Pembo turns it on or Phantom M.I.A. Pack panics

Pembo turns it on

 

or

 

Phantom M. I . A Pack panics

 

 

A lovely warm autumn day  as I drove up ,caught up with my wife at the home then swung over to Willetton for my first Laksa run, Crayfish has been talking of this and giving top marks so I thought it was ideal to see the boys and enjoy a run with them. When I arrived at the car park they were wandering around with worried looks on their faces, what's up I said ,well the wagons missing and so is Phantom and we are not sure what to do he always gets things organised, personally I though the wagon was more important but kept this to myself. There must be a shortage of co hares as Pembo had selected Elbows.

 

All the old faces were there and I was flat out meeting and greeting, Barefoot must have gone via an aged care centre as he brought some old derelicts along to enjoy the  night , how thoughtful of him. Antman arrived with his crew and the pack built up still no sign of the wagon but its time to go. Trail marked with permanent paint so we use it again, a good energy saving measure, runners this way, walkers well two ways I went the wrong way and never really caught up. I'm with Colonel and his dog [no kids in sight] Mark 1 decided after 300 metres that was enough and turned for home, we battled on manfully keeping the walkers in sight but never catching them, the trail was well marked in fluorescent paint [green] and dodged in and out, a solid pace showed how unfit  I was the runners were behind us as we ducked down a pathway between houses. THEN a large fat lady came out and told us in no uncertain terms  to keep the noise down,this irritated Mole who gave her a big ON On whereupon she said  “I hope your arse blows up” to which Mole replied “ If it looked like you I hope it does” speeding up in case the husband came out, then thinking no chance she's got one ,we hit a park littered with dogs, Colonel gives the dog its head and there were so many bums to choose from it didn't know which one to sniff.

 

Still behind but at Pembos its a drink stop being late we got the dregs, Mrs Pembo handled the mob gracefully and we are off ,its nearing the hour not home yet, Rusty Nuts draws level and gives me the guff on the gossip then its home. A quick ice cold beer settled things down although Rumpole still looked a bit worried ,Elbows is dishing the drinks in a professional fashion I pointed out to Rumpole that as the wagon was late nobody got a drink before the run a cash saving measure, this cheered him up. All too soon its circle Horse takes control [well sort of] bellows out some general business , Emu takes over and the pack cop it including me as the oldest runner as this Sunday I am 81. Later that night I realised how unfit I am when I went to sit down.

 

Anyhow the queue forms in front of me was a lady in a bright green top , sari and a bandana obviously a local caught up by mistake no its Bushie letting his inner child out.We sit down Pembo dishes out a Barossa red Polecat and I  thought it was a cheeky wine and we were amused by its preciousness. Around comes the Laksa my bowl could have doubled for a hand basin, I tucked in had a chat to Emu and Neon and the foods great , more wine, then the raffle left the cash in the car so no chance. Cripes another dish I'm full to the brim so give it a miss but Budgie[67 kg wringing wet] finishes it off.

 

Full to the brim I bid adieu and headed for home being in the wrong lane I missed the Freeway and did the grand night time tour of the Fiona Stanley car parks back on track and little traffic dawesville looms. Thansk to all Pembo10/10.

 

On ON

 

Stumbles

RUN 2507     2017 AGPU at the Goat Farm in Greenmount

RUN 2507     2017 AGPU at the Goat Farm in Greenmount

The day was warm with a nice sea breeze blown into the foothills. The Hares Boner & Barcode had set the trail and were walking the supplies to the drink stop, when smoke was noticed in the south west corner on the run. Being on the side of the hill and under the phone tower, Boner got his five bar connection to dial 000. Phone calls in the Hills don’t always connect due to location.

The smoke was pushed up the hill from the Heritage Trail near Coulston Rd and the sirens of the Fire & Rescue vehicles could be heard heading to any spot the light tankers could mop up. The big tankers slowly negotiated the wash out access track towards the Goat Farm carpark. They had as much trouble picking their line of least resistance as The Mole did on his motorbike. This was an arson fire lit by someone on a motorbike.

The pack assembled with the runners heading off downhill attracted by the smell of smoke. A challenging run set by Boner, 3G took his phone so he could not get lost on Dad’s run. The walkers headed uphill & uphill with a false trail on the downhill southern slope. This was the warm up to get to the drink stop perched on top of a gravely knoll. Were all the wall blocks carried up to site? The walkers and our media man (Sherlock) gently navigated down the pea gravel surface to reach some BMX tracks and back to the bucket. The runners drank & carried the remaining Emu Bitter & Swan Draught cans down the hill to the table with the nibbles, all laid out for the last of the seagulls to devour.

Beers, food & awards were all taken up to the shelter for the Oscar evening (no red carpet) with only Bushy parading in a skirt. There were many down downs, even ICE for committee members and songs from Gumby. Anniversary mugs were handed out to Jaapie, Rumpole, Gnocchi, Budgie, Mumbles, Mark 1, Barefoot, & Crayfish. The Seagull committee tried to put shit on most of the members, with only a few standing still to receive the annual awards. Read all about it in the hard copy anal.

The Hound Dog Committee was introduced by the sounds of Elvis; he must be a walker by now. Action called the pack together to receive their nice new committee shirts and they actually fit.

The caterers from Jolly Belly in Glen Forrest prepared 3 curries & rice with pappadams for the pack. All the meat was eaten and that left some very tasty soup, too good to give to the dogs on the run.

A big thankyou to Seagull & his committee for the past years events. Barcode you can now put your feet up and relax with the family.

OnOn               Horse

Onsec Hound Dog Committee (slowly getting older & wiser)

Run 2508 Action @ Carine Open Space

The first run under the guardianship of the new Hound dog committee set by none other than GM Action and ably assisted by Moses and that entrée on a lead.

Carine open space is always a good starting point for a winter run and its  guaranteed to be cold. Whoops, it was a summer run – bring back global warming!

 

So off we headed, after the initial falsie split the pack, across the grass into a 50km gale, over Oakley Rd to the highlands of Carine. Plenty of falsies as we wound around before crossing Beach Rd., but I think already we had two packs by this time.

After what I would estimate to be 2/3 of the run, we lost the trail and decided once giddy, to head home, arriving about the same time as the front runners.

There followed a great circle, even a welcome to country complete with smoking ceremony.

Tucker was most very tasty and a good thing it was hot, given rather cool conditions.

A good night Action.

 

[Thanks to Dickie & Rumpole for giving the van a thorough cleaning]

 

 

On On Emu

The Hon Sec’s 2500 run write up

PH3 2500th Run

Almost 50 years ago, several young men gathered under the banner of the Perth Hash House Harriers for the very first time, and last week we celebrated our 2500th Run, a milestone to be proud of. So, after giving ourselves a day to recover from our celebratory dinner on the Saturday night, the group gathered on the Monday for our official milestone run (we’ve actually already had our 2501 – 2504, but hashers like to do things differently for sure).

Our group was joined by hashers from all over, notably most of the Hamersley guys, the West Coast guys, a few Harrietts and some from Rocky City so I believe, at the Olympic Kingsway Sports Club in Madeley. A massive thanks to all those who joined us from other Hash groups, we ended up with over a 100 folks which was great. So off went the packs, one of runners and one of walkers on trails set by two very experienced hares in FT and The Mole. I was told before the run started that it was designed specifically to f*#k up Phranger from West Coast and I believe it worked well. I wasn’t on the run, but I have had to field several complaints from the elderly residents of Wisteria Lane, I’ve suitably redirected them to Hamersley H3. From all reports the run was well marked, with interesting territory, and a drink stop which was typically hijacked by Hamersley who, as we all know, take it up the arse.

Back at the Kingsway Olympic, there was a frantic grab for the 2500th t-shirts, poor Gerry Can was getting smashed by eager PH3 members desperate to get their preferred size. Equally as smashed was the poor girl behind the bar who obviously had no idea how quickly Hashers can put away stubbies. As the finger food was handed around, the circle got underway, with Barcode struggling to reign in the raucous crowd. Never the less, as usual what he had to say was worth listening to. Some of our more esteemed members (read old), including Fags, Phantom, Chunder, Wagon, Sir Tomarse, Horse, Mumbles and Polecat were called up for their more than 40 years of membership with PH3. Past members who are no longer with us were also recognised. Barcode then continued to build his legacy of unity by inviting Phantom and Boner to kiss and make up, whilst heading off a potential conflict between our current Hash Flash Sherlock and our newest member Con who is a professional photographer. Ace and Ramrod were called up for causing a fuss at the 2500th dinner with dietary requirement issues. Ace for being a glutard (correct medical terminology for one who is gluten intolerant) and Ramrod for dropping Barcode in it with his wife by not arranging food she could eat. Rumpole would also have been called up, but ironically, he was absent due to a particularly nasty bout of food poisoning.

Then up came our RA who had engaged some the PH3 CSI team to investigate who it was who had won the raffle prize of a free root at the knocking shop on a run some decades ago. In true law enforcement style, when they can’t find the actual culprit, they make up some evidence and make an accusation. Phantom was duly handcuffed (I’m told this was what had happened in the knocking shop too) and taken down. The hares were called up and commended for an excellent run. Some more beers, some beef roles and another Perth Hash event was successfully closed out. Thanks to all who helped out and all those who came.

On on,

Barcode

2500 Run

I think the outgoing flock of seagulls deserve at least another two feathers in their caps.
One for the excellent social gathering of past and present members of the club on Saturday night, and the 2nd, one for the    venue and  the 2.5 run. Top marks to PR crew or was it the Phantom? for the gathering of the clans,  cause he knows everyone!  Must be why he had handcuffs on.
It might have been the acoustics or the West Coast pricks complaining about “No Chips”.  It was difficult to hear what was going on.  Anyway they soon shut up when all the finger food came out.  Talk about Seagulls.
 
After the circle, Hamersley  started bitching.  They thought that was all the food they would get, until they saw Perth Hash forming a queue to receive a very succulent roast beef roll.   Well done.
The Run must have been o.k. as I heard no complaints from the Harriett's.  You won’t anyway as they are always busy catching up on the latest gossip.The walk was very good, except for one small glitch.  The Phantom went down a dead end street;  he called it a false trail! until we got back on track.  Job well done to the Flock.
 
As they fly off into the sunset in February they may be  persued  by the Pack of Mongrels”,  You first heard  it from Xmas.
 
The title of the GM will be changed to FIDO and the ON SEC known as “The Bitch”.
Hash Cash will be the “Dog Catcher”.
The Circle, The Dog Pound”
All currant canines will be brought back in and all “Puppies”  the rest of us caught yapping in the Pound will be tied up on leashes,  15 meters away (watch out Scummy.)
 
Dog Collars will be sold by Hash Hasberdashery        with name tags extra.
 
On the runs or “Walkies”  as they will come to be known. There will be no running up the ass of anyone.  If you need a piss, you are required  to   stand on one leg  next to a lamp post.  Chewing  up pussys will not be tolerated, just ask  Antman.   Licking  your own balls is o.k.
If you need a dump, just ask Ramrod, he carries plenty of spare  yellow bags. 
 
On return to the pound there will be no more chips as the Mongrels have talked Pembo into bringing along 20 kilo bags of dog bickies.
And to conclude in the New Speak, it’s not ON On but Woof Woof.
 
Xmas (The Dog Whisperer) 

 

 


Run 2505 Xmas in Stirling

Run 2505 Xmas Stirling

The easterly wind was keeping the flies & midges away, as we congregated next to the open drain behind the Kathmandu Store in Stirling. Xmas said we needed agility & patience on a challenging run, just follow the arrows.

The runners & walkers set off and mingled together looking like a dog’s breakfast as they negotiated a hole in the dog fence to gain access to the open drain, eventually all climbed thru including the dogs. As per usual Deeply Borings dog wanted to be part of the video and dived in for a swim at the dogleg of the drain. He looked up, as his master tried to persuade him to climb out of the dirty, stinking water. Luckily he didn’t see the ducks exercising.

The culvert crossing at Scarborough Beach Rd held up all who had assembled on the western side Luckily the diamond mesh fence provided some safety hand holds to carefully navigate to the other side. Well done Mumbles. For one’s safety, all runners took a careful crossing of SBR to head south and find a massive false trail. I counted 29 walkers, returning from the false trail, only to head into the Anaconda car park& Botanic Bar car park. Did Bushie stop for a taster?

Over Leige St to the Greater Union Cinema, over SBR at the lights again and await in McDonalds for the less agile walkers to cross. Under, thru, above the car park levels of Westfield Innaloo to find a long straight stretch up Dongara St, where the runners could stretch the hamstrings and spread out again. The trail continued east up Cedric St towards the Freeway and back under IKEA to home at 6.45 pm.

The quietest part of the circle were the 5 dogs, all tired up, sitting on the concrete & looking at their owners. There is more respect from them, than the dog-eat-dog attitude of the front runners. The Onsec was dogmatic for 17 minutes of announcements, including anniversaries for The Mole 17 years & Antman 35 years. Birthdays for Deke & Elbows, who is looking dog tired these days.

Food was lamb cutlets & rice, plenty to feed the masses and no one took a doggy bag home. Virgin country and a difficult site to please the masses, well done Xmas, a score of 8. We all left to return to the dogsbody in the dogbox.

OnOn Horse.

2500 Run

 
I think the outgoing flock of seagulls deserve at least another two feathers in their caps.
One for the excellent social gathering of past and present members of the club on Saturday night, and the 2nd, one for the    venue and  the 2.5 run. Top marks to PR crew or was it the Phantom? for the gathering of the clans,  cause he knows everyone!  Must be why he had handcuffs on.
It might have been the acoustics or the West Coast pricks complaining about “No Chips”.  It was difficult to hear what was going on.  Anyway they soon shut up when all the finger food came out.  Talk about Seagulls.
 
After the circle, Hamersley  started bitching.  They thought that was all the food they would get, until they saw Perth Hash forming a queue to receive a very succulent roast beef roll.   Well done.
The Run must have been o.k. as I heard no complaints from the Harriett's.  You won’t anyway as they are always busy catching up on the latest gossip.The walk was very good, except for one small glitch.  The Phantom went down a dead end street;  he called it a false trail! until we got back on track.  Job well done to the Flock.
 
As they fly off into the sunset in February they may be  persued  by the Pack of Mongrels”,  You first heard  it from Xmas.
 
The title of the GM will be changed to FIDO and the ON SEC known as “The Bitch”.
Hash Cash will be the “Dog Catcher”.
The Circle, The Dog Pound”
All currant canines will be brought back in and all “Puppies”  the rest of us caught yapping in the Pound will be tied up on leashes,  15 meters away (watch out Scummy.)
 
Dog Collars will be sold by Hash Hasberdashery        with name tags extra.
 
On the runs or “Walkies”  as they will come to be known. There will be no running up the ass of anyone.  If you need a piss, you are required  to   stand on one leg  next to a lamp post.  Chewing  up pussys will not be tolerated, just ask  Antman.   Licking  your own balls is o.k.
If you need a dump, just ask Ramrod, he carries plenty of spare  yellow bags. 
 
On return to the pound there will be no more chips as the Mongrels have talked Pembo into bringing along 20 kilo bags of dog bickies.
And to conclude in the New Speak, it’s not ON On but Woof Woof.
 
Xmas (The Dog Whisperer) 

Run 2504 Phantom and Sir Knob perform in Hollywood


We go swimming very Monday. Well we did this Monday after gathering at Hollywood Bowling Club near Karakatta cemetery
Before heading out into the rain we were treated to an entertaining reParking of the van by acting tugger-in-chief Budgie. Well done to the driver and a variety of advisers resulting in the van being brought to the very adequate shelter without losing the solar panel on the van roof.
The hares looked like pastry chefs after trying to set a trail in the continuous deluge but it in the end was necessary to employ Action as a live hare as the actual hare, Phantom, had far more pressing matters such as keeping dry.
That way encouraged Phantom pointing to a waist deep puddle and off went the pack.
Despite a torrent of abuse from Phantom, the co-opted walk guide, Stewie, chose discretion over valour and led the walkers in the opposite direction.
The fair weather hashers who stayed at home missed a great run in good territory. Action led the way south then over Smythe Road into a section of bush adjoining karakatta cemetery. Completing the loop around new housing built on the old Hollywood High School site and across Dot Bennet Park then eventually cross the railway bridge to Stubbs Terrace.
A very wide loop took Action and his band of hardy followers into the bush at the rear of Shenton Colleges and back through the tunnel under Shenton Park Station. It was necessary to swim over the pedestrian crossing and into Evans Street, down an alley to Onslow where the first arrow was spotted under a shop awning.
A straight forward route arriving back at the bucket in about 40 minutes to coincide with the walkers.
The circle was well roofed and provided with excellent lighting under the club rooms. A 36 year anniversary down down for Stewie and a second one for birthday No 68. Some people are simply lucky that they do not show their age.
Barcode was a returnee from The Indonesian Woodlark Island (some people get all the good jobs).
Our Religious advisor, Tripple J was enthusiastically received and provided a wet evening with generous helpings of dry humour.
The food was chicken and salad rolls served by a Phantom wearing a suspicious surgical glove. I did notice Phantom had been wearing that all evening and was obviously intended to ensure any germs collected or chicken grease didn’t taint his skin.
Very well done to Phantom and Sir Knob. Good on you both for planning, setting and ensuring a fun evening. But a special thanks to the 30 odd hash men who turned out in very inclement weather to support your efforts, it was well worth it.
On On
Stewie