Run 2685- Dick Tracy in Carine

About forty hashmen turned up at Carine Open Space in eager anticipation of  Dick Tracey’s run. The weather was dry and cool. The run was actually set by Budgie, helping out because of Dickie’s achilles problem.As usual these days, walkers outnumbered the runners two to one. All set off in an easterly direction, before heading north on the other side of the freeway. We followed a big anti-clockwise loop, which included some of the nicer parts of Greenwood and Duncraig. Well set, despite Budgie’s refusal to mark with the traditional Perth Hash arrow.The walkers were back on the hour, having covered 5.2km. The front runners took 75 minutes to do their 8.6km. Q’s watch told him he had run 9.6 km; he must have caught every false trail.The circle started promptly and we celebrated Pembo’s twenty years and birthdays for Colonel and Polecat, who donated a carton. Rhino conveyed the thanks of Second Bite for our recent donation.Xmas informed about the upcoming Cervantes Hash function, and told his best joke ever.Several downdowns were awarded (I got two) and Goliath was given the bell.Our RA, to loud cheers, scored the run at 8.5, following which we tucked in to chicken cooked three ways. Thanks to Dick Tracey and Budgie for another good evening.ON ONBirdman

Run 2584 – Hare $, Co-Hare FT

What happened to Global Warming?  A cold wet night was the setting in a well-used Kingsley park!  Also what happened to the 6pm start time? The pack had to wait for the chardonnay set to arrive from Cottesloe and Claremont.  

PHANTOM again angle parked in front on parking bays!!

You would think that DOLLAR, a former formidable RAR military man would give the pack a latitude and longitude start bearing.  The only directions from DOLLAR were “FUCK OFF THAT WAY!”

The pack – runners and walkers – took off and thankfully there was no rain.  BUDGIE led the walkers at the start as he was glowing in the dark and was something to follow.

The walkers suffered a few trail stops while PHANTOM got his bearings.  These stops allowed the runners to interact with the walkers and dogs.

There were positive comments about the run – one being “at least the rain held off” and another being    a couple of dogs nearly got run over.

The heater was on and TRIPLE J took charge of the circle.  Some of the down downs were:

  • GOLIATH and RHINO for getting totally lost on last week’s run.  GOLIATH returned when RUMPOLE and crew were packing up the bucket.
  • PEMBO for his belated birthday and a Guinness was enjoyed on his behalf.
  • STEWIE for falling asleep on the train.

GUMBY drew his own ticket out of POLLY’S raffle and the CCC is looking into POLLY’S running of the tickets and cards.

The rain started and FT had to move the circle under cover.  Luckily we only had a small pack as the shelter just fitted the food table and we were shoulder to shoulder.

When BIRDMAN farted no-one moved out from the shelter due to the rain.

FT told a joke about a nun, but we’re still waiting for the punch line.  What’s wrong with kissing a nun anyway?

There was some comment and argument about late write ups for runs.  FT gave a down down to:

  • XMAS and PHANTOM for the parking awards for the night.
  • BUDGIE was awarded a plastic bag to cover his head – it looked good on him.
  • BARCODE for being mates with Ben Cousins.  I didn’t hear why as SCUMBAG was talking at the time.

FT assessed the run as one that has been held in the location three times before by DOLLAR.  FT was aware that DOLLAR’S wife cooked the food which was excellent.

Parking good, location good, lighting good, weather OK at the start.  FT gave DOLLAR and himself 9 out of 10.

The rain stopped then started again so the circle dispersed ASAP.



Run 2581 – Sir Tom Arse

Sir Tom Arse, Xmas & ScummyPenistone Park, Greenwood
Great Location – Only 5 minutes from home. Weather good. Always rains in the Southern Suburbs not in the Northern Suburbs!
Started at 6:00pm from a walkers point of view, plenty of chalk, walkers and runners (only 8 or 9) Stayed together for half the run. The walkers separated from the runners and were home after 40 minutes. 
The runners had a good run stayed together for most of the time, although Seagull went lame. They arrived back at the bucket after 50 minutes.
The circle was the circle FT & Dick Tracy’s Birthday’s. FT supplied the Melbourne Bitters & Dickie supplied the Favourites Chocolates, Mumbles ate all the Turkish Delight’s!
The circle was interrupted by the Harriett’s dress in Pink Tutu’s and their big Pricks! Sang their hash song and return to wherever. One did leave a frozen stiffy behind! Thanks ladies our excitement for the night.
$5.00 each for the food. $185.00 was raised for the 50th anniversary.
Thanks Sir Tom! The run was awarded 8/10
Sheppard pie was on the menu – Very nice too!
Good Food, Good Booze, Good Run, Good Company & a Good Night!
Thanks all! See you next week!

Run 2581 – Sir Tom Arse, Xmas & Scummy

Run 2581 Penistone Park Warwick Hare Sir Tom Arse

Cohare Xmas and Scummy

It was a nightmare journey on the freeway, snail pace from Lake Monger to the Warwick turnoff and arriving to the smiling faces of FT and Dollar Bill, both gloating that their travelling time was 5 minutes. Give me an inner city run any day.

The early birds discussed matters of importance, Nic Nat’s injury, the Eagles unfortunate loss to Collingwood, the Dockers losing again, England winning the cricket in amazing circumstances and Serena losing (how sad). All the time we were keeping a close watch on nominees for the Wilson Parking Award and it didn’t take long for Ramrod to show that he has lost none of his talents. And Phantom wearing his Collingwood scarf was in bad taste with lack of respect to the Eagles diehards.

After the menagerie of dogs had all sniffed each other and had their obligatory shit, the run got away with a loop around the oval and then off into the bowels of Greenwood. After the 1st kilometre, we never saw the front runners which is par for the course these days – no respect for the back markers who bravely struggle to keep up. Bring back the old days when a hash halt was always part of the run. I wonder whether the front runners had an ulterior motive in keeping well ahead of Rumpole who was the bell carrier and amused himself by letting it drag along the road. The noise was terrible and someone suggested we stop this torment by shoving it firmly up his arse. It was a good run, 6.7km according to Bushie and his electronic gadgetry and the hares were awarded an 8/10.

The preliminaries included Dickie handing out chocolates as his birthday treat and the hares collecting $5 for the 50th Birthday Run – no chase the joker this week. The On Sec welcomed the returnees, Ramrod who has finally settled back after 3 trips back to the old country, Bushie who had his 3 week walk in the mountains of Switzerland, Antman back after his surgery and Scummy who did his around Australia journey. The circle was interrupted while 6 strange ladies carrying funny looking balloons crashed through pack, sang a funny song then disappeared into the night – what was that all about.

The RA censured Seagull for spreading e-col, Moses, Colonel, Crayfish and Triple J had down downs for driving Volkswagens (something to do with the Beetle going out of production), we were introduced to the new down down cups (something to do with Hash going green), and nominees for sporting events included Bushie for the Tour, Mumbles for the cricket and Polecat to celebrate Serena’s loss.

The meal was shepherds pie and enough for everyone to have seconds. Talking of meals, can I mention last week’s meal prepared by Stewie. I reckon it was one of the best prepared by a hashmen in a long time and deserves being recognised.

Another good night enjoyed by all, top marks to everyone who contributed. Well may you ask why I am preparing this run write up – I ask myself the same question.

Wouldn’t be dead for quids.


Run 2580 – Xmas in July – Committee

HARE: Elbows and Haggis (thanks Elbows for a good run)

Food: By the Price Family, Stewie, Leslie and Barcode

Compliments to Jerrycan and Rhino for the location

Guests: John and the West Coast Hashers

A select group of 45-50 of Perth and West Coast hashers left the run site at 6pm in fine and cold weather. Threatening rain turned into light drizzle. A large group of walkers, admirably led by the Phantom took a shorter trail, but we walked for an hour. The runners and walkers generally kept in touch from time to time.

We headed east to Cloverdale, past the primary school to Belgravia St, where the trail turned back to Belmont. Good use of Signal Hill Bushland Surprising to see the quality of the houses in that area. The fleet of foot young gun runners took about 70 minutes to complete the trail.

Great circle led by the one and only JJJ, after a good rendition of our song we enjoyed a fantastic meal of roast ham and pork, with roast tatties, pumpkin, carrots, peas and gravy. Then followed up with Xmas pudding and custard.

Big thanks to those that put in a great effort with the tucker. Not to forget, Deeply Boring serving his mulled wine. Thanks mate.

Thanks also to the landlord for use of the premises.

On On Sir Tom Arse

Run 2579 – Gnocchi

It was a clear and cold evening when the pack started to assemble to perve on the softball players.. I mean gather for the start of the run. Gnocchi arrived going through the car park the wrong way as he had set the run the day before only to see it continually washed out so he marked it again and went to the pub for a well earned drink …or three.
At the appointed time we were off down a different street, so that made it unfamiliar territory. There was no leg scratching, clothes ripping fence to try and get through, a more genteel trail through quiet suburban streets, more fitting for The Gentleman’s Hash. Apparently a new fence caused some angst for the runners as they had to run around instead of through, the park. The marking was very good and the walkers and front runners started arriving about the same time, just before 7:00 to be welcomed by a gourmet spread of cheese, biscuits and olives.
Of course it wouldn’t be a legitimate run write up if there no mention that there should have been more false trails, 3 or 4 or maybe 7. There, now this is a conventional write up, some extra Falsies would have been good, apparently. An irregular geometric shape was formed while Triple J told us everything we needed to know. Anniversaries for Polly (44 years), Mumbles (41 years) and Sir Knob (4 years). Sherlock had a birthday carton for last month as he was away. Apparently he advised Rumpole and we expect the snail mail to arrive in the next few weeks as he posted it from The Orkneys, off Scotland.
The Joker draw had a second prize, a Pierre Cardin leather jacket, donated by Sherlock and won by Dick Tracy and it nearly fitted. Be good in summer when you don’t need the zip. The food was on on, chicken burgers in a bun with salad (some). A very good meal on a chilly night.
Lighting was good , although we all thought the trees were dead. Shelter was available in the “unlikely” event of rain and plenty of parking.
Good run!

Run 2577 – Barefoot in Nedlands

A familiar location and a clear night for what has often been the scene of a good run. Sadly that was not the case tonight. The pack took off past the pavilion and heading south. About 100 metres further on the flour stopped and after 5 minutes, having found no further trace, we headed back to the start to be directed over the oval and down Melvista Ave where a false trail was called but again no further sign of the trail was found. The search continued till around 6.15 when a distant, plaintiff, On On was heard and
we headed off, the pack now unfortunately split in two. Fortunately with the assistance of the faint calls ahead from the front group and some advice from “the ghost who walks”, he having a map of the run, we managed to negotiate the rest of the run getting in about 7.10 pm.
It was some time before the circle began during which Birdman, apparently prodded by the pangs of hunger, pointed out the BBQ had not yet been lit and this could delay the provision of the food. The circle saw the 3 Rs in the form of Reluctant , Rumpole and Rhino called up for parking, in the case of the former two and his most recent wheeled acquisition in the case of Rhino, his previous chariot having gone to Fairlane heaven on the back of an RAC truck at Xmas’s run. Other appearances featured Neon, Mumbles and Colonel with Con Man up for 10 years and Fags called out for 48 years but he was in Sydney. Mark1’s resignation from Hash was announced after 41 years with Perth Hash and additional Hashing overseas. After that long in Hash they are usually carried out rather than walk out but not the case this time.
The RA was relatively brief and for a change awarded the bell to a walker. It will be interesting to see the impact this has on the runners.. The run itself only rated a 5 because of the confusion at the start and the problems with the trail. It was definitely not up to the standard Barefoot’s previous runs in this area. There was a further delay while the food was cooked despite Birdies warnings but they eventually got there to serve up a sausage (tasty thank God) wrapped in Lebanese bread, not Turkish as many thought,
with the choice of tomato or PiriPiri sauce. Word was that Pembo was off to New York for a wedding and Horse was expected to return next week
after absence for back surgery.

On On


Run 2578 – Pitt

Swan View, Brown Park was our run start location, one of which we are familiar with. With our torches ready, we headed off into the hills… The whole run felt like one big hill but it was marked well with lots of chalk and a good amount of false trails and checks. Neon and Nanny were both lucky enough to witness what a False Trail looked like! The runners averaged around 8kms in total in 60 minutes.

There was plenty of parking, plenty of Light, the weather was great… Luckily… and there was heating, Scoring Pitt a solid score of 8/10.

In the circle, apparently it was my ( Gnocchi ) birthday ( Lasagna couldn’t confirm that though ) and Fags has been with HHH for 49 years. Christmas enlightened us with another 3 page joke. Barefoot and Pitt are still working out how to turn there computers on to send oin there run write ups!

Yet another great night of hashing!



Run 2567 – Colonel

This run rite up was submitted on 17/6/19. Just goes to show it’s never too late to do a run right up, even for the On-Sec.

The Colonels unusual offering

As we drove down the coast with the Mole and Antman busy discussing model railways and other toys that really should be kept for the playground my mind drifted to the last time the Colonel set a decent run, was it last time…no, was it the time before…no, was it that freezing cold night he served up cold ham sandwiches…no

Fuck lets go home I thought and as I did a u turn I remembered my Thomas the tank engine mates in the back I did a double u turn and headed up Ventnor street.

We arrived at the ONON to find a woman screaming at my fellow Hashmen about parking and dogs, I didn’t get involved but Mr Dick Tracy proved age is no barrier when it comes to  getting your leg over, or was it his guts over I tried to block that out of my memory.

What a shock the Colonel was nowhere to be seen, this run had fuck up written all over it as we headed south west across the park followed by about one hundred dogs, I do remember playing soccer on this oval many years ago and our goalie getting covered in shit as he dived to make a save.

As we got away from the oval we discovered we were going a different way than the usual Colonel run, we found ourselves in completely new territory and not knowing where we were was a nightmare for the short cutters.

This was good and not boring at all as we turned into one park after another behind houses we had never seen before and not a sign of one of them pesky walkers.

Well done Colonel you and your co hare set a great run all new territory and the weather was great.

We got back to the bucket and after an excellent circle we had very nice hamburgers and salad and plenty of it.

Good job, great run, nice food, and as I got into the car with Thomas and the fat controller I smile

Run 2574 – Xmas & Sir Thomarse

Run 2574 Hare Cristmas, co-hare Sir Thomarse

Oh what a night, da da de da da da; Oh what a night da da de da da da, back in May 019 was special night for us.……………Full of expectation and warmth at the prospect of being back in the bosom of inner Perth, we assembled in the yard of the now closed Shitty Motors.

The van was conveniently tucked away in an undercroft. Two visitors came along; Backpool Doog, a mate of Mastitis, and Silver Fox, not the one from Mandurah hash but rather a visitor from the Old Country.

We set of at the allotted time and ran a circuitous route through the closed-down car yard. After meandering through various commercial establishments we found ourselves alongside West Perth panel and Paint, where the ghostly sound of Mafia hammering his dolly could be heard.

The run was dominated by back-lanes, dunnies and stark apartment blocks. A few spectacular views of Perth city by night were encountered along the way. Plenty of Federation architecture, but what a shame that our forefathers allowed such ugly commercial developments to appear in this heritage area.

After some stiff exercise, we arrived back at the bucket and the usual merriment and bonhomie.

A highlight was the RAC floorshow, towing away Rhinos clapped-out Fairmont. Such a major event moved Rhino to film the process, only to find that he used the wrong setting on his iPhone and accidentally filmed his face, with tears in his eyes.

Sir Knob won this weeks’ raffle, an event that some astute observer pointed out was one of the few things that Labour has won recently.

Some excellent food was laid on by Christmas, complete with some English soul food –rice pud. Brought tears to my eyes.

If I was in a position to award marks, I would rank this tops, if only for the fact that Christmas left me with almost no washing up to do. A top evening.