Author: Moses

BY HORSE

 

Pembo & dog arrived early in his big chariot. Ramrod described the run as on a flat surface, with no hills and no Dick Tracey to complain about the terrain. We headed off in an anti-clock direction, with some locals over taking the walkers & talkers as we approached the Jacaranda trees in full bloom near the Swan River.  We passed the Maylands Sport & Recreation Club buildings & facilities with the walkers on Clarkson Rd and the 13 runners on the path by the river. The pack merged together again near Poverty Bay where the amateur boat builders spend all their money & time.

At the back of the Tranby on Swan complex Xmas spotted his cousin Pam in her yard and introduced himself after she said, “who are you”. She is 97 years young and still driving. Did she teach Xmas to drive? Around the corner on a rise in elevation we crossed Peninsular Rd, found the “on home” sign and completed the run in 45 minutes. A picturesque short walk/run for the 30 Hash men. Not one Police car was seen.

Elbows left at 6.54pm with beer in hand, before our two Pommie visitors had their down down’s.

Returnees were Q & Deeply Boring. Birthday drinks for Pitt & Moses.

Down Downs for Sir Tomarse comments about Wednesday nights Sundowner. Ramrod for forgetting to wash the cups from last week. Q for derailing a PTA train and Rimmer for telling a joke from three week ago. Thanks to Haggis for stepping up and telling a new joke on the St Andrews run.

Stand in RA Emu gave the run a score of 9.1. The food was silverside & salad in buns, well done Ramrod,

Next weeks run will be different.

OnOn Horse

A stinking hot late afternoon which moderated to a windy night introduced by a whirly-gig produced a very fine Hash night for 35 Hashmen with 13 runners.

 

The run was a 5.8km well set and marked effort with good use of the lumps available, with trails through parklands and alleys well marked with flour. For those present they will know that the above was al in total contradiction of the run proffered by the Hare. Perfect. Why tell the hares anything. Let them find out.  Xmas found some lime to mark the green and brown areas and we even had one parallel section where Red Dwarf was following Xmas’s trail and we were 50 metres to the left on the kerb following Ramrod’s chalk trail.  Really distressed our JM.  Hares should not upset Soft Rock.  Xmas did not really have to head for the Maylands Pub where he thought he had a better offer. His marking was good too.

 

Pitt Circle was at the usual high standard.

 

He welcomed returnees and visitors: Mastitis, Putrid, Lasagna, Red Dwarf, Reluctant and Neon

 

Christmas lunch at Chez Loose Lips is on this Friday.

 

Subs bills issued and due pre-31/12.  That will sort out the usual culprits.

 

Most will know Sperm has relocated to Melbourne and all of his remaining Hash 5Ӊ!7 was been left with Elbows.  This was an aptly named Sperm Donation.

 

Parking honour of the week Mastitis who can’t drive an Everest and certainly not park in one bay even forwards. Mastitis also a grandad for the second time. A second bonny grandson.

 

Another Pitt factual.   A couple were out walking along the creek discussing their impending divorce, separation and sharing of assets.     The wife was a member of the local shooting club and always had a handy .22 Beretta in her handbag.     This dirt great big 5m croc came screaming out of the water mouth open baying for blood.  Cool as a cucumber out came the pistol, shot husband in the knee and the croc easily then did the rest.

 

Last Tuesday our intrepid RA fronted up as the sole (male) representative at a Harriette run, was not impressed and had this and next years’ GMs up for a down down for abrogating their responsibilities and not supporting their Hash Mates.  Nanny was so impressed with no PHHH beer he took two each off West Coast and HHHH and was that p!553d that Mrs Nanny had to drive him home in his car, a reported hair raising event.

 

The run got lots of praise except for the starting lie sheet and was awarded a 9.9.

 

Food was very fine choice of buttered and unbuttered rolls with silverside, salads and more and a cheese platter for starters.   More than adequate for those who wanted seconds.  Fine effort Ramrod

 

Thanks for bucket duties Tricky and Budgie

 

 

Where else could you possibly want to be on a hot Monday night?

 

Run 2839 – Bushie, Prairie Dog and Crayfish in Inglewood

 

A book was run on how many HAshmen would turn into Stancliffe St and struggle to find the OnOn very cleverly located at the Inglewood Dog Park so that the barking would help the lost souls.  Rimmer owned up to being one, no others did.

 

A very fine location on an exceptional spring evening with just a slight chilly wind for the circle.  Lots of parking and the dog escorts offered some candy for the throng to observe.

 

About 30 by the end of the night and 12 runners led by Q.

 

The run and walk had some excitement.  APITW decided he needed a closer inspection of the bitumen, tripped and a kerb, hit the deck but only pride was damaged.  The walkers did better.  Stella and Meeka decided the duck population in the pond were fair game and both went ponding.  Meeka listened to the recall and exited.  Stella apparently caused a total furore and Pembo in his regular gear had to get into the pond to extract said pooch.  Good job Stella!

 

But the temerity and gall of the RA reached new depths in the circle.  Because two harlot thugs could not control their lust and attacked poor little defenceless ducks, two charming gentlemen dogs Malone and Jude plus the lady and epitome of class in the group Maggie were called up for a down-down as RA thought all dogs have to behave badly. Tut tut.

 

Returnees: Prairie Dog, Budgie, Dick Tracy and Rimmer welcomed back.

 

Birthdays: Rhopgun Alias TopGun / Rhino, Sir Knob for a Coopers Pale Ale (late mention), XMAS who sulked that his birthday missed a mention earlier.  The OnSec took umbrage when XMAS attempted a Circle take-over bid.

 

The Charity run Wednesday last has been reported; but a good night was confirmed. The run was dead straight and dreadful.  Harriettes arced up when criticised and told the accuser he can set the next run.   Stewie won a hamper prize, took off early for some scurrilous activity unknown and was presented his winnings by Phantom.

 

Horse collected bottles and cans and had to be resuscitated from the shock of even Budgie managing to get his months collection to the ute on the correct night.   Whist on this subject another hoorah for Horse who does so much, served the meals tonight, cooked Colonels’ meal a fortnight ago and is a credit to PHHH.

 

OnSec’s burglar, man & wife story with the latter due in 15 minutes worthy of praise.

 

Mrs Reluctant’s wine sales netted their charity + $2,000.  Annual event and very creditable.

 

The run was well-marked avoided all the main roads and the RA got help with a score, Action awarding a well-earned 9.3 for a 6-7 km run with heaps of checks and FTs km .

 

Dinner was a healthy tomato based soup with bucket loads of flavour, nice and hot and with superb bread, not the white el cheapo Coles rubbish.    Top job Mary Poppins.

 

Bucket service by Polly and XMAS much appreciated.

 

Sensational weather for a Monday night when the temperature is going to leap to 41° by end of week.   A group of 40 pitched up and, of these, there were 18 runners.

The Hares, with 100 years of experience between them, though unlikely to be flexible or open to new ideas delivered a damned fine run, probably breaking records for the number of FTs.   The best comment of the night asked for a few arrows telling us where to go instead of some of the FTs telling us where not to go.

Run pace dictated by APITW, Q, Soft Rock, Emu, and Prairie Dog, down to Moses and Pitt at the other end, with distance covered 8½km for APITW down to 7.1km for the Moses group.  An hour and 5 minutes.

The Circle was the prompt affair it has been all  year with this committee.

The OnSec left it to his last week to deliver his worst joke of the year [By miles and OnSec note that there is no defence for misdemeanours at HASH]

Tea was ideal – silverside in abundance on good buns with coleslaw and chutney or mustard

Visitors – two neighbours/mates of the Hare.

Regret did not note the remainder of outpourings at the Circle and the weekly rant will need to provide those details.

Top night again.

 

Fortunately for me, my memory is still relatively good and when I observed that hard rock-kicker Action had engaged soft rock-kicker Soft Rock to co-hare the run, I became suspicious as to the REAL reason for this seemingly-obvious liaison. For a small ‘consideration’ my very good mate, Dick Tracy, agreed to do a bit of detective work on the basis of my suspicion.
Dickie’s report, provided after payment of the normal ‘consideration’ charged by the Constabulary, confirmed my suspicion that Action, although absent ‘in the field’ at the time, had heard of Soft Rock’s huge success in setting his virgin run in Mosman Park some time ago. Being determined to have Emu score Action’s run above 9/10 this week, he had bribed Soft Rock to be his Consultant and co-hare.
Action’s objective was subsequently achieved and I believe that Action has told Soft Rock that “the cheque is in the mail”. However, based on the normal performance of Australia Post these days, I suggest that Soft Rock shouldn’t hold his breath whilst waiting for it.
It was, in fact, an excellent run with a pack of about 40 Hashmen – more like 100 when used cups and plates had to be cleaned later –  turning up at Millington Reserve which is next to and perilously close to St. Mary’s Anglican Girl’s School. At 1800 hrs. and after minimal instructions from Action, the pack was told to f-off.
About 18 runners took off in the general direction of the Girl’s School, no doubt with hopeful and salacious thoughts in mind, only to be thwarted by the Hares’ anticipation of the average Hashman’s normal evil intent, when so close to some ‘fresh stuff’, when the trail turned to the right into the bush, some steep hills and some interesting geological structures.
A good quantity of false trails and checks kept the pack reasonably well together with a well-set, back-check allowing the stragglers, such as Lasagne and me, to join the pack as it headed up Jeanes Rd. and into the Karrinyup suburbia. More false trails and checks kept the pack fairly well together until, after about 45 minutes of running/walking, we hit the on-home that took us back into the park where Elbeaux was delighted to observe a female, well, most of them anyway, football team training on the oval.
Being a generous man, Action welcomed us with a hors d’oeuvres of cured sausage and bikkies which was just as well since our purveyor of potato crisps, Pitt, had been let down by his supplier, Crayfish, and as Pitt didn’t have sufficient to give all present a packet, he wouldn’t issue any to prevent the occurrence of a lynching in a public place.
With the On-Sec still being AWOL, appeasing Mrs. On-Sec by taking her on a holiday, a cheap one, as told to me, GW2, Phantom to the illiterate, ran the circle – awarding down-downs to:
•    Visitors: Connor from Canada
•    Returnees – Reluctant, Polecat and Budgie
•    Miscreants: Crayfish for no crisps, Elbeaux for clamouring for a DD just to get free beer and also for his part in the recent Western Power, power failure debacle.
•    Wilson Parking award – Ramrod ….again.
GW2 told an old but good joke about the chook farmer who kept being provided with what he thought were poofter roosters and then he handing the milk crate over to Emu who, apparently suffering from brain-fade, seemed to forget all about his mates, the Muzzies.
Emu commenced with a promise not to get into the commies in our ranks – and elsewhere – and then being bereft of anything more to say, told us about a conversation between a Yank and an Aussie in a bar resulting in the Aussie informing the loud-mouth yank that the bubblegum he was chewing was made from used and recycled Aussie frangers before awarding the Hares 9.2 for the run to popular acclaim.
The pack then formed the semblance a queue at the food table to enjoy Action’s con carne, gourmet delight – obviously good as it was all eaten with some Hashmen testing the length of their tongues by trying to lick the pot clean. One amazed Hashman commented that “it wasn’t even burnt at the bottom!” The simple reason for that was that the pot belonged to Action.
So ended another Monday evening of Hash frolicking, fun and frivolity.
Well done Action and Soft Rock and thank you to Polly for ordering the booze and driving the Bucket.
On onnnnnnnnn ……… Rumpole

A hot 35 degree day didn’t deter 35 hash men gathering at the surprisingly verdant Centenary Park. (actually a former tip cunningly located next to a river)
Once called to order by the on-sec, Haggis and his debonair co-hare, Chunder, issued instructions to the pack. Despite a lengthy introduction and language barrier the direction was finally pointed out and about 16 runners and 18 walkers set out across and up the northern end of the park to explore the streets between Manning road and Leach Highway.
The run was well marked but with occasional distress being caused by some long gaps between marks. Possibly caused by communication issues between the marking team. Nevertheless the pack generally kept together and were relieved there was not a swim across The Canning River. A near perfect 7.5K and 58 minutes was the result of good planning by the hares.
On arrival at the bucket we were presented with token free whisky, expensive De Bortoli shiraz and fancy sachets of peanuts. Haggis once again setting a high bar for future hares to emulate. (I wont even try)
Once the circle commenced, Sir Knob presented down downs to visitors Connor, a short Canadian late of Hong Kong Hash, Ray who is Sir Tom Arse’s gym carer and the familiar face of Rusty Nuts. Rumpole even joined in with his thimble size tankard.
Thank you for the birthday cartons from Another Prick in the Wall and Dollar Bill. More down downs demonstrated the we have had to endure Scumbag for 28 Years and Grizzly for 6 years.
Ayatollah Emu took over the milk crate to subject the audience to a politically incorrect diatribe of clearly well researched social issues associated with the moslem community. He then issued penalties for a variety of petty excuses to Antman, Prairie Dog, APITW and Grizzly, along with a number of sailing enthusiast. You had to be there to get the unedited stories.
A score of 8.5 was awarded after Emu’s careful evaluation of the event.
Food was a tasty vegetable curry but rather than dwell on the culinary delights of the meal I would note that it is UnAustralian to leave next weeks hare with so much washing up.
Overall a great job, two weeks in a row, by Haggis and Chunder.

On On
Stewie

As next week’s Hare is this weeks Co-hare the scribe will issue a run review.

A humid and therefore sweaty run in a familiar territory but a first time use? of Fraser Park.  Off-road parking was sufficient for the 30 that pitched up and verge parking was plentiful for a full complement.

We gathered for a prompt OnOn and 12 runners went off for a 62 minute run, with Pig Trap the front runner covering more than 7km and the pack, well-kept together by heaps of FTs and great use of every lump and hill Chunda could find, covered 6.1km (see Bushie’s map) and some a smidge more.

Marking had a couple of testers with confusing arrows but there was enough visible chalk.  The RA was duly impressed and awarded an 8.8 for the Hares’ efforts

Dinner was the world famous Chunda speciality – lovely home cooked meat loaf. This was served with with buns tomato beetroot and lettuce.  There was enough food for another 20 Hashmen.  We were advised that the choice of sauces and condiments was exceptional; but these remained in Chunda’s kitchen so beware next year’s Chunda run.

Another top Hash night, best of the year.

The token system was introduced and never has there been a smoother transition.  This is due to the significant efforts of Bushie & Crayfish with support from the GM and OnSec.  Well done Boys.

48 Hashmen paid fees (credit to all0 and the normal culprits are few, fortunately.

Where else could you want to be on this Tuesday night?