2498 Chunda down Unda with Haggis

Chunda & Haggis returned from setting without mud on their shoes. That was good sign.

Interesting territory that us PHact riders frequently visit out our 50Km early (got that FT) Friday morning ride. Until recently the area was flooded. Presumably because of the bridge reconstruction over the weir.

Rhino managed to park straight with all his car in the bay, well done!

The run will be reversed next week – watch this space.

Moses said to Mastitis (as he drove into the car park) have you retired now as you don’t arrive late anymore? The response cannot be printed here due to PG rating.

It was a great run with no snakes sighted. I managed to run most of the trail and FT’d (short-cut) the last few hundred metres.

Neon and I returned to the bucket the chips were out and there were lots to go around – why would that be?

Dicky knee was back – great to see you!

Botak & Neon were given a down-down – maybe for talking? Botak could even knock Budgie off the perch for the talking under water gong.

$ & Neon both didn’t know what went on at the Hash Xmas lunch – one was there and one wasn’t.

Barcode called up Q, FT, Mole, Neon, Chunda, Scummie, Phantom & Mumbles.

Barcode explained that now with Gay marriage legal & once the scientists perfect LGBTIQ++ breeding we could end up with strange offspring- he showed pictures of their future offspring.

Ace explained why run 2500 will be held out of numerical sequence. This is Hash so the committee decided that the runs would be held in this order:-

2498          11th December 2017
2499           18th December 2017
2499.1       24th December 2017
2501           27th December 2017
2502           2nd January 2018
2503           8th January 2018
2404          15th January 2018
2500          22nd January 2018
2505          29th January 2018
2506          5th February 2018
2507          12th February 2018 AGPU

Nanny wears skinny black shorts and Sherlock wears skinny black socks – does that make them an item? Refer rule #1.

Polecat wants to legislate against idiots (not sure why I wrote that down).
Crayfish – quietly pushed to front of food Q so was awarded an infrequent down-down.

Bushie was awarded the bell – I think it was pay back for pouring beer over Nanny a few years ago. He demonstrated how to ring it whilst the Perth Hash song was sung.

Elbows doesn’t pay attention – instead of going to the front of food Q he went to front of down-down Q.


The food was Meatloaf, salad and gourmet roll – yumm!

If you want praise, die. If you want blame, marry.

May you have the hindsight to know where you've been, the foresight to know where you are going, and the insight to know when you have gone too far.

 

On On
Bushie
HashIT

PS We did most of the run!

Run 2498 Chunder 11-12-2017
https://vimeo.com/247098280

 

A RIPPER OF A RUN at TOMATO LAKE

Leaving the country ,over the cut with a top sunset in view I picked up Doc[Mandurah/Bunbury HHH] and down the freeway full of anticipation of catching up with Perth's top pack.  For once the freeway was kind to us and apart from the usual snarl at the Roe Hwy it all went smoothly. The pack was already gathering but there was time to catch up with old mates and chat about the top lunch that Rhino organised ,over 25 a great turnout. More arrived  until about 50 fronted up.

 

Sir Knob wearing his Akubra hat and looking a lot like Baa Baa Barnaby Joyce  greeted us and assured us it was well marked, walkers got a map in case we got lost. Tomato Lake has certainly changed since the first hash run I had here in 1981 then it was a bulrush lined swamp and as somebody remarked all you could hear were frogs. Doc tells me 1, 1/2 million was spent upgrading it and it looks terrific. We swing right and over a wooden walkway and plunge into the depths of Carlisle. I couldn't help noticing lots of interesting looking people, Sudanese, Burkas, Pakistanis etc. until I was told the old Kewdale school is now a Muslim college lets hope Sir Knob doesn't have bacon sarnies for food.

 

More roads lots of chalk, well marked, Budgie and Jaarpie decide to join the runners until they realised their mistake. Lots of chat on the run , catching up with news and gossip. Nanny is keeping us on the straight and narrow. Jaarpie about my pace so we fill the middle section until home is in sight and the mob short cut. Back home a beer is the thing Skid donates carton of Fifty lashes good to see him back in top form. I sit on a Hyundai excel bonnet[its warm] that some lass had left there[ busy working I expect]. All too soon its circle time and the GM calls order, the mob is unruly [what’s different] but quickly quieten down. General business centred on the 2500th run, not to be missed  and its all under way. Doc and I get a down down as visitors and if you noticed I haven’t lost my skill in downing a beer [not bad for 80 y o]. No sign of the RA but lots got pounded for various misdemeanours.

 

The Fuzz came by took a look and continued followed by  the ranger who also decided we were too many to accost. The cops tried to arrest 50 at a run at the Round house in Freo but gave up when Hashers kept re-joining the queue and giving different names. The smell of the food was tantalising and every bit as good as it smelt, top curries Thai in nature I felt well, I had two helpings[I am a lonely bachelor] love those Croatian girls. My wife Dragon[Jan] is in a Croatian aged care home and they top birds. Another beer and all's well with the world this is WA's premier kennel no ifs or buts about it.

 

Sir Knob has obviously got a grip on what is a good run and brought it to a satisfactory climax. Doc and I intend to come to as many runs as possible, what's a 180 klm round trip.

 

On  On

 

Stumbles

 

BLAST FROM THE PAST

For those with very long memories one fateful run from Tomato lake made the front  page of the West Australian, a maiden run by a young lad whose hash name was Luigi ,after Luigi sava da money from WA Salvage. His father was a Italian butcher and provided the meat for the food afterwards. The run is a distant memory but we all wore handkerchiefs with a knot in each corner shouting On ah On ah. Where does this lead to, well a few years afterwards Luigi is an Accountant in a wheat belt town , doing very well and building a mansion on a farm costing $2 million more than the whole town was worth.{i sold at Auction for $560,000]

 

How did this happen well he wasn't paying the farmers tax to the ATO but putting into his own bank account. Of course he got caught [where is this going you ask] well the police went out to arrest him whilst in the police are he swallowed two fumigation tablets that they use to treat a whole grain silo to kill pests. he died very quickly, the 2 cops had to exit the car before they went with him, a special vehicle was sent from Perth with drivers in full protection gear. they arrived at RPH emergency where My wife Jan was in Charge, as he was dead and they couldn't put in the morgue located in the basement as he was still fuming!! so it had to be locked in a holding yard with him in it until the fumes dissipated. The cop car and the pick up van had to wrecked. No other hash man has achieved this notoriety. Some have tried !! Oh Tomato Lake memories memories.

 

One further comment Chunder at one stage thought the talking toilets were Police boxes where they were spying on us what is he taking these days.

 

Stumbles

2480 Crayfish and Bushie – Stumbles run write-up

CRAYFISH TURNS IT ON

 

As usual sets the bar for the rest of us to live up to. Having popped in to see Dragon[my wife] at the Villa Dalmacia aged care home I hurried to Wembley to catch up with boys before the run kicks off, cant believe the amount of development as I headed through Alfred rd. units popping up like mushrooms. A small crowd awaited in the car park, evidently  a lot of boys parked outside the netball courts to check the score!! lead by Horse I was told.

 

My old mate” Has Been” from Albany was there[Dollars cousin] so I caught up with all the news on what's happening down there, we were both in real estate down there so had lots to chat about. Crayfish is busy cutting loads of cheese up and Colonels dog is very interested he was looking for a bite but unlucky in this instant. Xmas arrives with Horse the Foxy still wants to root everything Inc. my leg., Chatted to FT about Subiaco's crushing win on Sat. Bushy arrives and introduces me a delightful Porter which I had never see before which slipped down a treat. The packs building up and lots  of faces both old and new I started with Perth in 1980 and there is still a lot guys still there Inc. of course Phantom the Old master. Antmans arrives with his dog Pudgy a strange name for a greyhound its wearing more gear than any of the pack dressed by Vinnie's. Budgie chirps up and there's Lasagna making money looking after Antmans fleet of crappy old pommy cars and helping Mark One get to the funeral in time.

 

By now Horse has torn himself away from the basketball court and is firing up the commercial BBQ a beauty because there is heaps to cook. GM Barcode gets the pack ready [knew him when he was in nappies] we get a briefing and we are off. Pretty soon Xmas , Antmans and I are at the back of the pack held up by Pudgy crapping and pissing at every other telephone pole [ that’s my excuse] but we are on trail, no calling[what’s new]. but we are still there. Xmas knows a short cut to catch the pack so off we go for some reason no further trail was seen. We wed our way through Wembley catch the pub where Antmans son used to be manager. We swing by the Police station  and its home somehow we beat the walkers in by 10 minutes but my tricky left knee is not complaining. Then super fit Emu leads the runners in what a champion followed by the kindergarten.

 

Bushy hits me with another Porter I have a chat to Gumby[sans hat] and Barcode gets the circle going, a fairly unruly one at that but he preservers'. Top gun is running tours to the swan Valley hope he remembers the ice for the white wines!! Next lunch is at the RAAF  museum and Inc. a tour for those interested. Sebastian's was voted a success cheap and good. Then its RAs turn Triple J without his interpreter talks with a mouthful of marbles but the faithful seem to understand I think he was the Marquis De Sade in an earlier life because he dishes out down downs like M & Ms I cop it as a visitor but how come its Colonials birthday on Wed. no down down and no carton guess he's voting Labor now.

 

Now its grub time the pack a large one over 40 lines up great hamburgers and salad and cheese fills the hole in my stomach. Bushy forces another Porter on me and feeling complete I decide to head for home its a long drive to Dawesville. Top night and I will endeavour to come to more runs its always a good turn.

 

On On

 

Stumbles

Congratulations to Mumbles on 40 years of hashing long may he reign.

 

As the previous Monday was the 20 year anniversary of Diana's death some may recall it was the same day as Gillies run at his North Fremantle pub.

Run 2479 In Memory of Foxy

In Memory of Foxy

 

Run 2479​  31 July 2017  ​​​​​Ringburner’s Run at East Fremantle

 

It was appalling conditions, a cold wet and windy evening under the Stirling Bridge but 12 intrepid hashmen (true and loyal to the club) rolled up for a run dedicated to the memory of Foxy.

 

We certainly had our doubts on what the hell we were doing there but miraculously the rain stopped right on 6 o’clock and off we headed towards Fremantle. The run was impeccably marked with a good selection of false trails and checks which kept the pack together. The pack looked after each other and waited for any back marker to catch up – how different to a normal run. The rain held off for the duration of the run and after covering about 5k’s we arrived home – lead in by Neonwho was running like an elite athlete.

 

Ringburner welcomed us back with a can of Guinness then brought out the chips, an individual packet for each runner – you can only imagine the comments. We had a brief circle (quality, not quantity) which started off with a toast to Foxy and then a down down was given to Nanny who stupidly admitted that the only reason he was there was because he had to do the run write up – stupid prick, his run is 2 weeks away!Jerrycan was there to collect visitor’s fees but made himself useful by being the minder of the car keys – he left early so he missed a down down.

 

The run was given a 12 out of 10. During the circle the wind strengthened and the rain started with a vengeance.  – someone must have been looking after us during the run.

 

To all those who didn’t front up, you missed a bloody good night.

 

Vale Foxy

Foxy

 

 

Just a few notes on Mumbles run at Bicton – the run was held in the Bicton Plaza parking area with Dan Murphy looking down on us. Mumbles took a punt on the weather as there was no shelter but he got away with it. Preliminaries included Dollar Bill going off his brain for using the shopping trolleys to store the food and utensils (old habits die hard) and about 20 aged hashmen giving advice to a young lady with a learners plate on how to park her car.

 

This run was a tribute to Mumbles celebrating 40 years of hashing and he had his relations there as guests. It was good to catch up with Panties – he assures us he is no longer leading Chunda astray and Dave the Pom was there with his new dog.

 

The run started with Scummie as bell ringer and meanderedaround Bicton – not ideal territory as the area has big blocks and a shortage of cul de sacs and lanes. Nevertheless, it was an enjoyable well marked 5.2k run. We never saw the front runners which is usual – I remember the days when during the run we had a hash halt or the front runners slowed up to allow the pack to regroup.

 

Down downs included Rhino winning the golf (or I thought he did as I saw him putting the trophy in his car), Neon christening his new shoes and Conman mislaying his car keys. The food was a gourmet hamburger in a boutique roll. I understand that there was an altercation when someone who shall remain nameless tried to take 2 hamburgers. Good effort Mumbles and congratulations on achieving 40 years of hashing.

Run 2459 Hamersley’s 2000th

Run 2459 Millington Reserve

 

After braving the nearby speed camera, which some members unfortunately succumbed to, we assembled at the sports club room, along with well over a hundred members from Hammersley and other male clubs. This was because the run was also Hammersleys 2000th run, meaning that they had kindly agreed to host the evening, along with ‘entertainment’. Some 40 members of PJ Animules had come down from Malaysia especially for the event, which added a touch of interest to the evening. They plastered our van with their stickers to commemorate the meeting.

At 6 pm we set off, following clear directions from Boof. The run was largely set in the Trigg Bushland Reserve, although it ventured down to the coast at one point. Natural historians might have noticed the large number of black millipedes swarming across the limestone tracks. These are Portuguese millipedes(Ommatoiulus moreletii). The Portuguese millipede naturally occurs in southwest Europe. They were first recorded in Western Australia around Roleystone in 1986 and, since the late nineties, have been found in other areas of southwest Western Australia. They are also found in South Australia, Australian Capital Territory, Tasmania and Victoria.

A welcome drink stop was laid on by Hammersley at the coastal car park. Consumption of the beverages was accompanied by a rousing rendition of the Hammersley bolero. After that we ran back to the bucket, aided by the frequent appearance of Boof, who directed us to long or short routes home. Just as we had started to run out of steam Tampax arrived on his bicycle, equipped with a ghetto blaster playing motivational music. It seemed to do the trick for some of us, although I am consistently irritated by hearing ‘We will rock you’ for the 1000th time.

Back at the bucket we were overjoyed to see the appearance of not just one, but eight covorting crumpets. And very fine specimens of humanity they were. I particularly liked the blond in black stockings and suspender belt, who sent my old fellow from its resting 8 inches up to a modest 12 (inches, not centimetres!). After consumption of a few beers the circle began, which was particularly noisy and peppered with f*** this and f**** that. Not really the cup of tea of most PH3 members but the frequent appearance of eye candy made the circle bearable. At 8:30 we adjourned to the club rooms for a gentlemens show. A wench dressed as a fire man appeared, along with a box of toys that I initially mistook for a shoe-shiners pedestal. Various people were singled out for participation, including at one point Seagull’s son. I think the wench became concerned that she might be reported for pedophilia, as the interaction terminated pretty quickly. After a series of somewhat unhygienic acts my attention started to wane, so I retired home for a cup  of Horlichs, so I am afraid I can’t report on the crescendo of the show.

All in all, an epic evening. Thanks to Hammersley for laying on such a comprehensive event.

On  ON

Antman

PS: (Ed) The best part was when the the 'Fire Man' wench stuffed an article of intimate aparel in Screwdriver's mouth, taped it shut then did 'wenchie' stuff to him. Screwie was very quiet for once.

SoPH3 Post Rotto wrap-up

To whom gives a Shit.

 

I have the 3 leftover cartons of Rotto piss at my house. They’ve had quite a journey. From Arseniks car, to my garage, then to my car and onto my boat. Then sailed to Rotto and transferred onto Kacka’s boat and ferried ashore. Then carried by hand by a small group of helping Hashmen (you know who you are) who like protective parents bathed them in ice for 3 days. Once the weekend was over they were once again repackaged and carried to my dinghy and putt putted out to the boat. Good thing they don’t get sea sick as it was blowing 30 knots for the crossing back to Freo where they were dutifully barrowed to the boot of my car and driven back to Willetton and stacked in the garage. I’ll be sad to see them go but someone needs to pick them up and give them a new home. The clock is ticking as I’m getting thirsty, very thirsty.

 

Yours 

 

Bali Banger. 

Run 2440 Larry Loose Lips Grandad in Wattleup

This write up was kindly written by Stewie. In the far distant lands of Hills-Ville they use Macintosh Computers, commonly called Macs. This is relevant because when Grandad (aka LL) was working at UWA they also used Macs. I digress, the Mac file system is different to the Windows file system. So, when Stewie emailed his run write up to Phantom he couldn't open it on his Windows 10 OS machine. So, he sent it to the HashIT.

The file was in the format of Dot Pages. To open this on Windows is a multiple step process and as most of our target audience can't even stay on trail on a hash run I won't bother with the details. So, I ended up with a JPG (or JPEG) file as you may know is a picture file. For the techno freaks – JPEG File Interchange Format is a minimal file format which enables JPEG bitstreams to be exchanged between a wide variety of platforms and applications.

So here is the JPG file extracted from the Mac .pages file: –

 

preview

grandad-q-on-run-2440-recce

On On
Bushie
HashIT

 

2440 Grandad’s Gut Busting, Ball Breaking run specially set for the young bucks

You can tell that Grandad* has a kind caring soul when you hear that he asked Bushie to co-hare his Adventure Trail at WATTELUP. His published co-hares, Chunda and Jaapie tasks were restricted to assisting at the On On as Chunda is orally challenged (deaf) and his knees require a lube every ½ km. Jaapie is on light duties.

So freshly back from the World Rogaining Championships in Ross River (85 km east of Alice Springs) where he competed at the East MacDonnell Ranges with his only non-hashing brother Alan (yet to be named Vet Ranger), Bushranger donned his cross country Rogaining gear to assist on the ground. What a sight in his Kathmandu outfit including gaiters. Well the gaiters came in very handy in the bush section near the coast. Not quite as spiky as the spinifex at the Worlds but just as challenging.

Grandad did more reconnoitres than Major Robert F. Burns of the 90th Division, U.S. Army. Bushranger participated in two of these.

The course was very technical as you would expect from a retired Microbiologist who used his scientific skills to attack Mt Brown from three sides. There were two trails (even though some hashers returned saying there were more than that), one for the walkers and one for the runners. The short-cutters (like FT) were left to their own skill and cunning. Often the walkers were on the same trail as the runners and vice-versa (think about it).

It is common knowledge that anyone that runs hash only needs half a brain. Well half a brain was not enough for some hashers to work out how to follow a well-set trail with plenty on paper and flour false trails & checks for the runners and flour for the walkers. Those clever enough to stay on trail for the entire run (was there anybody in that category?) would have concurred with the published description of the run.

Whilst setting the trail Grandad and Bushie experienced the joys of bushwalking with abundant wild flowers and fauna. Grandad skilfully stepped over a snake only to discover the snake had left it’s skin there some time ago. Bushie made friends with a bobtail goanna (Tiliqua rugosa is a short-tailed, slow moving species of blue-tongued skink found in Australia. Three of the four[2] recognised subspecies are found only in Western Australia, where they are known collectively by the common name bobtail.[3] The name shingleback is also used, especially for T. rugosa asper, the only subspecies native to eastern Australia.). It had been gorging on the fresh vegetation and tried to crap on Bushie as he held it up for the photo shoot.

Rogainers have a term called ‘keeping in touch with the map’. Occasionally, although not lost, the hares were not in touch with their map. That is how technical the run was. You could argue that it may have been too technical for some Perth Hashers and as you probably know Grandad loves a good argument so now is your chance.

The scenery was absolutely stunning from the top of Mt Brown. If you made it there it was well worth the short sharp climb. Come on Mt Brown isn’t that high, ask Birdman who took a bunch of (mostly Perth) Hashers to the top of Mt Kinabalu, Borneo, Malaysia in September 1995. Mt Kinabalu is 4095.2 metres above sea level (I know as I climbed to the top with Colonel [Bushie]).

The runners and walkers gathered in the car park of the Ten Mile Well Tavern in Wattelup. At 5.57pm Grandad and Bushie lead the pack across the busy Rockingham Road to the entrance of Beeliar Regional Park. Grandad was waving a red flag and Bushie was wearing a safety vest given to him by PT Darma Henwa when he braved the jungles of Bata Hijau, Sumbawa, Indonesia trying to make a quid (or Rupiah) writing software. You may ask why all the safety gear? Well ask! During one of the many reconnoitres Grandad drove through the bottle shop driveway to purchase some icy cold liquid refreshments. The staff member told Grandad that she couldn’t serve him. When he enquired why she said the he drove in the wrong direction into the drive through. It was a requirement of the occupational health and safety act that he drives in the correct direction in order to be served. So, Grandad said ‘I’ll just get out of my car then, is that OK?’. It was. Shakin’  and  Jaapie experienced the lengths the Ten Mile Well Tavern will go to to comply with the OH&S act when they entered the tavern to be confronted with complying ‘skimpies’ complete with warnings tattooed on their almost naked bodies and bolts to hold various body parts on.

Grandad explained the markings used to set the run. FT was so keen to attack Mt Brown that he took off without listening to the full comprehensive instructions on how to follow trail. Consequently he returned early (no he didn’t short-cut) with some derogatory comments on the quality of the run setting. Sometimes it pays to read the manual (or listen to directions).

As the pack burst out of the starting blocks to the gut busting ball tearing run Grandad and Bushie were content with the knowledge that they had set the bush run of the year. As they returned to the car park near the Ten Mile Well Tavern on the way back to the bucket a friendly local San Franciscan guy on a Vallkree electric fat tire bicycle pulled up. They had met this guy on Sunday during a gut busting ball tearing run setting episode. Always on the lookout for new hash members they invited him to join the pack for a run. Arriving at 6.30pm put him in the Rumpole category. Anyway Chunda wandered up and whilst our SF friend was chatting Chunda rode off on the electric Vallkee bike. Eventually Chunda was persuaded to give it back and for an exchange of a Cooper’s Green Bushie and then Grandad test rode the electric off road bike. Chunda ‘do yourself a favour’ and buy one. Then you can ride with the PHact cyclists on Fridays.

The pack returned in various groups depending on their level of short-cutting.  The walkers managed to mostly stay on trail with Phantom leading the charge. Sperm complained of too much light (in his eyes) – gee it’s hard to get good help. Bushie in an act of complying with the Occupational Health and Safety requirements of the Ten Mile Well Tavern met them at the fence on Rockingham Road. Bushie assisted Phantom to leap low fences in a single bound (no that’s Superman, isn’t it)? Bushie directed the bunch of walkers across Rockingham Road thus complying with section 15 point 3A of the act.

Duties fulfilled Bushie retired to his car, which was cleverly parked in a paddock, to slip into something more comfortable and familiar to the Perth Hashers (miss-matched socks and colourful hash gear).

Eventually Action called the troops to attention whilst he ran the circle. Various birthday and returnee down-downs were consumed. A carton of birthday beer was put on by Tank. Dollar loved it and was spotted drinking two at the same time. Gumby was called to sing an appropriate birthday song for Tank. Action commands silence when he tells this weekly hash joke because they are so bloody funny and so he doesn’t need to speak loudly over the noise of the rabble. Top marks for Action. The four hares and co-hares (Grandad, Jaapie, Chunda & Bushie) were given down-downs with Bushie demonstrating where Rumpole obtained his down-down mug.

Then Neon stepped up to the crate. Neon told a joke befitting the location (carpark of the Ten Mile Well Tavern) and would easily blend in with the locals although he has less ink and no hardware attached to his body parts (that we know of).

Xmas kept us waiting whilst he prepared for his Indian rope trick. The Indian rope trick is a magic trick said to have been performed in and around India during the 19th century. Sometimes described as "the world’s greatest illusion", it reputedly involved a magician, a length of rope, and one or more boy assistants. Xmas qualifies then.

Another great hashing night.

The hashers decamped to the sound of the Chief Tugger & Assistant Tuggers counting the returns.

As they say in the classics (well in the Phantom comics) ‘wouldn’t be dead for quids’.

On on
Bushie
HashIT, Perth Hash.

Footnote:
*Grandad sometimes referred to as LL (short for Loose Lips) by Budgie since returning from Vaile, Colorado, USA, where he endeared himself with the locals chirping about the Australian way of life, the sunshine, the beaches, the surfing, the beer, the red wine and the sheilas.  Hey Budge we have moved on mate, he is now called Grandad.