Run 2558 – Flasher and Phantom @ Peter Ellis Park Leeming

A large pack gathered at Peter Ellis Park, Leeming in anticipation of the virgin run of the year. It has to be the virgin run of the year even though its only February because there are no virgins (as far as we know) left in the club.

The event got off to a raucous start when the Hare politely addressed us as Ladies and Gentlemen.

Deprived of Phantom’s leadership and with his two erstwhile deputies Dick Tracy and Stewie apparently passed over for possession of the map, the walkers split into two factions. Fortunately the left and the right reunited just-in-time for the cheese, biscuits and olives which preceded the circle.

In the meantime our faction had visited a series of pleasant parks and suburban streets. What the right did is unknown. 

The runners reported lots of chalk and plenty of long false trails. In a sign of a good run the pack returned together at roughly the same time as both factions of the walkers.

Visitors Boxy and Signal Man were given the traditional welcome to country down downs. Antman put on a keg for the circle – but it held only 2.5 l of frothy bitter. Birdman was called up for apparently summoning an ambulance to take him in comfort to the run.

Mark 1 produced the winning raffle ticket and won the right to draw a card. Failing to draw the joker he began a long submission that he deserved the prize anyway. Many members were worried that he would engage Conman to represent him which might have seen the food go cold.

Horse read a joke about a gynaecological exam.

Al’iimu tayir aistirali or Emu as he is known when not in Arabic dress delivered a joke about a 57 photo response to a Dear John letter.

An excellent feed of Penne Bolognese followed

Al’iimu tayir aistirali awarded the hares a well-deserved score of nine.

Thanks Flasher and Phantom for an excellent night.

Sir Knob

Run 2557 – Skid and Elbows @ South of Perth Yacht Club overflow car park

Visitors: Pete who is a mate and work colleague of Seagull at PTA and Kimon invited by Phantom and Bushy. We hope to see them again as members as together they may drop the average age of the group by a few years.

It was a great night for a run starting at the vacant land behind the South of Perth Yacht club at the bottom of the Heathcote Cultural Reserve.  A quiet secluded spot out of sight from the prying eyes of the locals.

Skid and Elbows laid out a good run along a very scenic route of the upmarket Applecross dwellings and then along the river with views of Perth, only to be outdone by some of the dog walkers on the paths.

Bushy decided that running 1.6km was enough and decided to drop in for a drink stop at Kimon’s home only to re-appear at the finish line sometime later.

Birdman was thought to be looking for a new nest as he was seen investigating every property that was for sale but then announced that flying south of the river was not for him.

Dick Tracey won the chance of picking the Joker. He did his best but only managed to pick the Jack of Harts so the jackpot keeps climbing and gives us all another chance to pick the Joker next week.

Action standing in for the absent Emu, scored the run at 7.5 claiming that a few more Ft’s and checks would have scored them higher.

The pies, pasties and chips were very tasty and appeared to be a big hit with the members and although they were very filling, a few gluttons went back for seconds.

PoleCat caused a minor panic when he couldn’t find his car keys and had the remaining mob scouring the area and bins for the keys only to announce sometime later that he found them in his back pocket.

The Mole has been talking to his doctor who confirmed he does, in fact, have a heart but his arteries are in need of serious attention, so he is booked in for the operating table on Thursday for a quadruple bypass. Best wishes for a speedy recovery.

Anniversaries:  Rhino 28 yrs,  Colonel 35 yrs, Stewie 37 yrs, Sir Tom 44 yrs,  Phantom 47 yrs.

Cheers, Flasher  OnOn

Run 2555 – Seagull with Co-Hare Q in Lesmurdie

Run 2555 Seagull in Lesmurdie

About 50 runners arrived at Falls Rd, Lesmurdie, on a perfect night for our weekly gathering of elite supreme athletes of the Perth Hash. 

Plenty of room for parking, well away from the locals, although I thought we were going to have some older lady join the start. Seagull addressed the hounds and off we went. Some running while others, more senior members preferred walking as we have been there done that running.

Good use of the territory with many false trails.  We came across the first drink stop, before the pack, and then headed west to the escarpment down the fire breaks and north to Seagulls home. Up the stairs where Mrs Seagull provided more nourishment for a wilting pack.  Scummy rocked in as we were leaving, he gets lost very easily poor old bugger.

As we were leaving Seagull mansion with views over South Africa, in came Xmas and Alex (our young guest from Burma) who had a nasty fall on the slippery gravel. Dick Tracey also needed help down some treacherous parts. 

(I believe Mrs Seagull provided bandages to a nasty cut just below the knee) At the bucket thirsty hashers attacked the drinks. After consultation with Xmas we decided Alex should go to Hospital for clean up, Tetanus injection and stiches. Which there were 3 stiches put in the cut?

So I, we missed the circle and the announcement of Haggis’s son’s funeral.  We left the Midland hospital about 11.30 home by midnight.

Good attendance at the Funeral by Perth Hash for brother Haggis.



Run 2553 Horses NYE Party @ Bayswater

Horse’s NYE Party

Around 30 hardened Hashers braved another early rising to meet at Bayswater at a Virgin start point.Not many of those left . The trail was lost early thx to overnight sprinklers but recovered thanks to speedy Seagull .The pack then missed a big loop but Walkers and Runners came together after a long FT. We then followed lakes and lanes splitting at Bird Sanctuary and arriving back all together after 40 minutes Then followed a short circle (enthusiastically approved by Birdman) where down downs went to Phantom for false call, Shakin 30 years and Colonel whose dog got overexcited at a pair of river kayaks Then came Breakfast-a choice of 5 cereals,fruit , yoghurt and toast. Off we went to beat our wives and have a Happy N Y.

Well done HORSE

On On

Mr Walker

Run 2552 Committee Christmas Eve @ Beaton Park in DALKEITH

Hares; Phantom & Sir Knob

Being a new venue for the Hash Xmas Eve morning run, the committee ensured things would run smoothly by setting up early, having plenty of supplies and a passing parade of the female keep fit brigade. Some had dogs, most were serious about their training and all looked fitter than our assembled members.

Phantom explained there was plenty of chalk, FT’s & checks, so there is no need to short cut. Nanny was the first to get lost and trotted home to Phantoms bewilderment. The runners had a nice 45 minute tourist look at Dalkeith and the Swan River under ideal conditions. The splash was made, Champagne was opened and the conversations were jovial

Neon showed up after getting a sun tan down south, Sir Tomarse returned after 5 months at Jogjakarta Uni in Indonesia learning their language, Pembo brought his chair and new knee so he could eat breakfast and Gumby escaped from Argentina to sing us a down down song. Sherlock won the chance of pulling out the joker, whilst Polly told a Christmas joke that included Elbows trying to enter the Pearly Gates.

Dick Tracey, Chunder, Action & Po (a visitor) cooked the bacon, sausages, mushrooms, eggs and baked beans for the 56 runners. A great turn out for the start of the festive season, some even had coffee in Rokeby Rd on their way home.

On On


Run 2551 Moses, Dog and Nanny @ Breckler Park

This area has Religious significance  More later

REMINDER  Hash is not a race so Front Runners should respect the slower of us (most ) and if run is poorly set initiate Hash Halts and/or wait at end of FT


We started with several good FT’s – perhaps not long enough and then experienced a series of long stretches such that at top of hill the pack was strung out over about 600 metres .

It was then down the other side of the Golf Course with a loop back to Morley Drive.

The pack then meandered thru the back blocks and obviously the FT’s or lack of, did not work as the pack was now strung over about 1 Km . Near the end some front running sheep missed a FT and added another km before arriving home in wrong direction .

Back at Bucket we celebrated BAREFOOT's 80th with Guinness and cheese cake, Xmas was determined to tell another lie (story) but was howled  down AND THEN YASSAR ARAFAT appeared in the form of stand in RA .What courage in a Jewish enclave but the pack was very nervous expecting retribution especially with YASSAR partaking alcohol .


Plenty of food in form of beef/silverside burgers with condiments

A good effort marred by lack of effective FTs and selfish front runners (no lack of them )


ON ON  Phantom

Run 2550 – Elbows @ Blue Gum Tennis Club,Brentwood

Run 2550 – Elbows @ Blue Gum Tennis Club,Brentwood

Every PHHH run starts with a certain expectation.  When the Hares are the Exceptionally Energetic Elbows (EEE) and the Humble Haggis (HH), the expectation can fairly easily be exceeded.  This was the case for Run 2550 from the Blue Gum Tennis Club.

Before even setting off the lights over the selected Bucket parking spot came on and the area was over-populated by the highest quality of eye candy.  To points before even starting.

Then HHH parked such that next week’s hare could park adjacent to his truck to avoid over-exertion in delivering pots and plates to said motor vehicle.

There was little effort wasted on the map, but EEE did own up to putting some in the first two thirds of the run before tiring. 

Good use was made of the Blue Gum Reserve and a 7km run (without all of the FTs) for a pleasant summer evening run was well received.  There was good loop to kick off and good use of a number of rises that this Hashman didn’t know existed.  We had a look at Booragoon Lake Reserve, ran along Leach Highway without crossing it and the fact that HHH was an engineer in a Shire came through as selection of road crossings were well thought out. Then to finish came round Ratcliff Park and round the Blue Gum Reserve.

The last third of the run was somewhat devoid of checks and FTs but all things considered not bad for the Hares. Emu’s 7½ was possibly a smidgeon harsh. 

As to the food, HHH had chicken in mind \but wanting to give the Hashmen some variability elected for some very well received starters followed by a good selection and plenty of pizza with some red fluid vaguely describer as wine.



Run 2546 – RIMMER @ Warwick Bowling Club Carpark

RunRightUP                  2546 Rimmer RUN 12-11-2018

Arriving early as was their usual practice Holmes and Ace proceeded down Warwick Road at a gentle pace, “I say Holmes said Ace” “that dastardly bastard Professor Moriarty has stolen the Feet Signs from the Lloyd Drive turn off and the Hash Chaps won’t know the way to the Hash Meet – Warwick Bowling Club Car Park.” 

“Blimey” said Holmes “can’t have that! let’s alert The Hares” and they did. Rimmer swung into action and Feet Signs were posted. Moriarty was very so pissed off – he closed down the Warwick Bowling Club Car Park and made all the early Hash Chap comer’s move their cars over to the Hockey Stadium Car Park.

All was well then, until the Mole started running around in circles (Moriarty had nailed one of Mole’s feet to the pavement) the Mole was yelling it’s a Fuck UP, it’s a Fuck Up until Dick Tracy pulled out his service revolver and put the Mole out of his agony.

Things seem to settle down as the Hash Chaps ranks swelled and we spied Elbows fresh from his beach shag oops soory typo…shack. Holmes saw some sheets of paper fall out of Elbows pocket and was about to return them, but an award certificate heading caught his eye. 

It read “To Elbows Year 11 Literary Award” Best Shortest Novel Ever– Titled – ‘Her Mum & Dad Went Out’

Holmes speed reading ability help him share what you are about to read, and we all know that Elbows is very proud of his work

‘The night was dark and stormy, the toilet light was on, a shot rang out, her guts spilled out, I got out. Wouldn’t you?

No doubt Elbows got Dick Tracy to clean up that mess for him?

‘Police Footnote

The young lady survived she had mealy given birth. A person of interest matching Elbows description had been seen frequenting the young ladies house during the past 9 months. As DNA testing had not been invented in those days no charges were laid’.    

A large pack assembled in ideal conditions. Mumbles tried to bribe Horse with a bottle of wine. The Hare Rimmer was ably helped by his brother in law Bob. The run linked up four parks, occupied by dogs exercising people and sports kids exercising people without dogs. The run was an anti-clockwise circus of streets which thru some Cosmos Hashers. 

POMY Hashers felt right at home in ‘WARWICK’ meaning ‘SheKnows’ so runners didn’t want to linger longer.   

The run lacked sufficient FT's. ALL New Runs shall have 4km of FT’s and 4km of Checks

Returnees were Kilkenny in a new scratched Jaguar car, Conman, Nanny & Pooch. 

Down, Down Rhino left his TOPGUN car unlocked and the only thing stolen was his Hash cap, it needed a wash – thieves promised to return it after wash and dry clean. Moses put on his birthday beers…he’s just so HAPPY. Barefoot won the raffle ticket but not the Joker.

The Cricle finished early – Food queued formed and Rimmers Dragon’s breaths curry was a special lap-up treat and it burns, burns, burns the burning RING of fire but so bowel cleansing the morning after.

Soon after with Warwick meaning ‘SheKnows’ whispering in from the darkness of the suburb around us the Runners left early silently disappearing into their cars heading home…SheKnows, SheKnows, Elbows revved his engine and shouted “I DON’T CARE as he disappeared into the darkness.

The clean-up guru crew guys begun the Bucket pack up and Ace loaded the dirty curry pots pans and dishes into the back of the Commodore Station Wagon.

As Holmes and Ace proceeded at a gentle pace heading South down the Freeway a heavy fog of Dragons Breath Curry permeated every corner of the Commodore Station Wagon and they could hear Professor Moriarty cruel mocking laugh as they crossed the Narrows that separates North from South. Was it the Curry or a cruel Moriarty FART?!

Ace & Sherlock



Run 2545 – Rhino and Ace @ Tomato Lake, Kewdale

Good starting point beside Tomato Lake, but lucky it didn't rain as there was no shelter but there were public toilets with flashing lights and as usual The Hashers chose to ignore them and do there business behind trees. There were lots of gripes about the run (what's new) not enough chalk, to few false trails etc.etc. 

The circle was as usual to long considering it was a freezing cold night, and the hero of the night must be Horse. How that man can stand on the crate with shorts and tee shirt and talk without his teeth chattering I don't know.

I'm not a great fan of hamburgers and sausages, but this time they were of a better quality and someone had the sense not to put freezing cold salad on top of a hot burger on a cold night.

Run 2544 – Lasagna @ Sheldrake Reserve, Balcatta

The date was Monday 29th October

The number was 2544

Location – I think was Sheldrake Reserve Balcatta

I walked not run can’t remember the last time I ran

I saw some chalk but can’t remember if I saw any flour

I presume there was some False Trails and Checks

We did not loose anyone

The food was good – the buns were edible

Everybody seemed satisfied