PH3 Blog

Run 2091 Action Jackson

February 24th, 2010

The Musos Run- Jackson and Shakin rock North Beach

The new committee, God’s Garbage , started with their own Hash Horn trying to set a great example for their new tenure. It started well with one of the hash signs blown over and then GM God arrived driving the Bucket like an excited schoolboy arriving for his first root.
The run immediately crossed Marmion ave and while the runners braved heavy traffic I am certain several Walkers never made it across. After about 800 mtrs of road the pack disappeared into the tracks of Trigg Bushland Reserve. As I had a map I am certain that the short cutters has discovered the trail but had cut off about 1km of bush. The run progressed using plenty of bush track ,followed over and around the edge of Chas. Riley oval ,past the school and into a bit of Star Swamp, before cutting back thru the less salubrious (big word for hash) state housing area ,pausing to take homage at a sacred site honouring both Dockers and Eagles. I bet there are some shit fights in that household!Close to home Lone Ranger got his just desserts- he should know that new members are not allowed to run fast and be at the front of the pack!- He got caught in fence netting and went arse over kettle much to the delight of Clousseau.
Back the bucket we were greeted with cheese ,biccies,Roll mops-lasted all of 15 seconds- and olives PER FAVOUR of last years committee”that gets things done” Great Blokes!
Your new On Sec STEWIE took chair and immediately discovered the difficulty of keeping control.He was however well organised and recognised all those he should ,especially last years fantastic GM NEON . We said hello to the twins GARTH(Xmas’s cousin) and WAGON(off for rub and tug in Angeles City)How would you like to have to feed those two.
Then a slightly nervous ANTMAN took over and told the longest joke I have ever heard, I think it was about farting and MUMBLES - that fits .He then asked a rhetorical question “ Are there any clowns here” I think 33 members raised their hand!!Oh yes he also suggested that SCUMBAG was at home assisting his wife who had Constipation –TOO MUCH INFO for me .In his excitement he forgot to award the bell and to do lost property from the AGPU.
The run was well set with lots of “P “ arrows - please note COLONEL and plenty of flour.Great use of bush running in close in Metro area with plenty of falsies to keep the pack together although the were a bit strung out at the end.PEMBO and RUMPOLE arrived back 15 minutes after the pack but who gives a rats.
Food was good and no one went hungry Great start, Gods Rubbishin your RAC T Shirts and as the actress said to the bishop “KEEP IT UP “
Wouldn’t be dead for quids ON ON Phantom

Posted in The Runs | No Comments »

RUN 2085 - ACE IN BEACONSFIELD

January 20th, 2010

A good size group gathered at the Bruce Lee Reserve for Ace’s Run in quite mild conditions. The group split into roughly halves, the walkers and the pack. Both headed off into the setting sun, criss-crossing each other a number of times before the pack headed around the “super pit” at the back of the high school.

Grouping to here had been quite good but the youngsters soon disappeared into the distance near the Hilton Reserve. Unfortunately for myself, Bushie, Barefoot and sundry others, a left turn was missed and we wound up on South St, adding an unnecessary half km or more to the run.

All in all a good run.

The circle saw numerous down-downs for New Year returnees and in particular Gillie and Magoo. Birthdays saw another imminent sexagenarian in the form of Stewie who is celebrating on Saturday. A poor parenting nomination was awarded to Lasagna for failing in the bringing up of Gnocchi. The circle was brought to an early close by the arrival of Pizzas.

Well done, Ace

On On
Pitt

Posted in The Runs | Comments Off

RUN 2084 - LOIS’ VIRGIN RUN

January 8th, 2010

4 January 2010, Allen Park, Swanbourne

A large pack gathered under sunny skies at Allen Park for Lois’ Virgin Run. Phantom, who was the co-hare, had apparently been able to guide Lois through the intricacies of setting a run in this much traversed territory.

Prior to the commencement of the run, the usual group of Grumpy old men bemoaned the financial events of the day. Dick Tracey canvassed the assembled athletes to see if any of them could provide a good home for his dog. He had even prepared a flyer with a photograph of the said canine. Scumbag showed some interest, however, there was speculation among the wiser heads that the dog would ultimately end up as a Scummy pot roast.

The run was well set with plenty of chalk and even the runners and the vast army of walkers crossed trails at various times. It was on one of these occasions as we all negotiated a relatively steep incline that Botak decided that he needed to have a ‘little lie down’. Wagon (who was on his annual sabbatical to Perth from that hedonist haven of Angeles City) together with Sir Thomas placed him under their care and arranged for him to be returned to the bucket in a horseless carriage. The run continued on and meandered through the parks, ovals and past luxury homes. One keen observer noted as we traversed a new housing estate (where there has once been a High School) that the planners had thoughtfully provided for state housing and luxury homes to coexist.

It was altogether a very enjoyable and not too taxing run.

Back at the bucket, it was terrific to see Dave ‘Captain’ Mellor even though he was still undergoing ‘chemo’. He said everything is going well and was so pleased with his progress that he even paid his subs for the year.

FT called out a number of visitors for a down-down, namely: Lone Ranger, Bruce (not to be confused with the Hash Mascot), Wilson (Pele’s mate), Cods (who is on about his fifth circumnavigation of the continent) and David (Polecat’s son in Law). He then called on Ernie, Captain, Wagon, Polecat and Barbie as returnees for a down-down. It was clear that from their efforts in the down-downs that Cods and Wagon’s legendary capacities had not been diminished by their absence from the bucket.

Lois set a very refined tone in the culinary stakes by providing dips and salsa as starters with cold meat and salad on a bun for mains.

All in all a great first effort by Lois and, although your scribe was not there to witness the event, I am reliably informed that the bucket was dry by stumps. This is an event which has not occurred for some time. Well done.

On ON Ace

Posted in The Runs | Comments Off

RUN 2082 - REVENGE OF THE IMAM

December 27th, 2009

The venue for the run on 21 December was City Beach. The occasion, Ayatollah’s 60^th birthday, celebrated with the attendance of lots of the Imam’s relatives and good turnout of hash members.

Weather was cooler with a slight sea breeze after a run of hot days. The run itself with as nice mix of a little buussh, some parklands and suburban streets set out within a large loop around the top of hilly areas of City Beach. The checks false trails etc kept the running pack reasonably close, so I am informed. The drinks break on the lawn in front of the Imams home was great for those who managed to find it.

A record number of down-downs was the order of the circle with the weary On-Sec determined to make his mark prior to his imminent retirement in February . As usual Scumbag’s rubber lips were rewarded with a down-down and the Colonel received his rewards for indiscretions. The RA then had his go, awarding a down-down to On-sec for his indiscretion on a past run, apparently mistaking Bullsbrook and Bull Creek the previous week. Don’t know why the RA was not awarded a down-down for admitting to not finding the drinks break.

The MOLE should have got a down-down for short cutting half the run and taking Colonel, Crayfish and the RA with him—his excuse was that he come across OBAN Rd and remembered it was at the run start so he just pissed off home–SHAME !!

Food was great, lots of cheese ,onions and salami to start followed by a selection of ham and/or turkey with salad on a bun and a nice selection of condiments to spread on the meats to suit all tastes.

On On

Lois

Posted in The Runs | Comments Off

RUN 2081 - RUSTY and HIPPO in CAVERSHAM

December 16th, 2009

Carve being the operative word.

The meeting of Bully Boys ,Wet Coast and the Gentlemen of Perth produced a bumper crowd with disorganised parking. It was good to mingle with a few young blokes and as Dick Tracy tells us good to see the Bully Boys because they make us look thin.

The Run was different in that we covered ground not usually accessed by PH3. There were fire breaks ,Caravan Parks ,barbed wire, Vegie patches with the odd angry farmer, some long grass (No tigers Kilkenny); a little bid of SHIGGY before we got back to the bitumen and a drink-stop. The black and Tan was cold and delicious! AND the run was set in a manner that the WA(N)LKERS could keep up.

Back at the bucket we were welcomed by Kristen and her two delightful assistants The circle seemed to be over in a flash ,with at least 3 put on ice …… Shiiiit

It was then extended for Xmas’s joke about Kevvy Rudd , and charges followed so that Rusty had more time to get his elaborate food offering to cook. Rusty always makes a big effort with his food but for some unknown reason has not learnt the golden rule (not Bandit’s Rotto rule of “go ugly early”) but start cooking early and when food did come some of the vegies were still crunchie (raw) and some meat underdone..the thought was there.

Now as you know some PH3 members have to be tucked up in bed by 9:30 so quite a few missed out on Xmas pud and custard. A good night but Rusty please, remember KISS (Keep It Simple Stupid) cook earlier or get more elves to help you. Anyway it’s Bullys’ turn next year.

ONON Ghost written by a Phantom for AYATOLLAH

Posted in The Runs | Comments Off

RUN 2077 - CRAYFISH IN MAYLANDS

November 20th, 2009

Looking at the street directory before the run one wondered how it would be possible to set a decent run from this location, at the tip of the promontory. Well, Crayfish was to achieve the near impossible. Apart from a major stuff-up at the start, which had the pack running up and down a few hundred meters of river bank four times, it was a good one. Shortly after we got going there was a major back check around a lake which had the front running boys turned around. Then into the golf course where Flesh, never one to miss an opportunity, picked up a couple of old balls to go with the two he permanently carries. Some meandering around the suburban back streets and playing fields followed, and then we were back at the river.

We passed by Tranby house, listed on the State Heritage Register; it’s rumoured that Perth Hash, on account of its ancient and venerable membership, will soon also be listed.

First in of the runners was Sperm, in 49 minutes, closely followed by Birdman (if you believe that you’ll believe anything); the entire pack was back before 7pm to enjoy the cheese and biscuits.

To quote from Crayfish’s report on the previous week’s run “…The circle started reasonably quickly….. Normally we wait around for a good half hour while the committee have a meeting and work out who they are going to persecute..…FT accuses us of shortcutting and even hauls some of us up at the circle for our so-called sins – vindictive bastard.” Well FT got the message and proceeded to call Crayfish up for at least three down-downs for spreading rumours, etc., etc..

Returnees included Botak, Deke, Growie, and Kilkenny. The only birthday boy present was Tonight, so he got to wear the cake hat. Rusty Nuts and Flesh got down-downs for talking in the circle, Rusty another for his red-haired dog.

This run followed the Rottnest weekend and the RA and Dick Tracy gave the report. Triple J, Pele, Gumby, Ayatollah and Dollar Bill were penalised for their insobriety. Mole was up for lost property and FT for his appalling dress sense; who said the French have style? The golf winners were Dr Crappa and Skater. The bell was awarded to Kyle, I’m not sure on what pretence. When it came to get the hares up Bushie had disappeared; apparently he had some urgent business with two Taiwanese girls.

On the menu were excellent ham, cheese and salad rolls. No pots were dirtied in the preparation and no plates used in the eating. Crayfish, my eternal thanks. Galloping Gillie, who we haven’t seen all year, emerged from the darkness at about eight pm for a quick beer. A cold wind blew across the river and most people left reasonably early.

Another great evening, thanks to the hares. The RA didn’t rate this run but I’m giving it nine out of ten!

ON ON

Birdman

Posted in The Runs | Comments Off

RUN 2076 - BONK TO WILLETON

November 16th, 2009

Hare Waterworks Cohare Sherlock

Not much to report on at the start until Triple Tits arrives sporting a new hairstyle. Is he attention seeking or was he on drugs when he went to the hairdresser. Then the little root rat in the form of Brucie arrives and immediately spots Elbow’s dog. It was mission impossible from the start but our hash hound still had a darn good try. And Rumpole arrives after his latest hip replacement, one hip and one crutch. And Mole hands out the 2010 fees statements, each committee seems to do this earlier and earlier – give a thought to us poor pensioners who didn’t get any of Rudd’s largesse.

Joined by 6 bonkers, the ever depleting pack takes off, followed by the walkers who seem to be growing in number. Scummie for once has arrived on time and bores us all on how wonderful life is without daylight saving. For those who have to get up early – like Emu - feel free to ring Scumbag and wake him up, preferably around 5am when it would have been 6am had daylight saving been introduced.

The shortage of checks and false trails at the beginning sees the front runners (who think it is a sprint) leave us old campaigners for dead and we can’t see or hear the pack for a good 10 minutes. We pass the Freo dockers training on the All Saints College oval, with volley balls. Perhaps they might have more luck in this sport than in the AFL competition– Mumbles should suggest this to them. And then for some strange reason the pack catches up to us. We are greeted by a pleasant tirade of words from FT who accuses us of shortcutting and even hauls some of us up at the circle for our so-called sins – vindictive bastard. Whatever happened to the Hash Halt? The number of checks and false trails improves and the remainder of the run goes without incident.

The circle starts reasonably quickly, perhaps the committee was playing up to the bonkers. Normally we wait around for a good half hour while they have a quick committee meeting and work out who they are going to persecute. Elbows get the dope of the week – it should have been FT to commemorate the French rugby thrashing but as Elbows was there a few weeks ago, he is the stand in Frog. (Where is Kilkenny?). And the bell tolls for Mole who delivered the punchline on Triple J’s joke before Triple had got into stride.

The food was delicious and full marks to Waterworks who didn’t dirty all the plates. For my last run, I followed Birdman who used every mug, every plate, every piece of cutlery and both pots – crusted with shit on the bottom. His run follows mine this time and I am going to repay him the compliment. All the food went as did the piss. A good run and full marks to the hare and cohare for assisting in the bonk run. I hope some of the 6 guests consider joining hash.

PS – don’t forget the cocktail party in February to celebrate 40 years of Perth and WA hashing… ON ON

Crayfish

Posted in The Runs | No Comments »

RUN 2074 - ERNIE DINGO IN MALAGA

October 30th, 2009

Long and hard…. And that was just the drive to get there!

There was great anticipation amongst the pack on such a heavy, humid evening. I guess it was the price to pay for being so far north. Closer to the tropics and all.

The last time I was out there Crocker was delivered in a coffin.

The pack departed in line a stern and we seemed to stay pretty strung out over most of the run. The soft sand and narrow tracks made single file mandatory till we reached the summit of the hill. The water treatment plant takes sewage from south of the river and converts it to drinking water for the northern suburbs. Most were grateful for thr damp weather as the sand would have been a real bugger to plough through if it was dry. Some of the dopey hashers ran futher down a hill , past an arrow and associated crushed limestone path that ran along the length of the poo for water project fence. Luckily Nanny was there to take charge and guide the front runners, consisting of Next week and Barbie along the straight and narrow and level path. Some Carnaby’s cockatoos were seen in a couple of tall banksias.

We did leave the tranquility of the bush to venture, briefly into the burbs. Across a cricket oval Knickers was questioned by one of the locals who was using a strange blue confection, probable crystal meths. Mastitis would know,. He makes it. Bloody all in the family isn’t it. P.H. Ranger has the recipes, Mastitis makes it , Skater is probable IC of distribution. Shit Ernie might even store it!

The humidity and frantic pace of the run caused a lot of fluid loss from the less fit runners. Some poor fat bastard called Tubby was coping a lot of stick from Sperm. Interestingly this evidently obese porkers was always in front of Sperm ………

Most were thankful of the long down hill streches but less exited about the hills that punctuated them. I almost hyperventilated when we go to the fence. Pole Cat counseled me and I got over it but it was touch and go.

The wait staff was pleasant and surprisingly the jokes were funny this week. Bushy came in late with busted rids caused by his new cars eye hemorrhaging performance. We all whished Captain a speedy recovery and someone made a tasteless comment about smoking!

The food was very good BUT I was hurt and dismayed that it was even flaunted that the food was prepared by the Hare’s wife ! It is not that long ago that a hare admitting to having his wife even help with the food was chastised severly for the indiscresion and not having the balls to look after themselves !

Having said that Ernie did do the right thing as his wife’s curry and dhal was magic. Even the chilli nancys hoed into it. Only problem was that Horse wasn’t there to polish off the rest and Xmas’s dog is too small. Mind you we could have force fed the dog like a foie gras duck.

On On Collins

Posted in The Runs | Comments Off

RUN 2069 - HORSES for COURSES / THE HILLBILLIES RUN

October 4th, 2009

On a cold threatening night only the hardiest of Hashmen made it to the top of Greemount hill . We were delighted to see the new “BUCKET” in action for the first time.

Horse had made sure we had shelter and later a welcome fire because it was cold as a mother in-law’s kiss up with the hillbillies.

With some light left it was straight into the bush on gravel tracks immediately splitting the pack which was always looking for a shorter route (try screwing a midget) .The pack seemed split in two plus the walkers who gave FT the absolute shits by constantly popping up in front.

The run then graduated to road trails as darkness set in with a final burst on a gravel track to get home. Horse did warn to bring torches !!

The food was once gain massive Draft Horse Ribs which were sampled early by CRAPPA and MK 1

New copper Mark was named “CLOUSSEAU” but acting RA DICK TRACY nearly screwed up with his utterance of CRUSOE

A great effort as usual with plenty of Falsies and Checks

ON ON Phantom

Posted in The Runs | Comments Off

RUN 2070 - SHAKIN OVA LEEDERVILLE

October 1st, 2009

Hare: Shakin Co-Hare: Phantom
Leederville Tennis Club
Great location for a run. How the f### did these two old farts (I mean walkers) manage to find a site with protection from the rain, plenty of parking and some privacy. May have been improved with a couple of tarts with inch long nipples in the cold.

Around 20 runners and the same number of pensioners set off at the appropriate time. If this continues we will have more walkers than runners. Across the park and off to the Leederville TAFE with the promise of lots of young nubiles according to Shakin. Not one to be found – must have been holidays. Across to the Leederville football ground, ex home of the mighty garlic munchers – Lasagna felt right at home.

Made a great show of pace with a group of young pricks doing sprint runs. If only we had been 40 years younger we would have showed them a thing or two. Through the Oxford street centre with the new 30 Ks limit so the pack had to slow down.

Out the back and over the pedestrian bridge with FT leading the charge (f###ing show off). Good use of territory (for a walker) through the lower end of West Leederville with sufficient false trails and checks. Best of all is FT leading the charge up the right hand side of the street with the marks on the left. Collins and yours truly came across the false trail and allowed FT to continue up the hill while the rest of the pack quietly retraced the trail.

Through a great new section of West Leederville overlooking the lake and all thoughts to a drink stop at Shakins. No such luck – Melva to be seen through the window doing the dishes.

And on to home.

Circle good with the stand in RA Colonel giving every one a down down who had flung shit on him over the years.

Food stew with rice – and a bit of a bite. Pots shithouse for the next Hare.

Thanks for a good night.

On! On!

Sperm

Bonus Joke from Sperm
Mr Wongs First Night
When Mr Wong got married he found his bride was still a virgin. Truth be told, Mr Wong was not too experienced either.
On the wedding night, she cowers naked under the sheets as Mr Wong undresses. He climbs in next to her and tries to be reassuring. “My darring” He says, “I know dis yo firss time and you berry frighten but I pomise you, I give you anytin you wan, I do anytin juss anyting you wan.
Wot chou wan?” He says, trying to sound experienced, which he hopes will impress his virgin bride. A thoughtful silence follows as he waits patiently (and eagerly) for her request. She eventually replies shyly and unsure, “I wan a try sometin I have heard about, numbaa 69″
More thoughtful silence, this time from him.
Eventually, in a puzzled tone he queries… “You want Beef with Blackbean sauce?”

Posted in The Runs | Comments Off

PH3 Blog

Run 2091 Action Jackson

RUN 2085 - ACE IN BEACONSFIELD

RUN 2084 - LOIS’ VIRGIN RUN

RUN 2082 - REVENGE OF THE IMAM

RUN 2081 - RUSTY and HIPPO in CAVERSHAM

RUN 2077 - CRAYFISH IN MAYLANDS

RUN 2076 - BONK TO WILLETON

RUN 2074 - ERNIE DINGO IN MALAGA

RUN 2069 - HORSES for COURSES / THE HILLBILLIES RUN

RUN 2070 - SHAKIN OVA LEEDERVILLE

Pages

Archives

Categories

Meta