Write Ups and Blogs


50th Anniversary Parliament House run photos

The Premier of Western Australia, Mark McGowan MLA, speaks to the hash chapters of Perth on the steps of Parliament House.

Mark McGowan MLA, on the steps of Parliament House addressing the gathered hashers (from the many chapters in greater Perth area). The Premier spoke about the benefits of running hash and commented that he has known Eric Ripper, former leader of the Labor Party, known to us as ‘Sir Knob’ for over 25 years. He went on to say he has never seen Eric looking better so Hash must be benefitting him.

The Premier then called ‘On on that way’ and depending where you where standing it was either to the left or to the right, showing that Hash is apolitical.

The Premier of Western Australia, Mark McGowan MLA, addresses the Hash on the steps of Parliament House.
GM greets Premier of WA
Perth Hash 2020 GM, Max ‘Horse’ Hore, meets and greets the Premier of Western Australia.
Is that chalk for marking the run asked the Premier?
Polly, On Sec of Perth Hash, gets to talk next.
Hmmm…which way does the run go, ‘to the left’?
Wagon & Cans.
Hamersley Hash have a photo opportunity with the Premier.
The Premier asks Sir Knob about the benefits of joining Perth Hash.
The signing of the Perth Hash T-Shirts.
Hashers of Perth.
What time does the run start?
Last opportunity to view the Perth Hash ‘Beer Bus’.
Great food was (self) served.
It wouldn’t be a joint run without Hamersley Hash! And South of Perth Hash House Harriers.
Sir Knob, RA of Perth Hash, addressing the hashers.
Our Chief Tugger, Rumpole, enjoying a small drink.
Meanwhile whilst the runners where hitting the streets the GM and On Sec (and St Peter, a founding member along with Cans who both ran on run #1 on 16/02/1970) were posing with the Premier of Western Australia, Mark McGowan MLA.

We understand ‘Sarge’ from the Perth Harriettes convinced the Premier to don the 50th Anniversary Perth Hash House Harriers T-Shirt for the photo opportunity.

Run 2631 – Dick Tracey @ Carine

Perth Hash House Harriers, Run 2631 14 September 2020

Hares, Dectective Senior Sargeant  (retd.) Dick Tracey, Budgie

On a warm spring evening almost forty athletes gathered at Carine Open Space for the eagerly anticipated Dick Tracey run.

Before the start I inteviewed the famous detective, who, displaying commendable modesty, said he would give it a score of 9.5.

The packs set off promptly at 18.00 hours, runners in one direction, walkers a few degrees to the side. Within two minutes of the start, Phantom took a tumble trying to jump over a safety rail onto some steps. He handed the map to first deputy navigator Stewie and went to the local clinic for first aid. The GP  persuaded Emu to drive him to hospital to get his hand stitched up. Ably guided by Stewie, the thirteen remaining walkers did a clockwise loop, staying entirely in the open space. Back in 44 minutes, having covered 3.8 km. Just perfect.

The runners were in soon after the walkers. The venerable Pitt scored it an 8, despite having to cross Reid Highway twice.   Q gave it 7.5 ( I think, I seem to have inadvertently deleted the voice memos on my iPhone).

The circle was no more shambolic than normal. Several downdowns were awarded, deserved or not.

Dick Tracey served excellent chicken burgers with a very good selection of salads. No pots or plates to be cleaned by next week’s hare!

ON ON, Birdman

Run 2630 – Top Gun @ Second Bite


The night commenced with a few downers.

1st downer, ACE the co-hare went home crook before the run even started. 

2nd downer, TOP GUN couldn’t get the door to the premises open.

3rd downer, the snaggers and buns had passed their use-by date.

Apart from all that at least it didn’t rain.

SHAKIN and DICK TRACY helped with the cooking.

CHUNDER and BUDGIE sorted out the splash and bucket, filling in for ACE. 

TOP GUN just walked around in circles trying to supervise.

The pack and walkers returned about the same time and were dry without any major grumbles about the run.

POLLY commenced the circle with down downs for DICK TRACY complaining about the ticket sales.

RUMPOLE for something to do with the joker.

SIR KNOB for a birthday.

POLECAT and MUMBLES for years of hashing.

POLLY finished off with a joke about a bloke with tight pants and no balls – still waiting for the punch line.

SIR KNOB gave ELBOWS a down down for cancelling the golf day.

ACTION won the raffle ticket draw.

SIR KNOB told the circle about a bloke who has a business called Coffin Confessions.  He related that this bloke would be in demand from retired politicians wanting to offload on the opposition.

SIR KNOB forgot to mention the run.  I checked with Q who informed me the run was about 8km and a map helped as some of the chalk was washed out. 

The HARE was given 6 out of 10 and TOP GUN was happy as it was his highest score ever.

Free piss was on again and TOP GUN had to clean the barbecue.  At least he did something on the night.

On On

Dick Tracy

Run 2629 – Gnocchi @ Viking Softball Club

As a walker we followed the trail arriving back at 7pm

I believe the runners were on time as well

The rain kept away

We had lights and cover

The meal was excellent

No complaints

Q: How do crazy runners go through the forest? A: They take the psycho path.

Q: Why was the blonde jogging backwards? A: She wanted to gain weight!

Q: Did you hear about the race between the lettuce and the tomato? A: The lettuce was a “head” and the tomato was trying to “ketchup”!

Q: What do you call a 13 year old girl from Kentucky who can run faster than her six brothers? A: A virgin.

Q: How do you know when you’ve married a running enthusiast? A: When you have more running clothes than regular clothes in your laundry pile.

Q: Who is the fastest runner of all time? A: Adam, because he came first in the human race!

Q: If twenty monkeys run after one banana, what time is it? A: Twenty after one!

Q: What do you get when you run in front of a car? A: TIRED

Q: What do you call a free treadmill? A: Outside.

Q: What do you get when you run behind a car? A: EXHAUSTED

Q: What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you? A: Run! She’s got a hand grenade in her mouth.


Why walkers do a run write up is beyond my intelligence

Run2628- Ringburner @ Swan Hotel Carpark

Run2628- Ringburner @ Swan Hotel Carpark 

The run start, The Swan Hotel Carpark… We all gathered around and were told which way the OnOn was. Off we went and before we knew it we were crossing over Stirling Bridge, heading deep into Fremantle’s loins. Good use of the streets until we hit a 3 way check and were unable to find the OnOn. Down past the Army Museum and back over the old bridge to the bucket. Once we reached the Bucket, after a nice 7.5 km run, we were told that there was to be NO alcohol to be consumed in the carpark as Ringburner had pissed off the owner of the Swan Hotel.  

We had 2 Birthday cartons for Emu and Flasher, lets hope Rumpole counts these correctly and brings them along to next weeks run.
Anniversary’s were Pembo ( 21 ) Rain drops ( 45 ) and Vespa ( 3 ) 

Sherlock and Pembo received the Parking awards, when will pembo learn! 

No Shelter, No beer, but the food was plenty full and all in all was a good run. Although they only scored a 3.5 / 10. 



Run 2627 – Another Prick in The Wall @ Subiaco

RUN 2627: Who were the hares? Where was the run? Have we run there before? What did we eat? What day of the week was it? What day is it now?

Unfortunately, the H3 song (“we go hashing every Monday…” – thank you Nanny) can only help so much to answer such existential Tuesday morning questions for an ageing H3 membership. Luckily for you lot, I committed to memory some of the key points of interest of Monday night’s run. Another Prick in the Wall (APitW) ably assisted by his pubic hair co-hair, B’man…set a low carbon foot print run of approximately 5 km.

This being my first walking run, an experience in itself, which I’ll return to later, I am relying on hearsay to comment on the running part of the run. By all reports, APitW was trying to reduce his carbon footprint by being extraordinarily efficient in his use of chalk/plasterboard. He is estimated to have used 1 square foot (0.09 m2 for younger members) of plasterboard over 5 km of trail. I can attest to his efficiency…. After the run, I asked the hares if they had any plasterboard leftover for next week’s run. They gave me two small pieces of plasterboard which I think should be enough to mark 200 m of trail. Be prepared for a short run, folks, or another super-efficient low carbon footprint run.

By all accounts, the run was ‘interesting’. It started in a southerly direction, then a westerly direction for about half a km before heading north, north-west, east, south and eventually back to the bucket. Is that a fair summary?

As I mentioned above, this was my first walking run (or run with the walkers). A few weeks earlier I got an infection (no, not that kind) in my foot when at Moore River getting out of my kayak into knee-deep toxic sludge, and so was a hobbler rather than a runner.

The walking group was a surprise for me. They are not dodderers, as many of you runners might think. They kept up a brisk clip of walking and banter for the 5 km, that the walk seemed to be over before it started. I remember snippets of the conversation… plenty of bullshit of course, and discussions of old pub hotels in rural WA and various escapades of our older members.

Walking through a graveyard with a group of ageing hashers was disconcerting, especially when Ace took a tumble and dropped like a sack of loose spuds when he stumbled over a tree root. Hope you are feeling better, Ace. J

The On On at the bucket was good. Plenty of good jokes – wish I could remember them – and down downs for the usual sinners, including Scum Bag, Sir Tom Arse, the RA, Nanny and yours truly (twice).

Bulk pizza was shovelled out to the ravenous mob of hounds. The run got 8.4 points.

Thanks APitW and B’man for a good run.

On On


Run 2626 – Grizzly @ Pop-Eye Lake

Did Grizzly forecast the weather right this time?

The above was the question to answer prior, during and after run 2626 on 10th August.  The weather forecast that I checked during the day showed a brief spell of “no rain” around the 6-7 pm but as we all know a forecast is a forecast and not necessarily correct as experienced during the last few runs. Arriving at the run side near Herdsman Lake that was not quite obvious as there where plenty of dark clouds and the temperature must have been around freezing pint or at least it felt that way due to the wind chill factor. Only a very few runners dared to go in short sleeves. 

Pembo arrived as usual with his 2 dogs. As the parking lot was reasonably full at the time of his arrival he decided that the best parking place was near the bucket. However, in order to get that spot he had to move a tree a few cm to the south, which he tempted to do with his ute but was unsuccessful. He only managed to kiss the tree without obvious damage to tree and ute. For this Pembo received the “parking award” which was hotly contested and narrowly beating the other nominees Reluctant and Polly. Well done.

The pack of around 30+ set off at 6 o’clock (hash time so always late) with a short false trail as a start that served as appetiser for what was to come. Of course, the false trail was a “runners only” event.

For there remainder of the run there were plenty of false trails and several checks keeping the pack together. One of the checks was a 3 way check: left, straight ahead and right. However, there was no straight ahead unless one wished to climb a fence and go through the bush.  This must have cost Grizzly 0.05 points for the run score later set by Goliath at 8.75 (we seem to go for more digits to differ between the various run qualities, so don’t be surprised if a future score comes out as 8.95555).

The run was well set and the front runners arrived home after around 49 min and 6.9555 km. The walkers arrived around the same time.

Now back to the question: Did Grizzly forecast the weather right this time?

The answer to this is “yes” and he must have accurately timed it as well. We all kept dry during the run but immediately thereafter the rain starting pissing down. BoM should give him a bonus for this.    

As usual the ON ON was lively with Pembo taking on the RA role. Some down- downs: PH3 hash dog owners (the Claremont dog owners community that wishes to have the Claremont Oval considered a leash free area and which the Tigers are worried about because the dog s**t they may encounter, should come and join the hash to witness how PH3 dog owners are behaving like “responsible” dog owners), Botek, Pembo, APITW, Reluctant and probably a few others.

All in all a good run.


Another Prick in the Wall (ak APITW or Prick)

Run 2625 – Rotator @ Coolibah Park

On another wet night the pack of 31 set off through the streets of Duncraig. Apparently, Grizzly had had enough of running in the rain, so he turned it off.

I’ve heard that he turns lots of things off.


Not even GRIZZLY or MOSES could save ROTATOR’s Virgin Run.

The weather before 6 PM ruined the markings of ROTATOR and SKID so the pack was given a sealed map to guide them. And then of course it rained no more !!!

Thanks to the movement of a cut off low pressure system moving N. True…no lies here.

It was great area to set a run and both walkers and runners arrived back about the same time, although LASAGNA and SON who were late got a little lost as did TRIPLE , our resident back marker .

We retired to ROTATOR’s front yard (God knows what the neighbors (sic) thought ) to beverage ,including red wine -this is becoming a habit – .The area was great if rain came and we were treated to a delicious vegetable soup plus more Reds. A combination that can increase methane the following day.

The circle had it’s usual frivolity and PHANTOM, that consummate COLLINGWOOD supporter was presented with a Collingwood watch. HOWEVER dear ELBOWS you are up for a Massive down Down as is turned out to be a CARLTON watch !

Any Carlton supporters need a new watch

Then to cap it all off SIR KNOB on the mound was tricked into being a likeness of STALIN

Good night, pity about the weather but having a beer and a josh with your mates is what it’s all about


Run 2624 – Cans – Christmas in July @ Stratton Community Centre

On a wet night the pack of 40 set off through the streets of Stratton. Not many had run there before, apparently.

Various experts commented on the likelihood of further rain. All were wrong.

The run was to Cans’ usual high standard and the food was excellent, so rather than put it in my words, here are the comments received so far;

Many thanks to the helpers who contribute to the successful run, circle & ONON.

The weather, neighbourhood or Covid-19 could not reduce the enjoyment of the night, better than being at Optus Oval.


Run 2623 – Chunda and Haggis Fraser Park, East Vic Park

Good location, adequate parking, light and shelter (not needed). I don’t recall starting here before  and neither did Elbows ,who has set a few runs in the area but there always seems to be someone who claims we have.

The assembled pack of 40 plus including 12-15 runners set off together towards the north east. A quick series of false trails was a promising start and kept the runners together despite at times having to weave past  the walkers and their  numerous  mutts. This is always a problem for the age disadvantaged runners who are not as fleet of foot as those more youthful.

Good use was made of the lanes and off street access to shops etc with plenty of long false trails (these days one of the few options to effectively keep the pack together). In the initial stages calling was again terrible but did improve as the run progressed. Horns ,where’s Emu, and the bugle have a place but are not an excuse for not calling, as some front runners seem to think. From the culinary pleasure houses of E.V.P. where there must be more cafes restaurants per km than any other food precinct in Perth, we headed south,  still pretty well grouped and stunned by a cameo appearance of Elbows, apparently inspired by the having been told he did  not require a hip replacement.

We hit the bucket a bit on the short side at 45 mins with myself and Barefoot in at 47 mins.. Mind you, when Perth Hash first started , 40 t0 45 mins was the target time. This steadily progressed out to the hour which is now the standard. Q in his summary of the run during the polygon gave it 8.6 though commenting more chalk would have helped. I concur with the chalk but dropped off the 0.6 for relatively short run. Well done Chunda and Haggis.

Now the polygon aka circle is always a challenge for those who  have both memory and hearing problems. Added to this I  only became aware I was doing the write up because Cans was not there. Mind you I should have guessed knowing that the chances of seeing Cans at a run these days are pretty remote.. Hopefully Polly as usual will provide a summary of anniversaries , birthday etc. I seem to recall Haggis put on a carton of non-alcoholic beverage, daring to call itself beer and someone else a carton of Guiness cans. After much publicity it was announced the missing Virgin Run Cup, initially thought to have been pilfered turned buried in the wagon and was ceremoniously awarded to Flasher who attained the privilege by being the only virgin run setter last year. A co-hare was sought for Grizzly who has a virgin run coming up, where-upon Birdie promptly volunteered Phantom to unanimous acclamation . It appears Grizzly was attempting to drive to S.A. but turned away at the border for fear of species contamination. He then apparently headed north..

It was announced that former deceased Hashman, Misty, had a become a grandfather . Poor Misty together with former Hashman , Croaker, were examples of the perils of fun running albeit Croaker survived..

Our illustrious R.A. finished of proceedings by calling out FT for not bringing the bell and promptly awarded it to him again only to be advised FT had thrown it in the bin at the last run. Maybe it’s vale the bell.

Pies and Mash was the food of the night and concluded an enjoyable evening.



Run 2622 – The Good, The Bad, The Ugly

What Happened Monday
Run 2622

The Good
The Bad
The Ugly
version of Bushies run in Yokine without the score by Ennio Morricone

The Good –
Chicken with corn in pea soup. A classic recipe by master chef Bushie with enough to feed a 50 hashmen and some.
The jokes by Sir Knob. Insanely funny. Where on earth does he get them from?

The Bad

Only 27 or 28 or so turned up. A small pack of runners possibly the smallest of all time set off and possibly the largest of all time 15, stayed put and who could blame them.

The Ugly

The wet. The wet. Ugly miserable wet. Lets hope there are not too many nights like this.

ON ON Chunda