Write Ups and Blogs

Run 2546 – RIMMER @ Warwick Bowling Club Carpark

RunRightUP                  2546 Rimmer RUN 12-11-2018

Arriving early as was their usual practice Holmes and Ace proceeded down Warwick Road at a gentle pace, “I say Holmes said Ace” “that dastardly bastard Professor Moriarty has stolen the Feet Signs from the Lloyd Drive turn off and the Hash Chaps won’t know the way to the Hash Meet – Warwick Bowling Club Car Park.” 

“Blimey” said Holmes “can’t have that! let’s alert The Hares” and they did. Rimmer swung into action and Feet Signs were posted. Moriarty was very so pissed off – he closed down the Warwick Bowling Club Car Park and made all the early Hash Chap comer’s move their cars over to the Hockey Stadium Car Park.

All was well then, until the Mole started running around in circles (Moriarty had nailed one of Mole’s feet to the pavement) the Mole was yelling it’s a Fuck UP, it’s a Fuck Up until Dick Tracy pulled out his service revolver and put the Mole out of his agony.

Things seem to settle down as the Hash Chaps ranks swelled and we spied Elbows fresh from his beach shag oops soory typo…shack. Holmes saw some sheets of paper fall out of Elbows pocket and was about to return them, but an award certificate heading caught his eye. 

It read “To Elbows Year 11 Literary Award” Best Shortest Novel Ever– Titled – ‘Her Mum & Dad Went Out’

Holmes speed reading ability help him share what you are about to read, and we all know that Elbows is very proud of his work

‘The night was dark and stormy, the toilet light was on, a shot rang out, her guts spilled out, I got out. Wouldn’t you?

No doubt Elbows got Dick Tracy to clean up that mess for him?

‘Police Footnote

The young lady survived she had mealy given birth. A person of interest matching Elbows description had been seen frequenting the young ladies house during the past 9 months. As DNA testing had not been invented in those days no charges were laid’.    

A large pack assembled in ideal conditions. Mumbles tried to bribe Horse with a bottle of wine. The Hare Rimmer was ably helped by his brother in law Bob. The run linked up four parks, occupied by dogs exercising people and sports kids exercising people without dogs. The run was an anti-clockwise circus of streets which thru some Cosmos Hashers. 

POMY Hashers felt right at home in ‘WARWICK’ meaning ‘SheKnows’ so runners didn’t want to linger longer.   

The run lacked sufficient FT's. ALL New Runs shall have 4km of FT’s and 4km of Checks

Returnees were Kilkenny in a new scratched Jaguar car, Conman, Nanny & Pooch. 

Down, Down Rhino left his TOPGUN car unlocked and the only thing stolen was his Hash cap, it needed a wash – thieves promised to return it after wash and dry clean. Moses put on his birthday beers…he’s just so HAPPY. Barefoot won the raffle ticket but not the Joker.

The Cricle finished early – Food queued formed and Rimmers Dragon’s breaths curry was a special lap-up treat and it burns, burns, burns the burning RING of fire but so bowel cleansing the morning after.

Soon after with Warwick meaning ‘SheKnows’ whispering in from the darkness of the suburb around us the Runners left early silently disappearing into their cars heading home…SheKnows, SheKnows, Elbows revved his engine and shouted “I DON’T CARE as he disappeared into the darkness.

The clean-up guru crew guys begun the Bucket pack up and Ace loaded the dirty curry pots pans and dishes into the back of the Commodore Station Wagon.

As Holmes and Ace proceeded at a gentle pace heading South down the Freeway a heavy fog of Dragons Breath Curry permeated every corner of the Commodore Station Wagon and they could hear Professor Moriarty cruel mocking laugh as they crossed the Narrows that separates North from South. Was it the Curry or a cruel Moriarty FART?!

Ace & Sherlock



Run 2545 – Rhino and Ace @ Tomato Lake, Kewdale

Good starting point beside Tomato Lake, but lucky it didn't rain as there was no shelter but there were public toilets with flashing lights and as usual The Hashers chose to ignore them and do there business behind trees. There were lots of gripes about the run (what's new) not enough chalk, to few false trails etc.etc. 

The circle was as usual to long considering it was a freezing cold night, and the hero of the night must be Horse. How that man can stand on the crate with shorts and tee shirt and talk without his teeth chattering I don't know.

I'm not a great fan of hamburgers and sausages, but this time they were of a better quality and someone had the sense not to put freezing cold salad on top of a hot burger on a cold night.

Run 2544 – Lasagna @ Sheldrake Reserve, Balcatta

The date was Monday 29th October

The number was 2544

Location – I think was Sheldrake Reserve Balcatta

I walked not run can’t remember the last time I ran

I saw some chalk but can’t remember if I saw any flour

I presume there was some False Trails and Checks

We did not loose anyone

The food was good – the buns were edible

Everybody seemed satisfied


Run 2543 – Awesome Foursome Run @ Richard Guelfi Reserve, Balcatta

Run 2543 – Awesome Foursome Run @ Richard Guelfi Reserve, Balcatta 

The pack set off in a big loop around the park, On and Over wanneroo rd, into a shopping centre. That’s where the pack split up. Then they disappeared into the distance.

We tried to keep up, No chance, Boys don’t forget its not a race!

If we all come together, it makes the hares feel that their efforts are worth it! Back to the run, On to a drink stop, Port and Lemonade. Short run home, only to find the bucket LOCKED SOLID.

Nanny did the right thing by closing the doors, not knowing it would lock all of them with the keys to the bucket locked inside aswell.

Xmas to the rescue, He drove to Glendalough liquor store to get the spare key.

West coast were kind enough to offer drinks to us, Thanks Boys!

The circle went on and on and on and on as usual, Food was chicken and coleslaw and plenty of it!

Good run, thanks to all.

Reminder, the runs are not a race, keep the group together! The front runners can run around in circles so the back runners can catch up.

On On Lasagna & Gnocchi.

Del's Automotives pty ltd


Run 2541​​​ Ringburner and Polecat @ Bicton Baths

Run 2541​​​Ringburner @ Bicton Baths

The parking area was chockers when I arrived and I thought this is going to be interesting – fortunately the water polo classes soon finished and the area was cleared. Just as well as hashmen are not known for their patience and ability to adapt to abnormal disruptions. The usual early arrivals grouped to discuss items of importance, the trade period, advertising on the Opera House , Kavanagh and his problem of being guilty until proven innocent and so on.

And then Skid arrived and to our shock and horror, he arrived with a birthday carton and did not go through the birthday carton protocol. How does this happen? He was berated in no uncertain terms and was told that this indiscretion would be reported to Rumpole. As Rhino had also supplied a carton, Skid took it home and will try and sneak it through the system next week.

It was a fairly typical run from this area, a loop around the yacht club then back towards the bucket and then off along the foreshore towards Point Walter. The dog owners provided the discussion points and which were referred to later in the circle, Nanny’s dog having a dump which he chose to ignore and then being scared by a concrete parrot (it could have been the other way around) and Colonel’s and Moses’s dogs not being allowed in the confines of Point Walter – they must think that public servants work beyond 5pm to police these rules! Then through the suburbs and back to the bucket. The run was well marked and was a good choice of territory. And the runners came in before the walkers.

Horse was missing so Emu performed the On Sec and RA duties and to our delight, he promised a quick circle. After a welcome to site, he called up returnees and there were 7 of them – all genuine returnees and not ones who had missed only a week (this usually happens when the On Sec is running short of material) – Skid adapting to retirement, Birdman back from overseas hash duties, Colonel trekking in Bosnia, Rimmer and Triple J visiting their spiritual home Scotland and Sherlock on a working tour in the middle east. And Boner who was caught out exaggerating on the size of a fish he caught in the North West.

Sherlock gave a quick report on his trip, finding Aladdin’slamp, catching up with Genghis Khan and receiving a gift which he passed on to Emu. It goes to show that Emu’s love of people from this area does not go unnoticed. Phantom reported on the hash lunch with particular reference to the eating prowess of certain hashmen – in particularly Haggis who was able to put away 2 full plates – not bad for someone his size. Polly did the “Chase the Joker’ – FT drew the card but not the joker, Barcode still hasn’t flogged the Mercedes.

The RA gave a run critique and noted that the run was marked on Sunday then had to be had to be remarked due to rain. Of interest was that it didn’t rain as confirmed by our resident weather forecaster Grizzly. He complimented the hare on picking up pizzas on his Vespa and rewarded him with a well-deserved score of 8.5 for the 6.5km run.


I would like to offer my thanks to Ringburner for his food selection, I had no plates or saucepans to wash and only had to worry about the 2 watering cans – how good is that?


Again, an enjoyable night and thanks to Ringburner and Polecat for a top night.


On on Crayfish

Run 2540 Cans and Pitt at Broz Park, Helena Valley

Run 2540 Cans Mt Edelstone Night

Can we forget about the run and just move to the wine part of the night. Cans, as is a common element to his runs nowadays, included four or so great wines for members to quaff….but when you include a Mt Edelstone wine that makes it a very special night.

However, as always there is a dark side to the night to keep everything in balance – the Eags fans and their prissy,puerile celebration of their grand final loss on Saturday. Officially it was a win but I have it from reliable source that Adam Simpson felt guilty about accepting the trophy after such an atrocious umpiring decision that allowed Damn Sheed to kick that goal.

All I can say is “Well done Eags” to a side that everyone had finishing at about 14 at the start of the year…and yes, they did win the last three qtrs. in the GF and were unlucky not to win by more at an earlier point in the game.

You ask about the run. Well what can one say about a hashman who has been setting them for near on 50 years. It was a good mix of early bush and later residential that generally kept the pack together in an unfamiliar area that lent itself to many variations that would always make a good run.

Good to see Phranger back having a run with us and DTP (Dave the Pom) showed a face. Cocos Island had a rep in Wacuda – always good to have new faces show however temporary in nature.

The run had well placed FT’s and checks and early in the run even slow buggers like Rumpold and Antman found themselves in front.

As the run progressed it became apparent that no matter how well the run was set the swift pricks were always going to be up front towards the last third of the trail. 

It doesn’t often happen but the runners beat the walkers back to the bucket and I have it from a little gossip in their pack one suspects that Phantom, with Stewies help, became disoriented when returning on the homeward leg. Gossip….but wait a minute wasn’t Farty… er… I mean Mumbles on his own most of the walk??? Where do these rumours start! Anyway, anybody that has to turn the map instead of his brain upside down to work out general direction on a trail probably should hand overleadership duties to someone with a cell phone and google maps. 

Back at the bucket Cans and Pit had set up canapes of cheese and crackers as starters, followed by a touch of class with some very fine reds to taste if a beer wasn’t the order of the day. I’m about to suggest something we should have done long ago – Cans to set a run every month if such wines are going to be the on the menu at the end of his run.

Horse called the troops together and the appropriate parties came out for down downs to celebrate the win/loss of the sporting scene on the weekend. The Eags supporters did a fine rendition of the club song and so we tuck another year of football away until 2019.

Emu gave a good review of the run followed by the usual jihadist jokes (did I just see Eric the ‘alf bee, sorry, Sir Knob, frown??) and the world again on Monday night became as it should be.

Nobody nowadays wants to do spring runs so it was cancelled. Perhaps with individual member follow up and the date set towards the end of October (still Spring!) we may get some interest, better weather and more starters. 

The food capped off a great night although many thought the meat was the most tender fillet they had ever eaten before realising it was lambs fry – I’ll personally leave the Lambs Fry alone though….not pregnant and don’t need the addition iron in my die. 

Ahhh shit next week’s hare isn’t here, the pans and plates are absolutely dirty and this dopey bastard has to take them home for clean-up before next week. Now that’s what I call drawing the wrong card, Polly.


On On ARISTO(Formerly Polecat)​​​Exactly one page. Just like setting a run that lasts exactly one hour. The author is brilliantJ

Run 2538 Neon and Mastitis @ Kent St Weir

I’ve always ignored run write-ups on the basis that a) its old news b) only sad souls read them, but I guess as I’m hash cash, I should do the right thing.

The Bullsbrook mob joined us in a potentially rather soggy Riverside Park, but nature was kind over this dry week and only a few leaks seeped into my runners. Have no idea where we went, but nice little bridge over river, then into the bush, only to re-enter at said bridge 45 minutes later. The runners came in awash with sweat after 70 minutes lamenting the lack of false trails.

Horse had Bulllsbrook’s Tampax up for a down-down for an unruly dog then rambled on about the Mother Hash 80th year (apparently  Barefoot was a hit as he was born on same years the hash !), apologised to Polecat for his poor maths (40 years, not 30 in hash) and Emu told a great joke involving $200 in coins with Budgie as the main actor. The Bullsbrook boys finished with their boisterous song.

Neon and Mastitis excelled with a Curry (made by Neon’s 81` year old mother !!), with Ice-cream and two-fruits to finish and were awarded a well-deserved 8.    




Run 2536 Scumbag and Antman @ Yokine Reserve

On a particularly dry night (despite the weather expectations) a small group of runners set out from the bucket before losing the trail immediately. Fortunately, it was picked up again and the pack continued on the trail despite their brief lack of direction. The run was well set with plenty of false trails and checks to keep the pack together with the only gripe it needing a bit more chalk. Roughly 50 minutes and 7km later (Unless you’re a SCB) the pack arrived back at the bucket in time for chips and splash.

During the circle, down downs went to returnees Shakin, Pitt, Goliath, Mastitis and Conman as well as Polly for his 3-wheeled journey down south and Birdman for his hole-in-one. The bell went to Goliath for jumping the fence into the bowling club

For dinner, the Hares had cooked up a Hash classic of burgers with a welcome addition of bacon and onions that certainly went down well.

On On




Run 2535 Scottish Ensemble Ramrod / Haggis / Hon. Scott Scummy

We started with a customary loop and off  GAYLANDS . Some FTs were used but a few early would have slowed the Swifties although a couple of well place FT finally did that . THEN we crossed busy Guildford road and a head count was needed to ensure no one was a casualty .  Thru side streets and over Garrett Rd to a series of lanes near Bayswater subway and the back to the Railway .

The Walkers (some ) crossed under the Railway for a brief contact with the pack and then followed the West side of the line to Meltham station .A small group of Rebel Walkers stayed on the East of the line to short cut home under guidance of FAGS who lead them the LONG way

OH yes the Drain . When the pack reached the drain they avoided the obvious crossing to avoid wet feet and as a result entered the GREAT SANDY DESERT which seemed to go on forever –some option!!

Finally another disaster ridden crossing of Guildford Rd and the Walkers were home in 1 hour and Runners about 1:10

There was panic from MUMBLES  as the  RA called in sick and there appeared to be no chips  .SIR KNOB to the rescue with chips and RA duties which included (eat your heart out EMU )a Welcome to Country and a personal message from the local muslim IMAN )

HAGGIS got the bell for setting the run ,and then running the run to keep pack together  Looked a great run which good have been even better with a few more FTs to keep the pack less strung out .

MULIGATAWNY soup followed and finally because of the small pack BUDGIE and DICK insisted on take aways to reduce bottle counting

Great night

Wouldnt be dead for QUIDS







Run 2534 – French Tickler and Dollar

RUN 2534 20 August 2018


Timberlane Park Community Centre, Woodvale

Hares:  French Tickler & Dollar

Under a threatening sky a pack (about 35 – 40) gathered in a good location.  The hares optimistically decided to dispense with the shelter and set up in the open.  A certain golden retriever demonstrated a new meaning for the term “dog wash” involving a vehicle and proved he could out pee anyone in hash.

The runners set off into the gathering gloom whilst a recovered Phantom led the walkers across the park and into some bush.  Unfortunately he had some difficulty reading the map and spent some time to and froing.  He was concerned that the pack had lost the trail (which seemed to be well marked the bits we saw) and considered retreating to the bucket in case the runners drank all the beer & ate the chips.  However in the nick of time the runners arrived out of the dark from a walkway, said “where the fuck are we” and then continued on their merry way.  Phantom then retreated with the walkers and led them back to the bucket by a circuitous route arriving just before the front runners who had short cut some of the run.  The trail did appear to be well marked but had given the runners some problems.

Down Downs were held (amongst others – blame my senile dementia) SCB – returnee, Emu – birthday, Jack Russel – anniversary

Dockers supporters for Fremantle setting a record no one else would want  and the wrong dogs got blamed for the dog wash.

Food was plentiful – an excellent spicey sausage, beans and potato stew with brinjal pickle.

Showers eventually dispersed the pack and Emu awarded it a well deserved 9.

On On