Run 2605- Joint Run, Matilda Bay Reserve

The hash gathered at the traditional run site – the car park opposite the Royal Perth Yacht Club. It was well attended by members from various clubs including Hills Hash, South of Perth, Rocky City Hash, West Coast, the Harriettes, Hammersley and small numbers from other clubs. Perth was represented by approximately 20 members. The weather was chilly with a cool wind blowing from the across the river.
Rumpole arrived in the bucket without any assistance of a co-driver. Which could suggest that there may have been some hint of cowardice in face of the enemy by his subordinates? Still Rumpole manfully put on a brave face as he set up the bucket. Moses appeared, supported by the only canine at the event, together with his Finnish mate who took an instant liking for our golden throat rinse.

At 6.30, the tranquillity was suddenly shattered when Screwdriver announced to the world that he and Butless had set three trails so as to cater for various abilities of the aging pack: being runners, a walkers and a stroll to the drink stop trails. So the pack separated into their designated groups and headed off toward the University. Given that Rumpole had handed over the control of the Bucket to your semi illiterate scribe, the description of the run is pure hearsay. According to my informant, the run bore a striking resemblance to previous meanders from this location. A gentle stroll through the hallowed halls of
higher education.
On their return the pack was assailed by the Hammersley who conducted the Circle with the usual acknowledgments and charges: Virgin Runners, charges for indiscretions of the run, etc.
The Hares were awarded an 8/10 for the run.
The night was closed by all clubs singing their various Hash anthems
All in all it was a good night


Run 2606 – Ace without Rhino

The run without the Phantom’s phantom ( mainly Rhino ) who after being asked to be co-hare said yeah , no problem then went to London !!! As far away as he could possibly get !!! The run/walk started with a bang , we got a drink stop at the start of the run/walk instead of halfway thru as is normal .
The run started promisingly from the training ground for athletics with some great bodies , and that was just the blokes , it then meandered ( good word meandered ) thru to a ecological reserve , according to the expert on the ecology , Stewie , who said animals supposedly like these reserves to procreate and after they’ve procreated like to feed .
It then meandered up to Wireless Hill , where according to Skid , no dogs are allowed .
Hash dogs can’t read and then meandered down to The Ramble , THE STREET about 30 years ago , and then finally on home where our esteemed On Sec blessed us and wished us Happy New Year
The food was pizza , again , which was just a tad late , and one watering can later,  we all chuffed off.

Iwbdfq (Ed: I failed to be able to interpret this, bit like trying to understand Mumbles at the best of times)


‘I Wouldn’t Be Dead For Quids’


Run 2602 – Crayfish

Crayfish & Bushranger at Wembley Sports Centre

We all arrived at the Wembley Sports Centre, ready for a great run. Before the run start we were all offered bottles of water.

As we took off, half way across the park, we saw Nanny trying to teach his dog (MEEKA) how to fertilise the lawn.

We were lead over Selby Street and into the old Shenton Park Quadriplegic Centre, where we were given an automated Warning from a security device. Falling on Deaf ears, with the average age of the pack it was Deaf ears.

Crossing back over the train tracks and over a busy Railway road but being so close to Karrakatta cemetery, Seagull mentioned that if you were hit by a car you could hitch a ride on the bonnet to the cemetery.

Another few more kilometres running through Shenton Park and then on home.

We were greeted with Cheese & Biscuits. Chase the Ace is still alive as Dick Tracey failed to pull the jocker card. For dinner we were served Chicken Schnitzel burgers cooked with love and bare hands by the one and only Chunder.  

They were scored 8/10, Great run all in all!

On On


Run 2601​​ – Botak’s Battle of Britain​​​

Hare: Botak

​​​​​​​Cohare: Birdman

Run Director: Phantom

We arrived to be greeted by a very nervous Phantom, because of his injury was unable to assist in setting the run but was confident he had sufficiently briefed the hares to follow his instructions and set a run which lived up to his high standards. I was privy to the run instructions and there were 4 pages (yes 4) of detailed notes. He was hoping that they would not to be tempted to do their own thing.

We watched the early arrivals and assisted the RA to find nominations for the Wilson Parking Award. Colonel arrived and tried to park in the motor cycle bay but fortunately Twitch was able to re-direct him. Then Nanny and he eventually worked it out and his next attempt into a parking bay saw him nearly wipe out the front bumper of is car – he was declared the winner of this prestigious award.

We were briefed by Botak and then 42 intrepid runners and walkers set off heading towards the streets of Shenton Park. Within a short time, we were heading back to the bucket and for a brief minute I thought that a major stuff up was occurring but then figured that the genius of Phantom had introduced a very clever twist to the run. We then headed off towards the hospital and then into Hampton Road. At this stage, the main pack was well ahead of us backmarkers. We were following Scumbag who was following God knows who turned out not be a hashmen so this was where we lost the pack. All was not lost, we headed off towards Kings Park and missed a good part of the run but were fortunate enough to be briefed by Antman on the problem of South American fire ants which were found in Fremantle recently. We beat the pack home and soon saw the RA leading the pack in with Haggis – yes Haggis – following him. According to the Bushie gadgetry, the run was 6.22km, duration 54 minutes and an average speed of 6.9km.

It took the usual 25 minutes for the circle to begin, down downs for Rotator from Albany as a guest and Gnocchi as a returnee. Action (not sure why) and Stewie for injuring his nose on a sliding door and Grizzly being responsible for the severe hot weather (climate change, temperatures rinsing, coal I wonder?). Then Bushie and Flasher for sending jokes to the On Sec which he had used about a month ago (the beginning of dementia?) and Conman for being the 1st to pay his 2020 fees.

Then the RA’s turn – he received applause when he mentioned that the committee had only 10 weeks to go. He asked for someone to give a report on the Saturday night Pride festivities but no takers, acknowledged Mumbles for raising $185 for the Movember Appeal and Nanny for receiving the parking award. Nanny’s dog was there to celebrate and quite oblivious to the 15 metre dog restriction – but I guess Nanny’s dog can’t read so is unaware of this rule. No bell was awarded – I reckon the bell should have been awarded to the RA for suggesting that Xmas read out a joke.

The hares were awarded 7.5 but I reckon they should have got a bonus point for not using the plates. I thought the venue excellent, the run interesting and enjoyable, beer cold and the pizzas delicious – I am sure no one went home hungry. At the end of the circle, Grizzly showed his astronomy knowledge and pointed out Jupiter, Venus and Saturn in the night sky, all within proximity to each other with the moon close by.

Well done Botak and Birdman. I wouldn’t be dead for quids

On on Crayfish

Run 2600 – Cans & Pitt

Hare: Cans Co-Hare: Pitt,

Rising to the challenge, most of us had our cars serviced and fueled-up, and tyres checked for an early departure to that Mecca of the Hills, Darlington, WA. Incidentally, Botak, your scribe, hails from the town of the same name, in the Northeast of England. Apart from the same name, the towns bear no similarity to each other! The Run started close to Darlingtons’ Swimming Pool, We departed almost on time, with a good-sized pack. We were joined by friends and fellow hashers from the West Coast. I think the size of the Pack was pre-determined by the prospect of Can’s reputation for putting on a good meal, with the prospect of a glass of wine, or two. Seriously, we were looking forward to a proper run in good running territory. We were not disappointed, but what would you expect when the Hare and Co-hare have almost 100 years of Hashing experience between them! There were lots of hills and, since it was a warm evening, some of us had our work cut-out negotiating the terrain and the gum nuts. We headed-out East through the “Nan MacMillan Reserve”, then followed a good trail up and down and round and about, to a Drink (water) Stop on Hanzell Road. The water was actually very welcome. Then on again uphill we returned, eventually, and over about 6 km in total, to the On On site near the Swimming Pool. The Circle was called and Triple J and FT officiated. Grizzly and Sir Knob were called as Returnees, both having been away in China at a Pan Asia Hash gathering. Our guests from the West Coast Hash were given a down-down, despite the fact that their beer came at our expense, but then, that’s what friends are for. The food was up to all expectations, with cold meats, cheese, buns and pickled onions. Cans generously provided wine for those who needed it, and a good time was had by all.

On On


Run 2598 – Another Prick In The Wall

Run 2598 – Another Prick in The Wall 11/11/2019
Co=Hares Phantom and Birdman
Location: Hollywood Subiaco Bowling Club (rear parking)
The pack rolled up to a be shunted into parking spots by mine-hare Phantom. Yours truly was early for a change with the best wine bargains this side of Christmas rushing out of the boot. Reluctant brought along aging dog Leila all drugged up and ready to go.
About 40 hashers including a few new faces headed off on the run. On good authority, I’m informed that even Q lost trail and didn’t complete the long run. The wily, experienced hares had it heading up Carrington, to the Highway, over to Kings Park (where most lost the trail), back into the hospital complex, then to Shenton Park and under the Railway…whew!
The walkers had a more leisurely time of it, with numerous short cuts. Sir Tom was saved in the nick of time for ducking into a massage parlor on Broadway by his ?mates, and we were regaled with stories of his early misadventures in these parts in days gone by.
It was very fitting that the run location was on Verdun, the site of an epic WW1 Battle, on Armistice day. FT called for 1 minute’s silence. Antman and Elvis produced a very flat home brewed stout that was stronger than my constitution and the charming Elvis was given an appropriate sendoff back to Brazil. Bankrobber from Malaysia put on a carton of very much appreciated Guinness. Scummy was called up for misplacing his keys last week and various miscreants from Grandad’s hash lunch were called up.
The hares were awarded a score of a measly 5. This was deemed very harsh and unwarranted by many, for a first time hare who had brought in experience help and then laid on a great spread of beef
curry and rice. Well done Prick- in-wall.

On On


Run 2599 – Jerrycan

Jerrycan and Bushie, Men’s Shed Mosman Park

Around 40 Hashmen turned up for Jerrycan’s run. Of those 14 took off on the run  leaving the rest to follow Phantom. It took a while to find the trail but was eventually located by Boner who took off at his usual frightening speed and before long the pack was well spread out . This continued with the backrunners playing catch up until 25 mins into the run when an excellent false trail and 4 way check brought the pack back together

From there we spread out again running through the limited bushland and eventually entering the Buckland Hill Reserve and Gun Battery which was certainly scenic. Shortly after we arrived at a drink stop complete with slices of watermelon and choice of drink. This again brought the pack back together and we were  about to leave when Mastitis (who was on his mobile for most of the run) and Antman appeared in the distance further delaying proceedings. From here we passed some pretty exclusive housing and massive limestone retaining walls to hit the walk trail above the river with good views of the Swan Yacht Club and Aquarama Marina. The run in was fairly long with the run taking in total a touch under the hour .

It was a good location for a run with use of the adjacent bushland , walkways and frequent steps . A few more false trails  and a bit more chalk would have helped but we managed to keep on trail and generally stay in touch.

Triple J was absent so Barcode managed the circle , advising all to be well behaved because the Mayor of Mosman Park was watching us from the Men’s Shed having challenged Jerrycan’s right to having the run and associated activities take place there. Fortunately no more was heard from him .Returnees included Dollar , Stewie and Boner with Softcock as a visitor.

Ringburner was absent on his birthday but provided a carton. It was claimed he was awaiting arrival of a bit of French Fluff at the airport so FT did the honours for him. As Moses had recently been to Brazil and Elvis had just returned he, Moses, was requested to comment on Brazil but declined stating he was more expert on Brazilians than the country. Barcode advised numbers registered for the 50th anniversary were around 100 and those who hadn’t expressed interest should do so Numbers were also requested for the Christmas lunch. Sunfish the Flasher was handling the raffle  with Nanny drawing the 10 of Hearts

FT took to the stand but had no international days of significance. He then advised that one of our members had his wheel clamped at a micro-brewery. Barefoot has the details.  Mastitis copped a mention for being on the phone while on the run and Barcode got the Bell for arriving late. The Hares were brought forth and given 7.5 for the run. The food was an excellent Chicken curry and Rice but a good share had been burnt to the bottom of both the pots.

All in all a good venue and evening.



Run 2597 – Neon goes to Uni

Run 2597- Neon @ Harold Rossiter Park in Bentley or Kensington

“The run with onions as desert and a ‘lost’ car key at the end”

Arriving at around 17:40 hr I expected an enormous turn-out as parking space was limited and almost full. However a closer look at it showed that unfortunately most of the parking was taken up by dog walkers (or dogs walking their bosses) and limited slots were available for the hashers.   

I estimate that a good 40 hashers turned up for a run advertised by Neon as “a guaranteed Run of the Year”. Whilst setting the run he must have realised that this was likely a bridge-too-far and he corrected the statement at the start to “THE Run of the WEEK”. This was certainly the case.

The pack set off just after 18:00 hrs for a run covering some parts of the Harold Rossiter Park and Kensington Bushland. The majority of the time spent was exploring the terrain and paths  of the Technology Park(s) and their occupants. 

Plenty of false trails and checks that kept the pack together and on several occasions crossing the path of the walkers. In one instance it was rumoured that the fast running bastards lost trail and made use of the walkers to get back on track. 

All in all a good run which scored a 7.5, although one point should be deducted for having onions as desert. More on this later.

Run length ~ 7.7 km according to Q, run time 54 min.  On return there was cheese (thanks Neon). There was a frantic call for chippies but to no avail. Had the RA forgotten, was it done purpose, or was it to “saving money” [I thought other nationalities were deemed to be stingy].

The circle

Main points recorded during the circle:

  • No visitors; Birthday kid: Moses – not present; Anniversaries – Haggis member for 38 years and Horse for 43 years.
  • Elvis returning to Brasil next week (one more run). He seems to be serious with a Japanese girl which may be a lost effort and he has to start anew when back home.
  • Birdman was calling for voters in support of his drive to become OnSec in next year’s committee.
  • Winners & losers: Jaapie as winner (Springboks won Rugby Worldcup); losers: none of the Pommies dared to show up
  • Polecat for new shoes
  • Perth Hash members that had climbed Ayers Rock were called forward. Only 5 have apparently made it: Triple J, FT, Xmas, Birdman, Another Prick in the Wall. Xmas told his experiences and story: back in 1976 it took him 27 min to get to the top but 4 ½ hours to get down. Xmas explained what he experienced going down: trees, water and probably also hallucinations(?). It took him almost half the time used for coming down to explain this to the audience, but can’t imagine anybody listened to the end. At least I got lost and my drink got warm.
  • Jerrycan tries to get rid of 50 cases (6 bottles each) of Chardonnay wine. Price: $30 of which 50% will go to the Hash and 50% to his brother. Sales counter and tasting open during Food.
  • Barcode and Boner forming a team with some others took part in the very last Augusta Adventure Fest. A team being as strong as it weakest link. This happened to be Barcode (kayak swamped) and as a result the team got a DNF against their name.

The Food

The food served by Neon, Mastitis and ably supported by Chunder consisted of burger, bread, cheese, egg, chips (not to be confused with the lack of chippies mentioned   before) and some special sauce. There was plenty of it and following round one it became obvious that something was forgotten: the onions were kept for the second round, i.e. the desert. These were hidden under the egg tray and only surfaced when the tray was removed. 

The Aftermath

When most of the pack had disappeared there was panic under the very few remaining drinkers with a running problem. Scumbag reported his car keys lost and despite a desperate search by all involved, the keys could not be located near his car, the circle area and the area were the food had been served and consumed. The keys were “definitely” not in the usual left upper pocket of Scumbag’s coverall. It was not until Rimmer noticed that Scumbag was growing something like a fake tit on his right upper chest that the keys were located to be in the right upper pocket of his coverall. Better to stitch this pocket closed to prevent it from happening again.

On On

Another Prick in the Wall (APITW)

Run 2595 – Awesum Forsum Run

A 6:15 start from Penistone Park, Warwick with hares Nanny – Perth Hash, Basil Brush – West Coast and Halfway – Hamersley. The Bullsbrook co-hare missing in action. Although I do note that Action was not missing and even came close to winning the event.

My estimate was 40 runners and 50 walkers following marks from three different hashes so what could go wrong, The walkers were designated to follow H4 signs but instead followed H4 personnel resulting in a somewhat abbreviated walk that wouldn’t have happened under Phantom’s watch. Unfortunately said walk master was instead masterminding a geriatric trek down Pemberton way.

Measured at approximately 7.4 kilometres and 54 minutes, a good length and incorporating a drink stop manned by Nanny who later was awarded a down down for instigating a drink stop song. Q reported they were served port and lemonade although the wobbly finish was evidence he could have been drinking anything and too much.

The circle commenced with a minutes silence for South Perth’s Denis the Menace who sadly recently passed to the great Hash in the sky after succumbing to a short illness.

But after that it was a fun combined circle with various charges being reported by the four awesome reps. Nanny copped two being a hare and drink stop choir master. Elvis happily took his punishment for seriously annoying other runners by constantly ringing our bell. Four awesome Hash songs followed by each group diving into their own food. I did note that the Bully boys ate pre-circle but then they also usually drink pre-run.

Our pizza repast was organised by Nanny, confirmed by Barcode and collected by Dick Tracy and Elbows. Too many cooks etc as no one had arranged to pay for them. Our two Uber eats personnel did not have a credit card between them and after pleading, threatening and displaying an unseemly level of grovelling, Mario the pizza chef finally let them go on the grounds he knew Triple J. (All the more reason to call the police if you ask me). Nanny rushed off to square the books completing what for him was a slightly busy day.

But exceptional pizzas and all up a really good joint run so well done to all concerned and a special thanks to our own Nanny.

On On


Run 2594 – Rimmer in Warwick

Hawker Park, Warwick

It must be getting towards the end of the holiday season in  Europe as more and more hashmen return from the Northern Hemisphere with happy wives. Despite that, we seemed light on for numbers as we enjoyed the vista out from the parking lot at Hawker Park. Plenty of dogs and too few attractive women. Lost a mark already. The run started with the obligatory semi loop, which was enough to fool most of the runners. Relatively sedate run up the hill to Warwick Rd, then into the back blocks of Greenwood till we eventually crossed over the Mitchell Carpark and wended our way back to the bucket. Once we approached the bridge over the freeway the pack seemed to fracture and the back half of the pack drifted away to have to find their own way back. Coming in a good five to seven minutes behind the FRB’s. More lost marks according to the back runners. “It’s not fair that they have to do their own false trails. Another lost point.

The circle took its usual circuitous route to a conclusion after dubious awardings of down downs. I was not impressed with the continual harassment of Committee members for their lack of providing a run right up for the Bonk Run. When I get into power, there will be retribution. Welcome back to our travelling members and hello to potential new members over, we headed for the delights of food. Not too disappointing either.. Scotch Broth. Which kept in the mood for the night. Scottish named streets that we ran through, Scottish joke from the On Sec to name a few Scottish “things”. So he definitely gets a point or two back for the “themed evening”.

Well done Rimmer, good food (and plenty of it), good company and a nice evening.

Wouldn’t be dead for quids!

On On