Run 2549 – Bushranger and Co-Hare Crayfish @ Success Hill Reserve, Bassendean

Prelude to the run of the year (Next week-Idiots)

Hare: Bushranger 

Co Hare: Crayfish

On a very warm day (36 degrees) about 50 hashmen turned up to Success Park in West Swan (despite the ON SEC’s directions to Lloyd not Lord Street!). We had visitors Joe and Tim who are runners and potential members, and a repeat visit from (Er… don’t know). Returnees were Grizzly, Boner and now- regular Jack Russell. With Bushy’s promises of lots of toilet paper and the likelihood of a river crossing sensible people wore little of value, and the packs set off after enjoying the company of several very attractive local ladies (See the Hash Flash report to verify this). Runners went basically a long thin anticlockwise loop  northwards and walkers southfirst and then east then back over the same bridge, both loops through shiggy, sand, ticks, flies and heat. The walkers were still beaten home by the runners in 50 minutes. Not quite as hot as could have been and pleasant company all round. Only one member -Boner enjoyed the swim. On yer Boner.

Only one significant mistake for the night: NO bloody chips. Now fair go committee-it’s your only skill and you buggered it- just because the GM was not there. Just as well Bushy put on pre-circle snags and olives. The snags were bloody hot too! They almost made up for the lack of splash after the run.
This was perhaps only beaten by the raffle being conducted without the prize card pick. Are you getting the trend here?Only two months more of this committee.

Presentations came from ON-SEC Horse and RA Emu as required under the standing orders for PH3, including about some proposed amendment to the constitution.  The same (farkin’) song was sung only about 15 times but it still amused our visitors/potential members.

Obligatory racist joke from Emu. It would be greatly inappropriate if the jokes weren’t so good. Down downs a-plenty. Er… who were they?  Visitors, Birthday…….. andnumerous misdemeanours-real and imagined (you can see I am struggling cos I did not take notes. Nah… don’t  need notes I can remember this). RA Emu awarded the Hares 8.5 for the run. (Liberally inflated because of the RA’s and co-hare’s political leanings). Good run though-everyone was happy. Our visitors appeared very pleased with the night and even got a lift home with Pembo. 

Dinner was hamburgers with excellent and wide choices of extras. Best thing was – no plates…. You Bewdy. Can’t wait till next week.

On On

Elbows

Run 2548 – STEWIE and DAVE THE POM @ Maida Vale Nature Reserve

Run 2548 – Stewie and Dave the Pom

This was a joint run with West Coast H3, who had a full turn out.

Q and Seagull arrived in style in Q’s Jaguar. Our Hash Cash (Jerrycan) drives a Jaguar – is there a message here?

The run was scheduled to start at 6.15 pm and from 6.00 onwards the call went out ‘what time does a 6 o’clock run start?’ – the answer was obviously 6.15!

There were a number of visitors:-

• Skippy from Hills Hash

• Dave the Pom from Hills Hash

• Cods – from Townsville H3 (previously Perth Hash)

• Jaapie (past PH3 member)

We set off with Stewie telling us the trail was set with chalk and flour. The trail was well set with plenty of false trails and checks. Franger from WCH3 kept the pack on a fast pace and the false trails struggled to keep the pack together. Franger claimed to run more than 8km compared to your scribes 6.2 km in 54:25 minutes (approximately). The trail was mainly in bush which suited the season (supposedly the end of spring). The breeze was rather cold though in the fading sunlight.

The pack came in well before the walkers. Emu brought out the chips before the walkers came in but being the gentlemen’s hash we are there were still plenty of chips saved for the walkers.  Just a reminder that when Birdman is On Sec there will be no chips and short circles.

The gas heater was fired up for added comfort for the members. It was appreciated for those who gathered around it.

Horse called for the members to form a circle but The Mole was more interested in forming a square (made up of an L and a 7). He didn’t gain much traction with that proposal.

Elbows was called up for new shoes and attempted to drink out of a plastic cup placed in his shoe. He relented and poured the beer in his shoe and then drank his down down.Mastitis and Chunda were given a down-down for cooking the meal for last week’s run – well done!

Visitors where called up for their down-downs and Franger was included for being a FRB.

Horse read out some Perth Hash legal business and there was a show of hands and the motion was passed (what ever it was).

Horses weekly joke was well received as possibly the best one this year.

Emu took the stand and was telling a story about Burke Street when your scribe inadvertently added to the story by referring to the street as Burka Street thus ensuring he was awarded a down-down.

Stewie went to the extra effort to hang solar powered lights over the food serving table and this had him at an advantage over other hares for the score for the run. He was awarded 8/10 points on the RA scale.

The food was chicken casserole and was quickly consumed by the hashers. A big thanks to Stewie in handing over clean pots even though he used them to prepare the meal.

It was good to see our dog owners took note of the all dogs must be on a leash sign. We should hang such a sign on our Hash Bus!

A great run, great company, great food and great beer.

Wouldn’t be dead for quids.

On On

Bushie.

 

Run 2547 – Ace @ Shirley Strickland Reserve, Ardross

Run 2547 Ace at Shirley Strickland Reserve, Ardross
A good turnout for this special Run 2547, fundraiser for Prostrate cancer research, but not unexpected as not only with Ace’s top reputation for run setting and the fact many members are frequently inspecting their testicular region. Probably because a not insignificant number cannot remember when someone else did the exploring.


following a brief introduction from the OnSec, Ace pointed the way and the pack set off across Shirley’s oval shaped welcome mat. Via Jim Ainsworth Reserve and Al Richardson reserve (I must be the only person in Perth without a reserve named after me) the pack skirted the back of Booragoon shopping centre to enter the old favourite, Wireless Hill Park. 


A circuitous root (I mean route) took the mob to the top of the hill where the walkers were already waiting at the drink stop. A breather, vista of the Swan River and a cup of port then down the hill to work through a posh housing area and making Len Shearer Reserve. By this time the pack was getting quite stretched with Crayfish and Rumpole doing most of the checks.


West across Risely Street the cunning Ace took the run around Blue Gum Lake before turning North and struggling to match the pace of the Phantom mob who had already worked a more direct root (must be the thought of testicles) to Ken Douglas Reserve. I think I’ll rename my house “Stewie Reserve”.


After what seemed like 50 minutes the combined walking and running packs converged on Shirley Strickland’s bucket.
The circle was the usual pandemonium and made worse by Emu’s absence. Q was given a down down for turning up at Curtain for an exam only to find it was not until Wednesday. The circle was at the same time singing “we go Hashing every Monday” so confusion reigned. Fortunately it didn’t rain because there was no shelter.


We were lucky to have Scumbag back and also welcomed guests Bill and Fat Bastard Collins. (Horse’s description not mine).


A special thanks to Mastitis, chief chef also Raindrops and South Perth Hash for lending woks. The chicken satays and vegetable stir fry must be a Gordon Blue contender although Barcode’s wife did have much to say about the amount of gas generated that night.
Well done Crayfish for running the raffle which raised $290 plus a donation of $250 from PH3.


TOP JOB ACE. OnOn Stewie

Run 2546 – RIMMER @ Warwick Bowling Club Carpark

RunRightUP                  2546 Rimmer RUN 12-11-2018

Arriving early as was their usual practice Holmes and Ace proceeded down Warwick Road at a gentle pace, “I say Holmes said Ace” “that dastardly bastard Professor Moriarty has stolen the Feet Signs from the Lloyd Drive turn off and the Hash Chaps won’t know the way to the Hash Meet – Warwick Bowling Club Car Park.” 

“Blimey” said Holmes “can’t have that! let’s alert The Hares” and they did. Rimmer swung into action and Feet Signs were posted. Moriarty was very so pissed off – he closed down the Warwick Bowling Club Car Park and made all the early Hash Chap comer’s move their cars over to the Hockey Stadium Car Park.

All was well then, until the Mole started running around in circles (Moriarty had nailed one of Mole’s feet to the pavement) the Mole was yelling it’s a Fuck UP, it’s a Fuck Up until Dick Tracy pulled out his service revolver and put the Mole out of his agony.

Things seem to settle down as the Hash Chaps ranks swelled and we spied Elbows fresh from his beach shag oops soory typo…shack. Holmes saw some sheets of paper fall out of Elbows pocket and was about to return them, but an award certificate heading caught his eye. 

It read “To Elbows Year 11 Literary Award” Best Shortest Novel Ever– Titled – ‘Her Mum & Dad Went Out’

Holmes speed reading ability help him share what you are about to read, and we all know that Elbows is very proud of his work

‘The night was dark and stormy, the toilet light was on, a shot rang out, her guts spilled out, I got out. Wouldn’t you?

No doubt Elbows got Dick Tracy to clean up that mess for him?

‘Police Footnote

The young lady survived she had mealy given birth. A person of interest matching Elbows description had been seen frequenting the young ladies house during the past 9 months. As DNA testing had not been invented in those days no charges were laid’.    

A large pack assembled in ideal conditions. Mumbles tried to bribe Horse with a bottle of wine. The Hare Rimmer was ably helped by his brother in law Bob. The run linked up four parks, occupied by dogs exercising people and sports kids exercising people without dogs. The run was an anti-clockwise circus of streets which thru some Cosmos Hashers. 

POMY Hashers felt right at home in ‘WARWICK’ meaning ‘SheKnows’ so runners didn’t want to linger longer.   

The run lacked sufficient FT's. ALL New Runs shall have 4km of FT’s and 4km of Checks

Returnees were Kilkenny in a new scratched Jaguar car, Conman, Nanny & Pooch. 

Down, Down Rhino left his TOPGUN car unlocked and the only thing stolen was his Hash cap, it needed a wash – thieves promised to return it after wash and dry clean. Moses put on his birthday beers…he’s just so HAPPY. Barefoot won the raffle ticket but not the Joker.

The Cricle finished early – Food queued formed and Rimmers Dragon’s breaths curry was a special lap-up treat and it burns, burns, burns the burning RING of fire but so bowel cleansing the morning after.

Soon after with Warwick meaning ‘SheKnows’ whispering in from the darkness of the suburb around us the Runners left early silently disappearing into their cars heading home…SheKnows, SheKnows, Elbows revved his engine and shouted “I DON’T CARE as he disappeared into the darkness.

The clean-up guru crew guys begun the Bucket pack up and Ace loaded the dirty curry pots pans and dishes into the back of the Commodore Station Wagon.

As Holmes and Ace proceeded at a gentle pace heading South down the Freeway a heavy fog of Dragons Breath Curry permeated every corner of the Commodore Station Wagon and they could hear Professor Moriarty cruel mocking laugh as they crossed the Narrows that separates North from South. Was it the Curry or a cruel Moriarty FART?!

Ace & Sherlock

 

 

Run 2540 Cans and Pitt at Broz Park, Helena Valley

Run 2540 Cans Mt Edelstone Night

Can we forget about the run and just move to the wine part of the night. Cans, as is a common element to his runs nowadays, included four or so great wines for members to quaff….but when you include a Mt Edelstone wine that makes it a very special night.

However, as always there is a dark side to the night to keep everything in balance – the Eags fans and their prissy,puerile celebration of their grand final loss on Saturday. Officially it was a win but I have it from reliable source that Adam Simpson felt guilty about accepting the trophy after such an atrocious umpiring decision that allowed Damn Sheed to kick that goal.

All I can say is “Well done Eags” to a side that everyone had finishing at about 14 at the start of the year…and yes, they did win the last three qtrs. in the GF and were unlucky not to win by more at an earlier point in the game.

You ask about the run. Well what can one say about a hashman who has been setting them for near on 50 years. It was a good mix of early bush and later residential that generally kept the pack together in an unfamiliar area that lent itself to many variations that would always make a good run.

Good to see Phranger back having a run with us and DTP (Dave the Pom) showed a face. Cocos Island had a rep in Wacuda – always good to have new faces show however temporary in nature.

The run had well placed FT’s and checks and early in the run even slow buggers like Rumpold and Antman found themselves in front.

As the run progressed it became apparent that no matter how well the run was set the swift pricks were always going to be up front towards the last third of the trail. 

It doesn’t often happen but the runners beat the walkers back to the bucket and I have it from a little gossip in their pack one suspects that Phantom, with Stewies help, became disoriented when returning on the homeward leg. Gossip….but wait a minute wasn’t Farty… er… I mean Mumbles on his own most of the walk??? Where do these rumours start! Anyway, anybody that has to turn the map instead of his brain upside down to work out general direction on a trail probably should hand overleadership duties to someone with a cell phone and google maps. 

Back at the bucket Cans and Pit had set up canapes of cheese and crackers as starters, followed by a touch of class with some very fine reds to taste if a beer wasn’t the order of the day. I’m about to suggest something we should have done long ago – Cans to set a run every month if such wines are going to be the on the menu at the end of his run.

Horse called the troops together and the appropriate parties came out for down downs to celebrate the win/loss of the sporting scene on the weekend. The Eags supporters did a fine rendition of the club song and so we tuck another year of football away until 2019.

Emu gave a good review of the run followed by the usual jihadist jokes (did I just see Eric the ‘alf bee, sorry, Sir Knob, frown??) and the world again on Monday night became as it should be.

Nobody nowadays wants to do spring runs so it was cancelled. Perhaps with individual member follow up and the date set towards the end of October (still Spring!) we may get some interest, better weather and more starters. 

The food capped off a great night although many thought the meat was the most tender fillet they had ever eaten before realising it was lambs fry – I’ll personally leave the Lambs Fry alone though….not pregnant and don’t need the addition iron in my die. 

Ahhh shit next week’s hare isn’t here, the pans and plates are absolutely dirty and this dopey bastard has to take them home for clean-up before next week. Now that’s what I call drawing the wrong card, Polly.

 

On On ARISTO(Formerly Polecat)​​​Exactly one page. Just like setting a run that lasts exactly one hour. The author is brilliantJ

Run 2527 Jointly with West Coast Hash, Troy Park, Attadale. “Get Wet with West Coast”

Run 2527 Jointly with West Coast Hash, Troy Park, Attadale.

“Get Wet with West Coast”

This event, from the usual place in Troy Park, was advertised as starting at 18.15. A pity some keen West Coast types got impatient and set off five minutes early in the pouring rain.  I was still getting ready, and set off three minutes later, in the pouring rain, to try and catch them. Well, that was always going to be a hopeless task, given my acknowledged lack of both pace and stamina. I did get a couple of distant glimpses but that was all. Any trail marks had been thoroughly washed away, so it was a “live hare” run. However, by this stage it wasn't merely raining, it was bucketing down! Not wanting to get lost after dark in Attadale, a decidedly dodgy part of town, I decided to cut my losses and return to the finish to get into some dry clothes. Just as I was approaching home, the rain eased off and our walkers appeared out of the gloom. Sensibly they had delayed setting out until the rain eased off. They shamed me into joining them and we strolled around the suburban streets for half an hour or so. Phantom navigated with the help of a laminated map.

Walkers and front runners were back at the beer in less than an hour. There was plenty of shelter, and our gas heater was most welcome.

 

The circle was mercifully short Emu and Lasagna were awarded downdowns for complaining that each time they caught up with the waiting pack, the runners set off again without giving them time to catch their breath.

Gumby was hauled up for wearing poncy leather office shoes. Nanny was done for ignoring the “no dogs” advice in the run directions.  

Scumbag put on a carton of Coopers Sparkling to help us celebrate his 72nd birthday; nothing but the best for our Scummy..

 

Thirty three Perth Hashmen  enjoyed pasta Bolognese, prepared by Sir Knob (possibly with some assistance) whilst ten West Coast chaps had to put up with KFC.

 

Thanks to West Coast for inviting us; next time please organise better weather.

ON ON

 

Birdman

Run 2527 – Joint Run with West Coast H3 at Troy Park, Attadale

Run 2527 – Joint Run with West Coast H3 at Troy Park, Attadale

Because it had been raining most of the afternoon, West Coast hare Simple elected to have a live hare run. The weather looked pretty good as we changed in the almost flooded carpark.

But the complacency soon disappeared 1 minute into the run when the heavens simply opened and it bucketed down for about 15 minutes.

Even the many walkers got their precious tootsies wet!

Gumby’s R.M.Williams running boots turned out not to be waterproof! But his new drone was good, particularly the photos of his neighbour’s wife.

The run would have been quite good had it been conventionally set – some good hills, bit of bush, expensive real estate to look at and about 55 minutes.

Lasagne & Emu ran non-stop the whole time and were exhausted because, whilst the young bucks of WC courteously called a hash halt, the moment we arrived they were off again. Bit testing for us blokes not in full training mode.

Not as bad as Antman & Triple J who got lost.

I’d guess PH3 had 12 runners and about the same number of walkers.

Barcode copped a down down for his golf shot which landed behind the ladies tee [think called a harlot] via a blackboy.

Tucker was terrific and plentiful thanks to Sir Knob & Lilliana [more credit to the latter methinks!] for the curly fettuccine bolognaise.

Thanks for the carton Scummy.

Ended up being a good night, as usual and much healthier than for those who woosed out!

On On Emu

 

Run 2526 DICK TRACY with Co-hares BUDGIE and RIMMER at Carine Open Space

25/6/2018  Carine open space. Cold.

Hare: The Hon Dick Tracey   co-hares – there were several, but the most notable were Budgie & Rimmer.

After Dick Tracey running through the qualities of the tucker he had cooked up [impressive that it was non-halal], we set off west along Beach Road on a 3km clockwise loop – too bad if you were a late comer!
Now Dick must have upset some of the locals when setting this run because shortly into the run, Emu encountered a grumpy over-weight male walker who poured shit on him for disturbing his peace. 
Emu replied with the customary "gfy"
Unbeknown  to Gumby who was running some distance behind, when he encountered this bloke, he was already primed up. So some considerable discourse ensued and ended with a healthy trade of insults and expletives. Well done Gumby for representing Hash so eloquently.
Anyway, by then the pack was split into 3 or 4 groups. 
Territory was good and well marked,  but several rather long stretches without falsies or checks. Not good for grouping. ][lgpt folk would interpret that as lack of “groping” opportunity].
Run time ~55 minutes which is ideal.
All good back at the buket. Mrs. Dick Tracy  did outstanding job with piping hot chicken stew and a chicken curry to feed the masses. Thanks guys.
On On Emu

Run 2525 – MARK 1 with Co-hare FAGS at Neil McDougal Park, Como

RUN 2525 – MARK 1 WITH CO-HARE FAGS AT NEIL McDOUGAL PARK, COMO

WHAT A NIGHT – very cold, wet and located in a damp swamp area.  As the pack gathered a downpour had Hashmen huddled under a tree and a lean-to made for one.  Good to see TOP GUN (RHINO) back on his feet.

CO-HARE FAGS had already set the run twice and refused to set it again.  Several maps were given out in case the chalk had disappeared.

Two packs of runners and two packs of walkers set off in different directions.  PHANTOM had his usual dummy spit due to the lack of enthusiasm from the walkers. POLLY back-doored PHANTOM and piloted a second pack of walkers with the assistance of DICK TRACY. POLLY’S walkers’ pack was ambushed by PHANTOM’S raiders and PHANTOM, with the assistance of SOL, overthrew POLLY in a bloodless coup.

Fortunately all returned dry and huddled around the heater to keep warm.

The Runners went out for chalk and found almost none. Fortunately the maps provided should have been a godsend. In the hands of your GM ACTION, with his (not so) trusty wind up torch, he led a small pack of about 7 in a circuit around the park then through the streets of Como. They came across a pack of Walkers led by PHANTOM a couple of times, and ended up at the furthest point at the back of Penrhos School, about the same place as ACTION agreed that he was not on trail. Which was a surprise as he had taken the Runners up some very false false trails! But even so, the Runners found their way back to the bucket after about 50 minutes or so, and didn’t even get rained on.

HORSE drew the raffle and winners were DICK TRACY and DAVE THE POM.

Down Downs for GRIZZLY, BARCODE, COLLINS and STUMBLES – can’t remember what they were for though!

NANNY had a Down Down for having his dog in the circle.

NEON and ELBOWS had Down Downs for no reason.

EMU excelled himself by telling a joke about muzzies where we actually laughed – so he quit while ahead and didn’t go for seconds.

EAGLES supporters were given a Down Down while the COLONEL received an extra Down Down for being a Claremont supporter (1 point loss to West Perth) – he was still bitching about the umpire’s call.

HARES – It was the first time the club has had two packs of runners and walkers each with their own maps.  EMU gave 5 out of 10 for a score – should now be amended to 1 out 10 for the HARE not supplying cutlery or staying to clean up rubbish. However the cassoulet was hot, plentiful and maybe even nutritious.

It was another good night of socialising.

Dick Tracy

Run 2524 – Nanny and the Fox Terrier @ Gwelup Swamp Reserve

Nanny and the Fox Terrier

Well this shaped to be interesting – Nanny started by giving Phantom a map of a dull walk around the lake –about as  interesting as a tongue kiss from Colonel . Phantom protested (read spat the dummy ) and the Fox Terrier produced a map of the run itself. Although Nanny had a spit too as he claimed Walkers ruined the run  FAKE NEWS!!!!

Walkers Care !!  

Looking at the map with all it’s FTs and a few checks Phantom reckoned this run would be a candidate for Run o’ Year   –how wrong can one be?

Started with a loop and then an FT and Walkers held back so as not to “root the run”

From here on markings (including Pembo look alikes)  were often difficult to find being on footpath one  minute and curb the next and sometimes apparently not at all .

The pack (Walkers and Runners )was together as we negotiated a trip wire into the park .

Here a cunning FT put the Runners further into the park to a check . PHANTOM’s PHABULOUS PHOLLOWERS (PPP)  with aid of said map walked thru the FT to pop up in front of the Runners or so we thought .Apparently in the dark checking was to say the least ,average ,and the pack began to split  into Quick  ,Slow and Don’t Care

The Walkers ,now well in front of the disoriented Runners proceeded up the hill into Karrinyup but at this stage the Runners were not in sight.

PPP decided to wait a bit for catch up but dissention grew –Some decided to go straight back to the Bucket in case those bastard Runners were lost and back drinking all the piss and eating the chips  The Magnificent 7  (of PPP) kept going before Budgie dethroned King Phantom and lead the Magnificent 7 home but on the way Mumbles took a dive and landed on his head so no damage done

The PPP took just over an hour and Runners about 90 minutes

As I said it had makings of a top run but marred by not enough clear marking ,a bit too long for those over 60 and piss poor checking.

Bloody good night though with oodles of Noodles

ON ON