Run 2515 – Botak @ Empire Avenue Reserve

Monday the ninth of April – a night to remember! Botak, and his ex-Vanuatu Hash mate Dick Cargo, set us a run in the hilliest, most mountainous of Perth suburbs (unless you include where the hillbillies come from). Wembley Downs, noted for housing some of those athletes who came to the Commonwealth games when they were held in Perth, provided an excellent venue for demonstrating our athletic prowess. After welcoming a few returnees and visitors, and also the West Coast Hash boys who were running with us, we set off through the leafy streets of this serene suburb. Many of us, myself included, were completely spent by the top of the first hill. No sympathy from Botak though. Five kilometers into the run the trail was still heading outwards. Eventually the end appeared, but only after I had run (well, partly run)  7.6 kilometers.

The bucket was more convivial than usual, possibly due to the high number of returnees, including Tank and Fingers, and the presence of our younger brethren from the other Hash. Bushranger treated us to a tour of his new BMW  X5, which had every gizmo conceivable. The car was so pristine and shiny that I am surprised that Bushy allows it out on the streets, especially on a Hash night. Birthday boys were Shaken, who brought along a carton of Elsie beer (I once had an Aunty called Elsie) and JJJ who did not bring along a carton as he found the instructions for providing it to be too complicated. Scumbag treated us to some entertainment by smashing a glass bottle on the ground in front of the wagon, and a collective down-down was laid on for all the runners of English origin. Quite a number, except for the notable absence of Scummy who was too embarrassed to appear in front of the gathering – always was a shy, retiring fellow was Scummy.

The run was very well received and was followed by some generously topped pizzas – not the thin cardboard type with a smear  of tomato paste across the top. Well done Botak – we look forward to your next run



Run 2514 Pembo’s (9th) Easter Tuesday Laksa Run

It was a warm balmy evening when the pack assembled in anticipation of Pembo’s annual Easter Tuesday Run, to be followed by the Laksa meal at his chosen eatery.

Horse called us to order at precisely 6.00 pm, then encouraged Pembo to tell us what was in store. No one believed him when he said that the walkers’ trail was marked with Hi Vi paint, but it was subsequently found to be so. Astonishing, when an earlier paint-marked run by Pembo, some time ago, sparked something akin to the current debate over Messrs. Smith, Warner and Bancroft!

The runners ran, the walkers shuffled, the dogs did what dogs do, and we advanced into Pembo country. Then followed a welcome diversion into Pembo’s back yard, for a mid-run drinks stop – more than kind, and much appreciated.

Then we hurried-on into the ever darkening evening, before returning to The Beer Truck just before 07.00. Emu was firm but discrete, Horse was avuncular. The down-downees were accepting of their fate and, soon, we hurried into the eatery for the promised Laksa, preceded by spring rolls, washed down by the darkest Shiraz it has ever been your reporter’s pleasure to sample.

Afficianados of Asian food declared the Laksa excellent, and required the chef and his staff to acknowledge our appreciation of the food, with their down-downs. There were some who darkly muttered that they would have preferred sausage, but not me, Botak, your white Singaporean.

It was a great evening, appreciated by all. I hope that my Wembley Downs adventure next week will be as good, although the pizza that I will be serving-up will be a faint shadow of the quality and quantity of the Laksa.



Run 2512 – The Mole and Dick Tracy @ Kallaroo

The weather was good and torches were not yet needed. Twenty-one runners set out (and came back!) and the walkers looked to be a similar number. With the runners were two hounds; a very small one with Moses and there was 'Meeka' a dingo type from Meekatharra? showing Nanny how to run!

We found the trail prominently marked including many FTs and although somewhat confusing (especially when our own 'FT' often ran back through us) it all seemed to keep us together. This was comforting for our tailenders Triple J., Emu, Action, 3G (back from Spain; might run The Bulls another time) Ringburner, Pitt, Haggis, and Barefoot of course who heard from Ringburner that his cousin ? Henderson played rugby for Ireland in the victory over England the previous Saturday! And on St. Patrick's day! Efforts are being made to see this — Ringburner hasn't seen it himself yet!

We didn't see the walkers until 7 pm when we arrived together at the bucket! Brilliant! Of course they had been tasting beer (at Whitford's Brewery?) as evidenced by Vimeo (between bouncing boobs). The Hare told me he measured the entire run at about 7.5 km? and including all false trails at 12 km.

At The Bucket Religious Adviser Emu kept us amused with solemn stories plus an amusing one about a dog named "Sex".

We had a hot soup richly supplied with potatoes and including onion, meat, and a nice, sticky gravy sauce (I found it hard to clean off the bowls) and I guessed it was 'goulash'.

The Hares were complimented on their run, weather, light and scored 8.5/10.

 BAREFOOT, runner and scribe.


Run 2511 Barcode with Boner @ Hedley Jorgensen Park

The baying hash hounds assembled in the hills just west of Kalgoorlie on a hot autumn evening in frantic anticipation of catching and devouring the infamous Hillbilly Hares. Although the hounds had travelled a great distance for this event there was no delays to start this event.

The horn sounded, the baying increased and into the hot Parrot Bush scrub they ventured, impeded only by the clever laying of small orange ball bearing like stones by the Hillbilly Hares. Uphill, down dale, some strange black top surface and more ball bearings.

The hounds were treated to a well-earned, although short drink stop to continue the chase. After 55 minutes of chasing the Hillbilly Hares they returned emptyhanded. More welcoming drinks were offered.

The gathering was addressed, redressed and undressed, the hares were awarded a score of 9.

The hounds then fed on some unusual but tasty game meat served with corn a potato salad. Some more drinks and the hounds slowly found their way back to their home kennels.

2496 Emu and the old Piggery

RUN 2496            Emu & Thommo – South Coogee

Well this was by far the best run held on Entrance Rd, South Coogee this year. No question, it should win the “South Coogee Run of the Year” award.

As usual you are never too sure how many will turn up when a run is set below the Fremantle traffic bridge plimsoll line but on this occasion forty or so hashmen turned up for a run in an area that would be unfamiliar to most. We set off heading south for a small loop before crossing Hamilton Rd heading towards the local mosque, which just happened to be the former Watsonia cochon small goods processing plant, to the sound of the call to afternoon prayers. Being well-known happy clappers who holds godlike qualities close to their hearts we had to stop Crayfish and Bushy from staying to long on the prayer mat and so we continued in a close knit pack for some way towards the east.

The run moved in good territory with well set FT’s and checks to give all the old bastards a chance to at least stay within cooee of FT and Seagull. A note to remember – if you are too far behind just follow the Molster as he always has an incredible ability to reduce the yards to find the front of the pack. This is called “Short Cutting” and it should not be considered a sin to be such an accomplished master at the art as it takes many years to perfect this quality and Rumpole isn’t necessarily the best teacher.

We continued on throughout the newer parts of South Coogee but always to the east which was where most of the interesting area is. Most Freo people understand this magnetic eastern effect as there is this tremendous and powerful draw towards Cockburn the home of the mighty Freo Dockers. I digress even if it is recognized that this fantastic club has picked up a list of the best young players ever – just ask Colonel who apparently talked up the list on his walk with the vigorous but perambulating Mumbles and company.

The runners almost caught up with the walkers near the railway track where we got side tracked by Gnocchi with the pack, a little strung out now,  heading away from home again. Q and Debbie didn’t let us down and finally we started heading back and under the bridge to home. All in all a good run was enjoyed.

Back at the bucket we all had the opportunity of downing one of Jaapies birthday beers and Seagull took over the circle in the absence of our cerebral but deadly On Sec Bark Hode. All the formalities were discharged with a welcome to an old member Thommo and another welcome to that pommie guy?? who has had a number of runs with us already –  then on to Tripple J who gave us the benefit of his weekly diatribe – he does put in a lot of effort for the small amount of time he is on the crate.

Hash food was well prepared galettes de viandes with salade and a delightful range of salsas.

Top night enjoyed by all.

Polecat(also known as Aristo)

Run 2491- Moses’ Run from Inglewood Oval 23rd October 2017

Run 2491- Moses’ Run from Inglewood Oval 23rd October 2017

The masses gathered at Inglewood Oval to partake in a run set by the revered Moses, and his trusty disciple Bushie. The weather, although overcast, was neither cold nor windy and therefore perfect running conditions. When you factor in the decades of Hashing experience of both the Hare and the Co-Hare, there was an overwhelming expectation of an“11 out of 10” run, a run which would be remembered in history as legendary as the parting of the Red Sea by the Hare himself.

The run set off through the park and into Edith Cowan University car park where it all got a bit confusing as the trail seemed to disappear. Runners went out in all directions in the search for chalk or possibly a sign from God (or Moses). Maybe it should have taken us through the maze of the campus buildings, but eventually the young buck Boner, who fortunately was the proud wearer of the bell, called “On On” and “clanged” from the far reaches of the car park. The pack re-assembled and followed the arrows south-west along  Alexander Drive, back into the Uni where the trail fizzled again, however it was all part of Moses cunning plan, as the trail was found again in the other direction and across the road. You see, Moses is much smarter than he looks.

So the pack swore and cursed around the rest of the trail, as they encountered very long false trails and excruciatingly long straight runs around Mount Lawley Golf Course and north up to Grand Prom. Moses put in yet another long false trail at the high point of the run (i.e. in elevation terms at least) on the only hill in Inglewood by the Islamic College. At this point Emu, happy in the knowledge that his tax was being spent on such a worthy cause, led the pack along some further long straight runs until finally arriving back at the bucket for a well-earned splash and a beer, 10.4km 1 and a quarter hours after starting the run. 

The circle saw the returnees Vespa and Horse get a down down. Horse was called up again with Chunder for birthdays, and generously put on a couple of cartons. Vespa also featured again, taking the blame for a London jewel heist where he drove the getaway vehicle – a Vespa of course. Visitors Cods and Jack Russell were given a DD, but Nanny (another member of the hash dog walkers club) took the  DD for Jack Russel who had already escaped his leash. The dynamic duo of Shakin’ and Rumpole, the Hash Tuggers, were charged with pathetic parking of the bucket, meanwhile token Kiwi Mumbles took one for the All Blacks going down to the Wallabies. Elbows, no stranger to receiving down downs for any excuse, was charged with reporting that there was too much “shaggy” (not “shiggy”) in the previous week’s run write-up, although maybe he was right the first time. Also a call went out for the Spring Run/Father-and-Kids camp and the Hash Lunch which all commence on the same weekend (from Friday 3rd November).

Our Religious Advisor Triple J called up Barcode for driving his kayak into his garage door, but Triple J confessed to his own cock up of buying a bargain priced dishwasher only to find it was white not silver. Triple continued to lay charges to unsuspecting Hashmen for things they may or may not have actually done (but why let facts get in the way of a good story): Barefoot for going for a walk every night because his wife always won the argument; Lasagne for winning big wonga on an Italian rider winning the Moto Grand Prix; and something about Nanny and his dog (again).

Despite the reported comments of “useless”, “hopeless”, “not enough chalk”, false trails too long”, “too many long straights”,  Triple J claimed it was a great run, although he did mention that if you ran all the false (long) trails you would be “f*#@&ing knackered”. Triple awarded 9 out of 10 which sounds pretty good. Until you compare it to the 10 out of 10 runs that Triple J is handing out all the time. I’ll let you ponder on that one. Food was generous amounts of mash and beautifully tender silverside, with a complimentary gherkin to cover your fresh vegetable requirements.

Thanks Moses and Bushie, you provided a quality hash run, good food, and gave the boys loads to moan about for the whole week, so everyone’s happy! Who called the Hare a prick? I think he’s a great bloke. For a Hashman.

Conman visits God’s own country: Belmont

Together with hashers from Bullsbrook we assembled in the Francisco Road warehouse of Food Rescue for a brief presentation on their charity operations. This amazing operation collects surplus fresh food including from CBD cafes and delivers it same day to women’s refuges and homeless people. They distributed 57,130 kg of fresh food in July alone. Well done to those hashers who volunteer for this organisation.

Someone anonymous – he deserves a down down if he can be identified – suggested that Food Rescue might be contracted to cater for a future run.

Then the horn sounded and we were off into the wilds of Belmont’s central industrial area past the “informal” alfresco “dining” areas set up under trees but all deserted in the evening. We wandered through older residential areas of Belmont and then passed the Signal Hill bushland – saved from development by an early environmental campaign 20 years ago.

At last we reached one of the splendours of Belmont, Faulkner Park and made our way alongside lakes and gardens and a recreation centre claimed by one of our members as a political “achievement”. The claim was greeted politely but without any evident excitement by those walkers who couldn’t avoid hearing it.

Back at Food Rescue the circle was interrupted by persistent parking but despite numerous allegations your writer was unable to determine the delinquent owner. A representative from Bullsbrook mounted the crate but after a prolonged silence uttered one sentence and retired. Looking around at the crowd I could understand his trepidation.

Naturally Triple was more voluble but also more alarming as he produced a sword of enormous size. As those of English ancestry recoiled he pointed out the stains of English blood along its length. It became apparent that the purpose of the sword was to assist in the naming of our new member who rode in on a Harley Davidson and out with the name Vespa.

After some forgettable (because clearly forgotten) jokes and down downs we hoed Into Conman’s chili con carne which, especially when fortified with the supplied Tabasco, came with the required amount of heat to satisfy any hash gathering.

Thanks Conman and co-hare Birdman for a great evening

On on

Sir Knob

2447 BOTAK has been here before

BOTAK and an in-Law tame Wembley Downs


40 plus was a good group to start off in an anticlockwise direction. Botak admitted that he forgot part of his planned course early and as a result the pack was stretched out until past Hale School . After that ,in a little bush and a number of lanes and parks , with a few better FT’s  all members arrived back after about 50 minutes . Good use of territory and lanes and all seemed to enjoy  – especially perving on the tennis popsies next door

After the usual short circle (BIRDY got another telephone infringement ) the new BBQ was christened with tasty Hamburgers and trimmings followed by mince pies

A good reliable effort by Botak and Dick something who ran in Vanuatu some time ago and who is Father in law to Botak’s son

A good finish to the year and the Monkees commitee except for the unfortunate incident where Snitch appeared to nip the nose of a young visitor .Dogs too close to group maybe but were tied up so boy must bear a little responibility as Snitch has never shown anger before

2445 A First Class Run from Cans

 Run 2445                                                                                       Hare                Cans

Swan View                                                                                           Cohare            Pitt

A First Class Run


With a combined 92 years of hashing, we were expecting a good run and Cans and Pitt delivered in spades. We have not had run in this area for a long time and most of us were unaware of the area of bushland between Swan View and Stratton. The run started off as a street run but soon veered into the bushland and we soon came across the Midland Cemetery. I have to mention a mausoleum which was the size of a small house and commemorated one of Lasagne’s countrymen. Must have cost the family a fortune.


Then into the bush proper and the marking of the trail bordered on perfection. In the more open area the markings were well spaced out and false trails did what they were supposed to do – allowing the backmarkers to catch up with the front runners. Many a time, we were passed by Boner, Seagull and FT which does not happen very often. When the bush was very dense, the trail was marked at very close intervals and kept the pack together. A testament to the run was the site of the pack arriving within a minute of each other. There were the usual complaints of sand and the likelihood of ticks but I can safely report that I came out of it tick free (I got 2 tick bites from Horse’s run) The run will have to be a contestant for run of the year and I would have given it a 9.9 score – the 0.1 was deducted for something or other.


The food complemented the run – cheese and biscuits, rolls with cold meat and salad and boiled eggs and all the trimmings and exceptional red wines.


Other happenings during the evening

  • Captains dog had a crap near the wagon and I had the misfortune of treading on it. Thanks, Captain.
  • Botak got a down down for being the 1st to pay his 2017 fees.
  • Dollar tuned 70 and put on a carton.
  • Rumpole was presented with a plate to complement his down down glass. It was suggested that he should be given a similar sized container to hold his chips.
  • Gumby and Mastitis were our visitors.
  • Colonel is basking in his new title of bucket pilot. An impressive title is a reward for the responsibility of counting the returns.
  • Action kept his record telling a good joke – it is amazing how the circle has become very quiet during this segment.


Well done, Cans and Pitt. A first class evening and it is appreciated by all of us when the hares put a lot of effort into a run.


On on, Crayfish (as ghost writer for Kilkenny).

2433 CHUNDA at EVP



The night started badly with traffic chaos delaying the start 10 minutes and a reduced pack .Phantom was there in 12 minutes but lost map rights to Dick Tracy and then lost Dick

The running pack was taken on a tour  of  the wildflower reserves in Harrold Rossiter park and the pack held well together

Along stretch the wound thru Technology Park (wasted on these infidels) across to Curtin Hockey ,down to the golf course and home

Apparently things got a bit strung out late in the run and a few more FT’s might have saved the day ,but the run was good length and interesting with variations of bush and industry.

The Circle acknowledged the birthdays of recently unemployed HORSE and long term unemployed CONMAN –Thanks for the Cartons

ACTION read another  hilarious poem that half the club could relate to (sex over 60 )and the RA rounded off with a score of 8.5

Then came the food  –Delicious roast beef rolls with mustard and gravy. Plenty of seconds

Well done CHUNDA

Wouldn’t be dead for Quids