Run 2525 – MARK 1 with Co-hare FAGS at Neil McDougal Park, Como


WHAT A NIGHT – very cold, wet and located in a damp swamp area.  As the pack gathered a downpour had Hashmen huddled under a tree and a lean-to made for one.  Good to see TOP GUN (RHINO) back on his feet.

CO-HARE FAGS had already set the run twice and refused to set it again.  Several maps were given out in case the chalk had disappeared.

Two packs of runners and two packs of walkers set off in different directions.  PHANTOM had his usual dummy spit due to the lack of enthusiasm from the walkers. POLLY back-doored PHANTOM and piloted a second pack of walkers with the assistance of DICK TRACY. POLLY’S walkers’ pack was ambushed by PHANTOM’S raiders and PHANTOM, with the assistance of SOL, overthrew POLLY in a bloodless coup.

Fortunately all returned dry and huddled around the heater to keep warm.

The Runners went out for chalk and found almost none. Fortunately the maps provided should have been a godsend. In the hands of your GM ACTION, with his (not so) trusty wind up torch, he led a small pack of about 7 in a circuit around the park then through the streets of Como. They came across a pack of Walkers led by PHANTOM a couple of times, and ended up at the furthest point at the back of Penrhos School, about the same place as ACTION agreed that he was not on trail. Which was a surprise as he had taken the Runners up some very false false trails! But even so, the Runners found their way back to the bucket after about 50 minutes or so, and didn’t even get rained on.

HORSE drew the raffle and winners were DICK TRACY and DAVE THE POM.

Down Downs for GRIZZLY, BARCODE, COLLINS and STUMBLES – can’t remember what they were for though!

NANNY had a Down Down for having his dog in the circle.

NEON and ELBOWS had Down Downs for no reason.

EMU excelled himself by telling a joke about muzzies where we actually laughed – so he quit while ahead and didn’t go for seconds.

EAGLES supporters were given a Down Down while the COLONEL received an extra Down Down for being a Claremont supporter (1 point loss to West Perth) – he was still bitching about the umpire’s call.

HARES – It was the first time the club has had two packs of runners and walkers each with their own maps.  EMU gave 5 out of 10 for a score – should now be amended to 1 out 10 for the HARE not supplying cutlery or staying to clean up rubbish. However the cassoulet was hot, plentiful and maybe even nutritious.

It was another good night of socialising.

Dick Tracy

Run 2524 – Nanny and the Fox Terrier @ Gwelup Swamp Reserve

Nanny and the Fox Terrier

Well this shaped to be interesting – Nanny started by giving Phantom a map of a dull walk around the lake –about as  interesting as a tongue kiss from Colonel . Phantom protested (read spat the dummy ) and the Fox Terrier produced a map of the run itself. Although Nanny had a spit too as he claimed Walkers ruined the run  FAKE NEWS!!!!

Walkers Care !!  

Looking at the map with all it’s FTs and a few checks Phantom reckoned this run would be a candidate for Run o’ Year   –how wrong can one be?

Started with a loop and then an FT and Walkers held back so as not to “root the run”

From here on markings (including Pembo look alikes)  were often difficult to find being on footpath one  minute and curb the next and sometimes apparently not at all .

The pack (Walkers and Runners )was together as we negotiated a trip wire into the park .

Here a cunning FT put the Runners further into the park to a check . PHANTOM’s PHABULOUS PHOLLOWERS (PPP)  with aid of said map walked thru the FT to pop up in front of the Runners or so we thought .Apparently in the dark checking was to say the least ,average ,and the pack began to split  into Quick  ,Slow and Don’t Care

The Walkers ,now well in front of the disoriented Runners proceeded up the hill into Karrinyup but at this stage the Runners were not in sight.

PPP decided to wait a bit for catch up but dissention grew –Some decided to go straight back to the Bucket in case those bastard Runners were lost and back drinking all the piss and eating the chips  The Magnificent 7  (of PPP) kept going before Budgie dethroned King Phantom and lead the Magnificent 7 home but on the way Mumbles took a dive and landed on his head so no damage done

The PPP took just over an hour and Runners about 90 minutes

As I said it had makings of a top run but marred by not enough clear marking ,a bit too long for those over 60 and piss poor checking.

Bloody good night though with oodles of Noodles


Run 2523 – The Palace Run, Vic Park

Run 2523 – THE Palace Run

Hares: Hammersley and the Harriettes

Despite beliefs to the contrary, Rumpole did turn up for the run, but was quick to disappear after, not staying for his customary chips and a thimble of beer. He was one of the few who braved the elements to show the remainder of the Hashers in Perth, that Perth HHH really are the ultimate athletes, despite perhaps being a tad older than others. A pack of about 100 turned up for the Palace Run at a new location, of which there were about 30 from Perth HHH. Approx 12 runners and 18 walkers braved the elements and took off into the wilds of Vic Park. The run was generally well set, having been reset that afternoon, which helped keep the runners on trail. 

Phranger from Dunny Hash led the pack out of the carpark and was rarely seen again by the majority of the pack, but he did create the ultimate run stuff up. He would find the false trail, then the new trail, before the second runner could catch up. Consequently it was a relentless slog for most of the pack, except for our RA who led the elder hashers at a more sedate pace. Well done Emu, you didn’t lose your flock. There seemed to be a big gap between the front 15 or so runners back in 35 minutes, to the back runners turning up at about the 45-50 minute mark. I did 4.6km, which was an indication that it was a pretty short run. I don’t think I short cut much, if any.

The pre-circle drinks went down well with cheese and hot sausage and a few biscuits to keep the hungry happy, and there was a good selection of beers behind the bar. Most of our club ignored Horse’s advice to have the cheap beer, and chose a premium drop for their Tab 29 “free drink”. Horse (and Gerrycan – not there) was happy that there weren’t too many of Perth Hash there, as it saved the club on costs for food and drink. Well done to those who stayed away (afraid they might get wet).

The circle was a tame affair, with a history lesson thrown in about how the Palace Run came about (apparently the original hares were Waddels and Mac The Mouth). Our club nearly caused a stir by refusing to sing the club song, however, Emu and Gumby goaded our members into voice and eventually we gave a rousing rendition. Despite Hammersley running the circle it didn’t go till midnight, so the food (sausage, chicken or lamb curry and rice) was still hot when we finally sat down. Generally a good night and nice to catch up some of the decent people from the other clubs. Hopefully, we will have more members attend this event next year.

On On


Run 2521 – Raindrops at Beasley Park, Leeming

Heading south on the car park we just beat Budgie at 5:59 in the wagon where an anxious pack awaited the arrival of the bucket at a place known as Beasley Reserve.  Whether this was named after the famous footballer (de-frocked stockbroker Simon), the dyed in the wool republican who was accepted the position of Governor representing the Queen Kim or as I suspect after Elbow's mate the right honourable Kim Snr. 


By this time, time to start the run in pitch black through the entrails of Leeming, skirting

the golf course and having not a clue where we were running/walking. Terrific run with

walkers constantly intermingled with runners with all arriving back to the bucket close

to the hour. Raindrops and Fags to be complimented. 


Entertainment on the run: Barefoot doing a limp fall and having to be carted off to Fiona Stanley complements of Sir Tom. Silly old fart should be with the walkers.


Update on Mandurah Hash from Stumbles who holds at least four positions hon sec –

newsletter editor and keeping the 20 over sexed females away from the 8 males most of whom are useless due to prostate operations etc.  He is looking for a replacement!!


Back to the circle where Horse read out the usual list of cumming events and told his

normal limp dick joke at the end (better than usual). Down downs for Double G (Triple J) on 20 years of hashing and Pitt for something I cannot recall, probably his birthday.


Dockers fans duly punished for the weekends inept performance again. Sack Ross!!


Before Emu had his say Double G once again put on a cameo performance dwelling on the Royal Wedding emulating Bishop Currie's drivel but showing that despite his Scottish origins he is a royalist to the end.


Then the script shuffler rabitted on without his usual muso taunts wrapping up the night

giving Raindrops and Fags nine and a half out of ten for an excellent run. 


Here endith!!!


Run 2521 – Raindrops with Co-Hare Fags

From: Barry North

Sent: Tuesday, May 22, 2018 5:00 PM

To: Barry north

Subject: run




Yes it was the hares favorite song but it was Barefoot that fell on his head[ more later] I arrived early at the start ,the few there had their backs to the wall soaking up the suns last rays. They came dribbling in Skid in his Merc with the top down, its always down as the lifting mechanism is broken ,wait for the rain on Thursday. Soon near to the start a goodly crowd was milling around, in came the hares BB and Fags ever the perennial co- hare lots of chat. Elbows collects the keys the Hare gives the chat and we are off , promised not too long [he lied] the runners took off one way and the walkers the other. I had forgotten my torch and with my hash Name Stumbles that is not a good thing.


Staying close to those with torches the walkers kept up a good clip lead by our Patriarch Phantom, lots of good territory and lots of Asians must be a popular area for them in and out it would, Colonel was complain about Claremont being beaten by Perth. Crayfish, FT and I have no worries  we are Suby supporters and beat the pretend Grand Final team Peel on Sat. It’s a brisk pace but lots of new stuff for me not an area I have done a lot of running in. Soon I am at the back with Rhino and I pick up on his news, Phantom leads us through a check, wrong way and back ,Phantom I said this is going to be hour no way he said we are close to home. he lied at exactly 65 minutes we arrived home, Budgie got me a beer an upturned milk crate is a seat .


There is a flurry of excitement Barefoot taken a tumble I hear, Crayfish runs over for some water to  clean him up taking a quiz I see its quite nasty in particular the head gash. Its obvious it needs stitches and  maybe some concussion, Sir Tomarse  takes him to Fiona Stanley and we wish them the best. In Feb I went there after a tumble with a fractured and dislocated left thumb and waited in pain for three and one half hours. Gumby has a chat no fancy hat tonight, another beer and its circle time.


The GM gives us the chat raffles are on again to raise money for our big one, Kalgoolies run is also on that will be a blinder take a week to recover,  Bushranger is off to Fiji for Interhash and hoping for good weather. triple J gives us the rundown on the Royal wedding interesting!! The Scots are going for independence again as they are subsidized for 36 billion pounds a year now the taxes might go up. R A extraordinaire Emu stands up, this man has grown into the job short sharp hard hitting as an old RA I can only admire his style. A very funny joke about a lady on the job and the crowd lines up for burgers. And what burgers supreme is the only way I can describe them Mc Donald's eat your heart out these were tops. Another beer and all's right with the world.being a lonely bachelor I had a second to go. Top nigh [except for Barefoot] top run well done PH3.





Stumbles {MH3]


Waffle . Triple J- Glasgow was named by St, Columbus in the  7th century in ancient Gaelic it meant Green Place. I was sent there during the war all I remember it was bloody cold and my Uncle McGregor insisted on salt on the porridge. In 1983 when I went back to catch up the town centre was great but the Gorbals were much the same.

Run 2520 – Pitt and Co-Hare Cans @Brown Park Recreation Centre, Swan View

The Combined Experience of 2 Peters in Swan View – Hare Pitt with Co-Hare Cans

The old faithful of Brown Park turned on great weather and plenty of parking. The Runners set off out of the park and turned right up the hill to find the first of many false trails. There was clearly ample supplies of chalk available in the Eastern suburbs as the Pack followed the trail with numerous False Trails and Checks.

The Walkers were honoured by the inclusion of FT (winged) and BIRDMAN (on the piss at lunch) and were able to easily follow the first half of the trail in close contact with the Pack as the False Trails kept both groups together. Walkers left the Pack which then did a big loop arriving back at the DEAD Heart of Midland.

The trail then meandered through an area of Swan View that did not benefit any short cutting, except for SEAGULL who with all his speed and guile did not have the fortitude to go back to the pack when he took a wrong turn. The last sighting of SEAGULL  before he took off home, he mentioned that the Front Runners included NEON, BARCODE, MASTITIS, Triple J and even SKID, most likely due to the 13 False Trails he encountered to that point (but who’s counting?) He arrived back with the walkers 10 minutes in front of the Pack.

It’s a good job we kept running as there wasn’t much street lighting and you never know who’s lurking behind those rusty utes parked in front of the run-down houses.

A great 60-minute run with numerous FTs and Checks bringing the pack in more or less together.  As the old girlfriend said “EXPERIENCE COUNTS”.  Future Hares please note!

Back  at the Bucket we welcomed back RAINDROPS, with his new hair colour – he lets work get in the way of fun (Hash ). HORSE told his customary joke but needs to use bigger type so as NOT to screw up the punchline. Or maybe he needs a new joke? RHINO  had a customary down down (probably because he was late again ) and Birthday Boy BUSHIE also due to his inability to send a simple email to the correct address and therefore upsetting Hash Splash.

EMU gave us his usual quotable quote and followed with a joke covering Nationalities /Religon/Race. Keep ‘em coming EMU, stuff the PC.

FOOD was tasty beef stew and potato, plenty to go around.

A great night, perfect weather, good food and a great run. Thanks Pitt and Cans.


Run 2519 – Gnocchi @ Viking Softball Club car park, Kingsway

Run 2519 – Gnocchi @ Viking Softball Club car park, Kingsway

It's always worth making an effort to attend the runs set by the
Gnocchi/Lasagne duo and this was no exception. Familiar parking at the
Kingsway reserve on a cool, crisp but fine night saw a large pack of walkers
and runners head off in the same direction over Hartman drive and into the
depths of Landsdale. A short deviation off the road and through a narrow
gap in a fence saw the runners vying with the lumbering walkers to access
the small gap. This threatened to split the runners and for a short while it
did but the back eventually linked up with the front through some good trail
setting. I even had FT pass me twice !! On through a nice bit of bush and
limestone track saw us descend into deepest Darch ( which I always thought
was at the top end of the Champs Elysees). On we went, with ,God help us, a
Joint Master in the form of Mastitis actually doing his job and ensuring the
back kept in touch and made it to the drink stop at the Kingsway tavern.
Here we were greeted by Gnocchi pouring us all an ale. This was followed by
a hardish run home to be greeted by a table of nibbles which I missed
seeing because of the hungry hordes surrounding the table and scoffing them.

Horse eventually got the circle going with notable returnee Kilkenny plus
Wagon, myself and one or so others. Birthdays were Sir Tom and Nanny.
Jerrycan was invited to sum up the golf day which for once was fine and
named the winners of the 3 ball competition (whatever that is) whom I can't
recall and Rhino as the trophy winner even though it was suggested he was
the only competitor.
Gumby then made us aware that The Mole had backed into his car therefore
necessitating a drink. At the same time it was also brought to attention
that the Hash Lunch at the Thai place in Mandurah was a great success.
Emu's spiel followed with a notable joke about Paddy and a Muslim and for
those long sufferers who had put up with Emu berating them about problems
with his neighbor he announced she was moving and he'd at long last won!! He
didn't mentioned the proposal to build a Mosque on the site!

The run was justly awarded high 8s and the food was chicken burgers cheese
slices and salad in ample quantities.

As always a top effort by Gnocchi and Lasagne



Pembo turns it on or Phantom M.I.A. Pack panics

Pembo turns it on




Phantom M. I . A Pack panics



A lovely warm autumn day  as I drove up ,caught up with my wife at the home then swung over to Willetton for my first Laksa run, Crayfish has been talking of this and giving top marks so I thought it was ideal to see the boys and enjoy a run with them. When I arrived at the car park they were wandering around with worried looks on their faces, what's up I said ,well the wagons missing and so is Phantom and we are not sure what to do he always gets things organised, personally I though the wagon was more important but kept this to myself. There must be a shortage of co hares as Pembo had selected Elbows.


All the old faces were there and I was flat out meeting and greeting, Barefoot must have gone via an aged care centre as he brought some old derelicts along to enjoy the  night , how thoughtful of him. Antman arrived with his crew and the pack built up still no sign of the wagon but its time to go. Trail marked with permanent paint so we use it again, a good energy saving measure, runners this way, walkers well two ways I went the wrong way and never really caught up. I'm with Colonel and his dog [no kids in sight] Mark 1 decided after 300 metres that was enough and turned for home, we battled on manfully keeping the walkers in sight but never catching them, the trail was well marked in fluorescent paint [green] and dodged in and out, a solid pace showed how unfit  I was the runners were behind us as we ducked down a pathway between houses. THEN a large fat lady came out and told us in no uncertain terms  to keep the noise down,this irritated Mole who gave her a big ON On whereupon she said  “I hope your arse blows up” to which Mole replied “ If it looked like you I hope it does” speeding up in case the husband came out, then thinking no chance she's got one ,we hit a park littered with dogs, Colonel gives the dog its head and there were so many bums to choose from it didn't know which one to sniff.


Still behind but at Pembos its a drink stop being late we got the dregs, Mrs Pembo handled the mob gracefully and we are off ,its nearing the hour not home yet, Rusty Nuts draws level and gives me the guff on the gossip then its home. A quick ice cold beer settled things down although Rumpole still looked a bit worried ,Elbows is dishing the drinks in a professional fashion I pointed out to Rumpole that as the wagon was late nobody got a drink before the run a cash saving measure, this cheered him up. All too soon its circle Horse takes control [well sort of] bellows out some general business , Emu takes over and the pack cop it including me as the oldest runner as this Sunday I am 81. Later that night I realised how unfit I am when I went to sit down.


Anyhow the queue forms in front of me was a lady in a bright green top , sari and a bandana obviously a local caught up by mistake no its Bushie letting his inner child out.We sit down Pembo dishes out a Barossa red Polecat and I  thought it was a cheeky wine and we were amused by its preciousness. Around comes the Laksa my bowl could have doubled for a hand basin, I tucked in had a chat to Emu and Neon and the foods great , more wine, then the raffle left the cash in the car so no chance. Cripes another dish I'm full to the brim so give it a miss but Budgie[67 kg wringing wet] finishes it off.


Full to the brim I bid adieu and headed for home being in the wrong lane I missed the Freeway and did the grand night time tour of the Fiona Stanley car parks back on track and little traffic dawesville looms. Thansk to all Pembo10/10.





RUN 2507     2017 AGPU at the Goat Farm in Greenmount

RUN 2507     2017 AGPU at the Goat Farm in Greenmount

The day was warm with a nice sea breeze blown into the foothills. The Hares Boner & Barcode had set the trail and were walking the supplies to the drink stop, when smoke was noticed in the south west corner on the run. Being on the side of the hill and under the phone tower, Boner got his five bar connection to dial 000. Phone calls in the Hills don’t always connect due to location.

The smoke was pushed up the hill from the Heritage Trail near Coulston Rd and the sirens of the Fire & Rescue vehicles could be heard heading to any spot the light tankers could mop up. The big tankers slowly negotiated the wash out access track towards the Goat Farm carpark. They had as much trouble picking their line of least resistance as The Mole did on his motorbike. This was an arson fire lit by someone on a motorbike.

The pack assembled with the runners heading off downhill attracted by the smell of smoke. A challenging run set by Boner, 3G took his phone so he could not get lost on Dad’s run. The walkers headed uphill & uphill with a false trail on the downhill southern slope. This was the warm up to get to the drink stop perched on top of a gravely knoll. Were all the wall blocks carried up to site? The walkers and our media man (Sherlock) gently navigated down the pea gravel surface to reach some BMX tracks and back to the bucket. The runners drank & carried the remaining Emu Bitter & Swan Draught cans down the hill to the table with the nibbles, all laid out for the last of the seagulls to devour.

Beers, food & awards were all taken up to the shelter for the Oscar evening (no red carpet) with only Bushy parading in a skirt. There were many down downs, even ICE for committee members and songs from Gumby. Anniversary mugs were handed out to Jaapie, Rumpole, Gnocchi, Budgie, Mumbles, Mark 1, Barefoot, & Crayfish. The Seagull committee tried to put shit on most of the members, with only a few standing still to receive the annual awards. Read all about it in the hard copy anal.

The Hound Dog Committee was introduced by the sounds of Elvis; he must be a walker by now. Action called the pack together to receive their nice new committee shirts and they actually fit.

The caterers from Jolly Belly in Glen Forrest prepared 3 curries & rice with pappadams for the pack. All the meat was eaten and that left some very tasty soup, too good to give to the dogs on the run.

A big thankyou to Seagull & his committee for the past years events. Barcode you can now put your feet up and relax with the family.

OnOn               Horse

Onsec Hound Dog Committee (slowly getting older & wiser)

Run 2508 Action @ Carine Open Space

The first run under the guardianship of the new Hound dog committee set by none other than GM Action and ably assisted by Moses and that entrée on a lead.

Carine open space is always a good starting point for a winter run and its  guaranteed to be cold. Whoops, it was a summer run – bring back global warming!


So off we headed, after the initial falsie split the pack, across the grass into a 50km gale, over Oakley Rd to the highlands of Carine. Plenty of falsies as we wound around before crossing Beach Rd., but I think already we had two packs by this time.

After what I would estimate to be 2/3 of the run, we lost the trail and decided once giddy, to head home, arriving about the same time as the front runners.

There followed a great circle, even a welcome to country complete with smoking ceremony.

Tucker was most very tasty and a good thing it was hot, given rather cool conditions.

A good night Action.


[Thanks to Dickie & Rumpole for giving the van a thorough cleaning]



On On Emu