Polly is like Lazarus of Bethany, he keeps on rising from the dead. But not 4 days after his last demise, a full 28 or 27 years after leaving Perth Hash in 1990 or 1991. 1
So we were expecting a great run from this very experienced hashman. His co-hare Polecat (no relation), or Aristo as he prefers, has set many great runs. So with a team like that we were in for a treat.
The hashers gathered in the carpark of Kathmandu with a few (including me) going into the shop to check out the specials before the run. The hare addressed us before the run (as has become custom) and made excuses as to why there would be no chalk for the first section through the Ikea carpark. Seems like the ‘Fat Controller’ was present and like all good ‘Fat Controllers’ liked to rule his patch – i.e. he rubbed out the chalk. Can one still say that; has that term not been banned by lexicographers? Ok let’s not get into sesquipedalian speech.
Not to be thwarted Polecat ‘live hared’ the carpark to keep us on the cleverly reconnoitred trail which went down the side of a creek adjacent to Ellen Stirling Boulevard. After negotiating a low fence, Moses dog, Missy, decided it was time for laying down a barkers nest. She didn’t want to be outdone by Nanny’s dog Meeka who had already dropped a load. One could reminisce about the time (allegedly) our very dear Scottie, sans dog bags, scooped up Snoopy’s dog poo with his bare hands and disposed of it and then wiped his hands clean on the grass (would Colonel have done that?).
We ran along the bank of the creek for long enough for your scribe to get bitten by sandflies. Not as many as when I fell asleep after a Rogaine with The Mole (I may have consumed a few dark ales to relax) whilst sitting around the campsite in the fading sunlight. That took months to recover from the blighters itchy bites. I know one shouldn’t scratch the bites as that makes them worse. I challenge you try and ignore the itchy bites! They are more annoying than The Mole :-), ha ha… we still love you Mole.
At the end of the gully was the Fat Controller’s Filter. How did Polly get through the hole in the wire fence? Being a boy from the bush I climbed over the fence as the pack was lined up squeezing through the hole in the fence one-by-one to the cries of ‘you are too fat to get through that size hole, move over and let us skinny bastards get through’.
The industrial size blocks in Osborne Park that don’t have interesting alleyways and walkways don’t lend themselves to great hash running territory so the run became predictable with the trail going along Scarborough Beach Road, then north up King Edward Road with occasional left hand false trails. Over the Mitchell Freeway foot bridge at the corner of King Edward Road and Hector Street and onto Telford Crescent before a clever left across a small bridge over a creek and the Joondalup PSP. Through the Stirling Civic Gardens before going through the car park, bus station, train station and over the Mitchell Freeway on the pedestrian foot bridge. The On Home was marked just before the ankle challenging dirt descent to the vacant block north of Ikea. Meeka was allowed free rein down the hill whereas Missy was more dignified and restrained (by Moses and like Moses).
Through the Ikea car park sans chalk arrows and on to the bucket where Mole was already enjoying a cold one.
Polly was reveling in his new position serving drinks in the bucket. He is very experienced in this role having done it ALONE in 1976 and 1986! I am not sure if this is an official committee position or if he has been recruited by Rumpole to make up for the lack of co-splashes. Rumpole has been running the slick operation on a minimum crew of at least three since 2015 but added a fourth in 2020 as Grizzly was apprenticed. Not sure how long Grizzly’s apprenticeship will last but I guess with Government JobKeeper payments the club can afford to have a fourth hash splash on the payroll.
Our resident Quiz Master, On Sec Haggis, then delivered his segment but most hashers couldn’t correctly answer his quiz questions. Even El Beaux was struggling. Dollar was called up for a down-down for being a returnee. Bushie, as proxy for Sawbones 81st birthday was awarded a down-down. Sawbones put on a carton of Gage Road Single Fin and paid the full amount as is the 2021 system to help balance the books. The pay $50 and get up to $90 of beer (the club paying the balance) has gone. It never made much sense to me anyway. Ramrod put on a carton of Guinness cans and copped a down-down. Gnocchi was called up as were Moses and Botak. Botak for not remembering where his car was parked.
Action won the draw for the Polly Joker Raffle but was two or three cards off the mark. APITW managed to slip the Joker in afterwards when the stewards weren’t looking and showed the hashers that it was in fact in the draw but Action missed it.
Haggis almost ran overtime but was reminded that the food preparations were under way and Nanny was biting at the bit to get on the crate.
Our 2021 GM, Triple J, got up on the box and spoke about the club’s financial position left by an overspend on the new PH3 bucket purchase and fit-out. We were told that without fundraising the club will run out of money by September 2021. However we must look forward and not dwell on last year. The 2020 committee were called out for a collective down-down. Triple J could have had a great career as a diplomat. We look forward to another year of great Perth Hashing.
Nanny (ever enthusiastic) delivered his weekly sermon and called out various hashers for down-downs including your scribe. Nanny called for a show of hands for any of Colonel’s friends. A large number of Colonel’s friend’s admitted that fact and were called up for a down-down. Sir Knob demonstrated his down-down skills. Mumbles was called up for a down-down.
Mole set up his tasting table and Stumbles will have to be careful as he has competition with future wine tasting gigs. Mole signed up a number of hashers keen to balance the books and keep the club afloat after September 2021 (when the funds are predicted to run out).
Food is on was the call and we lined up for Polly’s curry meal which the members were not able to finish. There was still some stuck to the bottom of the pots when I got them back to my apartment in Subiaco to do the washing up as Gerrycan managed to delegate his duties by going on leave in the country. The plates were almost put in the bin at the apartment block as there isn’t much room to do the washing up in a one bedroom apartment. There is a call for members to bring their own plates, cutlery and mugs instead of the club providing them. This happens in most other Perth Hash chapters. My wife, Mary Poppins, suggested that it was not a good idea to throw them out before the new arrangements start so she helped with the washing of the bowls, plates, plastic forks, and used a hammer and chisel to clean the bottom of the pots.
Wouldn’t be dead for quids.
1 Ed. Background on Polly’s Hash History – from the Modus Operandi on his Rogues Gallery entry.
Polly joined on Run 281 in July 1975 and ran until August 1979, 4 years.
Polly re-joined in 1982 and ran through until 1990 or 1991 (depending on which calendar one uses), another 8 odd years as Polly already has a 10 year mug from that period.
Then Polly re-joined in 2018, another 3 years. And still as enthusiastic as ever.
Hash connections at the premiers office!.