Run 2564 – Gumby at Buckland Hill car park

“March hares”, suggested Sherlock as I sought inspiration for a run write up at the beginning of the walk. Did he mean as mad as the European hares in their March breeding season? Was I supposed to develop a runners and walkers theme based on the tortoise and the hare?

With no clear answer from Sherlock we were left to contemplate the splendours of Mosman Park’s public housing as the runners headed uphill on their first false trail. A parked police car promised some drama to entertain the hash but everything was disappointingly quiet.

Winding our way through more salubrious streets we met up with the runners on Stirling Highway. They had crossed the highway, run through a railway station and crossed the highway again, only to find an arrow directing them back across the highway and the railway line towards the beach. It was a long time before we saw some of them again.

Meanwhile, in a stark contrast to its beginnings, the walk took us through green and leafy streets past some of the best mansions in the suburb.

As we toured Buckland Hill Park, Phantom faced a leadership challenge from inside the walkers group which split on the issue of a quick walk home or a search for the promised gin at the drink stop. Phantom had the numbers and the splitters – Stewie, Barcode and Sir Knob – failed to find the gin.

Back at the wagon the circle actually allowed Christmas to finish a joke. Well done Christmas for your persistence in the face of the howling hash mob.

Scribes who had failed to deliver recent run write ups were chastised. Anybody who could claim any Irish blood enjoyed a down down but what was Ramrod doing in that group. Barefoot, Bushie, Rumpole and Pitt arrived back late and shared a drink in consequence

Something happened with Grizzly and there was a confusing down down for a trio who had apparently served 23, 24 and 25 years respectively. I may have been talking to Elbows about the prospects for a Bill Shorten prime ministership at the time.

As the circle dragged on it became clear that a crisis was developing. Where was the food?

In a hospital hand pass FT invited me to assess the merits of the walk at length in front of the hungry pack. As the grumbling mounted I quickly gave it a seven.

And there at last were the roast chickens and the chips in amazingly generous proportions. Future hares take note: 25 chooks is about 12 too many.

Even the gin appeared and very good it was as well.

Thanks Gumby for a great night in interesting territory.

On on

Sir Knob

Run 2558 – Flasher and Phantom @ Peter Ellis Park Leeming

A large pack gathered at Peter Ellis Park, Leeming in anticipation of the virgin run of the year. It has to be the virgin run of the year even though its only February because there are no virgins (as far as we know) left in the club.

The event got off to a raucous start when the Hare politely addressed us as Ladies and Gentlemen.

Deprived of Phantom’s leadership and with his two erstwhile deputies Dick Tracy and Stewie apparently passed over for possession of the map, the walkers split into two factions. Fortunately the left and the right reunited just-in-time for the cheese, biscuits and olives which preceded the circle.

In the meantime our faction had visited a series of pleasant parks and suburban streets. What the right did is unknown. 

The runners reported lots of chalk and plenty of long false trails. In a sign of a good run the pack returned together at roughly the same time as both factions of the walkers.

Visitors Boxy and Signal Man were given the traditional welcome to country down downs. Antman put on a keg for the circle – but it held only 2.5 l of frothy bitter. Birdman was called up for apparently summoning an ambulance to take him in comfort to the run.

Mark 1 produced the winning raffle ticket and won the right to draw a card. Failing to draw the joker he began a long submission that he deserved the prize anyway. Many members were worried that he would engage Conman to represent him which might have seen the food go cold.

Horse read a joke about a gynaecological exam.

Al’iimu tayir aistirali or Emu as he is known when not in Arabic dress delivered a joke about a 57 photo response to a Dear John letter.

An excellent feed of Penne Bolognese followed

Al’iimu tayir aistirali awarded the hares a well-deserved score of nine.

Thanks Flasher and Phantom for an excellent night.

Sir Knob

Run 2553 Horses NYE Party @ Bayswater

Horse’s NYE Party

Around 30 hardened Hashers braved another early rising to meet at Bayswater at a Virgin start point.Not many of those left . The trail was lost early thx to overnight sprinklers but recovered thanks to speedy Seagull .The pack then missed a big loop but Walkers and Runners came together after a long FT. We then followed lakes and lanes splitting at Bird Sanctuary and arriving back all together after 40 minutes Then followed a short circle (enthusiastically approved by Birdman) where down downs went to Phantom for false call, Shakin 30 years and Colonel whose dog got overexcited at a pair of river kayaks Then came Breakfast-a choice of 5 cereals,fruit , yoghurt and toast. Off we went to beat our wives and have a Happy N Y.

Well done HORSE

On On

Mr Walker

Run 2552 Committee Christmas Eve @ Beaton Park in DALKEITH

Hares; Phantom & Sir Knob

Being a new venue for the Hash Xmas Eve morning run, the committee ensured things would run smoothly by setting up early, having plenty of supplies and a passing parade of the female keep fit brigade. Some had dogs, most were serious about their training and all looked fitter than our assembled members.

Phantom explained there was plenty of chalk, FT’s & checks, so there is no need to short cut. Nanny was the first to get lost and trotted home to Phantoms bewilderment. The runners had a nice 45 minute tourist look at Dalkeith and the Swan River under ideal conditions. The splash was made, Champagne was opened and the conversations were jovial

Neon showed up after getting a sun tan down south, Sir Tomarse returned after 5 months at Jogjakarta Uni in Indonesia learning their language, Pembo brought his chair and new knee so he could eat breakfast and Gumby escaped from Argentina to sing us a down down song. Sherlock won the chance of pulling out the joker, whilst Polly told a Christmas joke that included Elbows trying to enter the Pearly Gates.

Dick Tracey, Chunder, Action & Po (a visitor) cooked the bacon, sausages, mushrooms, eggs and baked beans for the 56 runners. A great turn out for the start of the festive season, some even had coffee in Rokeby Rd on their way home.

On On


Run 2551 Moses, Dog and Nanny @ Breckler Park

This area has Religious significance  More later

REMINDER  Hash is not a race so Front Runners should respect the slower of us (most ) and if run is poorly set initiate Hash Halts and/or wait at end of FT


We started with several good FT’s – perhaps not long enough and then experienced a series of long stretches such that at top of hill the pack was strung out over about 600 metres .

It was then down the other side of the Golf Course with a loop back to Morley Drive.

The pack then meandered thru the back blocks and obviously the FT’s or lack of, did not work as the pack was now strung over about 1 Km . Near the end some front running sheep missed a FT and added another km before arriving home in wrong direction .

Back at Bucket we celebrated BAREFOOT's 80th with Guinness and cheese cake, Xmas was determined to tell another lie (story) but was howled  down AND THEN YASSAR ARAFAT appeared in the form of stand in RA .What courage in a Jewish enclave but the pack was very nervous expecting retribution especially with YASSAR partaking alcohol .


Plenty of food in form of beef/silverside burgers with condiments

A good effort marred by lack of effective FTs and selfish front runners (no lack of them )


ON ON  Phantom

Run 2538 Neon and Mastitis @ Kent St Weir

I’ve always ignored run write-ups on the basis that a) its old news b) only sad souls read them, but I guess as I’m hash cash, I should do the right thing.

The Bullsbrook mob joined us in a potentially rather soggy Riverside Park, but nature was kind over this dry week and only a few leaks seeped into my runners. Have no idea where we went, but nice little bridge over river, then into the bush, only to re-enter at said bridge 45 minutes later. The runners came in awash with sweat after 70 minutes lamenting the lack of false trails.

Horse had Bulllsbrook’s Tampax up for a down-down for an unruly dog then rambled on about the Mother Hash 80th year (apparently  Barefoot was a hit as he was born on same years the hash !), apologised to Polecat for his poor maths (40 years, not 30 in hash) and Emu told a great joke involving $200 in coins with Budgie as the main actor. The Bullsbrook boys finished with their boisterous song.

Neon and Mastitis excelled with a Curry (made by Neon’s 81` year old mother !!), with Ice-cream and two-fruits to finish and were awarded a well-deserved 8.    




Run 2536 Scumbag and Antman @ Yokine Reserve

On a particularly dry night (despite the weather expectations) a small group of runners set out from the bucket before losing the trail immediately. Fortunately, it was picked up again and the pack continued on the trail despite their brief lack of direction. The run was well set with plenty of false trails and checks to keep the pack together with the only gripe it needing a bit more chalk. Roughly 50 minutes and 7km later (Unless you’re a SCB) the pack arrived back at the bucket in time for chips and splash.

During the circle, down downs went to returnees Shakin, Pitt, Goliath, Mastitis and Conman as well as Polly for his 3-wheeled journey down south and Birdman for his hole-in-one. The bell went to Goliath for jumping the fence into the bowling club

For dinner, the Hares had cooked up a Hash classic of burgers with a welcome addition of bacon and onions that certainly went down well.

On On




Run 2535 Scottish Ensemble Ramrod / Haggis / Hon. Scott Scummy

We started with a customary loop and off  GAYLANDS . Some FTs were used but a few early would have slowed the Swifties although a couple of well place FT finally did that . THEN we crossed busy Guildford road and a head count was needed to ensure no one was a casualty .  Thru side streets and over Garrett Rd to a series of lanes near Bayswater subway and the back to the Railway .

The Walkers (some ) crossed under the Railway for a brief contact with the pack and then followed the West side of the line to Meltham station .A small group of Rebel Walkers stayed on the East of the line to short cut home under guidance of FAGS who lead them the LONG way

OH yes the Drain . When the pack reached the drain they avoided the obvious crossing to avoid wet feet and as a result entered the GREAT SANDY DESERT which seemed to go on forever –some option!!

Finally another disaster ridden crossing of Guildford Rd and the Walkers were home in 1 hour and Runners about 1:10

There was panic from MUMBLES  as the  RA called in sick and there appeared to be no chips  .SIR KNOB to the rescue with chips and RA duties which included (eat your heart out EMU )a Welcome to Country and a personal message from the local muslim IMAN )

HAGGIS got the bell for setting the run ,and then running the run to keep pack together  Looked a great run which good have been even better with a few more FTs to keep the pack less strung out .

MULIGATAWNY soup followed and finally because of the small pack BUDGIE and DICK insisted on take aways to reduce bottle counting

Great night

Wouldnt be dead for QUIDS







Run 2534 – French Tickler and Dollar

RUN 2534 20 August 2018


Timberlane Park Community Centre, Woodvale

Hares:  French Tickler & Dollar

Under a threatening sky a pack (about 35 – 40) gathered in a good location.  The hares optimistically decided to dispense with the shelter and set up in the open.  A certain golden retriever demonstrated a new meaning for the term “dog wash” involving a vehicle and proved he could out pee anyone in hash.

The runners set off into the gathering gloom whilst a recovered Phantom led the walkers across the park and into some bush.  Unfortunately he had some difficulty reading the map and spent some time to and froing.  He was concerned that the pack had lost the trail (which seemed to be well marked the bits we saw) and considered retreating to the bucket in case the runners drank all the beer & ate the chips.  However in the nick of time the runners arrived out of the dark from a walkway, said “where the fuck are we” and then continued on their merry way.  Phantom then retreated with the walkers and led them back to the bucket by a circuitous route arriving just before the front runners who had short cut some of the run.  The trail did appear to be well marked but had given the runners some problems.

Down Downs were held (amongst others – blame my senile dementia) SCB – returnee, Emu – birthday, Jack Russel – anniversary

Dockers supporters for Fremantle setting a record no one else would want  and the wrong dogs got blamed for the dog wash.

Food was plentiful – an excellent spicey sausage, beans and potato stew with brinjal pickle.

Showers eventually dispersed the pack and Emu awarded it a well deserved 9.

On On


Run 2533 – Jaapie at East Fremantle

Instead of his usual On On under the Fremantle traffic bridge, Jaapie decided to have us assemble at the lacrosse ground down river but on top of the hill where there was little to no cover from a biting westerly which near froze out the pack. Nice views from there though…

The run was cleverly set with many falsies which kept the pack tight (thankfully so we could keep warm) and a lot of hills. The return to the On On was sudden and much appreciated except for One Prick in the Wall who decided to dive into the carpark. That cost him a down-down and some skin also but he'll live.

The circle was called and Colonel coped a well deserved down-down for submitting his first letter to the West suggesting Ross Lyon should be sacked for some unclear reason. Also collecting down-downs were Chunda who entertained us with his recollections of the Kalgoorlie Boulder HHH weekend and JJJ for going back to Scotland to sort out Brexit. Returnees included Deeply Boring, Wagon, Jack Russell & Dick Tracy and Polecat finally supplied his birthday beers. As luck would have it the cold wind dropped when the RA ran out of imagination and in time for hot Goulash soup. On on. FT