SoPH3 Post Rotto wrap-up

To whom gives a Shit.


I have the 3 leftover cartons of Rotto piss at my house. They’ve had quite a journey. From Arseniks car, to my garage, then to my car and onto my boat. Then sailed to Rotto and transferred onto Kacka’s boat and ferried ashore. Then carried by hand by a small group of helping Hashmen (you know who you are) who like protective parents bathed them in ice for 3 days. Once the weekend was over they were once again repackaged and carried to my dinghy and putt putted out to the boat. Good thing they don’t get sea sick as it was blowing 30 knots for the crossing back to Freo where they were dutifully barrowed to the boot of my car and driven back to Willetton and stacked in the garage. I’ll be sad to see them go but someone needs to pick them up and give them a new home. The clock is ticking as I’m getting thirsty, very thirsty.




Bali Banger. 

2443 DICK rocks the STAR

PHE Run 2443 Report            A Dick in the Swamp


Your Reporter, being a mere walker, and having been shown a map which included only the walker’s itinerary, is able to report accurately only on that section. Given that we walkers did the whole length of Star Swamp and back and still got in ahead of the pack, indicates to me that there must have been enough checks and false trails and side-tracks for the run to have been fairly interesting.

This opinion is reinforced by three external Factors:

1,            Hares are well experienced and rarely, if ever stuff up.

2.            Very few mutterings were heard when the pack got back.

3.            Skid, a very experienced Hashman was enjoying the scenery so much that he explored the area to the fullest, ignoring the passage of time, and only got back once the circle was underway

The walkers, thanks to a well-marked trail could just about detect where their route intersected and diverged from that of the runners.. Certainly the Swamp (?) made for pleasant walking.

The circle was as raucous as usual, but I couldn’t hear the joke and can’t remember who did or didn’t have a birthday.

Prior to the run commencing Action called for attention and informed the pack of the deaths last week of Bo Derek and Deeply Boring’s wife. We all observed a minute’s silence.

Grub was good, but your correspondent’s hope of a dry dinner were dashed by the serving of a very tasty curry and a casserole.

At least they didn’t burn the pots!!

On. On.


2442 Horse turns 40

RUN 2442 – 14/11/16                                    HARE – HORSE                                  CO-HARE – PITT

Monday night was a night of highlights and milestones which are listed as follows:

  • HORSE’S 40th year of PH³ membership

The run was late starting as most of the committee were suffering from altitude sickness in upper Mundaring.

After a brief dispute between PHANTOM and STEWIE over the location of the walkers’ map, we were underway.  The map of course looked like one of HORSE’S bowel ex-rays.  The condition of the map explains why PHANTOM had to back track to get the walkers home.  RUMPOLE with his efficient G.P.S. led CANS along the correct trail to the bucket.

Fortunately the weather had cooled down as the back runners returned, with SIR KNOB, RELUCTANT and CRAYFISH heading straight for the bucket.

The ON ON was commenced and the drawing of the raffle by HORSE was subject to controversy.  Some members will contact the Crime and Corruption Commission as the majority of winners were committee members – some of who didn’t even buy a ticket.

BAR CODE was relieved of the bell after two weeks of non-ringing.  The bell was awarded instead to RUMPOLE for lack of ice in the bucket.

West Coast had a couple of down-downs – I can’t remember what for!

On the run BAREFOOT injured his knee after trying to force it into the gravel track.  Hope it’s nothing serious.

The circle didn’t hear much about the Rotto weekend – everyone must have behaved and gone to bed early.

HORSE picked a good location with plenty of parking and light and well away from the public.  Food was great and as a special treat for 40 years of hashing, dessert was served.

NEON gave the hare a score of 9.2.

Great job HORSE with a bit of help from PITT.



2441 STEWIE with assistance of 3G in Kalamunda

Run 2441  KOLDER than KASHMIR    STEWIE and 3G test the pack

The hare Stewie and his able bodied cohare, young 3G, were waiting for the pack to amble up to the hills. Crayfish was there early, collecting money for a Prostate Cancer raffle; he even nabbed the members before they had time to turn off the car’s ignition. Bushy was hiding behind his 4 days growth of facial hair or is it his new disguise for the Rotto weekend? Rimmer arrived with his red nose; I believed it was from hitting 87 off the stick in his game of golf and not watching the Aussie loose 10 wickets for 87 in the cricket.

The hare (in reference to last week’s run) said the runners were on plain flour and the walkers were on the self raising flour trail. Off we went all heading down hill. The walkers walked the straight lines, namely Recreation Rd, Peet Rd, Park Rd, Alpine Rd, Yorna Rd, Ozone Tce and into the creek (Whistlepipe Gully) of Mundy Regional Park. A few of the old stager’s namely Elbows, Mumbles & Horse stuck to the terra firma and retraced their steps up hill to the plateau land and short cut through the Park to Urch Rd and across the new oval to the bucket in 1 hour.

The runners followed a well marked trail. There were some Trump political untruths, like a FT at the end of drink stop trail, a “Sports Illustrated” tight arssed female running in the opposite direction, that distracted the front runners and a patch of loose pea gravel on a down ward slope that only caught Scumbag. A little blood was spilt.

Some of the tourists (Flatlanders) complained about the lack of views of the city, water in Death Valley, a good run spoilt by its length and all hills runs ruined by having to run up hill to return to the bucket. Goliath admitted it was his hardest run in the 4 months he has been running; he got home in 1 hr 15.

The circle huddled together, like an assembly of Emperor Penguins. Our visitor “The Penguin” even got in a flap with the cold. Neon did his RA duties with perfection by including a live performance of his penguin joke. The extra layers of clothing (5 on Bushy) could not keep in some warmth until we all consumed a bloody good meal of silverside stew & peas. (cooked by Mrs Stewie). The run received an 8.9, thanks guys.

Horse (on return from Kashmir)


Run 2440 Larry Loose Lips Grandad in Wattleup

This write up was kindly written by Stewie. In the far distant lands of Hills-Ville they use Macintosh Computers, commonly called Macs. This is relevant because when Grandad (aka LL) was working at UWA they also used Macs. I digress, the Mac file system is different to the Windows file system. So, when Stewie emailed his run write up to Phantom he couldn't open it on his Windows 10 OS machine. So, he sent it to the HashIT.

The file was in the format of Dot Pages. To open this on Windows is a multiple step process and as most of our target audience can't even stay on trail on a hash run I won't bother with the details. So, I ended up with a JPG (or JPEG) file as you may know is a picture file. For the techno freaks – JPEG File Interchange Format is a minimal file format which enables JPEG bitstreams to be exchanged between a wide variety of platforms and applications.

So here is the JPG file extracted from the Mac .pages file: –




On On


2440 Grandad’s Gut Busting, Ball Breaking run specially set for the young bucks

You can tell that Grandad* has a kind caring soul when you hear that he asked Bushie to co-hare his Adventure Trail at WATTELUP. His published co-hares, Chunda and Jaapie tasks were restricted to assisting at the On On as Chunda is orally challenged (deaf) and his knees require a lube every ½ km. Jaapie is on light duties.

So freshly back from the World Rogaining Championships in Ross River (85 km east of Alice Springs) where he competed at the East MacDonnell Ranges with his only non-hashing brother Alan (yet to be named Vet Ranger), Bushranger donned his cross country Rogaining gear to assist on the ground. What a sight in his Kathmandu outfit including gaiters. Well the gaiters came in very handy in the bush section near the coast. Not quite as spiky as the spinifex at the Worlds but just as challenging.

Grandad did more reconnoitres than Major Robert F. Burns of the 90th Division, U.S. Army. Bushranger participated in two of these.

The course was very technical as you would expect from a retired Microbiologist who used his scientific skills to attack Mt Brown from three sides. There were two trails (even though some hashers returned saying there were more than that), one for the walkers and one for the runners. The short-cutters (like FT) were left to their own skill and cunning. Often the walkers were on the same trail as the runners and vice-versa (think about it).

It is common knowledge that anyone that runs hash only needs half a brain. Well half a brain was not enough for some hashers to work out how to follow a well-set trail with plenty on paper and flour false trails & checks for the runners and flour for the walkers. Those clever enough to stay on trail for the entire run (was there anybody in that category?) would have concurred with the published description of the run.

Whilst setting the trail Grandad and Bushie experienced the joys of bushwalking with abundant wild flowers and fauna. Grandad skilfully stepped over a snake only to discover the snake had left it’s skin there some time ago. Bushie made friends with a bobtail goanna (Tiliqua rugosa is a short-tailed, slow moving species of blue-tongued skink found in Australia. Three of the four[2] recognised subspecies are found only in Western Australia, where they are known collectively by the common name bobtail.[3] The name shingleback is also used, especially for T. rugosa asper, the only subspecies native to eastern Australia.). It had been gorging on the fresh vegetation and tried to crap on Bushie as he held it up for the photo shoot.

Rogainers have a term called ‘keeping in touch with the map’. Occasionally, although not lost, the hares were not in touch with their map. That is how technical the run was. You could argue that it may have been too technical for some Perth Hashers and as you probably know Grandad loves a good argument so now is your chance.

The scenery was absolutely stunning from the top of Mt Brown. If you made it there it was well worth the short sharp climb. Come on Mt Brown isn’t that high, ask Birdman who took a bunch of (mostly Perth) Hashers to the top of Mt Kinabalu, Borneo, Malaysia in September 1995. Mt Kinabalu is 4095.2 metres above sea level (I know as I climbed to the top with Colonel [Bushie]).

The runners and walkers gathered in the car park of the Ten Mile Well Tavern in Wattelup. At 5.57pm Grandad and Bushie lead the pack across the busy Rockingham Road to the entrance of Beeliar Regional Park. Grandad was waving a red flag and Bushie was wearing a safety vest given to him by PT Darma Henwa when he braved the jungles of Bata Hijau, Sumbawa, Indonesia trying to make a quid (or Rupiah) writing software. You may ask why all the safety gear? Well ask! During one of the many reconnoitres Grandad drove through the bottle shop driveway to purchase some icy cold liquid refreshments. The staff member told Grandad that she couldn’t serve him. When he enquired why she said the he drove in the wrong direction into the drive through. It was a requirement of the occupational health and safety act that he drives in the correct direction in order to be served. So, Grandad said ‘I’ll just get out of my car then, is that OK?’. It was. Shakin’  and  Jaapie experienced the lengths the Ten Mile Well Tavern will go to to comply with the OH&S act when they entered the tavern to be confronted with complying ‘skimpies’ complete with warnings tattooed on their almost naked bodies and bolts to hold various body parts on.

Grandad explained the markings used to set the run. FT was so keen to attack Mt Brown that he took off without listening to the full comprehensive instructions on how to follow trail. Consequently he returned early (no he didn’t short-cut) with some derogatory comments on the quality of the run setting. Sometimes it pays to read the manual (or listen to directions).

As the pack burst out of the starting blocks to the gut busting ball tearing run Grandad and Bushie were content with the knowledge that they had set the bush run of the year. As they returned to the car park near the Ten Mile Well Tavern on the way back to the bucket a friendly local San Franciscan guy on a Vallkree electric fat tire bicycle pulled up. They had met this guy on Sunday during a gut busting ball tearing run setting episode. Always on the lookout for new hash members they invited him to join the pack for a run. Arriving at 6.30pm put him in the Rumpole category. Anyway Chunda wandered up and whilst our SF friend was chatting Chunda rode off on the electric Vallkee bike. Eventually Chunda was persuaded to give it back and for an exchange of a Cooper’s Green Bushie and then Grandad test rode the electric off road bike. Chunda ‘do yourself a favour’ and buy one. Then you can ride with the PHact cyclists on Fridays.

The pack returned in various groups depending on their level of short-cutting.  The walkers managed to mostly stay on trail with Phantom leading the charge. Sperm complained of too much light (in his eyes) – gee it’s hard to get good help. Bushie in an act of complying with the Occupational Health and Safety requirements of the Ten Mile Well Tavern met them at the fence on Rockingham Road. Bushie assisted Phantom to leap low fences in a single bound (no that’s Superman, isn’t it)? Bushie directed the bunch of walkers across Rockingham Road thus complying with section 15 point 3A of the act.

Duties fulfilled Bushie retired to his car, which was cleverly parked in a paddock, to slip into something more comfortable and familiar to the Perth Hashers (miss-matched socks and colourful hash gear).

Eventually Action called the troops to attention whilst he ran the circle. Various birthday and returnee down-downs were consumed. A carton of birthday beer was put on by Tank. Dollar loved it and was spotted drinking two at the same time. Gumby was called to sing an appropriate birthday song for Tank. Action commands silence when he tells this weekly hash joke because they are so bloody funny and so he doesn’t need to speak loudly over the noise of the rabble. Top marks for Action. The four hares and co-hares (Grandad, Jaapie, Chunda & Bushie) were given down-downs with Bushie demonstrating where Rumpole obtained his down-down mug.

Then Neon stepped up to the crate. Neon told a joke befitting the location (carpark of the Ten Mile Well Tavern) and would easily blend in with the locals although he has less ink and no hardware attached to his body parts (that we know of).

Xmas kept us waiting whilst he prepared for his Indian rope trick. The Indian rope trick is a magic trick said to have been performed in and around India during the 19th century. Sometimes described as "the world’s greatest illusion", it reputedly involved a magician, a length of rope, and one or more boy assistants. Xmas qualifies then.

Another great hashing night.

The hashers decamped to the sound of the Chief Tugger & Assistant Tuggers counting the returns.

As they say in the classics (well in the Phantom comics) ‘wouldn’t be dead for quids’.

On on
HashIT, Perth Hash.

*Grandad sometimes referred to as LL (short for Loose Lips) by Budgie since returning from Vaile, Colorado, USA, where he endeared himself with the locals chirping about the Australian way of life, the sunshine, the beaches, the surfing, the beer, the red wine and the sheilas.  Hey Budge we have moved on mate, he is now called Grandad.