Run 2621 – FT’s Cockman House Run

Was this FT’s Cockman House run or FT’s Cock-up run?

FT, always a forward planner, had planned this run site for a summer run. Well COVID-19 put paid to that. However, FT was up to the challenge, he provided shelter where there was no shelter, lights where there were no lights, no rain where there was rain and parking ….err the parking was fine.

The hashers assembled ready for the French challenge, sans the blue, white and red flag. We set off south down Cockman House Road towards Woodvale Drive, with no FT to lead the charge.

After a couple of FT’s (False Trails not French Ticklers) we headed towards Wanneroo Road. Moses handed the map to Bushie who conferred with Mastitis, but Mastitis claimed he didn’t’ have his ‘eyes’ so was as much help with finding trail as WHO is in managing COVID-19. Now I can empathise with Phantom, trying to ‘keep in contact with a map’ which has and many roads labelled as some hashers have set runs (that’s not many for those not familiar with my dry sense of humour) and is covered in shiny plastic which reflects a powerful torch beam back in ones eyes is difficult to say the least.

More of that later…we run back and forth in a southerly direction to eventually cross Wanneroo Road near Wild West Hyundai and Wangara Honda.  There are more car yards in Wangara than Parramatta Road! The run went up the hill towards PLE Computers as most hashers were trying to get back to Wanneroo Road. The real runners crossed Ocean Reef Road and headed north. But not far enough north apparently.

The pack fragmented into small groups as all were looking to head for the bucket. Reluctant remarked that Bushie should have been a politician as he confidently predicted ‘this is the way’ only to find it was a dead end. There were eight-foot-high fences to stop us entering the US style clover leaf intersection of Ocean Reef Road and Wanneroo Road (none of which were present on the FT provided MAP!).

Grizzly was complaining of sore knees and was looking for the quickest way back to the bucket – so were the rest of us.

Mastitis & Bushie found a way across the Los Angeles style roadway and sprinted (well ran) back to the bucket. Grizzly eventually turned up.

With the hashers now kitted out in their new Haby, curtesy of Crayfish and Bushie, the circle got under way. Polly told a joke that had been carefully handed down from his grandfather to his father and then onto Polly. There were down-downs for Entry Re-Entry from Bali2 and returnee Wagon. Wagon put on a carton of Guinness Extra Stout making the most of the ‘pay $50 for your birthday carton and get up to $90 worth of beer’ supplied by Perth Hash (go figure the math’s on that one & the effect on Perth Hash House Harriers Inc. bottom line!). Then it was over to our RA, Sir Knob, who told a ‘ripper’ of a joke about a lady who had a facelift. It eventually included an ex Liberal Cabinet Minister due to one of the hecklers suggestions that the said ex Liberal Cabinet Minister was the lady in the story.

Sir Knob was not complimentary about the area we ran though. Not up to Claremont standards let alone Cottesloe standards.

The circle concluded with the second rendition of ‘We Go Hashing Every Monday’ due to The Nanny singing the first one before the allocated time slot.

Food was very tasty. It was Subway sandwich with choices of chicken, ham and (roast) beef.

Sir Knob awarded the run 7.8 or there-about.

Grizzly was busy following Rumpole’s 14 page packing up the bucket instructions when your scribe left for home.

On On Bushie

Run A40 hex – Stirling Mafia hash territory

 What Happened Monday

 Run A40 hex

We met in Stirling Mafia hash territory, aka Lasagna’s’s starting point. Xmas brought along his new invention, The Social Distancing Rope, which consisted of a long piece of rope with loops tied at 1.5m intervals, so that each hash man, when holding onto his allocated loop was 1.5 mts from the hashman in front and 1.5mts from the one behind.

A brilliant invention that he should patent and send to the Government for more widespread use.

Once again we split into two groups, the runners headed east from the car park in Stirling out towards Balcatta and Princeton whilst the walkers headed West over the Freeway to Gwelup before returning over the Freeway at Karrinyup Road and back into Stirling.

Talk about social distancing, we were kilometers apart.

As it was BYO, everyone retrieved their own supply and a general discussion was had by all.


As Virtual Hash was looking for new virtual organiser, it appears that virtually nothing happened. Details virtually not available.


Run A3F hex – Triple J on Tranby

What Happened Monday

 Run A3F hex

We met in Tranby House car park Maylands. A number of inundated hashmen assembled for the second get together after the Wuhan Flu Suspension. It rained, quite a lot actually, but not to be daunted we set off, however we were inundated.

Once again we split into two groups, one who classed themselves as runners and others who rightly called themselves walkers. After a general idea of where we were going, Moses led the  runners off. The walkers, headed off along the river towards Garret Road Bridge, when out of the dark behind them, came a black clad figure calling On On as he passed through the pack. It was dark, he was dressed in black, “Who the fuck was that? Must be a hashman.” It was Soft Top who made it this week after missing last week’s because his soft top also had a soft bottom with a flat tyre. We continued onto Garret Road, returning through Maylands. 

Social distancing was practised perfectly again and Rumpole had the bucket under a suitable light, so hashmen approached individually to get their ration.

It worked very well, with everyone respecting the rules.

However, we do need to split into three groups; Fast Runners, Mid Runners and Walkers.


The Virtual Hash continued as well with Bushie driving it with virtual help from Gumby. Well Done!

We are expecting the imminent release of new relaxations of the Covid19 lockdown, which we anticipate may allow us to re-commence “normal” hash runs, starting 2 June.  Probably, food will have to be take away package food service rather than normal pots, queuing etc for some time yet.

We have now had two weeks where we have had a small group of runners and walkers meeting for a run/walk and a beer and this has worked pretty well. The plan is to offer the same for the remaining Mondays in May to exercise together maintaining social distancing.

Nothing is perfect in this world but for both weeks we have had some hashers turn up and there were no audible complaints.

Monday 11th, we will gather at “la seconda casa di Lasagna” Sheldrake Reserve, where Nanny will act as live hare for a ±6km run.
If you plan to arrive, please give us the nod so that we can ensure there is enough beer.


Run A3E hex – ANZAC RUN – Tuesday

Being a Tuesday run the Perth Harriettes were also running. BUT because of the COVIUD-19 lockdown were we really running? The lockdown had been relaxed slightly so groups of 10 were allowed to exercise together so long as they practiced the 1.5 metres social distancing.

At the Bushranger and Mary Poppins household in Yokine there were two events:-

  • A Perth Hash House Harriers Zoom Virtual Circle at 6:00 PM
  • A Perth Harriettes group of 5 run at 6:30 PM followed by a Mary Poppins meal.

Meanwhile,somewhere far far away in a distant Galaxy …. there was a Horse’s Rat Bag – Special Message from Polly on Mon 27/04/2020 9:40 PM.

 On Sec’s Message

I know that we haven’t had a run for several weeks and some hashmen have found that tough going. So I am writing this slowly so that everyone understands.

Today is Monday,

It is a Public Holiday

When there is a Public Holiday Perth Hash House Harriers run on Tuesday.

Tomorrow is Tuesday.

If you look at an archived calendar from the past you can see that we were supposed to have Run 2622 combined with the other clubs for ANZAC Day.

The Wuhan Flu scuttled that effort.

Now that the restrictions have been eased, we are going to have a “run” under the new rules.

It will be with a live hare/hares or maybe not.

Groups of no more than 10 will set off for 45 -55 mins and arrive back as though there had been a perfect trail set.

This was Polecat’s good idea. Well done I reckon.

There will be NO FOOD.

There will be NO CHIPS

Each group of 10 will have a gofer to go to the bucket and collect the rations for the other 9.

We don’t want to stuff it up and have it all cancelled again.

If you have some spare hand sanitiser, please bring it. Rumpole has been unable to source a sufficient amount, even though the distilleries have been making it. You get a very interesting cocktail if you use Whipper Snapper Gin and it has been labeled incorrectly.

There won’t be a circle and there won’t be any downdowns.

So that is the story to date.

We’ll see you there if you are coming. Otherwise we won’t

On On


Horse’s Rat Bag Committee

 Fri 1/05/2020 3:37 PM

What Happened Monday
Run A3E hex

Well I finally got the date and run right at the top, after a pointer from Bushie. Thanks

We met in East Perth. A number of intrepid, intoxicated, inoculated hashmen assembled for the first get together after the Wuhan Flu Suspension.   We split into two groups, a number who classed themselves as runners and some others who rightly called themselves walkers. After a general idea of where were going the runners led by Polecat, headed off. The walkers, changed leadership very quickly deferring to the superior local knowledge of Ramrod, headed off along the river to Claisebrook, crossing over the high bridge and then heading to the Matagarup Bridge as most of us hadn’t been there before. Along the edge of the stadium and back over the Windan Bridge and along the river to home, where we encountered a late comer in Grizzly.   Social distancing was practised perfectly and Rumpole had the bucket under a suitable light, so hashmen approached individually to get their ration.   It worked very well, with everyone respecting the rules.

There was also a Virtual Hash online. No details yet as to how many attended.  

Run A3D hex – Polecat’s run of the Year

Gumby asked me to host this weeks Zoom meeting as he was unavailable at 6:00 Pm on Monday 20 April 2020.

So I sent out advice via MailChimp to see if that would get a better response than the invitation sent using WhatsApp last week.

We had a total of 19 Perth Hashers join use during the Zoom meeting so I would class that as a success! Well done guys! We had a few ducks on the pond from time to time but it was all good fun.

What a happy bunch of Hashers!

The movie will be released soon…
Here is the Trailer…just click on the link Click here

As you can see from the screen shot/dump/snip/clip there were a number of (dodgy) hashers present at the Zoom Meeting aka PH3 virtual circle.

They include Bushranger (initial host until he bowed to the superior experience of Gumby and handed over the host duties to him), Gumby, Ringburner aka Rbnr, Fags aka Patricia Tamminga, Skid aka acca dacca, Sir knob aka Croatian Cousin, Phantom (ghost who is learning to walk), Grizzly who brings our weather each week, Rumpole (who decided to bring a webcam and microphone this week), Mole, Mastitis who dropped in (& out), Flasher, Conman (mysteriously very quiet this week), El Beaux, Plus absence friends (that means I forgot who they were .. Ok I’ll prepare the virtual ice.

Well we all had a jolly good time. That’s my run rite up.

Expressing an interest in joining us next week are…(in no particular order):-
Footrot (ahh… just kidding)
Barcode (no, I made that up)
Budgie (as soon as he can find the key to his cage).
Chunder (when he inserts his hearing aids)
Colonel (he has finished his isolation)
Sawbones (after Bushie has provided him with instructions)
Shakin’ (really?)
Stumbles (I hope he can make it)

Thanks for all those who participated in the Zoom meeting.

Royal Perth Yacht Club are using Zoom…oops did I say that out aloud?

Virtual Run Write Up (VRWU) is now completed….

Listen to Perth Hash House Harriers’ song (it’s the only one we have).

On On

Run A3C hex – Pembo’s Laksa Run (no not that kind of run)

Easter again but this year no social interaction. Pembo’s Laksa Run won’t be the same without Laksa.

Laksa soup (malaysian coconut curry noodle soup)

With public gatherings, including Masses, banned in Italy to prevent the spread of the coronavirus, the Vatican published an updated version of Pope Francis’ schedule for Holy Week and Easter.

In a statement today, the Vatican said that all Holy Week celebrations will be celebrated at the Altar of the Chair in St Peter’s Basilica “without the participation of the people”.

The same with HASH – Easter Laksa run “without the participation of Hashers”. WTF?

So onto the cloud we went. This time…with…Zoom.
We intended to flaunt with death err… well live in the fast lane at least!

Gumby had done extensive research into many social media platforms – PHuck when you live and work in Argentina what else are you going to do with your time?

(Gumby) I have been looking at various options for a while as well, including for another group. These included trialling:-

  1. Houseparty,
  2. Messenger,
  3. Skype,
  4. Skype for Business,
  5. Webex Meet,
  6. Webex Teams, and
  7. Zoom.

I was initially against Zoom for a variety of reasons, as there were many alternates. However, when I actually read and saw many of the reviews, most issues were regarding Zoom Bombing. No matter which application you use, if you advertise the invitation, anyone can drop into the meeting.

This is why I have suggested that we adopt the recommendations that I highlighted. I have spent considerable time researching and trialling the various apps. I suggest that you also read and see the reviews that I have sent, and come back with your concerns. Its not about re-inventing the wheel, but about finding an app that Users are comfortable with (ease, familiarity etc), is seamless (no config or usage issues), provides a social level of security and very importantly, easy to use. As we know, we have some very technically challenged Users who are part of this group and I am trying to find the easiest solution that meets their technical comprehension capability.

So Gumby sent out invitations to a Zoom meeting (via WhatsApp).

We had a small group of die-hard hashers join our Virtual Circle.

They were (apologies if I missed anyone but I am a senior):-
* Gumby
* Polecat (aka Aristocat)
* Bushie
* Phantom
* Birdman
* Sir Knob

We all had a jolly good time!
On On
to next Monday night.


Run A3B hex – French Tickler’s Cockman House cockless run.

The run was posted on the Perth Hash House Harriers website on 6th April 2020 as ‘Run 2619 – French Tickler @ Cockman House, Woodvale’

COVID-19 causes Hash to be Suspended

But due to COVID-19 all activities of Perth Hash House Harriers were suspended on Wed 18/03/2020 at 10:00 PM.

So we hadn’t had a physical non-isolation run since 16th March 2020 which was Skid’s Acca-Dacca revival run @ Tompkins Park, Dunkley Ave in Applecross.


So it was deemed appropriate to have a ‘Sitting Hash In the Cloud Circle (SHICC)’ (or Polly-Gon according to our On Sec) after our individual Self Hash Isolated Run (SHIR).

After reading some reports of security concerns for Zoom (which has over 200,000,000 users world-wide) Bushie collaborated with Gumby to trial a Cisco WebEx Teams group meeting for Perth Hashers.

The Webex Teams Circle starts.

The Perth Hash circle starts in the cloud at 6:00 Pm 6 April 2020

Polly 6/04/2020, 5:48 PM

I’m ready to go! Polly

lesleystuart lesleystuart 6/04/2020, 6:00 PM

Bushie should be seeing video? Stewie

ripp99 ripp99 6/04/2020, 6:03 PM

is there video ?

nick curry1001 6/04/2020, 6:03 PM

R’brnr is here

peter peter 6/04/2020, 6:03 PM

another prick in the wall is around

nick curry1001 6/04/2020, 6:04 PM

how do you get the video working?

peter peter 6/04/2020, 6:08 PM

no clue

amolnar amolnar 6/04/2020, 6:10 PMI have a beer..

nick curry1001 6/04/2020, 6:11 PMme too… a white rabbit dark ale… v tasty

amolnar amolnar 6/04/2020, 6:11 PMCoopers pale ale..

lesleystuart lesleystuart 6/04/2020, 6:11 PM

I have a beer and no-one is talking to me. Just like a hash circle!

amolnar amolnar 6/04/2020, 6:11 PMAnyone else got a beer??

mrhasherd mrhasherd 6/04/2020, 6:12 PMJacobinus Hefeweizen.

You 6/04/2020, 6:12 PMwe all have beer & video.

amolnar amolnar 6/04/2020, 6:12 PMLesley this means hash…

nick curry1001 6/04/2020, 6:13 PMi still don’t have video. it says only 3 people allowed video at same time

You 6/04/2020, 6:13 PM

G’Day Polly

Polly 6/04/2020, 6:13 PM

I’m back and I have Corona

amolnar amolnar 6/04/2020, 6:13 PMNO VIDEO…. How do I get that??

mrhasherd mrhasherd 6/04/2020, 6:14 PMDo you really want to see those ugly old codgers?

lesleystuart lesleystuart 6/04/2020, 6:14 PM

Mole this is going to be a long circle. Stewie

amolnar amolnar 6/04/2020, 6:14 PMWhere are the birds???

You 6/04/2020, 6:15 PMKeep that Corona out of my house, Polly!

amolnar amolnar 6/04/2020, 6:15 PMStevie, not for me….

You 6/04/2020, 6:16 PMBirdman can you get video?

Polly 6/04/2020, 6:16 PM

A full list of the excellent jokes as told by the On Sec will be in the Rat Bag Rant tomorrow

amolnar amolnar 6/04/2020, 6:16 PMI am going, not a great deal happen ing here, see you later….

mrhasherd mrhasherd 6/04/2020, 6:17 PMI don’t want it Bush🍻

nick curry1001 6/04/2020, 6:17 PMare you sure this is perth h3? seems too boring for perth H3

Polly 6/04/2020, 6:17 PM

It’s all virtual, virtually doesn’t work (at the moment)

lesleystuart lesleystuart 6/04/2020, 6:18 PM

Ive just been out walking with my 94 year old mother in law so this is way more fun. Stewie

Polly 6/04/2020, 6:18 PM

I even wore my Hash shirt and hat

nick curry1001 6/04/2020, 6:18 PMand i’ve got my running shorts, especially for this circle

Polly 6/04/2020, 6:19 PM

Has anybody got video feed? I have no video and no sound.

lesleystuart lesleystuart 6/04/2020, 6:19 PM

Ive got a bucket of ice ready to sit on. Stewie

Polly 6/04/2020, 6:20 PM

Don’t lose your cool then.

lesleystuart lesleystuart 6/04/2020, 6:20 PM

Stewie has no video or audio

nick curry1001 6/04/2020, 6:20 PMnothing … except fragments of literary genius scrolling down my screen

mrhasherd mrhasherd 6/04/2020, 6:20 PMI have video of Gumby. Unfortunately. 😬

nick curry1001 6/04/2020, 6:21 PMpoor you

Polly 6/04/2020, 6:22 PM

Ok it appears more investigating needs to be done. We moved from ZOOM because there is a significant security issue for people who join in.

lesleystuart lesleystuart 6/04/2020, 6:22 PM

One good outcome is a flattening curve. My wife has me on weight watchers. Stewie

mrhasherd mrhasherd 6/04/2020, 6:22 PMThis evening, at 20.00 hours, I’m joining the Singapore Hash circle. And that’s a definite maybe.

ripp99 ripp99 6/04/2020, 6:23 PM

No chalk,flour, false trails,checks,food,parking,lights,chips, video or sound so I giving this run 1.51

lesleystuart lesleystuart 6/04/2020, 6:23 PM

Bushie my wife is doing yoga via Zoom and they now issue a security pass code

Polly 6/04/2020, 6:24 PM

I would have thought False Trails would have scored. Maybe they were Dead Ends.

nick curry1001 6/04/2020, 6:25 PM

hey, i’m amking some progress with the video… it’s now saying waiting in the toilet/lobby. what does that mean?

You 6/04/2020, 6:26 PMI logged out and back in again and have video but no audio.

lesleystuart lesleystuart 6/04/2020, 6:26 PM

Ringburner it means you are up shit creek. Stewie

Adam Gumby 6/04/2020, 6:26 PMAfter Bushie and Sherlock dropped off to allow others to join, I was able to run with Birdman setting up his iPad and putting his headphones on, however he forgot to open his mouth to speak. So I dropped off and can’t get back in

You 6/04/2020, 6:27 PMI’ll try again

lesleystuart lesleystuart 6/04/2020, 6:28 PM

Hurry up I’ve got to drive back to kalamunda

Polly 6/04/2020, 6:28 PM

Who’s still on?

You 6/04/2020, 6:28 PMHey guys it was only set up late this afternoon with no testing.😎

lesleystuart lesleystuart 6/04/2020, 6:28 PM

Stewie but i can smell dinner cooking

nick curry1001 6/04/2020, 6:28 PM

does this mean that we can drink as much as we like and no worries about driving?

Polly 6/04/2020, 6:29 PM

That is not a problem. It was always going to have some teething problems.

nick curry1001 6/04/2020, 6:30 PM

will try logging out and then back in

lesleystuart lesleystuart 6/04/2020, 6:30 PM

Getting video and audio is harder that sourcing toilet paper in Coles

Adam Gumby 6/04/2020, 6:31 PMIt seems that there is a limit of 3 Users

Polly 6/04/2020, 6:31 PM

I get a thumbnail of Gumby and I know he’s back from Argentina, so don’t cry for me…or him.

You 6/04/2020, 6:31 PMYes I think we need to do some research that means read TFM

lesleystuart lesleystuart 6/04/2020, 6:32 PM

Well done guys I appreciate the effort we can have another test run another day. Stewie is signing off,

Polly 6/04/2020, 6:32 PM

I can smell dinner too and my fingers are getting sore.

ripp99 ripp99 6/04/2020, 6:35 PM

Thanks Bushie – management has cooked dinner and I don’t want to discourage her so I will sign off

Polly 6/04/2020, 6:36 PM

Stay tune. I’ll send details in the Rat Bag rant.

You 6/04/2020, 6:49 PMI’m signing out now – On On Bushie

Polly 6/04/2020, 6:49 PM

Me too.

Adam Gumby 6/04/2020, 6:50 PM Cheers.

Next timeinfo info left the space. 6/04/2020, 6:54 PM

You had a meeting (1 hr 3 min) 6/04/2020, 8:31 PM

Report of the Inaugural Meeting of The Shelldrake Reserve Runners Club

30th March 2020

Unbelievably, there was a congregation formed at 6pm on the front driveway at Lasagne’s house, the evening was cool and promised great conditions for a fast run. Considering the quality of runners involved, it was decided to split the pack into two groups (and to comply with the new draconian laws to come into force at midnight) and considering that there was a vast age gap there.

Gnocchi, Meeka and Alyse (Nanny’s youngest daughter) took off at the front of the pack, and were never headed as best we could see from the back of the pack. Lasagne and Nanny, making up the slow runners at the back of the pack set a furious pace (for us) just trying to keep those front running bastards in sight. As you would expect, we quickly went past Shelldrake Reserve and paid homage to runs past from this great location, and continued on down Odin Drive towards Karrinyup Rd.

The FRB’s were advised to take a couple of left turns into the false trails, which they refused. This only added to the antagonism between the front of the pack and the back of the pack, which Meeka tried to defuse the situation by running alternately with either the front or the back of the pack depending on the smells she detected along the way. There was a brief Hash Holt called just after we passed to the west side of the freeway. At this point, the hare pointed out (in no uncertain manner that the FRB’s could do some extra false trails otherwise their rations would be severely cut when they returned. Fortunately for all, they heeded this advice and were seen regularly going off in the wrong direction and having to catch up. Or, as I suspect really happened, Lasagne advised your faithful scribe to do a bit of shortcutting with him so we could keep the pack approximately together.

This was working fine until Meeka spied ducks on the pond and took off into the water. Getting in was fine, but getting out proved a challenge as the mud around the edges went on for a good 10 metres and it was sticky. We nearly had to send in a rescue party to get the dog out of the mud. It took us five minutes to start running again, as we were all laughing so much at the colour of the dog and sympathised with the daughter who would be tasked with cleaning the dog before it was allowed inside again.

Resuming the run through Gwelup, we eventually wended our way under the freeway and back to where the drink stop was the run of the year (last year), only to find that there was no one in attendance. At this point there was the accusation that your poor scribe was guilty of leading the pack astray last time by running through a false trail and dragging the pack with me. I pleading my innocence with no success as the spaghetti eaters repeatedly kept up their merciless attack on me. I gave in and ran with the dog alone for a while and sulked.

So we had to run on drink less.

As we approached the end of the run, those FRB’s succumbed to a false trail and allowed the hare and his slow mate to lead the pack in the dark, followed by the now dry Meeka, Alyse and last of all was Gnocchi. Drinks were waiting and handed out by the ever helpful Mrs Lasagne, but Rumploe would have been devastated because there were no Chips.

Next run is scheduled to start from Nanny’s driveway in a week at 6pm. It is promised to be a live hare run, but a week’s a long time these days. One thing is for sure, we won’t go past any lakes.


PHact (Perth Hash Awesome Cycling Team) riders rejoice

Fri 27/03/2020 6:38 PM

FT, Providing this is not fake news one would say Trump is good man “recognising bikers”

Everyone, you & your families stay safe.

Cheers Budgie.

Fri 27/03/2020 6:38 PM
Sent: Friday, 27 March 2020 4:20 AM

To: Botak ; Bruce Sleeman; Budgie ; Bushie ; Colonel ; Crayfish ; Moses ; Mumbles; Prairie Dog ; Sawbones ; XYZ

Subject: Meanwhile, in the good old USA

President Donald Trump leads the (fake) peloton!