Write Ups and Blogs

Run 2652 – AGPU @ Maida Vale

The 2021 AGPU Run 2652 Maida Vale Reserve

Hares Seagull (Joint Master) and Q (Hash Cash)

For the final committee run of Horses Rat Bag the committee we were treated to a cleverly devised run formulated by an electrical engineer and an electronic engineer. Masterfully articulated on paper with a wizardry of tricks to ensure that front runners such as Barcode, French Tickler and Gnocchi were soon  puffing and panting harder than Nanny’s dog.

Frequently caught out by a plethora of devious and lengthy false trails, by the halfway mark it was apparent that the winning circle would be occupied by the Shock Jox committee. Triple J, Haggis and Crayfish clearly showing that cunning running quickly translates to winning running.

The whole hour run was contained in a very small area and the pack were never more than 1.5 kilometres from the bucket. Initially looping through nearby bushland and fortunately avoiding the archery club. The route crossed Ridge Hill road only to loop back to the same road and finding a long false trail then back to one of the many footpaths that seemed to be at the end of every cul-de-sac in the area.  

The whole event almost fell apart when a few keen eyed runners spotted the hares at a drink stop on the other side of a park. However when service was refused they came back and assisted by Phantom’s instructions the pack regrouped. But only to be sucked right though a gate into the former army vehicle training land and two extraordinarily long false trails.

Once again Phantom came to the rescue and set them right yet again.

The drink stop was finally reached from the appropriate direction and both runners and walkers were treated to splash and icy poles . Very welcome at the end of a 38 degree day.

A short trot back to the bucket for the start of the AGPU formalities.

On On


Run 2651 – Horse @ Caversham

After an unbelievably wet February weekend and half of Monday for Perth, the weather gods with the assistance of Moses and in the absence of Grizzly elected to fine up the weather for Horse, Cans and Rimmer.

Horse organised the Scout Hall in Caversham on Lord Street and a fine venue too.  Lots of parking as well as easy to get to and find.  Who remembers the last run on Benara Road when one still in our midst got lost and arrived back after ages, very pi553d with fire appearing from his Scottish ears?.  Was that also the time that Rusty was hare and many of us left before the food was cooked?

A good turnout with a pile of runners, maybe numbers increased because of mask wearing rules.

Members and visitors to a man other than Emu were wearing masks.  He still obviously has not got over the Trump demise so needing a demonstration of non-compliance.

We were promised as much chalk as the last Cans run a few weeks ago and whilst we started in that vein, we lost the trail a few times.

Whilst the run fundamentally headed North, we started off heading Westish round the burbs with lots of turns before coming back to the on off in what must be one of the best loops ever for potential late arrivals. 

More streets, lanes with doublegee such that Meeka and Maggie said no and Nanny and Moses ended up carrying their dogs.  Puddie was unaffected.  More on dogs follows:

We were all having a pleasant Hash experience and Cuttler Road arrived.  Appropriate name for where one resident lives. Replace the third letter and drop the last 3.  His cat was minding its own business when Meeka arrived in the fashion Meeka does anything. Putin clone named above wanted to fight the world with infantile “bring it on” “halfwit” and significantly worse.  Meeka got a slap from the cat and Nanny claims he recalled Meeka and she came.  Close to WWiii.  Nanny, not the first time, you should try harder to make sure it is the last. Imagine poor Mrs Putin clone, she has to live with the piece of detritus.  We only had two minus of agony with him.

The run went swimmingly until we got to the Tonkin when after two attempts to go either round or over the bridge Mother Gnocchi, concerned for the well-being of some of the geriatrics, suggested as we could see Lord Street, we meander down that to Home.  RIngburner and Moses had FT and Prick in the Wall running in the bush30 metres to the left all the way home.

So a very nice 8km run in 65 minutes, truly enjoyable and a bonus considering recent weather.

The food needs a mention.  Rimmer had prepared a fine meal of potatoes with sausages which was frozen and successfully reheated.  Vegies with this and there was absolutely heaps of food.

There was zero local lighting and that on the bucket works a treat.  Well worth the effort Rumpole and all concerned – Good job!

Run 2649 – The Mole @ Whitford

Run 2649 The Mole at Whitford

The run started under gloomy skies and fortunately for The Mole, the threatened thunderstorm wimped out, as there wasn’t a lot of shelter to be seen in the car park off Northshore Drive.

The run started well with lots of false trails and good use of the parkland strips, that kept the pack together and back runners often finding themselves at the front and having to deal with the threat of finding the next FT.

Unfortunately for The Mole he got a bit cute with his home trail being a bit close to his out trail and when FT went right instead of left after yet another pack reversal, most of the pack found the way home in just over 30 minutes. The short-priced favourite for shortest run of the year award!

Scummy and Lasagne came in after about an hour claiming to done the whole run but more likely they had just got temporarily geographically embarrassed (Geo speech for being lost).

The circle was treated with the normal number of visitors, returnees, birthdays, anniversaries and down downs for misdeeds. We then got to eat our quarter chicken and chips watching the sunset and the rainbows.

ON ON, Action

Run 2648 – Polecat @ Fremantle

We had about 40 hashers turn up on a warm afternoon in a Fremantle car park next to the railway line. We were given run instructions with a noisy freight train passing by, so anyone standing at more than social distancing requirement heard nothing, and off we went.

No loop just a false trail to start with to find that a joint hash run had been in the area recently with many markings for the elderly pack to decipher which was ours. Many falsies, car parks and back streets put us at the top of the Round Hose with a view. We passed quite a few pubs without stopping (on a warm afternoon) without any hashmen ducking in for a cool ale, the Norfolk pub crowd did cheer us on.

Fremantle Hospital car park was visited, followed by a half a lap of the Fremantle Oval. Polecat then pointed us to the Old Gaol only to be sent through more back streets of Freo. The Pack lost the trail after Fremantle Park and short cut home.

The Poly (almost gone) started with a symphony of suburban railcars and a looong freight train to interrupt proceedings. St Peter showed up to get his 50th year mug, 11 months late. The RA awarded 8.1, food followed with hot ham, tomato, and coleslaw in a bun.

Next week at Whitfords Beach car park (NO FEES HERE), bring a towel and have a dip before Poly’s gone, bathers optional.

The Mole

Run 2645.1 – Christmas Eve Breakfast Run @ Matilda Bay

Forty four pitched up for this great annual event, returned to the rotunda after a couple of years round the corner.  A number of members made nice noises and all enjoyed the view and the breakfast set-up.  There were seven visitors in the number and if they spread the word too much, next year numbers could be even bigger.

Grandmother Phantom set a very fine run, well-marked and managed to build in some change to a route that we have plied many times.  Granny was not too happy with Stewie’s leading the walkers in an anti-clockwise direction after receiving clear and written orders to go clockwise.  Stewie has appealed to the Hash Court to be pardoned before the Committee goes out.  If Trump can pardon all, why can’t we?

Out past the squadron and across the lawns before the sun got too hot and then into the leafy shady groves with some delightful running around the Octagon and the lovely admin buildings.  40 minutes of pleasant but not doddling running led by our Italian Stallion and the twice the former’s age Dutch cyclist (on the day) who plugs walls.  Did not clock distance but something approaching 5km is the guess.

A few weeks ago at Mumbles run, two geniuses who were the co-hares got lost and could not get back to the OnOn in time.   As a follow up to that; the first viz. Colonel decided to let his dog attack the ranger quietly driving past the rotunda where we could have been given a very hard time and the second Budgie came to the run, late again and was wearing his wife’s pyjama pants.  Not pretty!  

The usual crew did the honours and everything ran like a Swiss clock (or train if you prefer) Breakfast was a bun with bacon, snagger, tomato and fried egg.  Tasty and hot. Well done boys! To you one and all, the Committee’s wishes that you have a serene festive season and a healthy and happy 2021.

Run 2645 – Sir Tomarse and Rimmer @ Glengarry Park

SIR THOMARSE and a  Virgin

I have been Hashing regularly for 49 years and cannot remember a run start from this location .Happy to be wrong but I reckon it was VIRGIN  start celebrating all that is Scottish .We even ran in St Andrews Way, Carlyle Crescent and Aberfedy Way

Sir Tom handed out a 3 page map showing 21 FTs and 6 checks .A Phantom’s delight !

The trail used numerous FTs before crossing the Freeway by a footbridge , then Warwick Rd  ,thru Warwick station and onto a drink stop ,where walkers and the fitter fellows (runners ) arrived together after being kept together by many FTs and checks .

At the drink stop Elbows tried , without success ,to use his wiles on a young mother with small son and babe in arms  –  failed again !!

It was then that the front runners took off leaving their slower counterparts to TRY AND KEEP UP !  Some Mates ?? A check at end of a walkway saw runners check everywhere but the obvious but the map holders ,with only Scummy in tow ,found the right way home 

Back at the shiny new Bucket we noted Antman and dog  ,lost and tired in that order , arrive back by HAGGIS Ambulance .

After a traditional  address to the Haggis (both ) a tasty serve or two of  Shepherd’s Pie was quickly devoured and we retired to search for GALLILEO ‘s Star of Bethlehem .

A good run ,good location ,good food and Goodbye !!

ON ON Phantom

Run 2643 – Botak and Phantom @ Rosalie Park

Botak and Phantom Rosalie Park

A familiar start saw a good assembly of Hashmen with the runners heading east before swinging north towards Nicholson road. The run was interrupted by the temporary loss of the trail which was eventually found with no assistance from Sir Knob despite having the map. .All was good to this point before a false trail call saw the backrunners unnecessarily back checking when the trail was found well forward. This put the back at a disadvantage and  it took some time to catch up. Anyway from Nicholson Rd the trail headed past the scenic Shenton Park Lake, once a swamp, and off towards the railway line. By the time we reached the line the front could be neither seen nor heard. It seems if you’re fit or shrewd enough to run at the front you are excused from calling despite the purpose of calling being to help keep the pack together and assist those not familiar with the area. At this stage I was all for shortcutting but Lasagne, dedicated hashman that he is, had spotted chalk and grabbing me by the balls pointing out that as I was next weeks hare I was obliged to complete the run in order to do the write up. So, despite my kicking and screaming , we proceeded through the subway and into darkest Daglish. After a little distance Lasagne spotted some shadowy figures in the distance. I suggested they might be local runners but given they made no noise and appeared confused they were probably the front runners. With some considerable effort we made contact near the rather attractive Cliff Sadlier Park before heading off towards the rehabilitation centres and the railway line. It was interesting to run in this area as it has been little used for hash runs.

The run appeared to cross the line at Shenton Park Stn but neither Lasagne nor I could spot chalk nor hear or see the pack. In an effort to find the trail  we headed up Railway rd  past Onslow rd then down Aberdare to no avail but eventually home. It appeared that the run was quite well set but poor calling , once again didn’t assist. Sir Knob’s assessment with some assistance from Ringburner gave the run high 8s which was probably fair.

The beauty of leaving your write up until after Polly’s rant appears is that the significant events of the polygon are covered without the need for duplication so I refer you to the rant. Not mentioned that I recall was recognition of Sir Tom and Christmas for organising the Christmas lunch which  was well attended and reviewed. At the same time Christmas pulled out several sheets of paper and we all thought “not another bloody joke” but to our surprise it was directions on how to get to the next lunch. He lost me shortly after getting off the train so I hope those going fare better.

Joke of the day was the husband and not to be touched shoe box under the bed. Sir Knob reintroduced a muzzy joke at the behest of Emu pleading for more muliculturalism in the joke department.

Food was an ample supply of pizza much to Botak’s relief. Another good evening.



Run 2642 – Mumbles @ Leeming Bowling Club

Run 2642 Write-up

Mumbles’ Run from Leeming Bowling Club Run date: Monday, 30 November, 2020

Co-Hares: Budgie and Colonel

Rising to the challenge, I fuelled-up the car and looked at the Street Directory, then decided I would rely on my GPS, aka “Phantom”, to get my car-full of Hashmen to Leeming. All went well and I was able to deliver Phantom, Birdman, Reluctant and Sir Knob in good time.

It was an unusually cool evening and most of the pack rugged-up BEFORE the Run. There was some consternation when The Hare failed to materialise at 6.00 pm, but he soon turned-up. We departed almost on time, with a good-sized pack.

My recollections of the Run are a bit vague, which is quite normal for me, and no reflection on the quality of Mumble’s route. I recall a pleasant amble in good urban territory, and getting back to the (newish) Bucket at about 7.00 pm. Then the fun started – apparently the Hare and his co-Hares had agreed that they would each be responsible for marking about one third of the track, BUT, unfortunately, the three tracks did not join-up! There was even a suggestion that Budgie had been missing in Leeming for some of the time. He denied this and threatened to abdicate his position as a co-Hare, but we weren’t listening, as usual.

The Circle was called and Polly and Sir Knob officiated. Polly told us what we spent on the new Bucket, and said that although it cost quite a lot, we would get 15 years of good service out of it. I did think that might be true for some of us, but not all! In any event, Polly’s account was well-received and we like the shiny new Bucket, but I still go to the back of the van to collect my Splash. I bet I am not the only one.

Sir Knob awarded Mumbles a score of 7.2, with which most people were satisfied.

Pembo did his usual excellent job of making sure that our hands were clean before we were able to get at Mumbles’ Subway wraps and sandwiches, all of which were consumed and appreciated.

Run 2641 – Sir Knob and Phantom @ Subi Oval

The run/walk started off with great promise from the old Subi Oval ( where the mighty Dockers played ) CAR PARK ,WHY THEY NEED A CARPARK THAT SIZE BEATS ME.

We got to the heritage listed gates and the first f#@$%^k up, Phantom ,the cohere could’nt read the map properly Dick Tracy suggested turn it upside down ,that didn’t work and we finally made our way across the oval to Bob Hawke College,quite apt I thought ,considering our hare was an EX

Labor polly.We continued on past Perth Modern were ,lo and behold, our cohare went to school .I really think they should change their logo ,something about exceptional students didn’t ring with me

From there we meandered thru Mueller Park and past Subi School of Dance .

The run/walk then meandered thru to Harold Boas Gardens  ,where many a wedding has been held and some divorces, from there I’ve got no idea as I SHORT CUT BACK TO THE BUCKET.

It was good to see my OLD mate Stumbles there, still looking robust as ever, and welcome back Conman from his hip operation, AND last but not least Antman’s son Junior Antman.

Now about the on on, we got the details of Barefoot’s funeral and wake ,may I SAAY A TRUE HASH LEGEND ,still running up to the last!!!!! The food was curry cooked by ( supposedly ) the hare but there was one small problem ,why didn’t they use the disposable lates instead of the ones I had to wash.



Run 2640 – Emu and Gumby at Beaconsfield

We gathered at a familiar car park next to the Dick Lawrence Oval in Beaconsfield to be welcomed by an equally familiar biting south-westerly.

It was good to see our hash run accorded national respect with the market closing for our stockbroker’s run. If he couldn’t trade for the afternoon no one else could either. Who knew that Emu had such power in the ASX? I will have to pay more attention to his financial advice.

A very long run then wandered through the surrounding district. And if I could find the map that Phantom gave me at the end of the evening I could give you more detail.

Suffice to say that for the sheltered hashers living in more salubrious suburbs the run was a socio-economic education. I thought it was excellent territory where even your scribe might have secured a majority vote.

The circle began with a minutes silence to mark the sad passing of our friend and long-term hasher, Barefoot. His genial and wise contributions will be greatly missed.

Our one visitor, System 5 ½, a professional colleague and friend of Barefoot, addressed the circle in memory of his friend.

It is frequently the case that a major world religion cops a bucket at an event led by Emu. No not that one – on this occasion it was the Catholics and the Irish who were the subjects of the jokes. Members might have to be more respectful at our Christmas lunch at the Irish club.

Down downs were awarded to non-walkers, short cutting walkers and runners returning suspiciously early- some claiming to have run 7.5 km nevertheless.

The food was chicken and chips and various hashers could be seen scooping up stuffing and remnant chicken scraps with their fingers at the end of the evening. I will not name the hungry ones.

I have forgotten what score I awarded the run although it might have been 8.5. I have discovered that no one remembers or records my score anyway. Apparently the joint masters will make it up when we determine run of the year at our final committee meeting.

Late in the evening Birdman distinguished himself by phoning a member of the western suburbs car pool to request us to return and pick him up. This was an easy request to honour as we were parked right next to him. It might be wise for Birdman to be prepared for a down down on Monday.

Thanks Emu and Gumby for another great evening.

On on

Sir Knob