Report of the Inaugural Meeting of The Shelldrake Reserve Runners Club

30th March 2020

Unbelievably, there was a congregation formed at 6pm on the front driveway at Lasagne’s house, the evening was cool and promised great conditions for a fast run. Considering the quality of runners involved, it was decided to split the pack into two groups (and to comply with the new draconian laws to come into force at midnight) and considering that there was a vast age gap there.

Gnocchi, Meeka and Alyse (Nanny’s youngest daughter) took off at the front of the pack, and were never headed as best we could see from the back of the pack. Lasagne and Nanny, making up the slow runners at the back of the pack set a furious pace (for us) just trying to keep those front running bastards in sight. As you would expect, we quickly went past Shelldrake Reserve and paid homage to runs past from this great location, and continued on down Odin Drive towards Karrinyup Rd.

The FRB’s were advised to take a couple of left turns into the false trails, which they refused. This only added to the antagonism between the front of the pack and the back of the pack, which Meeka tried to defuse the situation by running alternately with either the front or the back of the pack depending on the smells she detected along the way. There was a brief Hash Holt called just after we passed to the west side of the freeway. At this point, the hare pointed out (in no uncertain manner that the FRB’s could do some extra false trails otherwise their rations would be severely cut when they returned. Fortunately for all, they heeded this advice and were seen regularly going off in the wrong direction and having to catch up. Or, as I suspect really happened, Lasagne advised your faithful scribe to do a bit of shortcutting with him so we could keep the pack approximately together.

This was working fine until Meeka spied ducks on the pond and took off into the water. Getting in was fine, but getting out proved a challenge as the mud around the edges went on for a good 10 metres and it was sticky. We nearly had to send in a rescue party to get the dog out of the mud. It took us five minutes to start running again, as we were all laughing so much at the colour of the dog and sympathised with the daughter who would be tasked with cleaning the dog before it was allowed inside again.

Resuming the run through Gwelup, we eventually wended our way under the freeway and back to where the drink stop was the run of the year (last year), only to find that there was no one in attendance. At this point there was the accusation that your poor scribe was guilty of leading the pack astray last time by running through a false trail and dragging the pack with me. I pleading my innocence with no success as the spaghetti eaters repeatedly kept up their merciless attack on me. I gave in and ran with the dog alone for a while and sulked.

So we had to run on drink less.

As we approached the end of the run, those FRB’s succumbed to a false trail and allowed the hare and his slow mate to lead the pack in the dark, followed by the now dry Meeka, Alyse and last of all was Gnocchi. Drinks were waiting and handed out by the ever helpful Mrs Lasagne, but Rumploe would have been devastated because there were no Chips.

Next run is scheduled to start from Nanny’s driveway in a week at 6pm. It is promised to be a live hare run, but a week’s a long time these days. One thing is for sure, we won’t go past any lakes.


PHact (Perth Hash Awesome Cycling Team) riders rejoice

Fri 27/03/2020 6:38 PM

FT, Providing this is not fake news one would say Trump is good man “recognising bikers”

Everyone, you & your families stay safe.

Cheers Budgie.

Fri 27/03/2020 6:38 PM
Sent: Friday, 27 March 2020 4:20 AM

To: Botak ; Bruce Sleeman; Budgie ; Bushie ; Colonel ; Crayfish ; Moses ; Mumbles; Prairie Dog ; Sawbones ; XYZ

Subject: Meanwhile, in the good old USA

President Donald Trump leads the (fake) peloton!

Run 2613 – Mastitis’ All Black Run


This is testing the memory somewhat as we have since had and written up the Blue Dress Run.

However this intrepid Horn has decided to dig deep and recalls a damned fine run set by a seasoned Hashman with a pile of smarts even if tested by rain and having to re-mark the run at the last gasp.

So we set off from Blackall Reserve on an 8km or so run which offered plenty for the serious runners, but also leaving enough for the lesser folks such as c’est moi who only ran 7.0 km in the hour.

We headed South through a bit of bush and looped getting close to the Mitchell Freeway but cleverly avoiding crossing any main roads.

Then we stayed in a clockwise circle running up Coolibah Drive before heading back East and North past the Greenwood College and the West Greenwood Primary school and another loop to test us before leading us home back to the Reserve.

Then Larry the Man delivered an adequate and elegant meal of turkey burgers.

All in all a very good show and worth everything and more of the score given by the RA.

Run 2614 – Blue Dress Run with the Harriettes

As always the Perth Harriettes did a marvelous job for the Blue Dress Run, though I thought it was a pretty poor show to rubbish a distinguished and fit bunch of Hashmen, if a little decrepit in most cases, by arranging the event at Beasley Park, where there were a gazillion young footfall spunks over whom most lechered for the early part of the evening (please note that this verb is applicable to both genders).

In spite of all the muttering, there was enough parking and the 7:00pm start was not an issue.

The run was about 6.2 km and did a clockwise loop up to South Street, meandered along it finding a little bush to make it a little harder and longer and then we came back across Beasley Road for a dose of bit more bush and sand before heading through suburbia, to a drink-stop nice and close to home and then a gentle run in.

The Circle was to a high standard with participation by numerous clubs that I will not try and list here. There was much mirth and noise of course, and there were even interstate visitors, one of whom received a down-down for having been a member of just about every Hash club in Australia.

Good job Ladies.

We hope you were happy with the funds collected.

50th Anniversary Parliament House run photos

The Premier of Western Australia, Mark McGowan MLA, speaks to the hash chapters of Perth on the steps of Parliament House.

Mark McGowan MLA, on the steps of Parliament House addressing the gathered hashers (from the many chapters in greater Perth area). The Premier spoke about the benefits of running hash and commented that he has known Eric Ripper, former leader of the Labor Party, known to us as ‘Sir Knob’ for over 25 years. He went on to say he has never seen Eric looking better so Hash must be benefitting him.

The Premier then called ‘On on that way’ and depending where you where standing it was either to the left or to the right, showing that Hash is apolitical.

The Premier of Western Australia, Mark McGowan MLA, addresses the Hash on the steps of Parliament House.
GM greets Premier of WA
Perth Hash 2020 GM, Max ‘Horse’ Hore, meets and greets the Premier of Western Australia.
Is that chalk for marking the run asked the Premier?
Polly, On Sec of Perth Hash, gets to talk next.
Hmmm…which way does the run go, ‘to the left’?
Wagon & Cans.
Hamersley Hash have a photo opportunity with the Premier.
The Premier asks Sir Knob about the benefits of joining Perth Hash.
The signing of the Perth Hash T-Shirts.
Hashers of Perth.
What time does the run start?
Last opportunity to view the Perth Hash ‘Beer Bus’.
Great food was (self) served.
It wouldn’t be a joint run without Hamersley Hash! And South of Perth Hash House Harriers.
Sir Knob, RA of Perth Hash, addressing the hashers.
Our Chief Tugger, Rumpole, enjoying a small drink.
Meanwhile whilst the runners where hitting the streets the GM and On Sec (and St Peter, a founding member along with Cans who both ran on run #1 on 16/02/1970) were posing with the Premier of Western Australia, Mark McGowan MLA.

We understand ‘Sarge’ from the Perth Harriettes convinced the Premier to don the 50th Anniversary Perth Hash House Harriers T-Shirt for the photo opportunity.

Run 2549 – Bushranger and Co-Hare Crayfish @ Success Hill Reserve, Bassendean

Prelude to the run of the year (Next week-Idiots)

Hare: Bushranger 

Co Hare: Crayfish

On a very warm day (36 degrees) about 50 hashmen turned up to Success Park in West Swan (despite the ON SEC’s directions to Lloyd not Lord Street!). We had visitors Joe and Tim who are runners and potential members, and a repeat visit from (Er… don’t know). Returnees were Grizzly, Boner and now- regular Jack Russell. With Bushy’s promises of lots of toilet paper and the likelihood of a river crossing sensible people wore little of value, and the packs set off after enjoying the company of several very attractive local ladies (See the Hash Flash report to verify this). Runners went basically a long thin anticlockwise loop  northwards and walkers southfirst and then east then back over the same bridge, both loops through shiggy, sand, ticks, flies and heat. The walkers were still beaten home by the runners in 50 minutes. Not quite as hot as could have been and pleasant company all round. Only one member -Boner enjoyed the swim. On yer Boner.

Only one significant mistake for the night: NO bloody chips. Now fair go committee-it’s your only skill and you buggered it- just because the GM was not there. Just as well Bushy put on pre-circle snags and olives. The snags were bloody hot too! They almost made up for the lack of splash after the run.
This was perhaps only beaten by the raffle being conducted without the prize card pick. Are you getting the trend here?Only two months more of this committee.

Presentations came from ON-SEC Horse and RA Emu as required under the standing orders for PH3, including about some proposed amendment to the constitution.  The same (farkin’) song was sung only about 15 times but it still amused our visitors/potential members.

Obligatory racist joke from Emu. It would be greatly inappropriate if the jokes weren’t so good. Down downs a-plenty. Er… who were they?  Visitors, Birthday…….. andnumerous misdemeanours-real and imagined (you can see I am struggling cos I did not take notes. Nah… don’t  need notes I can remember this). RA Emu awarded the Hares 8.5 for the run. (Liberally inflated because of the RA’s and co-hare’s political leanings). Good run though-everyone was happy. Our visitors appeared very pleased with the night and even got a lift home with Pembo. 

Dinner was hamburgers with excellent and wide choices of extras. Best thing was – no plates…. You Bewdy. Can’t wait till next week.

On On


Run 2548 – STEWIE and DAVE THE POM @ Maida Vale Nature Reserve

Run 2548 – Stewie and Dave the Pom

This was a joint run with West Coast H3, who had a full turn out.

Q and Seagull arrived in style in Q’s Jaguar. Our Hash Cash (Jerrycan) drives a Jaguar – is there a message here?

The run was scheduled to start at 6.15 pm and from 6.00 onwards the call went out ‘what time does a 6 o’clock run start?’ – the answer was obviously 6.15!

There were a number of visitors:-

• Skippy from Hills Hash

• Dave the Pom from Hills Hash

• Cods – from Townsville H3 (previously Perth Hash)

• Jaapie (past PH3 member)

We set off with Stewie telling us the trail was set with chalk and flour. The trail was well set with plenty of false trails and checks. Franger from WCH3 kept the pack on a fast pace and the false trails struggled to keep the pack together. Franger claimed to run more than 8km compared to your scribes 6.2 km in 54:25 minutes (approximately). The trail was mainly in bush which suited the season (supposedly the end of spring). The breeze was rather cold though in the fading sunlight.

The pack came in well before the walkers. Emu brought out the chips before the walkers came in but being the gentlemen’s hash we are there were still plenty of chips saved for the walkers.  Just a reminder that when Birdman is On Sec there will be no chips and short circles.

The gas heater was fired up for added comfort for the members. It was appreciated for those who gathered around it.

Horse called for the members to form a circle but The Mole was more interested in forming a square (made up of an L and a 7). He didn’t gain much traction with that proposal.

Elbows was called up for new shoes and attempted to drink out of a plastic cup placed in his shoe. He relented and poured the beer in his shoe and then drank his down down.Mastitis and Chunda were given a down-down for cooking the meal for last week’s run – well done!

Visitors where called up for their down-downs and Franger was included for being a FRB.

Horse read out some Perth Hash legal business and there was a show of hands and the motion was passed (what ever it was).

Horses weekly joke was well received as possibly the best one this year.

Emu took the stand and was telling a story about Burke Street when your scribe inadvertently added to the story by referring to the street as Burka Street thus ensuring he was awarded a down-down.

Stewie went to the extra effort to hang solar powered lights over the food serving table and this had him at an advantage over other hares for the score for the run. He was awarded 8/10 points on the RA scale.

The food was chicken casserole and was quickly consumed by the hashers. A big thanks to Stewie in handing over clean pots even though he used them to prepare the meal.

It was good to see our dog owners took note of the all dogs must be on a leash sign. We should hang such a sign on our Hash Bus!

A great run, great company, great food and great beer.

Wouldn’t be dead for quids.

On On



Run 2547 – Ace @ Shirley Strickland Reserve, Ardross

Run 2547 Ace at Shirley Strickland Reserve, Ardross
A good turnout for this special Run 2547, fundraiser for Prostrate cancer research, but not unexpected as not only with Ace’s top reputation for run setting and the fact many members are frequently inspecting their testicular region. Probably because a not insignificant number cannot remember when someone else did the exploring.

following a brief introduction from the OnSec, Ace pointed the way and the pack set off across Shirley’s oval shaped welcome mat. Via Jim Ainsworth Reserve and Al Richardson reserve (I must be the only person in Perth without a reserve named after me) the pack skirted the back of Booragoon shopping centre to enter the old favourite, Wireless Hill Park. 

A circuitous root (I mean route) took the mob to the top of the hill where the walkers were already waiting at the drink stop. A breather, vista of the Swan River and a cup of port then down the hill to work through a posh housing area and making Len Shearer Reserve. By this time the pack was getting quite stretched with Crayfish and Rumpole doing most of the checks.

West across Risely Street the cunning Ace took the run around Blue Gum Lake before turning North and struggling to match the pace of the Phantom mob who had already worked a more direct root (must be the thought of testicles) to Ken Douglas Reserve. I think I’ll rename my house “Stewie Reserve”.

After what seemed like 50 minutes the combined walking and running packs converged on Shirley Strickland’s bucket.
The circle was the usual pandemonium and made worse by Emu’s absence. Q was given a down down for turning up at Curtain for an exam only to find it was not until Wednesday. The circle was at the same time singing “we go Hashing every Monday” so confusion reigned. Fortunately it didn’t rain because there was no shelter.

We were lucky to have Scumbag back and also welcomed guests Bill and Fat Bastard Collins. (Horse’s description not mine).

A special thanks to Mastitis, chief chef also Raindrops and South Perth Hash for lending woks. The chicken satays and vegetable stir fry must be a Gordon Blue contender although Barcode’s wife did have much to say about the amount of gas generated that night.
Well done Crayfish for running the raffle which raised $290 plus a donation of $250 from PH3.

TOP JOB ACE. OnOn Stewie