Write Ups and Blogs

2400 Celebration Freo Iron Man run


Run: 2400

Run date: 25 January 2016

Hare: Phantom

Co-hare: Sweeney

Australia Day Iron Man was the theme for the Committee’s run. It was a Fremantle run. The Committee ordered good weather and the weatherman obliged except that he should have been told not to make it so humid. True to form, Scumbag immediately started to jeopardise the run by loudly interrupting the proceedings when the run instructions were being announced. Ultimately the boys got going. The run was easy at first because it was down the hill to the middle of Freo. We should have realised that as Phantom and Sweeny were running it, all it would be would be a pub crawl. The first stop was the Norfolk. As it was Australia Day the following day, we were treated to lamingtons as well as jugs of beer. Off again for the second stage. Amazingly even Bushie didn’t stay at the pub. A few more streets, checks and false trails and we got to the Orient. Who should be there but Phantom with dry Weet-Bix to eat. Bloody hopeless!!! He could have at least had Vegemite on them for Australia day. On again and the next (and last watering hole was Clancy’s. Again Phantom was there, but this time he had cold meat pies. Rusty Nuts was complaining that the pies were

cold and the beer was warm whereas the pies should have been hot and the beer cold. Now the problems came. Whatever goes down has to go up. We had run down to the City and consequently we now had to run up the hill home and back to the bucket. Birdman, however, with his superior knowledge of short cuts led Shakin and a group of other Hashers, all  who acted like sheep and followed him, the short way home after they crossed the oval only to be stopped by a 7 foot iron fence. This added another 10 minutes to their run and the honest Hashers could only but watch with glee and sip their beers whilst watching them trying to extricate themselves from their predicament. Overall a good run. Thanks also to Colonel, who alerted us to the Booze Bus at North Freo allegedly arranged by Freo Hash as punishment for invading their area.

Mole scored it 11/10  -praise indeed if you can believe anything he says


2401 CONMAN in the wealthy Belt


Conman’s  Chilli Con Carne run

2401 run no         

Hare  Conman  Co Hare( The co hare when you’ve asked everyone else) Phantom

Date 1/02/16

What a place to start amongst all the multi million dollar mansions of Nedlands/Peppermint Grove, or should I say Phantom’s favourite territory. The run/walk set off in an easterly direction and meandered thru some older houses  past Steve’s pub ( at least it was known as that when I was a boy ) along the river past Neddies Rugby Club, which most probably has more Kiwis playing for them than there are in NZ. From there it went along the river past some magnificent dwellings and some yacht clubs  and then it got worse. Up a very steep hill which I didn’t know was even there and then onto Birdwood Pde ,where some of Perths wealthiest live.,then past Sunset  ( when are the govt going to do something with that site ) and then on thru some more salubrious homes homes  thru to Neddies Golf course  and then on home. I must admit there may have been a bit I missed out ,but as I was at the back of the pack I apologise for perhaps leaving some parts out

Food was Chilli Con Carne and bread made by the local butcher. It actually was quite mild ,most of being catering for Colonels/Budgie/Dick Tracey’s delicate palates.

Next run is Mumbles’ run of the the year in good old downtown Palmyra , don’t miss it


On on


2399 JerryCan with Bushy

Run 2399
Hare: Jerrycan
CoHare: Bushranger
(The secret Splash Dumper)

Ask anyone in Real Estate its all about the location. In fact, I asked this of Haggis as we were staggering up some small rises on the run and he informed me, "It doesn't matter, how big the house is (or the house next door) its all about, location, location, location". So there we were in the car park before the run, watching Colonel and Deeply's dogs pissing on Jerrycans bag, looking at the house next to the parking area trying to figure out if it was a house or a small hotel. It was generally agreed that in this location it was in fact a doss house for some poor unfortunate Chinese nationals just trying to get a bit of money out of China before their economy went completely to shit (but thats another story – does anyone know if Emu has left the country recently on the quiet).

There we were at the start of the run getting instructed on how to run this challenging course, complete with chalk and flour (the fact that flour was only seen at the start line was a revelation none of us had expected). In due course we were told to head off up the hill. Did I mention how nice the location for the On On was?

The run up the hill was well set and had more than a few of us puffing significantly within the first 50m. Check at the top brought us back together, then a false trail. Well, well, Jerrycan may have got it together for this run?

The pack was soon spread out over a few hundred meters within 5 minutes of the start. Alas, this was the last moment when I thought it might be an OK run.T hen the pack really started to fragment as the faster runners went off in search of a trail. Any trail would have done. At one point about 10 minutes into the run we came across the walkers who indicated that the written instructions that came with the map, had in fact nothing to do with the trail. By this stage there was at least 5 running packs of not many members each out searching for trail. Runners going left, runners going right, runners going bonkers. What a shambles. Did I mention what a great location it was.

There were lanes everywhere, there was great hill /look out we have run up to on several recent iterations of running in Mosman Park, there were loops to be used and some nice public open space with pathways for hashing use. The golf course was hardly used, there was one quite nice false trail down a particularly ugly piece of road, that I suggested to French Tickler he should check out, there was a two minute explanation in French complete with gestures as to what he thought of my suggestion. Haggis thought it prudent not to check it out either, I think he speaks French too. Aghhh, but the scenery from the top of the park overlooking Mosman Bay. Indeed what a location.

At last back at the trailer there was some very pleasant biscuits and cheese provided by the Hares, (thanks, a nice touch, but not enough to give them a decent score though) and the company of Hashmen is always pleasant so long as the dogs don't piss on you. In due course the circle transpired, Seagull entertained the masses for a mercifully short time. Nanny was even less entertaining, but would have been congratulated by next years On Sec, Birdman for the brevity of his rant. Food was well presented, Phantom was second in the food que saving a place for Mark1 I believe, and the company acceptable, and the post run intercourse was as always entertaining. The run score was 5.97. due to confusion and weird /lack of marking

Food was a delicious beef stew  At least that got a good score

But what a great location.

On On


2398 BARCODE with Sweeny

RUN 2398 Barcode and Sweeney, Jorgensen Park, Kalamunda


The start was delayed from the usual for 10 minutes to allow the intrepids from Freo to make it on time. Bardode advised runners that they had to learn to Love hills, love snakes and love trees to the groans of the assembled.

Runners: (Bushies Bit)

We set off at a brisk pace (well brisk for Bushie) down the scrub where a golf course had existed in the past. There was much confusion when the trail ran out and Seagull quietly admitted that he had found the home trail already. After about 5 minutes the real trail was again located and the pack galloped off back past the cars and beer bus (I was very tempted to grab a beer back I knew the Kalamunda Hotel  was close by. The young guns set a blistering pace almost equal to the Adventurethon in Albany that I attended on Saturday (as support crew for Park Ranger). I held back waiting for Crayfish and Barefoot as a sign of respect to their years of hashing and their seniority (they are old farts in other words).

I was running up the hill with Mr Wong in the real trail as we spotted Scummy doing a spot of Shirt-cutting. He must have spotted FT who as we know is a serial short-cutter. Are scaring a few locals we sprinted down the hill in suburbia – well maybe it was a gentle jog. Then after some clever running through some more bush we popped out on the eastern side of Kalamunda.

Crayfish called the trail on right but Bushie and Barefoot had noticed the scent of beer in the air and turned left towards the Kalamunda Hotel. We spotted Birdman who appeared to be pretending he was a finely turn athelete looking for trail near the Northern Terminus of the Bibbulmun Track.

No amount of yelling could convince Birdman to turn back for a cleansing pint of ale. So it was left to Barefoot and Bushie uphold a long tradition of stopping for a drink stop at a pub on a hash run. We both enjoyed a pint of Kilkenny whist blending in with the locals although Barefoot pointed out that wearing one red and one green sock, multi coloured shorts, athletic  hash running shirt and Adventurethon head sock caused the Bushie Blending to be ineffective. Never mind the beer was great. Then we meandered down the Bib Track back to the on on with Barefoot recalling numerous anecdotes of his trip to Samoa with his young family to take up a posting.

(End of Bushies Bit).

Second half of run (Action)

After losing Bushie and Barefoot at the pub we continued on past the hospital, where 3G learnt that you shouldn’t grab hold of recently burnt trees as you get very black very quickly. There were some good false trails in the bush past the hospital that reversed the pack and after a long steep descent down a fire break Polecat and Action led the pack into the drink stop at the end of Spring Road.

The remnants of the pack (minus serial short cutters (Birdman, FT and The Mole) then progressed along the aptly named Rocky Pool Walk, up over some granite outcrops on the Schipp Walking Trail on to the Bibbulmun Track back to the old golf course and the “On Home” that Seagull had found more than an hour before. Seagull did the fatherly thing and waited for his son at the so they could run in together

 Walkers:Scene on the run was a sign noting IQ of 15, which seemed a bit on the high side for the assembled walkers. Along parts of the Bibullmun track, there were lots of groans as altitude was progressively lost, but some great views and lovely county.

Down Down: After guest Thane (Seagull’s boy), returnees Rumpole, Skid (one other ?) were duly honoured, Angels lad Jack caused much consternation and the appearance of the despot Seagull as the moniker ‘Cerub’ was decided on, to howls of abuse from the usual suspects. Skid produced some compromising material on Seagull and suddenly the name was overturned to ‘Ripper’. The Eric “Sir Knob’ variety reckons he’s never seen so much enthusiasm for a ‘Ripper’ in years and he was impressed with the number of votes received which was more than he ever received in parliament. .

Scummy was rewarded for 128 years of hashing, Sir Tom for a lot more. Deke (the youngest 72 I know and claims ‘I was born on Australia Day, destined to be an Australian’ ) and Stewie were birthday boys.

MUMBLES cotinued his run of bad luck by crashing over the low retaining wall and worrying all his mate (2 anyway ) that he had further damaged his knee. It can be reported that he is OK but still speaks funny

The new Hash Flash made a maiden appearence (NOT SO BOORING's dog with Go Pro attached) eat your heart out SHERLOCK

Food was an excellent beef roll with gravy and coleslaw.   Run Score 8.5



2397 RUSTY and his run of year (2016)

RUSTY and XYZ at SKIPPYs ghost house


Skippy was away so the mice could play .Rusty and XYZ put on a great run .It weaved across deserted and dry paddocks ,in some fairly dusty terrain with the promise of Kangaroo ticks .

It was cunningly set so that the Wanker walkers could easily maintain contact ,until we all converged on the drinkstop. After that it was close to home and all back within 50 mins.


It was now that the Rust Bucket brought his catering skills to the fore as cheese and bickies followed by tasty chicken drummettes appeared


The Circle was going well time wise (thanks to JAAPIE  )until NANNY took over.I expect he will be on ice every week until the AGM after he put our GM on ice  -Courage!!

Hamersley then got carried away as usual with Bullshit charges and kept putting on bloke on ice –it was a warm night


Rusty’s food skills continued with copious quantities of beef curry ,polenta and Veges  .A job well done deserving 9 for run and 9 for food


Well done Rusty and XYZ




2395 STINKY and FRIENDS Who needs ’em .

2395 STINKY with very little guidance from his Friends

A craftily planned 10 minute search for trail just 100m into the run allowed the eager bunch to digress from the upcoming yule tide festivities and reflect on the historic surroundings of Inglewood (Hmeans Mt Lawley ed.). Inglewood was first established during the gold rush period in the latter part of the 19th century and was rumoured to have been named after Norwegian ship – perhaps the reason that the early parts of the run seemed to have been designed to be as confusing as the Scandinavian languages. At this particular point in the run it was established that we at least had a map – but that the map may have been an outline of Timbuktu in the 1940s rather than of the run set in Inglewood.

Now last week there was a train derailment on the key east west transport link, which may have been the reason for the shortage of chalk in Perth this week, but no matter our trusty hare made sure that his single available stick was enough to mark out the entire run. This was successfully achieved by ensuring that there were arrows only every 400m or so, and that false trails and checks were cleverly minimised. The extra-long stretches on the run were most appreciated given it was the first really warm run of summer. And so the pack went up and down the modest hills amongst the well-trimmed federation style homes, and through the back alleys to highlight the darker side of this suburb of professionals. For the second time this year Boner was accosted for playing with his horn in the street – will he ever learn!!

Then just as the weary and overheated pack were swearing about not having a drink stop, we found ourselves back at the bucket after just 35 minutes. Onto the circle, once again Seagull showed us how bring a rowdy audience into line, issuing down downs to our welcome visitors Chris, Angel and his Son and Phranger from West Coast Hash. We then again had to listen to Triple J rant on about something or other (apparently he want’s subs increased by 20% next year??). Then it was time for Christmas – no the circle didn’t go for that long – I’m referring to our esteemed member who somehow worked out that his “talent” was balancing a cup of splash on his unusually flat head. None the less this is certainly a talent which received acclaim amongst the pack scoring a well-deserved 54.


Highlight the darker side of this suburb of professionals. For the second time this year Boner was accosted for playing with his horn in the street – will he ever learn!!

Then just as the weary and overheated pack were swearing about not having a drink stop, we found ourselves back at the bucket after just 35 minutes. Onto the circle, once again Seagull showed us how bring a rowdy audience into line, issuing down downs to our welcome visitors Chris, Angel and his Son and Phranger from West Coast Hash. We then again had to listen to Triple J rant on about something or other (apparently he want’s subs increased by 20% next year??). Then it was time for Christmas – no the circle didn’t go for that long – I’m referring to our esteemed member who somehow worked out that his “talent” was balancing a cup of splash on his unusually flat head. None the less this is certainly a talent which received acclaim amongst the pack scoring a well-deserved 54.

Nanny then stepped up to delicately critic the run – accordingly it was the experienced hash men in Ernie Dingo, Phantom and Christmas on whom the shame and scorn was accorded for not adequately assisting the well intentioned, but somewhat inexperienced hare. I can’t remember the score but to be fair I’m not sure it’s going to threaten the leaders for run of the year – regardless it’s always appreciated when an effort is made to entertain the finicky bunch.

The night was ended with steaming bowls of tasty pumpkin soup (perfect for a 40 degree night), followed by what, in the dim lights of the sports club, looked suspiciously like Bondi cigars, but which were tasty enough to warrant seconds. Good effort Stinky Alice.


2394 MK1 and NIGHT of DOGS

Xmas’s Run Write Up entitled A Dog’s Night Out.
Started the run at the farm, run through a vegie patch then around the lake. What do you have on a farm?  DOGS!
I decided to try something different  (running).  Made it around the lake until we caught the Walkers.    At least I kept up with Elbows and Scummy.  After joining the walkers at the usual brisk pace, with a choice of conversations i.e. Mining, Shares, Real Estate, Bullshit and Rumours, you also get to see more of the country side  for instance a beautiful Jack Russell, (a dog that is, not JR) accompanied by a slightly overweight lady.  Great to see our canine friends helping the obesity problems in our city.
With our intrepid leader Phantom returning us safely back to the Circle.  That’s what he does, not like the runners. 
At the circle we heard Skid tripped over a dog.  He was probably perving on the fat Sheila  with the Jack Russell.  “and Sir Nob” getting in rather late to the Circle.  Rumour has it, catching up with his old constitutes.  Probably someone out walking their dog.  Anyway the Circle with Seagull with usual Hash Dribble, the highlights being the Hash Jokes which always evokes a lot of conversations.  Half the mob telling the other half what it was all about!
Then we got Hash Talent,  Grandad who proceeded to enlighten  us on Dog Poo, Forty Foot Tape Worms, and Egg Laying Dogs.
We were curious why he had a plate hanging off his neck, contrary to his explanation, last week he missed out on a plate, so he used the dog’s dish.
THis was followed by MUMBLES version ??? of the Haka    (scored 2 points)
Which brings me to the Hash Feed.  When Seagull called out the Hares for the obligatory comments for the Run and the Tucker, they were nowhere to be seen.Apparently the Circle was too long for them and was past heir bedtime!!!!  Rumour has it the hungry pack may have mistaken those huge  beans for Dogs Eggs! 
Once again a top night.
By the way, my next Run will be from the Shenton Park Dog’s Home.  You can bring your own dog or they can lend you one.
On On Xmas,  AKA “Dogless”
P.S. I will however have a dog with me on next weeks Run.  Horse is down from Carnarvon on his Xmas Break. 










Run No.2393 Lake Claremont

Hares: Reluctant assisted by Phantom   (who claims all care and no resposibility)

About 40 Hashmen  including  20 walkers assembled in the carpark adjacent to Claremont golf club. A good location.

At the nominated hour -1800- the runners set off for what turned out to be about a 50minute jog. I have no idea what the run was like (I was –am still- a walker. The walk was fine, interdispersed  with some pleasant cuts through bush. Amazingly the walkers arrived back at the bucket before the runners. Obviously training for the aged pays off.

Some said the FT's on the run were a bit short and the run allowed some short cutting but all seemed to enjoy

The obligatory (not oblong) circle was formed and the announcements presented by Hon. Sec. We were then subjected to a 37 minute (yes it was timed) rant  about ??? well actually nothing except the naming of a new young NON drinking member SCB , named due to his SCB efforts on the night

. A good lamb stew followed which was well received by the hungry pack. Well done Hares.



2392 RAMROD and Scottish friends do ST ANDREW

RAMROD and Co,   St Andrews Run


Run started with Phantom reminding me about being organized for my run. West Coast dirty dozen joined us for this Commemoration of our friend SCOTTIE

The run weaved thru parks , schools (some for the retarded which would suit some of our members), bush, lanes and streets .Well set with lots of FT’s  and many trails quite close to each other . Great use of territory lots of hills for the old blokes to go up and down. Heard many knees making funny noises! Several hashman reminded me to be organized for my run as Phantom would give me shit.

The pack was stretched at times but most came in 45- 50 mins. Reminded again to be organized for my run.

The circle suited BIRDMAN  -it was short and sweet with no penalty downs and the BELL was NOT awarded. Nanny was confused !

BAREFOOT piped in the Haggis and CRIPPLE J UNdressed it with a little help from the resident HAGGIS .  

SCOTTIE , if he is UP THERE would have approved.

The Haggis food was avoided by a few wimps and it was followed by a Chilli Bean salad

and large boiled Potato. Reminded by a few people to be organised for my run as Phantom was watching.

Top night and great effort from RAMROD , SIR TOMARSE and SCUMMY

ON ON  RELUCTANT (who is not organized)

RAMROD and Co,   St Andrews Run