Ramrod and Sir Thom Arse

Run Report 22nd May 2017

Hares:             Ramrod and Sir Thom Arse

Location:        De Lacey Reserver, Maylands

“A crap run”, said Mole, but that’s Mole. Everybody else said it was a terrific run and earned  9.5 on the Richter Scale, although, the usual remarks about too many dogs was again repeated ad nausium. “Fuck the dogs” somebody said, and Ramrod kindly offered his for the rooting (at a Scot’s bargain price) but there were no takers.

The hares were splendid in their rebel regalia, in the form of plastic biddies, and admitted they had nothing on underneath, but nobody challenged them on that, for fear of a frightful sight of Scottish horror worse than massacre of Glenco. The hares maintained they were wearing kilts to celebrate St Andrews, which says something about their mental capacity, down to the day’s date! “Phantom promised us our run on St. Andrew’s Day”, they said, “so St. Andrew’s day it must be, ye ken” – Ghost Who Walks tells no lies!

Reports came in on some of the run’s high moments. Rumpole was vertically challenged but received no down-down for it, just the Bell for the next run; he said he was alright but that’s hard to believe! There were lots of false trails (Seagull got sucked into all of them, and Boner too) but few checks – that seems to be popular these days (except with Boner). Also, no hills – that means it was flat, on the bottom and the top of undulations. (Sorry, I keep using words of more than two syllables – poor hashmen are not knowing, lah!)

It was also reported that slack-arse hares did not mark the trail around the oval (expecting a modicum of intelligence from hashmen, no doubt); and there were no obvious opportunities for short cuts, said Mole.

Pre-circle drinks was the usual scrum with Lasagne shouting for a VB, and was promptly accused of favouring “Virginal Backwash” by the ever lucid and erudite Barefoot. Well it’s better than EB or “Enema Backwash” said Jerry Cans. “How do you spell it?” asked Ace. “I…T” replied Shirlock.

Oh, yes, and while we are discussing Ace and Shirlock, they were accused of having a “cuddle in the car”, “fuck me”, said Mole, “no puffters in the Hash”, not realising his contradiction in termini. Emu complained about the lack of heat, but Dick Tracy was not there to give him any, and Xmas wingged about the Walkers having to direct the Runners.

The Circle was called, and 3G was first up for getting this driver’s licence, after only three attempts, and two wrecks! Mumbles got his usual down-down for the Docker’s trouncing of the Eagles, with his usual fatalistic aplomb. Tripple-J then took the stand as Religious Advisor (Catholic by the way…) and called Stewie up for acting like a juvenile at the Kalamunda “Haggis and Bagpipes” do, with the Perth Metro Band the main attraction (besides Stewie, of course).

Tripple-J reported that Barefoot was see drinking coffee, while scanning the Merabukka Times and was suitably punished. Barefoot was also reported as being one of 300 odd attendees at a “Talk about Sex”, being attracted by the offer of a free lunch, but was then selected by the capaccino psychopathic seminar host for an honest description of his sex life. Barefoot smiled continuously during his grilling, finally admitting that he only had sex with his partner once every year. “So why are you smiling”, asked Tripple-J, to which Barefoot replied “because tonight is the night!” On-on Barefoot!!

Deeply Boring

30 May 2017