RUN 2728- Seagull at Kalamunda Water Park – (2 – write-up provided by Gumby)

SEAGULL couldn’t have picked a better night. With the run starting from the car park at Kalamunda’s ‘Wet & Wild Park’ and the storm hitting Perth at 5pm, it really turned the situation into a Wet & Wild night. Seagull wasn’t wrong when he asked why we hadn’t brought our Speedo’s as we were starting the run at the West & Wild park and going to be swimming on the trail. He wasn’t wrong. Seagull took charge, as a good Hare, and nominated Q to be a Live Hare, so the pack wouldn’t get lost whilst looking for the chalk that had washed away.
There was good bush running through the many tracks around and through Kalamunda, albeit wet and dark. It was good running and swimming territory and the flour held well throughout run, considering the volume of water around. The trail took us around Kalamunda, through bushlands and brought us back into town. The pack was surprised how many under cover car parks there were in Kalamunda, giving a chance to temporarily dry before the trail took us back outside into the streams. More of a swim than a run.
Fortunately Grizzly’s work mates actually got the forecast right, where most runners came with spare dry clothes, to warm up before the circle started.
In normal fashion, our illustrious On Sec, got the circle started. With the pack huddling under the small tin roof, even Pembo was struggling to be heard above the background (at times foreground) noise of the heavy rain on the tin roof. The Down Downs included Perth Hash putting up with Pembo for 23 Years (well done PH3), Neon and Seagull as Returnees, Pig Trap as Visitor along with his fellow being, Piggy, Tomarse for interrupting the circle after Ringburners Sowndowner pitch and Phantom getting frustrated trying to explain the
difficult concept of a Restaurant Run. Our Stand-in RA, Sir Knobb, did an excellent job appointing Crayfish as his Joint Minister (following latest Parliamentary Protocols), getting Elbows up because he complained about
Sir Knob’s joke involving a Mail Run, as he prefers Female Runs, and awarding SeaGull 9.12 run score because of the good run territory, good marking with glue laced flour and good shelter from the wet & wild weather. In addition, the vegetable Sheppard’s Pie was a hit – hot and perfect in wet weather. It must have been a treat, as Rumpole had four servings…..

Run 2728 – Seagull at Kalamunda Water Park

SEAGULL’s Water fall

I could not believe my eyes when 30 Hashmen turned up in totally inclement conditions. The Western Suburbs Warriors were sorely tempted to stop and stay at the Kalamunda hotel but loyalty to the hare won out.

We started in light steady rain with the running pack led by Live hare Q going one way and Walkers led by local guide Stewie in another direction. We all met briefly mid run.

Once again the Kalamunda pub looked promising but Birdy being the only one with access to funds was not prepared to buy for the mob so we soldiered on thru the shopping centre where BIRDY led a few on a short cut only to link up with Stewie again.

Walkers beat the real runners in by about 4 minutes so it was a well planned run.

The rain then BUCKETED down testing the gutters of our Water Park shelter. PEMBO called up a couple of guys for Birthdays but cartons were lacking and PEMBO had a 23 Year Down Down.

RA SIR KNOB told an old joke which few of the Demented group remembered from last time and then with Constitutional approval invested Crayfish as his Assistant RA. If Morrison can do it so can he.

We ate a very tasty Shepherds Pie, lots of it, but no chilli sauce for those who crave.

A bloody good NOT ruined by the weather. 

Good effort Lads  Deserved the 9.25  awarded

ON ON Phantom

Run 2721 – 27 June 2022, Conman & Phantom at Wembley Sports Pavilion, Jolimont

Run 2721 on 27 June 2022.

Conman & Phantom at Wembley Sports Pavilion Carpark, Jolimont.

Conman selected a venue under cover, with great lighting & great parking.  Because Conman’s knees were still crook from his two knee replacements, Phantom set a very well marked trail for him. Some super crafty false trails, lots of checks and enough FTs made for a great run. Full marks to Phantom.

The weather report was shocking, but 33 pitched up expecting to get washed out and of these 14 were runners. Not a drop of rain fell.

Conman delivered a fabulous meal of Chilli Con Carne in more than abundant quality in a Nanny pot that could have fed 100 Hashmen. We even have another nomination for the cordon blue award.

All in all, a great night that was given a score 9.

Written by Conman, published by Bushranger.

Run 2726 – Ramrod – De Lacy Reserve, Maylands

Ramrod & Sir Tom Arse at Maylands

De Lacy Reserve Maylands

Out of town on Guildford Road

Right on Peninsula Road

Straight at roundabout

Left on Richard Street (sign posted)

First right on Hillside Crescent, LFF.


The night threatened to be wet, cold and nasty and it was. The hare, Ramrod, told us the run was set with chalk which had mostly washed away by the storms. The runners were given a map (your scribe had that one) and the walkers a remarkably similar map.  Q commandeered the map I had because he said he has better eyesight than me (that is correct).

The run

We set out around the oval here two hounds immediately broke rank and ran the opposite direction to the peloton. Sanity soon prevailed and they re-joined us.

At the corner of Richard Street & Swan View Terrace there was some discussion as to where we actually were as the paper map only had a few street names on it. The walkers arrived and told us we were going the wrong way. Bugger they were probably correct. So we ran up Swan View Terrace, instead of Caladonian Avenue where the chalk was laid. No problem we eventually arrived at Corner of Margaret Street and Caledonian where there was a discussion on which way to go and where is Kathleen Avenue (where I lived as a bachelor). The walkers arrived and joined in the discussions. Mr Walker asked ‘Where are we?’. I stated the obvious, but that wasn’t what Mr Walker wanted to hear. The paper map only had a few streets marked on it so keeping in contact with the map was difficult. Keeping in contact with the map is fundamental in not getting lost on a 24 hour Rogaine sometimes in thick bush.

At Seventh and East Streets Rumpole took over navigating for the remaining 4 runners and lead them away from the Maylands Yacht Club in spite of being the most experienced sailor amongst us (apart from me who has skippered 42 foot Yachts on the Whitsundays in Queensland and British Virgin Islands in the Caribbean). I saw arrows and turned around called out ‘on back’ & ran down towards the Maylands Yacht Club Inc. and found chalk on the way.

Just before the Maylands Yacht Club I found trail in the Cycle way (PSP) heading east. Looking at the paper map in the light of the day (actually it is the light of the night), I now see that the trail went on the street north of the cycleway. I must have run on a false trail.

I eventually ran back to the bucket across the oval, clocking 5.70 km in 01:02:06 hours approximately. I was offered a Scotch whisky, cheese, and biscuits as well as the ubiquitous crisps.

The Circle

Pembo called the troops to attention and started the circle. I was given a down-down and accused of being a marathon man. He then told a joke about a husband and wife in the upstairs shower. The doorbell rang so the wife hopped out of the shower, wrapped herself in ta towel and went downstairs and opened the door. There was the neighbour who immediately took control of the situation and said, ‘If you drop that towel I’ll give you $800.’ The wife thought about that for a few micro-seconds and dropped the towel. The neighbour (I think it was Elbows) said my you have a lovely body and then reached into his pocked and pulled out the $800 and gave it to her. She went back upstairs and her husband said ‘who was that’, she replied ‘Elbows, our neighbour’. He said ‘Great, did he give you the $800 he promised to repay me today?’.


There were a few more down-downs for birthdays etc. Not sure who but these are the August birthday boys:-

Colonel (76)

Jack Russell (57)

Polecat (73)

Emu (75)

Flasher (69)

In case you were not paying attention the July Birthdays were:-

Soft Top (52)

Wagon (75)

Mastitis (57)

Lasagna (68)

French Tickler (69)

Dick Tracy (76)

Dick Tracy (76)

Pembo (67)

Prairie Dog (64)

Barcode (44) Ed. merely a youngster!

Haggis (71)

Reluctant (59)

Sir Knob was called to be the stand-in RA

He recounted the time early in his parliamentary career when he was door knocking and was confronted by a near naked constituent. He was looking forward to the next encounter and  sadly it was never repeated in the rest of his parliamentary career.

He gave the run a 9.16 out of 10 but raised it to 10 due to the appalling weather -what was Grizzly doing?

Great run site, lights, shelter, parking – it had it all.

Nanny led us out with ‘What do we do on a Monday?’


The food was plentiful and not just because of the low numbers. It was tasty rice and curry.