Run 2669 – Joint Winter Bonk Run set by FT @ Mount Hawthorn

Run# 2669—Joint Winter Bonk Run at Britannia Reserve, Mount Hawthorn.

The hashers from Perth Hash, Bullsbrook Hash & West Coast Hash gathered in the car park at Britannia Reserve as the temperature dropped towards the forecast 4 degrees Celsius. For some reason the PH3 bucket was parked near a large puddle of water.

There were dramas earlier in the day when Ryan from Glendalough Liquor Store (now called Celebrations at Glendlough) emailed our On Sec, Ramrod, with this message ‘Somehow overnight the side awning on the bucket has blown our/been pulled out and is totally buggered.  We can’t move the bucket and it can’t be driven as is so will need to be looked at; thanks.’. Ramrod and Polly went to the rescue and removed the awning (apparently it wasn’t an easy task) and Polly took it away for repairs. The bucket was then drivable again, thanks to their efforts.

The run started off very cold with the overnight forecast of 4 degrees Celsius which I am pleased to report was correct as Grizzly may have been involved in the weather forecast.

The next morning my car management system reported that there may be ice on the road and displayed 4 degrees with an ice symbol which reminded me of driving in Italy at the end of December on the way from Paudua to Castelfiorentino (near Florence or Firenze as the Italians call it) when the temperature dropped from 1 degree to -2 degrees Celsius and the windscreen froze over.

The runners (out-numbered by the walkers ) gathered in Britannia Reserve prior to the start rugged up as if they were about to climb Mount Kinabalu in Borneo (Colonel would remember that—we climbed it in 2005).

FT addressed the runners before the start and explained that the run was set with chalk and  flour (what a surprise). What he didn’t add was due to not having a co-hare to vet the run the trail was not always that easy to follow.

Off we went with enthusiasm which quickly waned as we lost the trail time-after-time (not before time mind you). Several times Nanny was summoned so we could examine his map to where the trail went. A map with only some road names on it isn’t always that helpful. The fast FRB from WCH3 run up and down the streets searching for trail which they mostly found. When we got to the corner of Jugan Street & Goody Close we decided to cut our loses and head up the cycleway to the train station and cross over Mitchell Freeway (which was cleverly labelled on the map) on the footbridge & then head north.

Eventually we joined up with the FRB from WCH3 again.

Armed with inside information Bushie called the trail On On behind the Audi showrooms only to find a FRB already on trail there.

The trail was lost (or the hounds were lost) again in Glendalough Open Space. Bushie consulted the map Nanny had and concluded it wasn’t much help. So trail was found again in the traditional way (looking for it) and we galloped off onto Heard Way past Mother Hen Hampers, then south on Ellerby St and over Jon Sanders Drive. Then the trail turned east along Jukes Way, which should have been called Jokes Way, as that is where Nanny decided to head for home. I asked him for the map and took off after the FRB only to run into a FT on Harbourne Street. So your scribe abandoned the trail and ran after Nanny.

We ran down the cycleway next to the Mitchell Freeway (which was labeled on FT’s map). We saw one arrow where we joined the cycleway and then no more at all! Then over the footbridge and On On to home.

Dick Tracy fired up the PH3 gas heater and that attracted the usual crowd.

I took off to pick up the Pizzas and when I returned the circle was under way next to the only puddle in the car park.

Ramrod gave his sermon and called Colonel for reading the newsletter and spotting Ramrod had the date for the run wrong, Haggis for getting himself chips and forgetting his friends –  everyone else, Gumby reckoned FT should be changed to FU for down-downs.

WCH3 & Bullsbrook were invited to sing their hash songs and add to the proceedings.

Then Nanny claimed he didn’t get his time-slot so Ramrod invited him up to the podium. Nanny didn’t hold back on his critique of the run. He may have said (its hard to remember what happened on Monday night several days later) it was a good run that didn’t live up to its potential. Instead of his normal 9.3 he gave it 4.27 (or there-abouts). Nanny gave Budgie a down-down for shortcutting on the walk.

Elbows helped Bushie carry the Pizzas to the meal table then helped himself to a few slices. He was awarded with a down-down for his efforts.

Then the call was ‘foods on’ to which we queued to have our dermatitis inducing ‘goober’ applied to our hands (in the name of COVID-19 busting procedures) before selecting a few (or many ) slices of pizzas from the 7 varieties available.

Great evening, wouldn’t be dead for quids!

On On



(filling in for Crayfish who was on leave in Mandurah).

Note: The run was anti-clockwise (which the majority of runs are).

Run 2660 – Joint Run (WCH3) @ Dayton – almost east of the Rabbit Proof Fence


After all these years you’d think the Children would have grown up enough, to be able to get run directions correct. A fallacy if ever there was one. Not only were we given the wrong location, but it differed by almost 30Km. Then when the new directions came through, streets did not have the supplied names on the directions. Great start to a joint run. When I arrived I was amazed to see something that resembled an awning hanging off the bucket. I am still to be reliably informed that this is the same piece that has been hanging off the side of the bucket since it came to hash.

As is now common, there was a quick briefing by hare suggesting that it was an 8Km run with a drink stop, and that it started in that direction
The pack of runners took off in the appropriate direction, only to turn around and go in the opposite direction. EXCELLENT. Around through the newer streets of the locality, and through the cunning use of false trails and checks kept the pack together for the first half of the run, then about 10 minutes before the drink stop it all went to manure and the back half of the pack fell away, and were forced to rely on the irregular sounding of the horn (sorry, I will lift my game in future runs, as will Moses).

The drink stop was in the newest street on the run, with not a single completed house in view and at least 15 in various stages of construction. This part of the run had obviously been set on the afternoon of the run, as none of it had been “disappeared” by the actions of the tradies. EXCELLENT. A short canter after the drink stop, back to home and once again the tail of the pack fell away to come in at a substantial distance from the front half of the pack. A shame really because it had been a well set run, just that these young buggers run too f…ing fast.

Back to the bucket and it was heartening to see how many of each of the clubs were involved in deep discussions about whether Rhino should be re-named, and the quality of the run. All too quickly the circle was called and was led by the On Sec from West Coast (sorry again, can’t remember his name), accusations were made and not denied, drinks were awarded, and singing of DIFFERENT songs was heard, some Perth Hashmen even joined into these infrequently heard tunes.

Basil Brush was called up to give a run score and critique, and was then that he made the inflammatory call for the ice. Little does he realise that the victim of his icing, has a long memory.

Food was called for, and Crayfish is to be congratulated on the new cuisine, which was well accepted by all, and I doubt there was much left at the end of the evening. Unsurprisingly, because of the first flush of cold weather for the season had arrived on the evening, the girls blouses from West Coast left early which led to a charge by those from the Golden Triangle to retreat to the Western Suburbs in quick succession.

All in all, a great evening, even if it was a long way from our normal haunts.

Well done West Coast and Crayfish, let’s hope we can do as well when it comes around to our turn.



In the absence of FT, and without or authority, a quick comment on the Joint run set by West Coast at Dayton.

After a false start with a run set in the East rather than in the West as first announced a large pack found the location, no thanks to UBD, TomTom or Garmin or car GPS, though apparently Prick in the Wall found the location on Google Maps. Point was sent off by his GPS to Dayton, Ohio. This Dayton is brand new and certainly a different demographic, but all seems to work rather well really.

This clown turned South at Arthur and in 50 metres decided in had to be North so a U-Turn fixed that and Polly has a little sojourn to the South before guiding Moses to the car park. It was a bit small for the numbers, but a good location with light and easy access from Reid Highway, once you knew where it was.

Very well set run using paths through bush and a bit of gravel and even shaggy requiring a small leap over a stream which Bushie reports the short legs could not achieve so one wet shoe and sock. One Jack Russell thought her name was Jesunna and got more than a wet undercart.

The front runners did 6.5km and those who got to 5.7 were passed by Phranger about a dozen times, so kept together and very well set and marked.
Well done Hares. Even a drink stop at Basil Lane, posed by the same bod who gave the wrong venue and start time first up.

Run time about 43 minutes.

The Subway arrangements marshalled by Crayfish worked well and a few fairly happy campers started leaving at about 8:00pm.

On On


Run 2659 – Pembo – NOT the Laksa Run @ Canning Vale

Unofficial report on PEMBO’s Run in Canning Vale. SHAKIN, with a dickie knee and still rehabilitating from his ankle surgery was his bar assistant.

The run was set in new territory, the On On being in the middle of a vast industrial area growing ever bigger by the day. Given the run location being far out of town, for some, the turnout of 45 hashmen was a great endorsement to the hare’s capacity to cater well, over many years. Among those visitors were ST PETER, ERNIE DINGO, and the hare SiL.

After taking delivery of the wine cartons purchased by the Perth Hash members concerned with improving our financial outlook, we were sent away looking out for our trail which, this time, was marked with chalk and flour, not paint. We quickly ended in bushland, following the east-west freight train railway to Ranford road before cutting back towards Market City and into more commercial real estate then back to Bannister road and on home.

We were greeted on our return by a shirtless person, of the youngish female variety, handing out the hash splash. Within minutes of our return, the poor thing was mobbed by our ageing “Tart Minders” all jostling for a moment’s attention and a boost to their flagging libido…

The circle was a swift and uplifting affair (the GM being imprisoned in a man cage, looking down on his flock). RAMROD was announced as our interim OnSec keeping with the trend of recruiting non English speaking candidates.

The RA gave the run a 9.15 score for the 6.4km, 50 minutes trail and the hares got their photo taken hugging the shirtless person.

The formalities being over, we all moved out and got a belly full of delicious pizza cooked by Vince the Mobile Pizza Man while sipping some fine red wines provided by our host.

The crowd quickly dispersed when the shirtless lass became bottom less and bedtime was looming.

Great night and great effort by PEMBO.

Next week, we’ve got a joint run with the “babies” in Stirling. Enjoy that, I’ll be riding the Munda Bindi from Albany to Walpole.

On on

Run 2654 – Blue Dress Run by Harriettes @ Wireless Hill Reserve

What Happened Monday

Well nothing as it was a public holiday, but on Tuesday there was the Blue Dress Run at Wireless Hill Reserve.

What looked liked being a washout because of the black clouds and torrential rain experienced by early arrivals eased off by the time of the run start at 7.00 pm. Being a joint hash run with all the usual suspect hashes, a large contingent of hash men and women with a number of the former well attired as their female counterparts, set off along the very narrow trails in the Reserve making things difficult for the runners to overtake the lethargic walkers whose tongues were being exercised more than their legs.

The run took us down onto the residential streets around Booragoon and onward into Garden City Centre carpark then northwards towards the river and finally a path back to Wireless Hill Reserve amounting to a short 4 kilometre run including checks.

On On
On Sec
Perth Hash House Harriers Inc.

Perth Harriettes

From: On Sec
Sent: Saturday, 13 March 2021 1:25 PM
To: undisclosed-recipients:
Subject: Blue Dress Run (or do I say The “Blew” Dress Run)

Hi Everyone,

Just thought I would drop you a line with info on the Blue Dress Run.

Firstly please thank all of your members who braved the terrible weather to attend. How good was it to have LaFitz & Shorty chat about Waddles? Plus Sarah from MND certainly hit home with her informative speech. It’s great to know we can all make a difference.

Secondly, from me personally, I am very sorry for the debacle with the registrations…we never had a plan B (or a working pen it seems haha) We were so caught off guard when our poor Hash Cash was held up on the Freeway due to the dreadful weather in the Northern suburbs. We will definitely be better prepared next year ( afterall we already have the blue bands we didn’t get to use haha)

Anyway our clever Cash ‘Gorgeous’ managed to decipher my hieroglyphics and we had a total of 103 hashers attend. Down by about 50 on last year but perfectly understandable with the shocking conditions. 

On saying our attendance numbers were down we have still managed to send a fantastic donation of $1775 to MND which includes the $325 raised from the raffle (thanks again to Horse). 

Thanks to everyone who pitched in when the rain began and helped with shelters busses etc you helped make the run a success.  We can’t do this without your club’s participation so please know we are indeed grateful.



Onsec Perth Harriettes

Run 2656 – Jerrycan @ Tom Perrot Reserve

The pack assembled at a fairly familiar run location on a warm night and after a quick debrief explaining that we would in fact be on chalk and flour for a change the runners headed off towards Stirling Highway and the walkers went, well, who knows.

The run was well set with a good amount of false trails in the first half as we passed over the bridge before heading along the beach. After emptying the beach from our shoes we headed back across the highway and train line. Inconsiderately, the runners decided to skip the drink stop entirely with a spot of shortcutting leaving only the walkers to relieve Jerrycan of his refreshments. A long straight home without too many falsies took us along the bank of the Swan River before arriving back to the bucket at Tom Perrot Reserve for a drink or three.

Soon after, the circle was called and we were subjected to more “Hash Trivia” courtesy of Haggis. Hopefully he gets the memo that his circles are clearly far too advanced for the average hashman. On the other hand, The Mole managed to win “Who wants to be a Hashionaire” when he pulled the Joker, winning a bottle of his own wine and the $400 kitty.

After the circle had finished the Hares served up a great chicken curry while also managing to provide full dining accomodation. Certainly setting a precedent for future runs.

On On,

Run 2655 – Polly @ Innaloo

Polly is like Lazarus of Bethany, he keeps on rising from the dead. But not 4 days after his last demise, a full 28 or 27 years after leaving Perth Hash in 1990 or 1991. 1

So we were expecting a great run from this very experienced hashman. His co-hare Polecat (no relation), or Aristo as he prefers, has set many great runs. So with a team like that we were in for a treat.

The hashers gathered in the carpark of Kathmandu with a few (including me) going into the shop to check out the specials before the run. The hare addressed us before the run (as has become custom) and made excuses as to why there would be no chalk for the first section through the Ikea carpark. Seems like the ‘Fat Controller’ was present and like all good ‘Fat Controllers’ liked to rule his patch – i.e. he rubbed out the chalk.  Can one still say that; has that term not been banned by lexicographers? Ok let’s not get into sesquipedalian speech.

Not to be thwarted Polecat ‘live hared’ the carpark to keep us on the cleverly reconnoitred trail which went down the side of a creek adjacent to Ellen Stirling Boulevard. After negotiating a low fence, Moses dog, Missy, decided it was time for laying down a barkers nest. She didn’t want to be outdone by Nanny’s dog Meeka who had already dropped a load. One could reminisce about the time (allegedly) our very dear Scottie, sans dog bags, scooped up Snoopy’s dog poo with his bare hands and disposed of it and then wiped his hands clean on the grass (would Colonel have done that?).

We ran along the bank of the creek for long enough for your scribe to get bitten by sandflies. Not as many as when I fell asleep after a Rogaine with The Mole (I may have consumed a few dark ales to relax) whilst sitting around the campsite in the fading sunlight. That took months to recover from the blighters itchy bites. I know one shouldn’t scratch the bites as that makes them worse. I challenge you try and ignore the itchy bites! They are more annoying than The Mole :-), ha ha… we still love you Mole.

At the end of the gully was the Fat Controller’s Filter. How did Polly get through the hole in the wire fence? Being a boy from the bush I climbed over the fence as the pack was lined up squeezing through the hole in the fence one-by-one to the cries of ‘you are too fat to get through that size hole, move over and let us skinny bastards get through’.

The industrial size blocks in Osborne Park that don’t have interesting alleyways and walkways don’t lend themselves to great hash running territory so the run became predictable with the trail going along Scarborough Beach Road, then north up King Edward Road with occasional left hand false trails. Over the Mitchell Freeway foot bridge at the corner of King Edward Road and Hector Street and onto Telford Crescent before a clever left across a small bridge over a creek and the Joondalup PSP. Through the Stirling Civic Gardens before going through the car park, bus station, train station and over the Mitchell Freeway on the pedestrian foot bridge. The On Home was marked just before the ankle challenging dirt descent to the vacant block north of Ikea. Meeka was allowed free rein down the hill whereas Missy was more dignified and restrained (by Moses and like Moses).

Through the Ikea car park sans chalk arrows and on to the bucket where Mole was already enjoying a cold one.

Polly was reveling in his new position serving drinks in the bucket. He is very experienced in this role having done it ALONE in 1976 and 1986! I am not sure if this is an official committee position or if he has been recruited by Rumpole to make up for the lack of co-splashes. Rumpole has been running the slick operation on a minimum crew of at least three since 2015 but added a fourth in 2020 as Grizzly was apprenticed. Not sure how long Grizzly’s apprenticeship will last but I guess with Government JobKeeper payments the club can afford to have a fourth hash splash on the payroll.

Our resident Quiz Master, On Sec Haggis, then delivered his segment but most hashers couldn’t correctly answer his quiz questions. Even El Beaux was struggling. Dollar was called up for a down-down for being a returnee. Bushie,  as proxy for Sawbones 81st birthday was awarded a down-down. Sawbones put on a carton of Gage Road Single Fin and paid the full amount as is the 2021 system to help balance the books. The pay $50 and get up to $90 of beer (the club paying the balance) has gone. It never made much sense to me anyway. Ramrod put on a carton of Guinness cans and copped a down-down. Gnocchi was called up as were Moses and Botak. Botak for not remembering where his car was parked.

Action won the draw for the Polly Joker Raffle but was two or three cards off the mark. APITW managed to slip the Joker in afterwards when the stewards weren’t looking and showed the hashers that it was in fact in the draw but Action missed it.

Haggis almost ran overtime but was reminded that the food preparations were under way and Nanny was biting at the bit to get on the crate.

Our 2021 GM, Triple J, got up on the box and spoke about the club’s financial position left by an overspend on the new PH3 bucket purchase and fit-out. We were told that without fundraising the club will run out of money by September 2021. However we must look forward and not dwell on last year. The 2020 committee were called out for a collective down-down. Triple J could have had a great career as a diplomat. We look forward to another year of great Perth Hashing.

Nanny (ever enthusiastic) delivered his weekly sermon and called out various hashers for down-downs including your scribe. Nanny called for a show of hands for any of Colonel’s friends. A large number of Colonel’s friend’s admitted that fact and were called up for a down-down. Sir Knob demonstrated his down-down skills. Mumbles was called up for a down-down.

Mole set up his tasting table and Stumbles will have to be careful as he has competition with future wine tasting gigs. Mole signed up a number of hashers keen to balance the books and keep the club afloat after September 2021 (when the funds are predicted to run out).

Food is on was the call and we lined up for Polly’s curry meal which the members were not able to finish. There was still some stuck to the bottom of the pots when I got them back to my apartment in Subiaco to do the washing up as Gerrycan managed to delegate his duties by going on leave in the country. The plates were almost put in the bin at the apartment block as there isn’t much room to do the washing up in a one bedroom apartment. There is a call for members to bring their own plates, cutlery and mugs instead of the club providing them. This happens in most other Perth Hash chapters. My wife, Mary Poppins, suggested that it was not a good idea to throw them out before the new arrangements start so she helped with the washing of the bowls, plates, plastic forks, and used a hammer and chisel to clean the bottom of the pots.

Wouldn’t be dead for quids.

On On


1 Ed. Background on Polly’s Hash History – from the Modus Operandi on his Rogues Gallery entry.

Polly joined on Run 281 in July 1975 and ran until August 1979, 4 years.

Polly re-joined in 1982 and ran through until 1990 or 1991 (depending on which calendar one uses), another 8 odd years as Polly already has a 10 year mug from that period.

Then Polly  re-joined in 2018, another 3 years. And still as enthusiastic as ever.

Hash connections at the premiers office!.

Run 2652 – AGPU @ Maida Vale

The 2021 AGPU Run 2652 Maida Vale Reserve

Hares Seagull (Joint Master) and Q (Hash Cash)

For the final committee run of Horses Rat Bag the committee we were treated to a cleverly devised run formulated by an electrical engineer and an electronic engineer. Masterfully articulated on paper with a wizardry of tricks to ensure that front runners such as Barcode, French Tickler and Gnocchi were soon  puffing and panting harder than Nanny’s dog.

Frequently caught out by a plethora of devious and lengthy false trails, by the halfway mark it was apparent that the winning circle would be occupied by the Shock Jox committee. Triple J, Haggis and Crayfish clearly showing that cunning running quickly translates to winning running.

The whole hour run was contained in a very small area and the pack were never more than 1.5 kilometres from the bucket. Initially looping through nearby bushland and fortunately avoiding the archery club. The route crossed Ridge Hill road only to loop back to the same road and finding a long false trail then back to one of the many footpaths that seemed to be at the end of every cul-de-sac in the area.  

The whole event almost fell apart when a few keen eyed runners spotted the hares at a drink stop on the other side of a park. However when service was refused they came back and assisted by Phantom’s instructions the pack regrouped. But only to be sucked right though a gate into the former army vehicle training land and two extraordinarily long false trails.

Once again Phantom came to the rescue and set them right yet again.

The drink stop was finally reached from the appropriate direction and both runners and walkers were treated to splash and icy poles . Very welcome at the end of a 38 degree day.

A short trot back to the bucket for the start of the AGPU formalities.

On On


Run 2645.1 – Christmas Eve Breakfast Run @ Matilda Bay

Forty four pitched up for this great annual event, returned to the rotunda after a couple of years round the corner.  A number of members made nice noises and all enjoyed the view and the breakfast set-up.  There were seven visitors in the number and if they spread the word too much, next year numbers could be even bigger.

Grandmother Phantom set a very fine run, well-marked and managed to build in some change to a route that we have plied many times.  Granny was not too happy with Stewie’s leading the walkers in an anti-clockwise direction after receiving clear and written orders to go clockwise.  Stewie has appealed to the Hash Court to be pardoned before the Committee goes out.  If Trump can pardon all, why can’t we?

Out past the squadron and across the lawns before the sun got too hot and then into the leafy shady groves with some delightful running around the Octagon and the lovely admin buildings.  40 minutes of pleasant but not doddling running led by our Italian Stallion and the twice the former’s age Dutch cyclist (on the day) who plugs walls.  Did not clock distance but something approaching 5km is the guess.

A few weeks ago at Mumbles run, two geniuses who were the co-hares got lost and could not get back to the OnOn in time.   As a follow up to that; the first viz. Colonel decided to let his dog attack the ranger quietly driving past the rotunda where we could have been given a very hard time and the second Budgie came to the run, late again and was wearing his wife’s pyjama pants.  Not pretty!  

The usual crew did the honours and everything ran like a Swiss clock (or train if you prefer) Breakfast was a bun with bacon, snagger, tomato and fried egg.  Tasty and hot. Well done boys! To you one and all, the Committee’s wishes that you have a serene festive season and a healthy and happy 2021.

Run 2636 – Scumbag @ Hamer Park


A large pack convened at Hamer Park in spite of the instructions and lack of a sign until 5:50 when the pack had assembled.  Folks looking for North from the South were disappointed as it is called Longroyd from Lawley Street.

The horn was blown to get the attendance list done and the pack away and the Hare from Lala land was elsewhere on the planet.  A belligerent arrival and a brisk on-on had us away through the burbs, not crossing Walcott or into ECU, A good start.  Arrows, checks and FTs plentiful.  We use Ps at HHH but not Scummy; he uses arrows.   There were enough of them.

We crossed Alexander Drive, used laneways rather well and came up through the back of Angove. This was good running territory.

Thereafter we crossed back over Fitzgerald and now the smallish pack disintegrated.  At this stage, there were seven of us left. We got across Walcott together and remained on trail until we are asked to turn right at Queens when on Clifton Street. By then Gumby had called enough and Bushy and Moses, thought the extra loop to the East a luxury,

The four who decided to go on must have lost trail and added a stack as Gnocchi had 9.4km and Moses only 7, with Q somewhere in between.

All said a pretty good run; the hamburgers were really terrific after a long spell of Covid suited food and this author would say something over 8 was an appropriate score.

Well done Scummy and Antman.

(Written by Moses).