Effing good run according to Mumbles. I wasn’t there but one of the spies told me this, believe it or not. He said he overheard it.
Pack started in chaos but soon after the loop me old mate, with the funny gait, Mumbles found himself alone. ” Fuck” he said “where did the pack go, they fucked off faster than the All Blacks after they got dumped by the mighty Green and Gold. Even after the choir lesson the Wallabies murdered us. We might not win another match for years. Cost me too, ¼ carton, to Croker”.
“Hey Mumbles what are you talking to yourself about” Bushies voice echoed form down the street.
“Shutup Bushie, I need some quite time, I’m in mourning” was the gravelly reply.
“Say again, I didn’t understand a fuckin word of that”.
“What the fuck is your problem, you don’t listen properly, syringe your ears out”
“Shit man you’re off the planet, must be all the CO2 you have consumed. I heard syringe, was that for the CO2, wasn’t there enough in the air you breathe, pump it in your arm did you, no wonder half of hash don’t understand you, even Grandad can’t figure out what you say anymore”
“Don’t be a dumb .... Bushy, he isn’t here, he’s down the back with Ayatollah arguing about AGW”
“Calm down, calm down, it was only a rugby match. It showed how fragile you’re mob are, the Boks will annihilate you guys next month and the all the colour red sides will belt you’re mob shitless” said Mumbles other mate, Jaapie “Take more singing lessons, it your only hope”
“C’mon Bushie let’s find a pub, I brought fifty, there’s Scotty, let the two of them yap on, hey and there’s Croker, after his winnings from Mumbles no doubt” Jaaps said.
“This pissing off for a lager is becoming to frequent, you two, going to catch the bus or didn’t you bring your pension cards with you” Mumbles bleated.
“Shut the fuck up Mumbles, doesn’t matter how we get there as long as we get back before the food. Ramrod and Nanny’s circle sucks” from Bushy “you go and make sure the food is not started before we get back, Xmas said he has the best sausages in the world since Jaapie did boerewors”.
“Don’t tell me to shut the fuck up, you shut the fuck up”.
With Scotty, Mumbles and Croker, one a reincarnated cinder and two rejects from above, on trail, along comes Sir Tom, Colonel, Ace and some other walkers “How did your rugby side go Mumbles”, “they are worse than the Dockers”, “I wouldn’t spend a cent going overseas to see them”, “lucky they didn’t get carved up by more” were some of the comments thrown at poor Mumbles.
“grrmmmff” was the reply from the Kiwi.
Scotty interpreted, “Mumbles said to shut the fuck up, it’s a first and it won’t ever happen again”.
“I’ll put a carton on that” says Croker “I’m in for some more of Mumbles beer”.
“Beer, did I hear that word, I’ll have a pint” says Birdman.
“No the phuck you won’t, you’re the driver” says the leader of the pack.
“Phuck, Phantom do you have to organize my drinking too”.
“I organize everything”.
“No you don’t” said a big voice from on high “I did the All Black drubbing” says God.
“Dockers, All Blacks they’re both losers, should never have given away my Eagles membership” grizzled Colonel just as the two biggest SCB’s went past singing “We are the ......” but the rest of the refrain was lost as they sped off in a direction that would get them back to the bucket well before the pack.
Now you might say what has all this got to do with hash, nothing actually, but isn’t it more entertaining than the on on, it’s certainly funnier than the jokes from either of them.
“Jokes, jokes yeah, bring back Antman” was the chorus.
On que out from behind the van pops Antman, and sharp as a tack says “Here I am, want a joke eh!
“Well last week after hash Dick Tracy was completely inebriated and was stumbling down the carpark trying to find his car with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter. One foot up, one foot down bouncing along when Clusoe pulled up and said, "Hey Dick I've have to take you in, pal. You're obviously drunk."
Our wasted hash mate asked, "Officer, are ya absolutely sure I'm drunk, absolutely sure?"
"Yeah, buddy, I'm sure, seen it before, especially here" said Clusoe. "You’re walking funny, definitely drunk, so let's go."
Breathing a sigh of relief, Dick said, "Thank goodness Clusoe, for a minute, I thought I was a cripple."
8 ¾
QED
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