Write Ups and Blogs

Run 2555 – Seagull with Co-Hare Q in Lesmurdie

Run 2555 Seagull in Lesmurdie

About 50 runners arrived at Falls Rd, Lesmurdie, on a perfect night for our weekly gathering of elite supreme athletes of the Perth Hash. 

Plenty of room for parking, well away from the locals, although I thought we were going to have some older lady join the start. Seagull addressed the hounds and off we went. Some running while others, more senior members preferred walking as we have been there done that running.

Good use of the territory with many false trails.  We came across the first drink stop, before the pack, and then headed west to the escarpment down the fire breaks and north to Seagulls home. Up the stairs where Mrs Seagull provided more nourishment for a wilting pack.  Scummy rocked in as we were leaving, he gets lost very easily poor old bugger.

As we were leaving Seagull mansion with views over South Africa, in came Xmas and Alex (our young guest from Burma) who had a nasty fall on the slippery gravel. Dick Tracey also needed help down some treacherous parts. 

(I believe Mrs Seagull provided bandages to a nasty cut just below the knee) At the bucket thirsty hashers attacked the drinks. After consultation with Xmas we decided Alex should go to Hospital for clean up, Tetanus injection and stiches. Which there were 3 stiches put in the cut?

So I, we missed the circle and the announcement of Haggis’s son’s funeral.  We left the Midland hospital about 11.30 home by midnight.

Good attendance at the Funeral by Perth Hash for brother Haggis.

ON ON 

SirTomarse

Run 2553 Horses NYE Party @ Bayswater

Horse’s NYE Party

Around 30 hardened Hashers braved another early rising to meet at Bayswater at a Virgin start point.Not many of those left . The trail was lost early thx to overnight sprinklers but recovered thanks to speedy Seagull .The pack then missed a big loop but Walkers and Runners came together after a long FT. We then followed lakes and lanes splitting at Bird Sanctuary and arriving back all together after 40 minutes Then followed a short circle (enthusiastically approved by Birdman) where down downs went to Phantom for false call, Shakin 30 years and Colonel whose dog got overexcited at a pair of river kayaks Then came Breakfast-a choice of 5 cereals,fruit , yoghurt and toast. Off we went to beat our wives and have a Happy N Y.

Well done HORSE

On On

Mr Walker

Run 2552 Committee Christmas Eve @ Beaton Park in DALKEITH

Hares; Phantom & Sir Knob

Being a new venue for the Hash Xmas Eve morning run, the committee ensured things would run smoothly by setting up early, having plenty of supplies and a passing parade of the female keep fit brigade. Some had dogs, most were serious about their training and all looked fitter than our assembled members.

Phantom explained there was plenty of chalk, FT’s & checks, so there is no need to short cut. Nanny was the first to get lost and trotted home to Phantoms bewilderment. The runners had a nice 45 minute tourist look at Dalkeith and the Swan River under ideal conditions. The splash was made, Champagne was opened and the conversations were jovial

Neon showed up after getting a sun tan down south, Sir Tomarse returned after 5 months at Jogjakarta Uni in Indonesia learning their language, Pembo brought his chair and new knee so he could eat breakfast and Gumby escaped from Argentina to sing us a down down song. Sherlock won the chance of pulling out the joker, whilst Polly told a Christmas joke that included Elbows trying to enter the Pearly Gates.

Dick Tracey, Chunder, Action & Po (a visitor) cooked the bacon, sausages, mushrooms, eggs and baked beans for the 56 runners. A great turn out for the start of the festive season, some even had coffee in Rokeby Rd on their way home.

On On

Horse

Run 2551 Moses, Dog and Nanny @ Breckler Park

This area has Religious significance  More later

REMINDER  Hash is not a race so Front Runners should respect the slower of us (most ) and if run is poorly set initiate Hash Halts and/or wait at end of FT

 

We started with several good FT’s – perhaps not long enough and then experienced a series of long stretches such that at top of hill the pack was strung out over about 600 metres .

It was then down the other side of the Golf Course with a loop back to Morley Drive.

The pack then meandered thru the back blocks and obviously the FT’s or lack of, did not work as the pack was now strung over about 1 Km . Near the end some front running sheep missed a FT and added another km before arriving home in wrong direction .

Back at Bucket we celebrated BAREFOOT's 80th with Guinness and cheese cake, Xmas was determined to tell another lie (story) but was howled  down AND THEN YASSAR ARAFAT appeared in the form of stand in RA .What courage in a Jewish enclave but the pack was very nervous expecting retribution especially with YASSAR partaking alcohol .

 

Plenty of food in form of beef/silverside burgers with condiments

A good effort marred by lack of effective FTs and selfish front runners (no lack of them )

 

ON ON  Phantom

Run 2550 – Elbows @ Blue Gum Tennis Club,Brentwood

Run 2550 – Elbows @ Blue Gum Tennis Club,Brentwood

Every PHHH run starts with a certain expectation.  When the Hares are the Exceptionally Energetic Elbows (EEE) and the Humble Haggis (HH), the expectation can fairly easily be exceeded.  This was the case for Run 2550 from the Blue Gum Tennis Club.

Before even setting off the lights over the selected Bucket parking spot came on and the area was over-populated by the highest quality of eye candy.  To points before even starting.

Then HHH parked such that next week’s hare could park adjacent to his truck to avoid over-exertion in delivering pots and plates to said motor vehicle.

There was little effort wasted on the map, but EEE did own up to putting some in the first two thirds of the run before tiring. 

Good use was made of the Blue Gum Reserve and a 7km run (without all of the FTs) for a pleasant summer evening run was well received.  There was good loop to kick off and good use of a number of rises that this Hashman didn’t know existed.  We had a look at Booragoon Lake Reserve, ran along Leach Highway without crossing it and the fact that HHH was an engineer in a Shire came through as selection of road crossings were well thought out. Then to finish came round Ratcliff Park and round the Blue Gum Reserve.

The last third of the run was somewhat devoid of checks and FTs but all things considered not bad for the Hares. Emu’s 7½ was possibly a smidgeon harsh. 

As to the food, HHH had chicken in mind \but wanting to give the Hashmen some variability elected for some very well received starters followed by a good selection and plenty of pizza with some red fluid vaguely describer as wine.

Moses

 

Run 2549 – Bushranger and Co-Hare Crayfish @ Success Hill Reserve, Bassendean

Prelude to the run of the year (Next week-Idiots)

Hare: Bushranger 

Co Hare: Crayfish

On a very warm day (36 degrees) about 50 hashmen turned up to Success Park in West Swan (despite the ON SEC’s directions to Lloyd not Lord Street!). We had visitors Joe and Tim who are runners and potential members, and a repeat visit from (Er… don’t know). Returnees were Grizzly, Boner and now- regular Jack Russell. With Bushy’s promises of lots of toilet paper and the likelihood of a river crossing sensible people wore little of value, and the packs set off after enjoying the company of several very attractive local ladies (See the Hash Flash report to verify this). Runners went basically a long thin anticlockwise loop  northwards and walkers southfirst and then east then back over the same bridge, both loops through shiggy, sand, ticks, flies and heat. The walkers were still beaten home by the runners in 50 minutes. Not quite as hot as could have been and pleasant company all round. Only one member -Boner enjoyed the swim. On yer Boner.

Only one significant mistake for the night: NO bloody chips. Now fair go committee-it’s your only skill and you buggered it- just because the GM was not there. Just as well Bushy put on pre-circle snags and olives. The snags were bloody hot too! They almost made up for the lack of splash after the run.
This was perhaps only beaten by the raffle being conducted without the prize card pick. Are you getting the trend here?Only two months more of this committee.

Presentations came from ON-SEC Horse and RA Emu as required under the standing orders for PH3, including about some proposed amendment to the constitution.  The same (farkin’) song was sung only about 15 times but it still amused our visitors/potential members.

Obligatory racist joke from Emu. It would be greatly inappropriate if the jokes weren’t so good. Down downs a-plenty. Er… who were they?  Visitors, Birthday…….. andnumerous misdemeanours-real and imagined (you can see I am struggling cos I did not take notes. Nah… don’t  need notes I can remember this). RA Emu awarded the Hares 8.5 for the run. (Liberally inflated because of the RA’s and co-hare’s political leanings). Good run though-everyone was happy. Our visitors appeared very pleased with the night and even got a lift home with Pembo. 

Dinner was hamburgers with excellent and wide choices of extras. Best thing was – no plates…. You Bewdy. Can’t wait till next week.

On On

Elbows

Run 2548 – STEWIE and DAVE THE POM @ Maida Vale Nature Reserve

Run 2548 – Stewie and Dave the Pom

This was a joint run with West Coast H3, who had a full turn out.

Q and Seagull arrived in style in Q’s Jaguar. Our Hash Cash (Jerrycan) drives a Jaguar – is there a message here?

The run was scheduled to start at 6.15 pm and from 6.00 onwards the call went out ‘what time does a 6 o’clock run start?’ – the answer was obviously 6.15!

There were a number of visitors:-

• Skippy from Hills Hash

• Dave the Pom from Hills Hash

• Cods – from Townsville H3 (previously Perth Hash)

• Jaapie (past PH3 member)

We set off with Stewie telling us the trail was set with chalk and flour. The trail was well set with plenty of false trails and checks. Franger from WCH3 kept the pack on a fast pace and the false trails struggled to keep the pack together. Franger claimed to run more than 8km compared to your scribes 6.2 km in 54:25 minutes (approximately). The trail was mainly in bush which suited the season (supposedly the end of spring). The breeze was rather cold though in the fading sunlight.

The pack came in well before the walkers. Emu brought out the chips before the walkers came in but being the gentlemen’s hash we are there were still plenty of chips saved for the walkers.  Just a reminder that when Birdman is On Sec there will be no chips and short circles.

The gas heater was fired up for added comfort for the members. It was appreciated for those who gathered around it.

Horse called for the members to form a circle but The Mole was more interested in forming a square (made up of an L and a 7). He didn’t gain much traction with that proposal.

Elbows was called up for new shoes and attempted to drink out of a plastic cup placed in his shoe. He relented and poured the beer in his shoe and then drank his down down.Mastitis and Chunda were given a down-down for cooking the meal for last week’s run – well done!

Visitors where called up for their down-downs and Franger was included for being a FRB.

Horse read out some Perth Hash legal business and there was a show of hands and the motion was passed (what ever it was).

Horses weekly joke was well received as possibly the best one this year.

Emu took the stand and was telling a story about Burke Street when your scribe inadvertently added to the story by referring to the street as Burka Street thus ensuring he was awarded a down-down.

Stewie went to the extra effort to hang solar powered lights over the food serving table and this had him at an advantage over other hares for the score for the run. He was awarded 8/10 points on the RA scale.

The food was chicken casserole and was quickly consumed by the hashers. A big thanks to Stewie in handing over clean pots even though he used them to prepare the meal.

It was good to see our dog owners took note of the all dogs must be on a leash sign. We should hang such a sign on our Hash Bus!

A great run, great company, great food and great beer.

Wouldn’t be dead for quids.

On On

Bushie.

 

Run 2547 – Ace @ Shirley Strickland Reserve, Ardross

Run 2547 Ace at Shirley Strickland Reserve, Ardross
A good turnout for this special Run 2547, fundraiser for Prostrate cancer research, but not unexpected as not only with Ace’s top reputation for run setting and the fact many members are frequently inspecting their testicular region. Probably because a not insignificant number cannot remember when someone else did the exploring.


following a brief introduction from the OnSec, Ace pointed the way and the pack set off across Shirley’s oval shaped welcome mat. Via Jim Ainsworth Reserve and Al Richardson reserve (I must be the only person in Perth without a reserve named after me) the pack skirted the back of Booragoon shopping centre to enter the old favourite, Wireless Hill Park. 


A circuitous root (I mean route) took the mob to the top of the hill where the walkers were already waiting at the drink stop. A breather, vista of the Swan River and a cup of port then down the hill to work through a posh housing area and making Len Shearer Reserve. By this time the pack was getting quite stretched with Crayfish and Rumpole doing most of the checks.


West across Risely Street the cunning Ace took the run around Blue Gum Lake before turning North and struggling to match the pace of the Phantom mob who had already worked a more direct root (must be the thought of testicles) to Ken Douglas Reserve. I think I’ll rename my house “Stewie Reserve”.


After what seemed like 50 minutes the combined walking and running packs converged on Shirley Strickland’s bucket.
The circle was the usual pandemonium and made worse by Emu’s absence. Q was given a down down for turning up at Curtain for an exam only to find it was not until Wednesday. The circle was at the same time singing “we go Hashing every Monday” so confusion reigned. Fortunately it didn’t rain because there was no shelter.


We were lucky to have Scumbag back and also welcomed guests Bill and Fat Bastard Collins. (Horse’s description not mine).


A special thanks to Mastitis, chief chef also Raindrops and South Perth Hash for lending woks. The chicken satays and vegetable stir fry must be a Gordon Blue contender although Barcode’s wife did have much to say about the amount of gas generated that night.
Well done Crayfish for running the raffle which raised $290 plus a donation of $250 from PH3.


TOP JOB ACE. OnOn Stewie

Run 2546 – RIMMER @ Warwick Bowling Club Carpark

RunRightUP                  2546 Rimmer RUN 12-11-2018

Arriving early as was their usual practice Holmes and Ace proceeded down Warwick Road at a gentle pace, “I say Holmes said Ace” “that dastardly bastard Professor Moriarty has stolen the Feet Signs from the Lloyd Drive turn off and the Hash Chaps won’t know the way to the Hash Meet – Warwick Bowling Club Car Park.” 

“Blimey” said Holmes “can’t have that! let’s alert The Hares” and they did. Rimmer swung into action and Feet Signs were posted. Moriarty was very so pissed off – he closed down the Warwick Bowling Club Car Park and made all the early Hash Chap comer’s move their cars over to the Hockey Stadium Car Park.

All was well then, until the Mole started running around in circles (Moriarty had nailed one of Mole’s feet to the pavement) the Mole was yelling it’s a Fuck UP, it’s a Fuck Up until Dick Tracy pulled out his service revolver and put the Mole out of his agony.

Things seem to settle down as the Hash Chaps ranks swelled and we spied Elbows fresh from his beach shag oops soory typo…shack. Holmes saw some sheets of paper fall out of Elbows pocket and was about to return them, but an award certificate heading caught his eye. 

It read “To Elbows Year 11 Literary Award” Best Shortest Novel Ever– Titled – ‘Her Mum & Dad Went Out’

Holmes speed reading ability help him share what you are about to read, and we all know that Elbows is very proud of his work

‘The night was dark and stormy, the toilet light was on, a shot rang out, her guts spilled out, I got out. Wouldn’t you?

No doubt Elbows got Dick Tracy to clean up that mess for him?

‘Police Footnote

The young lady survived she had mealy given birth. A person of interest matching Elbows description had been seen frequenting the young ladies house during the past 9 months. As DNA testing had not been invented in those days no charges were laid’.    

A large pack assembled in ideal conditions. Mumbles tried to bribe Horse with a bottle of wine. The Hare Rimmer was ably helped by his brother in law Bob. The run linked up four parks, occupied by dogs exercising people and sports kids exercising people without dogs. The run was an anti-clockwise circus of streets which thru some Cosmos Hashers. 

POMY Hashers felt right at home in ‘WARWICK’ meaning ‘SheKnows’ so runners didn’t want to linger longer.   

The run lacked sufficient FT's. ALL New Runs shall have 4km of FT’s and 4km of Checks

Returnees were Kilkenny in a new scratched Jaguar car, Conman, Nanny & Pooch. 

Down, Down Rhino left his TOPGUN car unlocked and the only thing stolen was his Hash cap, it needed a wash – thieves promised to return it after wash and dry clean. Moses put on his birthday beers…he’s just so HAPPY. Barefoot won the raffle ticket but not the Joker.

The Cricle finished early – Food queued formed and Rimmers Dragon’s breaths curry was a special lap-up treat and it burns, burns, burns the burning RING of fire but so bowel cleansing the morning after.

Soon after with Warwick meaning ‘SheKnows’ whispering in from the darkness of the suburb around us the Runners left early silently disappearing into their cars heading home…SheKnows, SheKnows, Elbows revved his engine and shouted “I DON’T CARE as he disappeared into the darkness.

The clean-up guru crew guys begun the Bucket pack up and Ace loaded the dirty curry pots pans and dishes into the back of the Commodore Station Wagon.

As Holmes and Ace proceeded at a gentle pace heading South down the Freeway a heavy fog of Dragons Breath Curry permeated every corner of the Commodore Station Wagon and they could hear Professor Moriarty cruel mocking laugh as they crossed the Narrows that separates North from South. Was it the Curry or a cruel Moriarty FART?!

Ace & Sherlock

 

 

Run 2545 – Rhino and Ace @ Tomato Lake, Kewdale

Good starting point beside Tomato Lake, but lucky it didn't rain as there was no shelter but there were public toilets with flashing lights and as usual The Hashers chose to ignore them and do there business behind trees. There were lots of gripes about the run (what's new) not enough chalk, to few false trails etc.etc. 

The circle was as usual to long considering it was a freezing cold night, and the hero of the night must be Horse. How that man can stand on the crate with shorts and tee shirt and talk without his teeth chattering I don't know.

I'm not a great fan of hamburgers and sausages, but this time they were of a better quality and someone had the sense not to put freezing cold salad on top of a hot burger on a cold night.