Write Ups and Blogs

Run 2504 Phantom and Sir Knob perform in Hollywood

We go swimming very Monday. Well we did this Monday after gathering at Hollywood Bowling Club near Karakatta cemetery
Before heading out into the rain we were treated to an entertaining reParking of the van by acting tugger-in-chief Budgie. Well done to the driver and a variety of advisers resulting in the van being brought to the very adequate shelter without losing the solar panel on the van roof.
The hares looked like pastry chefs after trying to set a trail in the continuous deluge but it in the end was necessary to employ Action as a live hare as the actual hare, Phantom, had far more pressing matters such as keeping dry.
That way encouraged Phantom pointing to a waist deep puddle and off went the pack.
Despite a torrent of abuse from Phantom, the co-opted walk guide, Stewie, chose discretion over valour and led the walkers in the opposite direction.
The fair weather hashers who stayed at home missed a great run in good territory. Action led the way south then over Smythe Road into a section of bush adjoining karakatta cemetery. Completing the loop around new housing built on the old Hollywood High School site and across Dot Bennet Park then eventually cross the railway bridge to Stubbs Terrace.
A very wide loop took Action and his band of hardy followers into the bush at the rear of Shenton Colleges and back through the tunnel under Shenton Park Station. It was necessary to swim over the pedestrian crossing and into Evans Street, down an alley to Onslow where the first arrow was spotted under a shop awning.
A straight forward route arriving back at the bucket in about 40 minutes to coincide with the walkers.
The circle was well roofed and provided with excellent lighting under the club rooms. A 36 year anniversary down down for Stewie and a second one for birthday No 68. Some people are simply lucky that they do not show their age.
Barcode was a returnee from The Indonesian Woodlark Island (some people get all the good jobs).
Our Religious advisor, Tripple J was enthusiastically received and provided a wet evening with generous helpings of dry humour.
The food was chicken and salad rolls served by a Phantom wearing a suspicious surgical glove. I did notice Phantom had been wearing that all evening and was obviously intended to ensure any germs collected or chicken grease didn’t taint his skin.
Very well done to Phantom and Sir Knob. Good on you both for planning, setting and ensuring a fun evening. But a special thanks to the 30 odd hash men who turned out in very inclement weather to support your efforts, it was well worth it.
On On

2503 COLONEL and The Budge at the Usual Spot

COLONEL and The Budge at the Usual Spot

40 odd Hashers arrived at   Butlers Reserve expecting a re-HASH (good Word ) of  old runs. As it was he covered some NEW Territory but seems to have forgotten that PH3 uses P arrows   – not the bog-standard arrow of yesteryear.

The run itself used what public open space was available, crossed Scarb Beach Rd and wound thru the Mansions of Scarboro.

It was then down down to the beach to view the Topless Chicks (all gone since Harvey Weinstein was outed) and along beach tracks.

Crayfish, Bushie and others lost it here in a lane behind Coles (or was it the Check in the Middle of the road that confused them) but the rest of the Pack found their way to the steep hills around Kay St and the few cunninglingus FTs on Ventnor.

Pack and walkers all arrived back together after 50 mins Well Timed Good Run.

The RA climbed carefully to his Rostrum suffering from Plantar Fasciitis and it bloody hurts -ask Phantom –Budgie –Conman and told his joke about the Village wise Man and awarded the Bell to Q -apparently his Navigator fell asleep on way the way to Hash.

Poor Q gets the Bell or a Down Downs more than Scummy.

Pack took off for food table before RA had finished giving a score

Food was a change being Good Quality Burgers with all the trimmings.

Only Bad marks were for leaving Banner and Pourers behind last week and refusal to do a write up after Gumby put in a big effort He also refused to collect signs after the run –After 30 years he is still the only one convinced it is not his job. Phantom spat the dummy and refused to collect them so here’s hoping Colonel did the job

Good Night Good Run Good Food


ON ON Ghost who limps

Picture from the archives – circa 1972


2018 – posibly after Colonel's run.





2498 Chunda down Unda with Haggis

Chunda & Haggis returned from setting without mud on their shoes. That was good sign.

Interesting territory that us PHact riders frequently visit out our 50Km early (got that FT) Friday morning ride. Until recently the area was flooded. Presumably because of the bridge reconstruction over the weir.

Rhino managed to park straight with all his car in the bay, well done!

The run will be reversed next week – watch this space.

Moses said to Mastitis (as he drove into the car park) have you retired now as you don’t arrive late anymore? The response cannot be printed here due to PG rating.

It was a great run with no snakes sighted. I managed to run most of the trail and FT’d (short-cut) the last few hundred metres.

Neon and I returned to the bucket the chips were out and there were lots to go around – why would that be?

Dicky knee was back – great to see you!

Botak & Neon were given a down-down – maybe for talking? Botak could even knock Budgie off the perch for the talking under water gong.

$ & Neon both didn’t know what went on at the Hash Xmas lunch – one was there and one wasn’t.

Barcode called up Q, FT, Mole, Neon, Chunda, Scummie, Phantom & Mumbles.

Barcode explained that now with Gay marriage legal & once the scientists perfect LGBTIQ++ breeding we could end up with strange offspring- he showed pictures of their future offspring.

Ace explained why run 2500 will be held out of numerical sequence. This is Hash so the committee decided that the runs would be held in this order:-

2498          11th December 2017
2499           18th December 2017
2499.1       24th December 2017
2501           27th December 2017
2502           2nd January 2018
2503           8th January 2018
2404          15th January 2018
2500          22nd January 2018
2505          29th January 2018
2506          5th February 2018
2507          12th February 2018 AGPU

Nanny wears skinny black shorts and Sherlock wears skinny black socks – does that make them an item? Refer rule #1.

Polecat wants to legislate against idiots (not sure why I wrote that down).
Crayfish – quietly pushed to front of food Q so was awarded an infrequent down-down.

Bushie was awarded the bell – I think it was pay back for pouring beer over Nanny a few years ago. He demonstrated how to ring it whilst the Perth Hash song was sung.

Elbows doesn’t pay attention – instead of going to the front of food Q he went to front of down-down Q.

The food was Meatloaf, salad and gourmet roll – yumm!

If you want praise, die. If you want blame, marry.

May you have the hindsight to know where you've been, the foresight to know where you are going, and the insight to know when you have gone too far.


On On

PS We did most of the run!

ARISTOCAT in home territory for a BONC


We have been here before .Like a 20 year marriage  -he knew what to do but could he make it interesting !   In the unfamiliar style of a Freo Supporter  -He did it well .

The runners took off for a large loop which gave the Wanklers time to reach the old traffic bridge and climb thru hidden limestone hills to the Signals Lookout .After a number of FTs the Wanklers emerged by the Army Museum followed by the Runners .

At this point the Runners looped the Swimming pool and then tackeled more limestone bush to emerge just behind the SCB Wanklers .

The Wanklers short cut past Horribly Long park while the runners took the longer Root,all arriving back around 7

So fat Wanklers stuffed from the hillclimb to0k the short Root home abut also got back at 7  .Top effort using some virgin territory and keeping the pack pretty well together.

Back at the Bucket some 50+ drinkers ,including around 8 BONCs , enjoyed the Hash and jokes .The Hills youth  were recognised for Graduation , especially Q (Brain ) young Seagull . FT got the Bell so we may not see or hear it again till 2018

Food was tasty marinated lamb and coleslaw in a bun. WEL DON ARISTO


PS If you don’t want the circle to go on so long then SHUT THE FUCK UP at the back











2496 Emu and the old Piggery

RUN 2496            Emu & Thommo – South Coogee

Well this was by far the best run held on Entrance Rd, South Coogee this year. No question, it should win the “South Coogee Run of the Year” award.

As usual you are never too sure how many will turn up when a run is set below the Fremantle traffic bridge plimsoll line but on this occasion forty or so hashmen turned up for a run in an area that would be unfamiliar to most. We set off heading south for a small loop before crossing Hamilton Rd heading towards the local mosque, which just happened to be the former Watsonia cochon small goods processing plant, to the sound of the call to afternoon prayers. Being well-known happy clappers who holds godlike qualities close to their hearts we had to stop Crayfish and Bushy from staying to long on the prayer mat and so we continued in a close knit pack for some way towards the east.

The run moved in good territory with well set FT’s and checks to give all the old bastards a chance to at least stay within cooee of FT and Seagull. A note to remember – if you are too far behind just follow the Molster as he always has an incredible ability to reduce the yards to find the front of the pack. This is called “Short Cutting” and it should not be considered a sin to be such an accomplished master at the art as it takes many years to perfect this quality and Rumpole isn’t necessarily the best teacher.

We continued on throughout the newer parts of South Coogee but always to the east which was where most of the interesting area is. Most Freo people understand this magnetic eastern effect as there is this tremendous and powerful draw towards Cockburn the home of the mighty Freo Dockers. I digress even if it is recognized that this fantastic club has picked up a list of the best young players ever – just ask Colonel who apparently talked up the list on his walk with the vigorous but perambulating Mumbles and company.

The runners almost caught up with the walkers near the railway track where we got side tracked by Gnocchi with the pack, a little strung out now,  heading away from home again. Q and Debbie didn’t let us down and finally we started heading back and under the bridge to home. All in all a good run was enjoyed.

Back at the bucket we all had the opportunity of downing one of Jaapies birthday beers and Seagull took over the circle in the absence of our cerebral but deadly On Sec Bark Hode. All the formalities were discharged with a welcome to an old member Thommo and another welcome to that pommie guy?? who has had a number of runs with us already –  then on to Tripple J who gave us the benefit of his weekly diatribe – he does put in a lot of effort for the small amount of time he is on the crate.

Hash food was well prepared galettes de viandes with salade and a delightful range of salsas.

Top night enjoyed by all.

Polecat(also known as Aristo)

Run 2495 Rhino and Shakin

Even though I didn’t actually do the run due to a squashed foot, Iam reliably informed that it was a very predictable Rhino run.

In true Burswood or Tomato Lake tradition, there were long stretches between markings – always hard to set a really good run in old suburbs where blocks are big.

However, the leafy streets of Dalkieth and large houses extolling the benefits of capitalism and hard work made for pleasant scenery whist running.


Highlight of the run has to be Phantom’s dummy spit as he directed the runners whilst obscuring a check – now Phantom is normally very calm and collected, so perhaps that could actually be construed as initiative!


Other than that, seems run was uneventful and reasonably well set.


Back at the bucket, it was good that we were beside a plaque letting us know the land belonged to the Noongars – you’ll all be impressed I stopped Nanny’s dog from pissing on it!

Talking about dogs, if you went hungry, Rhino’s inattention allowed one of the local canines to devour a few snaggers.


Car parking & lighting good, tucker average and I think the score was 1.0 [or is that a typo?]


On On Emu


SEAGULL & Q Go Viral in Lesmurdie 2493


Flies, Ants, Snakes, Ticks, Rocks,  Heat, Dust, Shiggy, Hills, Wild animals (and neighbours), Bad manners, Bullshit and Beer….every Hashman’s dream. 


Well the Hillbillies didn’t disappoint tonight. A true celebration of everything basic, unrefined and rough as guts natural. SEAGULL and Q must have been pissing themselves whilst setting this run. The first half of the run was set in what could only be described as a rock quarry, undulating relentlessly over about 4 kms. This of course led to the downfall…litterally… of several  Hashers, having fallen victim to the” ball bearing” strewn, laterite track. Yours truly included…and not happy Jan!! Trying to run on this surface, up and down hills was sheer suicide. Fortunately there was some respite across  to the north side of Lesmurdie Road, where the trail continuedfor another 5 kms through semi suburbia, up and down hills but at least on firm ground. 


Residents unfortunate enough to be living anywhere along the trail were treated to the usual barrage of yelling and screaming etc and in one instance someone amongst  them even suggested that flyers be placed in the mail boxes of all the residents along the trail warning them of an upcoming Hash run in their street…seriously!!!?

Not a bad run all considered and TRIPPLE J awarded it a 9/10


Food was…different! Spicy potato, pumpkin and sausage casserole served with a ladle full of corn kernels and crusty bread. Very “innovative” one would have to say and it went down a treat.


Nice work Hillbillys


On on


Run 2491- Moses’ Run from Inglewood Oval 23rd October 2017

Run 2491- Moses’ Run from Inglewood Oval 23rd October 2017

The masses gathered at Inglewood Oval to partake in a run set by the revered Moses, and his trusty disciple Bushie. The weather, although overcast, was neither cold nor windy and therefore perfect running conditions. When you factor in the decades of Hashing experience of both the Hare and the Co-Hare, there was an overwhelming expectation of an“11 out of 10” run, a run which would be remembered in history as legendary as the parting of the Red Sea by the Hare himself.

The run set off through the park and into Edith Cowan University car park where it all got a bit confusing as the trail seemed to disappear. Runners went out in all directions in the search for chalk or possibly a sign from God (or Moses). Maybe it should have taken us through the maze of the campus buildings, but eventually the young buck Boner, who fortunately was the proud wearer of the bell, called “On On” and “clanged” from the far reaches of the car park. The pack re-assembled and followed the arrows south-west along  Alexander Drive, back into the Uni where the trail fizzled again, however it was all part of Moses cunning plan, as the trail was found again in the other direction and across the road. You see, Moses is much smarter than he looks.

So the pack swore and cursed around the rest of the trail, as they encountered very long false trails and excruciatingly long straight runs around Mount Lawley Golf Course and north up to Grand Prom. Moses put in yet another long false trail at the high point of the run (i.e. in elevation terms at least) on the only hill in Inglewood by the Islamic College. At this point Emu, happy in the knowledge that his tax was being spent on such a worthy cause, led the pack along some further long straight runs until finally arriving back at the bucket for a well-earned splash and a beer, 10.4km 1 and a quarter hours after starting the run. 

The circle saw the returnees Vespa and Horse get a down down. Horse was called up again with Chunder for birthdays, and generously put on a couple of cartons. Vespa also featured again, taking the blame for a London jewel heist where he drove the getaway vehicle – a Vespa of course. Visitors Cods and Jack Russell were given a DD, but Nanny (another member of the hash dog walkers club) took the  DD for Jack Russel who had already escaped his leash. The dynamic duo of Shakin’ and Rumpole, the Hash Tuggers, were charged with pathetic parking of the bucket, meanwhile token Kiwi Mumbles took one for the All Blacks going down to the Wallabies. Elbows, no stranger to receiving down downs for any excuse, was charged with reporting that there was too much “shaggy” (not “shiggy”) in the previous week’s run write-up, although maybe he was right the first time. Also a call went out for the Spring Run/Father-and-Kids camp and the Hash Lunch which all commence on the same weekend (from Friday 3rd November).

Our Religious Advisor Triple J called up Barcode for driving his kayak into his garage door, but Triple J confessed to his own cock up of buying a bargain priced dishwasher only to find it was white not silver. Triple continued to lay charges to unsuspecting Hashmen for things they may or may not have actually done (but why let facts get in the way of a good story): Barefoot for going for a walk every night because his wife always won the argument; Lasagne for winning big wonga on an Italian rider winning the Moto Grand Prix; and something about Nanny and his dog (again).

Despite the reported comments of “useless”, “hopeless”, “not enough chalk”, false trails too long”, “too many long straights”,  Triple J claimed it was a great run, although he did mention that if you ran all the false (long) trails you would be “f*#@&ing knackered”. Triple awarded 9 out of 10 which sounds pretty good. Until you compare it to the 10 out of 10 runs that Triple J is handing out all the time. I’ll let you ponder on that one. Food was generous amounts of mash and beautifully tender silverside, with a complimentary gherkin to cover your fresh vegetable requirements.

Thanks Moses and Bushie, you provided a quality hash run, good food, and gave the boys loads to moan about for the whole week, so everyone’s happy! Who called the Hare a prick? I think he’s a great bloke. For a Hashman.