Write Ups and Blogs

Run 2550 – Elbows @ Blue Gum Tennis Club,Brentwood

Run 2550 – Elbows @ Blue Gum Tennis Club,Brentwood

Every PHHH run starts with a certain expectation.  When the Hares are the Exceptionally Energetic Elbows (EEE) and the Humble Haggis (HH), the expectation can fairly easily be exceeded.  This was the case for Run 2550 from the Blue Gum Tennis Club.

Before even setting off the lights over the selected Bucket parking spot came on and the area was over-populated by the highest quality of eye candy.  To points before even starting.

Then HHH parked such that next week’s hare could park adjacent to his truck to avoid over-exertion in delivering pots and plates to said motor vehicle.

There was little effort wasted on the map, but EEE did own up to putting some in the first two thirds of the run before tiring. 

Good use was made of the Blue Gum Reserve and a 7km run (without all of the FTs) for a pleasant summer evening run was well received.  There was good loop to kick off and good use of a number of rises that this Hashman didn’t know existed.  We had a look at Booragoon Lake Reserve, ran along Leach Highway without crossing it and the fact that HHH was an engineer in a Shire came through as selection of road crossings were well thought out. Then to finish came round Ratcliff Park and round the Blue Gum Reserve.

The last third of the run was somewhat devoid of checks and FTs but all things considered not bad for the Hares. Emu’s 7½ was possibly a smidgeon harsh. 

As to the food, HHH had chicken in mind \but wanting to give the Hashmen some variability elected for some very well received starters followed by a good selection and plenty of pizza with some red fluid vaguely describer as wine.

Moses

 

Run 2549 – Bushranger and Co-Hare Crayfish @ Success Hill Reserve, Bassendean

Prelude to the run of the year (Next week-Idiots)

Hare: Bushranger 

Co Hare: Crayfish

On a very warm day (36 degrees) about 50 hashmen turned up to Success Park in West Swan (despite the ON SEC’s directions to Lloyd not Lord Street!). We had visitors Joe and Tim who are runners and potential members, and a repeat visit from (Er… don’t know). Returnees were Grizzly, Boner and now- regular Jack Russell. With Bushy’s promises of lots of toilet paper and the likelihood of a river crossing sensible people wore little of value, and the packs set off after enjoying the company of several very attractive local ladies (See the Hash Flash report to verify this). Runners went basically a long thin anticlockwise loop  northwards and walkers southfirst and then east then back over the same bridge, both loops through shiggy, sand, ticks, flies and heat. The walkers were still beaten home by the runners in 50 minutes. Not quite as hot as could have been and pleasant company all round. Only one member -Boner enjoyed the swim. On yer Boner.

Only one significant mistake for the night: NO bloody chips. Now fair go committee-it’s your only skill and you buggered it- just because the GM was not there. Just as well Bushy put on pre-circle snags and olives. The snags were bloody hot too! They almost made up for the lack of splash after the run.
This was perhaps only beaten by the raffle being conducted without the prize card pick. Are you getting the trend here?Only two months more of this committee.

Presentations came from ON-SEC Horse and RA Emu as required under the standing orders for PH3, including about some proposed amendment to the constitution.  The same (farkin’) song was sung only about 15 times but it still amused our visitors/potential members.

Obligatory racist joke from Emu. It would be greatly inappropriate if the jokes weren’t so good. Down downs a-plenty. Er… who were they?  Visitors, Birthday…….. andnumerous misdemeanours-real and imagined (you can see I am struggling cos I did not take notes. Nah… don’t  need notes I can remember this). RA Emu awarded the Hares 8.5 for the run. (Liberally inflated because of the RA’s and co-hare’s political leanings). Good run though-everyone was happy. Our visitors appeared very pleased with the night and even got a lift home with Pembo. 

Dinner was hamburgers with excellent and wide choices of extras. Best thing was – no plates…. You Bewdy. Can’t wait till next week.

On On

Elbows

Run 2548 – STEWIE and DAVE THE POM @ Maida Vale Nature Reserve

Run 2548 – Stewie and Dave the Pom

This was a joint run with West Coast H3, who had a full turn out.

Q and Seagull arrived in style in Q’s Jaguar. Our Hash Cash (Jerrycan) drives a Jaguar – is there a message here?

The run was scheduled to start at 6.15 pm and from 6.00 onwards the call went out ‘what time does a 6 o’clock run start?’ – the answer was obviously 6.15!

There were a number of visitors:-

• Skippy from Hills Hash

• Dave the Pom from Hills Hash

• Cods – from Townsville H3 (previously Perth Hash)

• Jaapie (past PH3 member)

We set off with Stewie telling us the trail was set with chalk and flour. The trail was well set with plenty of false trails and checks. Franger from WCH3 kept the pack on a fast pace and the false trails struggled to keep the pack together. Franger claimed to run more than 8km compared to your scribes 6.2 km in 54:25 minutes (approximately). The trail was mainly in bush which suited the season (supposedly the end of spring). The breeze was rather cold though in the fading sunlight.

The pack came in well before the walkers. Emu brought out the chips before the walkers came in but being the gentlemen’s hash we are there were still plenty of chips saved for the walkers.  Just a reminder that when Birdman is On Sec there will be no chips and short circles.

The gas heater was fired up for added comfort for the members. It was appreciated for those who gathered around it.

Horse called for the members to form a circle but The Mole was more interested in forming a square (made up of an L and a 7). He didn’t gain much traction with that proposal.

Elbows was called up for new shoes and attempted to drink out of a plastic cup placed in his shoe. He relented and poured the beer in his shoe and then drank his down down.Mastitis and Chunda were given a down-down for cooking the meal for last week’s run – well done!

Visitors where called up for their down-downs and Franger was included for being a FRB.

Horse read out some Perth Hash legal business and there was a show of hands and the motion was passed (what ever it was).

Horses weekly joke was well received as possibly the best one this year.

Emu took the stand and was telling a story about Burke Street when your scribe inadvertently added to the story by referring to the street as Burka Street thus ensuring he was awarded a down-down.

Stewie went to the extra effort to hang solar powered lights over the food serving table and this had him at an advantage over other hares for the score for the run. He was awarded 8/10 points on the RA scale.

The food was chicken casserole and was quickly consumed by the hashers. A big thanks to Stewie in handing over clean pots even though he used them to prepare the meal.

It was good to see our dog owners took note of the all dogs must be on a leash sign. We should hang such a sign on our Hash Bus!

A great run, great company, great food and great beer.

Wouldn’t be dead for quids.

On On

Bushie.

 

Run 2547 – Ace @ Shirley Strickland Reserve, Ardross

Run 2547 Ace at Shirley Strickland Reserve, Ardross
A good turnout for this special Run 2547, fundraiser for Prostrate cancer research, but not unexpected as not only with Ace’s top reputation for run setting and the fact many members are frequently inspecting their testicular region. Probably because a not insignificant number cannot remember when someone else did the exploring.


following a brief introduction from the OnSec, Ace pointed the way and the pack set off across Shirley’s oval shaped welcome mat. Via Jim Ainsworth Reserve and Al Richardson reserve (I must be the only person in Perth without a reserve named after me) the pack skirted the back of Booragoon shopping centre to enter the old favourite, Wireless Hill Park. 


A circuitous root (I mean route) took the mob to the top of the hill where the walkers were already waiting at the drink stop. A breather, vista of the Swan River and a cup of port then down the hill to work through a posh housing area and making Len Shearer Reserve. By this time the pack was getting quite stretched with Crayfish and Rumpole doing most of the checks.


West across Risely Street the cunning Ace took the run around Blue Gum Lake before turning North and struggling to match the pace of the Phantom mob who had already worked a more direct root (must be the thought of testicles) to Ken Douglas Reserve. I think I’ll rename my house “Stewie Reserve”.


After what seemed like 50 minutes the combined walking and running packs converged on Shirley Strickland’s bucket.
The circle was the usual pandemonium and made worse by Emu’s absence. Q was given a down down for turning up at Curtain for an exam only to find it was not until Wednesday. The circle was at the same time singing “we go Hashing every Monday” so confusion reigned. Fortunately it didn’t rain because there was no shelter.


We were lucky to have Scumbag back and also welcomed guests Bill and Fat Bastard Collins. (Horse’s description not mine).


A special thanks to Mastitis, chief chef also Raindrops and South Perth Hash for lending woks. The chicken satays and vegetable stir fry must be a Gordon Blue contender although Barcode’s wife did have much to say about the amount of gas generated that night.
Well done Crayfish for running the raffle which raised $290 plus a donation of $250 from PH3.


TOP JOB ACE. OnOn Stewie

Run 2546 – RIMMER @ Warwick Bowling Club Carpark

RunRightUP                  2546 Rimmer RUN 12-11-2018

Arriving early as was their usual practice Holmes and Ace proceeded down Warwick Road at a gentle pace, “I say Holmes said Ace” “that dastardly bastard Professor Moriarty has stolen the Feet Signs from the Lloyd Drive turn off and the Hash Chaps won’t know the way to the Hash Meet – Warwick Bowling Club Car Park.” 

“Blimey” said Holmes “can’t have that! let’s alert The Hares” and they did. Rimmer swung into action and Feet Signs were posted. Moriarty was very so pissed off – he closed down the Warwick Bowling Club Car Park and made all the early Hash Chap comer’s move their cars over to the Hockey Stadium Car Park.

All was well then, until the Mole started running around in circles (Moriarty had nailed one of Mole’s feet to the pavement) the Mole was yelling it’s a Fuck UP, it’s a Fuck Up until Dick Tracy pulled out his service revolver and put the Mole out of his agony.

Things seem to settle down as the Hash Chaps ranks swelled and we spied Elbows fresh from his beach shag oops soory typo…shack. Holmes saw some sheets of paper fall out of Elbows pocket and was about to return them, but an award certificate heading caught his eye. 

It read “To Elbows Year 11 Literary Award” Best Shortest Novel Ever– Titled – ‘Her Mum & Dad Went Out’

Holmes speed reading ability help him share what you are about to read, and we all know that Elbows is very proud of his work

‘The night was dark and stormy, the toilet light was on, a shot rang out, her guts spilled out, I got out. Wouldn’t you?

No doubt Elbows got Dick Tracy to clean up that mess for him?

‘Police Footnote

The young lady survived she had mealy given birth. A person of interest matching Elbows description had been seen frequenting the young ladies house during the past 9 months. As DNA testing had not been invented in those days no charges were laid’.    

A large pack assembled in ideal conditions. Mumbles tried to bribe Horse with a bottle of wine. The Hare Rimmer was ably helped by his brother in law Bob. The run linked up four parks, occupied by dogs exercising people and sports kids exercising people without dogs. The run was an anti-clockwise circus of streets which thru some Cosmos Hashers. 

POMY Hashers felt right at home in ‘WARWICK’ meaning ‘SheKnows’ so runners didn’t want to linger longer.   

The run lacked sufficient FT's. ALL New Runs shall have 4km of FT’s and 4km of Checks

Returnees were Kilkenny in a new scratched Jaguar car, Conman, Nanny & Pooch. 

Down, Down Rhino left his TOPGUN car unlocked and the only thing stolen was his Hash cap, it needed a wash – thieves promised to return it after wash and dry clean. Moses put on his birthday beers…he’s just so HAPPY. Barefoot won the raffle ticket but not the Joker.

The Cricle finished early – Food queued formed and Rimmers Dragon’s breaths curry was a special lap-up treat and it burns, burns, burns the burning RING of fire but so bowel cleansing the morning after.

Soon after with Warwick meaning ‘SheKnows’ whispering in from the darkness of the suburb around us the Runners left early silently disappearing into their cars heading home…SheKnows, SheKnows, Elbows revved his engine and shouted “I DON’T CARE as he disappeared into the darkness.

The clean-up guru crew guys begun the Bucket pack up and Ace loaded the dirty curry pots pans and dishes into the back of the Commodore Station Wagon.

As Holmes and Ace proceeded at a gentle pace heading South down the Freeway a heavy fog of Dragons Breath Curry permeated every corner of the Commodore Station Wagon and they could hear Professor Moriarty cruel mocking laugh as they crossed the Narrows that separates North from South. Was it the Curry or a cruel Moriarty FART?!

Ace & Sherlock

 

 

Run 2545 – Rhino and Ace @ Tomato Lake, Kewdale

Good starting point beside Tomato Lake, but lucky it didn't rain as there was no shelter but there were public toilets with flashing lights and as usual The Hashers chose to ignore them and do there business behind trees. There were lots of gripes about the run (what's new) not enough chalk, to few false trails etc.etc. 

The circle was as usual to long considering it was a freezing cold night, and the hero of the night must be Horse. How that man can stand on the crate with shorts and tee shirt and talk without his teeth chattering I don't know.

I'm not a great fan of hamburgers and sausages, but this time they were of a better quality and someone had the sense not to put freezing cold salad on top of a hot burger on a cold night.

Run 2544 – Lasagna @ Sheldrake Reserve, Balcatta

The date was Monday 29th October

The number was 2544

Location – I think was Sheldrake Reserve Balcatta

I walked not run can’t remember the last time I ran

I saw some chalk but can’t remember if I saw any flour

I presume there was some False Trails and Checks

We did not loose anyone

The food was good – the buns were edible

Everybody seemed satisfied

TOPGUN

Run 2543 – Awesome Foursome Run @ Richard Guelfi Reserve, Balcatta

Run 2543 – Awesome Foursome Run @ Richard Guelfi Reserve, Balcatta 

The pack set off in a big loop around the park, On and Over wanneroo rd, into a shopping centre. That’s where the pack split up. Then they disappeared into the distance.

We tried to keep up, No chance, Boys don’t forget its not a race!

If we all come together, it makes the hares feel that their efforts are worth it! Back to the run, On to a drink stop, Port and Lemonade. Short run home, only to find the bucket LOCKED SOLID.

Nanny did the right thing by closing the doors, not knowing it would lock all of them with the keys to the bucket locked inside aswell.

Xmas to the rescue, He drove to Glendalough liquor store to get the spare key.

West coast were kind enough to offer drinks to us, Thanks Boys!

The circle went on and on and on and on as usual, Food was chicken and coleslaw and plenty of it!

Good run, thanks to all.

Reminder, the runs are not a race, keep the group together! The front runners can run around in circles so the back runners can catch up.

On On Lasagna & Gnocchi.

Del's Automotives pty ltd

 

Run 2541​​​ Ringburner and Polecat @ Bicton Baths

Run 2541​​​Ringburner @ Bicton Baths

The parking area was chockers when I arrived and I thought this is going to be interesting – fortunately the water polo classes soon finished and the area was cleared. Just as well as hashmen are not known for their patience and ability to adapt to abnormal disruptions. The usual early arrivals grouped to discuss items of importance, the trade period, advertising on the Opera House , Kavanagh and his problem of being guilty until proven innocent and so on.

And then Skid arrived and to our shock and horror, he arrived with a birthday carton and did not go through the birthday carton protocol. How does this happen? He was berated in no uncertain terms and was told that this indiscretion would be reported to Rumpole. As Rhino had also supplied a carton, Skid took it home and will try and sneak it through the system next week.

It was a fairly typical run from this area, a loop around the yacht club then back towards the bucket and then off along the foreshore towards Point Walter. The dog owners provided the discussion points and which were referred to later in the circle, Nanny’s dog having a dump which he chose to ignore and then being scared by a concrete parrot (it could have been the other way around) and Colonel’s and Moses’s dogs not being allowed in the confines of Point Walter – they must think that public servants work beyond 5pm to police these rules! Then through the suburbs and back to the bucket. The run was well marked and was a good choice of territory. And the runners came in before the walkers.

Horse was missing so Emu performed the On Sec and RA duties and to our delight, he promised a quick circle. After a welcome to site, he called up returnees and there were 7 of them – all genuine returnees and not ones who had missed only a week (this usually happens when the On Sec is running short of material) – Skid adapting to retirement, Birdman back from overseas hash duties, Colonel trekking in Bosnia, Rimmer and Triple J visiting their spiritual home Scotland and Sherlock on a working tour in the middle east. And Boner who was caught out exaggerating on the size of a fish he caught in the North West.

Sherlock gave a quick report on his trip, finding Aladdin’slamp, catching up with Genghis Khan and receiving a gift which he passed on to Emu. It goes to show that Emu’s love of people from this area does not go unnoticed. Phantom reported on the hash lunch with particular reference to the eating prowess of certain hashmen – in particularly Haggis who was able to put away 2 full plates – not bad for someone his size. Polly did the “Chase the Joker’ – FT drew the card but not the joker, Barcode still hasn’t flogged the Mercedes.

The RA gave a run critique and noted that the run was marked on Sunday then had to be had to be remarked due to rain. Of interest was that it didn’t rain as confirmed by our resident weather forecaster Grizzly. He complimented the hare on picking up pizzas on his Vespa and rewarded him with a well-deserved score of 8.5 for the 6.5km run.

 

I would like to offer my thanks to Ringburner for his food selection, I had no plates or saucepans to wash and only had to worry about the 2 watering cans – how good is that?

 

Again, an enjoyable night and thanks to Ringburner and Polecat for a top night.

 

On on Crayfish

Run 2540 Cans and Pitt at Broz Park, Helena Valley

Run 2540 Cans Mt Edelstone Night

Can we forget about the run and just move to the wine part of the night. Cans, as is a common element to his runs nowadays, included four or so great wines for members to quaff….but when you include a Mt Edelstone wine that makes it a very special night.

However, as always there is a dark side to the night to keep everything in balance – the Eags fans and their prissy,puerile celebration of their grand final loss on Saturday. Officially it was a win but I have it from reliable source that Adam Simpson felt guilty about accepting the trophy after such an atrocious umpiring decision that allowed Damn Sheed to kick that goal.

All I can say is “Well done Eags” to a side that everyone had finishing at about 14 at the start of the year…and yes, they did win the last three qtrs. in the GF and were unlucky not to win by more at an earlier point in the game.

You ask about the run. Well what can one say about a hashman who has been setting them for near on 50 years. It was a good mix of early bush and later residential that generally kept the pack together in an unfamiliar area that lent itself to many variations that would always make a good run.

Good to see Phranger back having a run with us and DTP (Dave the Pom) showed a face. Cocos Island had a rep in Wacuda – always good to have new faces show however temporary in nature.

The run had well placed FT’s and checks and early in the run even slow buggers like Rumpold and Antman found themselves in front.

As the run progressed it became apparent that no matter how well the run was set the swift pricks were always going to be up front towards the last third of the trail. 

It doesn’t often happen but the runners beat the walkers back to the bucket and I have it from a little gossip in their pack one suspects that Phantom, with Stewies help, became disoriented when returning on the homeward leg. Gossip….but wait a minute wasn’t Farty… er… I mean Mumbles on his own most of the walk??? Where do these rumours start! Anyway, anybody that has to turn the map instead of his brain upside down to work out general direction on a trail probably should hand overleadership duties to someone with a cell phone and google maps. 

Back at the bucket Cans and Pit had set up canapes of cheese and crackers as starters, followed by a touch of class with some very fine reds to taste if a beer wasn’t the order of the day. I’m about to suggest something we should have done long ago – Cans to set a run every month if such wines are going to be the on the menu at the end of his run.

Horse called the troops together and the appropriate parties came out for down downs to celebrate the win/loss of the sporting scene on the weekend. The Eags supporters did a fine rendition of the club song and so we tuck another year of football away until 2019.

Emu gave a good review of the run followed by the usual jihadist jokes (did I just see Eric the ‘alf bee, sorry, Sir Knob, frown??) and the world again on Monday night became as it should be.

Nobody nowadays wants to do spring runs so it was cancelled. Perhaps with individual member follow up and the date set towards the end of October (still Spring!) we may get some interest, better weather and more starters. 

The food capped off a great night although many thought the meat was the most tender fillet they had ever eaten before realising it was lambs fry – I’ll personally leave the Lambs Fry alone though….not pregnant and don’t need the addition iron in my die. 

Ahhh shit next week’s hare isn’t here, the pans and plates are absolutely dirty and this dopey bastard has to take them home for clean-up before next week. Now that’s what I call drawing the wrong card, Polly.

 

On On ARISTO(Formerly Polecat)​​​Exactly one page. Just like setting a run that lasts exactly one hour. The author is brilliantJ