were on the self raising flour trail. Off we went all heading down hill. The walkers walked the straight lines, namely Recreation Rd, Peet Rd, Park Rd, Alpine Rd, Yorna Rd, Ozone Tce and into the creek (Whistlepipe Gully) of Mundy Regional Park. A few of the old stager’s namely Elbows, Mumbles & Horse stuck to the terra firma and retraced their steps up hill to the plateau land and short cut through the Park to Urch Rd and across the new oval to the bucket in 1 hour.

The runners followed a well marked trail. There were some Trump political untruths, like a FT at the end of drink stop trail, a “Sports Illustrated” tight arssed female running in the opposite direction, that distracted the front runners and a patch of loose pea gravel on a down ward slope that only caught Scumbag. A little blood was spilt.

Some of the tourists (Flatlanders) complained about the lack of views of the city, water in Death Valley, a good run spoilt by its length and all hills runs ruined by having to run up hill to return to the bucket. Goliath admitted it was his hardest run in the 4 months he has been running; he got home in 1 hr 15.

The circle huddled together, like an assembly of Emperor Penguins. Our visitor “The Penguin” even got in a flap with the cold. Neon did his RA duties with perfection by including a live performance of his penguin joke. The extra layers of clothing (5 on Bushy) could not keep in some warmth until we all consumed a bloody good meal of silverside stew & peas. (cooked by Mrs Stewie). The run received an 8.9, thanks guys.

Horse (on return from Kashmir)

 

2439 Haggis does it Differently

2439 Haggis, Haggis, Haggis

The Black Cats  would have eaten your run on the training track even though
they are bottom, good as. Boner, Seagull and their jet runner mates came in
without a sweat up. Even the RA had time to think about downgrading
Colonel's run rating to the depths.

The walkers enjoyed it. Most of the Sextarians, Septagenerians and the nigh
on Octogenarians were taken back to their childhood with memories of train
rides around Castledare, their frog hunting in the river bull rushes which
were a lot more overgrown then. As for the route, same old, same old, up one
street and then down another. Few checks, few false trails although when
accused of no false trails Haggis just replied no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no. Mumbles comment "boring".

 Perhaps the run could have had more FTs other than those off checks -Old HKong tric.

Food was just OK .Hungarian Goulash Soup and bread, what I feed my ancient 98 year old
mother in law. Good quality though as judged by the how well the leftovers
stuck to the plate. By the way you burnt one of the pots.

All in all good run, good district, not to far from my home!!!

ON ON Grandad

2437 Colonel tries for Run of Year

Run 2437
Hare: Colonel
Co-hare: Budgie
 
We gathered in the carpark of the Christ Church Playing Fields in Mt Claremont for run 2437. Budgie began by filling us in with all the important bits about the trail but as usual he would not stop chirping until someone in the crowd yelled on on and the pack took off. 
 
We headed across an oval and then straight up a large sandy hill climb. 3G was waiting at the top enjoying the view in a fold out chair he had found. The rest of us found the false trail and slowly made our way to the bottom. We then took off across a few more fields and then into the burbs. 
 
There were a lot of false trails and some checks to keep the front runners interested but not enough to keep the pack together. We stopped for a brief hash halt and then continued on past the newly renovated Graylands Hash retirement village where we could see Scummy waving from his bedroom window. The pack eventually arrived back at the van on time but from different directions as usual. It was a well marked run with good terrain and it was enjoyed by all.
 
Barcode received a down down to celebrate his win at the national ballet dance competition. Raindrops toasted to his 75th anniversary in Hash (there abouts) for the second week in a row. Visitor Mike had a drink on us. He has been kindly driving Sherlock around town recently. There were also a few returnees – Mastitis, Elbows, Kilkenny and even Scummy was allowed out for a supervised visit!
 
The hares were called out to the circle and we were all showered in Budgie seeds. The run was given a score of 6.8 and then we tucked into some burgers. Certainly not fancy nosh but I think there was just enough for us all to get a burger because Horse was absent.
 
A good night out hashing. Well done and thanks boys!
 
Sweeney

2438 Sweeney and Debbie at EVP

Run  No. 2438 Sweeny and Debbie at Harold Rossiter Park

It was deja vu for most of the assembled motley crew as Chunda had set a run at this location only a few weeks back.  Just like Chunda’s,  it started on the same trail but thankfully veered off to the north- east where the runners caught up with the Walkers and Dog Trainers group out for their leisurely stroll. This was to be the first and only time the pack met up with this group until we all returned to home to the bucket.
The trail had some good thought out checks and took us through the business district of East Victoria Park where the pack jogged passed a car yard with a “Fine Rides” sign either being applicable to the vehicles on show or the massage parlour next door?, an inviting watering hole (but no drinks offered) and a cafe with paramedics sitting outside where “Bushy” asked if he could get an oxygen lift to see him through to the end of the run.  It then circled around the Park Shopping Centre that gave some concern to the security guard and on to Berick Street (note I have left out the “W” as it is silent when pronounced being named after the Scottish/English border town).  After a couple of left turns and navigations through narrow laneways we turned into Jarrah Road heading north and to the bucket.
Hares did an excellent job with the great food served in specially procured containers with enough seconds for all, quite a contrast to Colonel’s economising “loaves and fishes” trick of the previous week. Down downs were given to returnees including Mumbles who discovered that Haggis had a street named after him in Hong Kong for completing 200 runs with Kowloon Hash.  The R.A. gave a 7.5 for the run but it might be upgraded next week as the food was so good.

ON ON HAGGIS

2433 CHUNDA at EVP

2433 CHUNDA with GRANDAD at EVP

 

The night started badly with traffic chaos delaying the start 10 minutes and a reduced pack .Phantom was there in 12 minutes but lost map rights to Dick Tracy and then lost Dick

The running pack was taken on a tour  of  the wildflower reserves in Harrold Rossiter park and the pack held well together

Along stretch the wound thru Technology Park (wasted on these infidels) across to Curtin Hockey ,down to the golf course and home

Apparently things got a bit strung out late in the run and a few more FT’s might have saved the day ,but the run was good length and interesting with variations of bush and industry.

The Circle acknowledged the birthdays of recently unemployed HORSE and long term unemployed CONMAN –Thanks for the Cartons

ACTION read another  hilarious poem that half the club could relate to (sex over 60 )and the RA rounded off with a score of 8.5

Then came the food  –Delicious roast beef rolls with mustard and gravy. Plenty of seconds

Well done CHUNDA

Wouldn’t be dead for Quids

PHANTOM

2430 RHINO does not disappoint

Minimalistic!     Rhino does it again

 

This write up will be the same.

 

It is said there are two certainties in life – one is death and the other, taxes. But wait,  there is another – the predictability of a Rhino run.

 

Yep, all the normal traits – long boring stretches, in a square.

Now as a student of commodities, Iam not aware of any current world shortage of any, except there must be in the case of chalk. To my knowledge we were only afforded 3 checks and 2 falsies.

 

Neon deliriously gave the run 6.5  ( he said the run was better than lst time) – before the tucker! Post the Deb instant mash potato, use-by date December 2005 and the camel snaggers, the decimal point shifted to the left.

 

Circle was traditionally good in rather chilly conditions.

 

On On Emu

2429 Virginal SCB with mentor DEEPLY BORING

SCB loses his VIRGINITY

The usual winter-run ardents arrived at Mt. Claremont Library car park on what had hitherto been a very wet and dark winter Monday, to happily find a small break in the downpour, if not the clouds, which still obscured any sun and, later that night, any moon. Moses immediately claimed the fortunate secession in downpour was due to divine intervention on account of his personal contacts with God, who was not present at the run to deny or punish this blasphemy. One of the co-hares, being Deeply Boring, complained bitterly, that having only just set the run earlier that afternoon, the heavens immediately opened and washed every trace of carefully laid chalk and flour away, as were Man's sins during the Great Flood, and that he suspected Allah or maybe Yaweh was purposely pissing on us due to the pig's head soup Deeply had prepared for after-circle nourishment, not being exactly halal or kosher. But with a brave and determined effort SCB and his co-hares, Deeply and Not-so, relayed the run before the 6:00 pm gathering. No sooner had this been done than it pissed down again!! Further indication of the contemptuous attitude of the Joker-in-the-Sky to pitiful hashmen. Not-So-Boring set off once again to lay the trail a third time, with the small amount of chalk left, while Phantom gave Boner a copy of the map and the latter sped off like a Knight in shining armour, to be a Live Hare and confound almighty forces determined to allay us from our purpose. As it turned out, there remained enough trail for a fairly decent run (which was subsequently awarded 8 out of 10 and Best Virgin Run by Boner, without any authority) and the Walkers ( see other notes), followed by the pack, made it to the Drink Stop for a cup of warm mulled wine specially prepared by the Dutchess. The rest of the run was relatively uneventful, although a few false trails and checks did manage to keep the pack reasonably together.
 
WALKERS overlooked the old Jungle saying “NEVER LOSE SIGHT OF THE PHANTOM” and quite early the dog lovers  ,COLONEL and CAPITAIN ,amongst others chatted amongst themselves losing contact with their Dear Leader . This lack of concentration meant that the WALKERS were reduced from 15 to 5 as the squibs retreated to the Bucket .
 
The circle convened with the usual pathetic jokes to start before Haggis decided to award a unique cap to Mole with the brim bearing the title "I don't do nice, not even at Christmas" which everybody, including Mole, thought was very obvious and not worthy of applause, for some reason, which no doubt has disappointed poor Haggis' efforts.
 
Very spicy dinner enjoyed by all especially those who went back for thirds!!
 
TOPGUN

2428 Nanny and AWSOME 4SOME

Awsome Foursome Joint Run – August 8, 2016

It was a dark and stormy night as runners, walkers and the undecided gathered around heaters at McGilvray Oval for this joint run. Suddenly at 6:20 PM before anyone could ask “what time does the 6:30 PM run start” an obviously cold and inpatient hare set the pack off. Fortunately for the late arrivals and those still shedding their cold weather gear a generous loop and false trail reunited the pack.

It was very definitely a run requiring torches as the trail took us through parks and bush, uphill and down dale on bitumen, limestone, grass and sand. Missing marks, long false trails, darkness, threatening rain and general confusion kept the pack roughly together.

Contrary to all regulations (apparently) we climbed into Bold Park peering into the gloom to discover the flour. Even a punishing hill followed in due course by a descent over sand failed to separate the pack as frequent failures of navigation slowed us down. Nevertheless it gradually became apparent that various runners – I’m thinking of you Birdman – had left us for a shorter and quicker route back to the gas heaters.

Leaving the park a residual group of 14 was disappointed to be directed away from home back into the suburbs. Our disappointment was relieved by the unusual sight of a drink stop where our electrolytes were recharged with what could have been port and lemonade. Once again we circled the suburb to discover the even more astonishing sight of a second drink stop. On this occasion the whiskey was no single malt nor was even the Coke genuine but it was difficult to fault the hares for two warming drink stops on a cold August night.

The four remaining runners from Perth endured songs from Hamersley and West Coast and off we set again reinvigorated by the alcohol and the sugar. More suburban streets, a hole in the fence, a large patch of wasteland and another downhill run over sand followed before we caught sight of home.

All in all this was a well set and interesting run which would have earned a high mark if it had been actually scored.

Perhaps I was too busy consuming the cheese and salami to pay sufficient attention to the circle apart from my own down down for the outrageous offence of checking emails on my phone during the run. The bits I did pay attention to were entertaining and as a whole the event did not appear to irritate Perth hash in the same way as joint circles might have in the past.

Circle survived and over we hoed into a large meal of chicken, chips and coleslaw with a very welcome whiskey aperitif. Thanks to Crayfish for a great effort on the food and drink.

Sir Knob