Run 2699 – Ringburner in Bicton

Ringburner in Bicton. Run 2699.
A good crowd of almost 50 hashers gathered near the East Freo Tennis Complex to enjoy RINGBURNER’s hospitality after his extended sojourn in Europe. His co-hare was RUSTY NUTS, after he also was not seen at Perth Hash in ages.
The On On site was shifted when it was realised the complex carpark was way too small. This caused some early confusion to the pack but we all found the new spot easy enough.
The run, in hot conditions, was clocked at over 6km for the FRBs in about an hour. The trail took the pack in a counterclockwise direction, exploring every hills in the locality with well placed false trails keeping the pack together. Marking, at time, was difficult to find including a faded check marked on the middle of a street! The short cutters and back markers did all right as they kept a close check on Rusty Nuts to ensure the shortest route was taken. When the trail disappear at the Bicton Quarantine Park, the pack made a beeline for home following the shore line.
The final circle for this committee followed its usual chaotic format including the final raffle draw, another Scott joke and the RA loosing the plot, again.
Supper on offer was cocktail rolls and pizza all washed down with plentiful amount of beer. Great night and well done Ringburner. RA score: 9.15.
Next week: AGPU. On oN! FT

Run 2698 – Scummie in North Perth

Run 2698 – Scumbag at Les Lilleyman Reserve Car Park, North Perth
The pack assembled on a beautiful and warm summers evening in the shade of some tall, leafy gum trees with views over the city. Scumbag and his co-hair, Xmas, promised a good run. Excited dogs and Hashmen all barking (mad?) but in a fine mood were chomping at the bit waiting to be unleashed on the neighbourhood of North Perth.
Scummy confused an easily confused pack, hard of hearing, by announcing that this was going to be a multi-tedium run! Nobody looked surprised, at first, but we came to realise he meant that this was to be a multi-media run. No less confused because we had thoughts of trail directions being beamed to our phones, ipads, e-watches, or whatever, from satellites above North Perth, to guide us on the trail and eventually back to the bucket. Wow… Scummy had entered the IT age! Sadly, it was not to be. By a multi-media run, Scummy meant chalk, cheese, flour and paper. Ahhh, a sigh of relief arose from IT-challenged members of the pack – something they were familiar with and could understand.
With a blast of the horn, we were off in a northerly direction through the park to London St., and then south on Dunedin St., and then in a westerly direction for a couple of kms. Early on we got lost a couple of times but managed to pick up the trail again until some/most of us lost the trail completely. When we were on trail, it was clearly marked with chalk arrows about every 10 metres or so, sometimes closer, but when the trail markings switched from chalk to an alternative media that Scummy mentioned at the start of the run, the trail disappeared and Hashman were left floundering and running in circles lost and confused. Perhaps the green cheese melted in the heat, or the paper blew away – we’ll never know. Anyway, the pack became scattered and made their own way home. I believe that I lost the trail about 3/4 of the way round.
Conman came a cropper in the kids’ playground when he attempted to demonstrate his acrobatic skills on the swings only to crack his head on the crossbar and tumble to the ground in a crumbled heap. He was helped back to bucket by Sir Tom Arse and other walkers, but he must have been feeling very poorly because he did not stay for a medicinal beer, or two, and headed straight home for ministrations that were obviously better than beer. At the Circle, Reluctant was not reluctant to be Conman’s stand-in for the down-down and kindly filled the role. Wishing you a speedy recovery Conman!
During the food, but after the Circle, Seagull arrived after being lost in the wilderness of North Perth. He had become disoriented by Scummy’s multi-media markings. He showed that while he might be a seagull, he is no homing pigeon. He was late for his down-down and Q gracefully stood in for his dad.
There were some good jokes in the Circle, especially one by Ramrod about the discounted dental treatment. If you missed it, ask him to tell you.
Antman provided entertainment for the group by taking 20 minutes or so to reverse his Sunbeam Rapier into a disabled parking spot so that Princess would have an uninterrupted view of the proceedings of the Circle. However, after parking the car Princess promptly fell asleep and slept through the whole Circle – how did Antman miss a down-down for that one?
The food was good with ham slices served with tomato beetroot and cheese on a bap. Sufficient for everyone and appreciated by all.
The run was awarded a score of 1.9, because the trail was hard to find in places and the pack became separated. Overall, in my view it was good one. I enjoyed the run and enjoyed the company afterwards.

Run 2697 – Sir Knob in Mosman Park

SIR KNOBS RUN – Walled city of Mosman Park.
Pack assembled on a call from Ramrod, directions given setting off at 6 pm, across Davies Oval pursued by the helmeted avenger (Gumby) on the turbo powered scooter, said avenger nearly had an allocation with a Mosman Park tractor (Range Rover) The drive offering to run said avenger over, alas, didn’t so no laughs there.
The pack was mildly confused by 2 false trails in quick succession, on, on called and on down around a park into the alleyway parallel to View Street. On over one street, on over another street, etc,etc… False trails are marked on the map but your scribe at the rear of the pack got the impression that these were run through. The trail then made a right hand turn down to Freshwater Bay with a slight redirection by road repair operatives down to the water’s edge but by then your scribe h ad got a sore hammy and joined Triple J and headed towards the bucket (still another 2 k’s away).
Did hear that French Tickler (FT) finished or completed the run on his own as it would appear as he mistook the HASH direction of FT to mean – FT run this way.
Runners and walkers got back about 6:50, Triple J and I about 7.
There were 7 returnees, 2 visitors.
Runners 23, Walkers 33. Dogs 7.
Scummie missed the down-downs……..
RUMOUR (oed) General talk, report, or hearsay of doubtful accuracy.
The colonel after years of lobbying has got the Hon Sec’s job
Present committee to continue till 2022 because the new committee has absconded, refer rumour 1.
Run awarded 9.1.
Good run. Good food. Good company.
Well done Sir Knob.

Run 2696 – Triple J in Padbury

Deprived of their overseas and interstate holidays a relatively large pack assembled at a Padbury parking area roughly equivalent in size to a Glasgow (or should that be Edinburgh) bedsit.

In finest pre-Covid new year’s tradition members of the pack were shaking hands freely until they saw Antman with a steaming pile in his left hand and wondered if it ever been in his right.

Since Dick Tracy could not visit himself in hospital during his recent health scare his recovery was assured and his Lazarus-like presence was welcomed.
After the usual mentions of flour and chalk the walkers and runners set off in different directions. Fairly soon the walkers entered the wonderful surrounds of the Pinnaroo Valley Memorial Park. Large trees, exquisite grass, herds of kangaroos and bizarre plastic flowers dotted the landscape.

Top Gun tumbled down the hill into the Memorial Park but like Dick Tracy he was saved from his ultimate end and returned to the circle for a down down. Perhaps his vision was obscured by the hat he was wearing.

From there the run crossed Whitfords Avenue, entered the Craigie bushland and skirted both the Craigie Leisure Centre and the beauty of the Beenyup Waste Water Treatment Plant. The runners’ return to the adjacent suburb was only alleviated by a brief sighting of Chadstone Park before they once again crossed Whitfords Avenue back into Padbury. Street by street and via Simpson Park and Brisbane Park the pack made its way back to Gibson Park.

There the runners and walkers re-assembled in a dusty space squeezed in between their cars, a warehouse and a large and desolate void. Some Western suburbs members may have experienced culture shock.

Since Moses was alert for any sign of me using my phone during the circle I took no notes of the down downs and the jokes. I do remember Botak’s vehement protests at being required to represent the English test cricket team. I think Joe Root shares his pain. Gumby did get into some sort of trouble with the Hon Sec for not paying attention and FT joked about French subs.

Nanny got us to sing our song ahead of recognising the hares on the grounds that in recent runs hungry hashers, disrespectful of tradition, had ignored the singing in favour of the food queue. I think the run scored 9.16 or maybe 9.9, or was it 9.09 or 9.6. Anyway Nanny’s usual score.

Allowed to join the queue at last we feasted on baked potatoes, some sort of meat sauce, cheese and cream.

Thanks to Moses and Bushranger for their maps. According to his app Bushranger ran 7 km in one hour and five minutes.

Thanks Triple for another great night of hashing.

On on.
Sir Knob

Run 2696 – Bushie’s SCB trail.

Run 2694.1 – Nanny’s Christmas Eve Breakfast Run in Crawley

This traditional run commenced in a traditional location.

As in every previous iteration of this event, traditional returners Where Is Wally and Kilkenny showed up. (I hope they paid their visitor’s fee). Also one of our founding member, Saint Peter, turned up. With Dick Tracy in hospital I wondered if Saint Peter was at the wrong venue, but no, all is apparently good with Dickie besides a little swelling perhaps induced by some nubile hospital nurse…

Before the run had started, Ramrod, the hare and a few volunteer tucker fuck3rs had the hot plates working.

The runners trail, as it traditionally does, took us north and then past and around the Octagon and the colleges before meandering back via the local burbs and zig zagging through UWA.

By the time the running pack returned (run was clocked at 6.5km) the cooking was almost overdone. Splash, fizzy plonk and OJ, and fifty seven variety of beer was duly consumed before a lightning brief circle was held to acknowledge Nanny’s effort and Ramrod hunter-gathering skills (Pity his jokes aren’t that well researched!).

With the “Formalities” over, Conman and Birdman led the pack to our yearly arteries clogging repast. This was followed with the exchange of Festive Season best wishes, and then, the pack quickly disintegrated leaving the clearing behind.

Another successful event put together by your committee. Five runs to go!

On oN. FT

Run 2694 – Dick Tracy in Trigg – a second opinion

As we gathered on a warm but slightly windy evening on the cusp of Christmas it didn’t take the old perves in the group long to realize we were surrounded by young healthy women getting their exercise and as the pack set off there were more than a few with a spring in their step.

Anyhoo we headed North out of the Trigg carpark and it wasn’t long before false trail was called, I was at the back of the pack as usual therefore found myself at the front of the pack heading up a fucking great big hill, it wasn’t long before order was restored and I was back bringing up the rear and with no Rumpole or Barefoot to keep me company it was a hard slog up some of the hills, mind you nowhere near as hard as last week running or shuffling up that sandhill in leafy Mount Claremont.

Back to the run which was a big circle really as there isn’t much else you can do from the ONON with bush on one side and the ocean on the other,
But we were taken to places in Trigg I have never ran before so well done Dicky and Budgie for putting in a wee bit of effort. The run took just over an hour and we got in just as the sun was setting which was a nice touch.

The bucket was loaded with all types of beer except as usual the one I prefer which is Toohey’s old which is a beer most of us enjoy but never have the luxury of doing so while some of our more influential members delight in having their beer of choice every week, I’m not having a go at Ramrod because I know he is trying to please every one including Hash Cash and I know there is a system but I just don’t understand it.

On to the circle where the usual suspects were called up won’t name them but they know who they are and what they did.

Ramrod forgot his Joke so decided to tell an old one, what a novel idea I can see that one taking off.

We had the Joker raffle which is something else I don’t understand but will leave for another day.

The Nanny did his usual take on things with a very funny take on Emu’s retirement, very funny.

The food was served with chicken burgers first up then snags and burgers for seconds.

Another great night of hashing with a good run great food and a bit of a laugh thrown in.


Run 2694 – Dick Tracy in Trigg

Run 2694
Location: South Trigg Carpark
Hare: Richard Tracey​​​ Co Hare: Budgie Smuggler

Dickie certainly knows how to order the weather for a run. Not too hot, not too cold, not too much wind………. generally pretty good conditions for a run attended by about 45 hashmen.

The starting running pack of 20 soon dwindled with the early “falling by the wayside” of Elbows. I was surprised he made it as far as he did. His fitness must be improving. Despite the absence of FT and Biggles at the front of the pack, the replacements set a cracking pace for the first half of the run, however, it slowed up enough for us back runners to catch at around about St Marys Ang. Girls School, where Orgasm and APITW were seen to be going hither and thither searching for trail.

There was sooooo much good territory that the hares failed to use, it was a bit disappointing, I kind of suspected that Kilkenny was a co-hare because the bush tracks remained unused. Nevertheless, the run eventually came good in the last quarter and most of the pack was together as we crossed back under West Coast Hwy, heading for the bucket.

Food was plentiful and very tasty, so much so, that the gourmet retirees were seen to be out of the carpark before 8PM because their bellies were so full they had to go home to sleep it off.

On a personal note, I was deeeeply upset that the “drinkstop” was in fact a plastic bottle of water to be collected at the start, and carried around on the run. I was seriously looking forward to a proper drink during the run. Even poor Meeka had to resort to sprinklers pumping away while we were running.

Another great night at hash and deservedly earning the score of 9.09.

On On

Run 2693 – Birdman in Claremont

Our club ventured into Western Suburbs territory for a reality check surrounded by swimming pools, golf courses and footy ovals. The location was close to the Claremont Quarter, the shopping precinct of the likes of Rose Hancock, Twiggy Forrest and PHANTOM.

BIRDMAN in his pre-run address brought this fact to our attention and advised us not to be rude or disrespectful to the local female walkers. They are not used to outsiders walking or running in their area.

GRIZZLEY, CHUNDA, MUMBLES and a few others looked bewildered as they had no idea of the ambience BIRDMAN was trying to describe. BIRDMAN’S final instruction was “Short Circle and no chips.”

At the start there were 31 walkers and about 15 runners. The majority of conversation with the walkers was about ongoing health issues and how much medication they are on.

The trail proceeded through picturesque lake trails, school grounds and the Cottesloe Golf Course. The part of the trail through the golf course caused some discontent with short cutters evident.

Back at the bucket BIRDMAN, ANOTHER PRICK, DOLLAR, DICK TRACY and ACE monitored security over the splash and drinks. MOLE returned early and admitted to getting lost and shortcutting.

The ON ON was convened early by RAMROD with down downs for:

• Hawaiian shirts must be worn for Friday’s lunch.
• RAMROD told a joke about dogs, hair and a visit to the chemist. I didn’t get the punch line as LASAGNA was talking.
• HAGGIS won the bottle of wine.
NANNY gave CONMAN a down down, but I can’t remember what it was for.
• GRIZZLY was given a down down because his dog, DOZER, had the shit scared out of him by a local driver intent on running him down.
• NANNY then gave himself a down down for getting dogs mixed up.
• EMU was called up to critique the run. EMU commented on NANNY’S usual generous scoring method.
• EMU made mention of going over the steepest hill in WA and how well the run was set.
There were 2 false trails and 3 checks for the entire run, the hare ran out of paper and chalk.
EMU by averaging the scores of the run, location, parking, lighting and weather, a total of 6.5 was reached.
NANNY gave his usual score of 9.9.

Food was pizza with prawns and crayfish topping. There was plenty of pizza for seconds.

A top night all round.
A couple of dogs enjoyed the leftovers.
Look forward to a top run night next week!


Run 2692 – Gnocchi in Landsdale

Run 2692, 6th December 2021, Gnocchi and Lasagna at lansdale.

Well, Gnocchi managed a feat rarely achieved these days, and set a run from a virgin location. I’m sure some silly old fart will dispute that but nobody I spoke to had ever run from Warradale Park before. A good location, although it’s a long way from anywhere. Ask Mumbles, he arrived twenty minutes late! Budgie made it just in time. The German satnav in his new Mercedes has great problems understanding Budgie’s accent.

About fifteen runners and twenty walkers set off just after 6pm. Lansdale is a pleasant suburb, mildly undulating with some winding streets. Could be very much nicer with a few trees. Despite Phantom’s best efforts at getting us lost, the walkers returned at 7pm, having done a bit over 4Km. The runners were in five minutes later, having done a 7.5Km clockwise loop with plenty of checks and false trails. “Too hot and too long”, commented Mastitis.

It was indeed hot, with a strong easterly all evening. Cold beers were very much in demand and Dollar’s carton of Guinness and Soft Tops VB were much appreciated. Downdowns were awarded to Seagull, Moses, Q (newly graduated, congratulations Q) and Birdman, amongst others. Ramrod told a good Blonde joke.

Nanny awarded the run a well deserved 9.1.

Following cheese and biscuits individually packed in tupperware boxes, the pack enjoyed chicken and chips.

Well done Gnocchi and Lasagna.



Run 2691 – Prairie Dog in Applecross – the real write-up

Run 2691 Prairie Dog Virgin run Heathcote Reserve

What can I say that hasn’t already been said? Great Virgin Location, Great Virgin run, Great Virgin Food. What else would you rather be doing on a Monday night?
8.3kms in 57 minutes. ( well that was for this front runner )
The run scored a humble 9.10 and the bucket scored a -5 for once again, for running out of mid strength beer.