Run 2648 – Polecat @ Fremantle

We had about 40 hashers turn up on a warm afternoon in a Fremantle car park next to the railway line. We were given run instructions with a noisy freight train passing by, so anyone standing at more than social distancing requirement heard nothing, and off we went.

No loop just a false trail to start with to find that a joint hash run had been in the area recently with many markings for the elderly pack to decipher which was ours. Many falsies, car parks and back streets put us at the top of the Round Hose with a view. We passed quite a few pubs without stopping (on a warm afternoon) without any hashmen ducking in for a cool ale, the Norfolk pub crowd did cheer us on.

Fremantle Hospital car park was visited, followed by a half a lap of the Fremantle Oval. Polecat then pointed us to the Old Gaol only to be sent through more back streets of Freo. The Pack lost the trail after Fremantle Park and short cut home.

The Poly (almost gone) started with a symphony of suburban railcars and a looong freight train to interrupt proceedings. St Peter showed up to get his 50th year mug, 11 months late. The RA awarded 8.1, food followed with hot ham, tomato, and coleslaw in a bun.

Next week at Whitfords Beach car park (NO FEES HERE), bring a towel and have a dip before Poly’s gone, bathers optional.

The Mole

Run 2645 – Sir Tomarse and Rimmer @ Glengarry Park

SIR THOMARSE and a  Virgin

I have been Hashing regularly for 49 years and cannot remember a run start from this location .Happy to be wrong but I reckon it was VIRGIN  start celebrating all that is Scottish .We even ran in St Andrews Way, Carlyle Crescent and Aberfedy Way

Sir Tom handed out a 3 page map showing 21 FTs and 6 checks .A Phantom’s delight !

The trail used numerous FTs before crossing the Freeway by a footbridge , then Warwick Rd  ,thru Warwick station and onto a drink stop ,where walkers and the fitter fellows (runners ) arrived together after being kept together by many FTs and checks .

At the drink stop Elbows tried , without success ,to use his wiles on a young mother with small son and babe in arms  –  failed again !!

It was then that the front runners took off leaving their slower counterparts to TRY AND KEEP UP !  Some Mates ?? A check at end of a walkway saw runners check everywhere but the obvious but the map holders ,with only Scummy in tow ,found the right way home 

Back at the shiny new Bucket we noted Antman and dog  ,lost and tired in that order , arrive back by HAGGIS Ambulance .

After a traditional  address to the Haggis (both ) a tasty serve or two of  Shepherd’s Pie was quickly devoured and we retired to search for GALLILEO ‘s Star of Bethlehem .

A good run ,good location ,good food and Goodbye !!

ON ON Phantom

Run 2643 – Botak and Phantom @ Rosalie Park

Botak and Phantom Rosalie Park

A familiar start saw a good assembly of Hashmen with the runners heading east before swinging north towards Nicholson road. The run was interrupted by the temporary loss of the trail which was eventually found with no assistance from Sir Knob despite having the map. .All was good to this point before a false trail call saw the backrunners unnecessarily back checking when the trail was found well forward. This put the back at a disadvantage and  it took some time to catch up. Anyway from Nicholson Rd the trail headed past the scenic Shenton Park Lake, once a swamp, and off towards the railway line. By the time we reached the line the front could be neither seen nor heard. It seems if you’re fit or shrewd enough to run at the front you are excused from calling despite the purpose of calling being to help keep the pack together and assist those not familiar with the area. At this stage I was all for shortcutting but Lasagne, dedicated hashman that he is, had spotted chalk and grabbing me by the balls pointing out that as I was next weeks hare I was obliged to complete the run in order to do the write up. So, despite my kicking and screaming , we proceeded through the subway and into darkest Daglish. After a little distance Lasagne spotted some shadowy figures in the distance. I suggested they might be local runners but given they made no noise and appeared confused they were probably the front runners. With some considerable effort we made contact near the rather attractive Cliff Sadlier Park before heading off towards the rehabilitation centres and the railway line. It was interesting to run in this area as it has been little used for hash runs.

The run appeared to cross the line at Shenton Park Stn but neither Lasagne nor I could spot chalk nor hear or see the pack. In an effort to find the trail  we headed up Railway rd  past Onslow rd then down Aberdare to no avail but eventually home. It appeared that the run was quite well set but poor calling , once again didn’t assist. Sir Knob’s assessment with some assistance from Ringburner gave the run high 8s which was probably fair.

The beauty of leaving your write up until after Polly’s rant appears is that the significant events of the polygon are covered without the need for duplication so I refer you to the rant. Not mentioned that I recall was recognition of Sir Tom and Christmas for organising the Christmas lunch which  was well attended and reviewed. At the same time Christmas pulled out several sheets of paper and we all thought “not another bloody joke” but to our surprise it was directions on how to get to the next lunch. He lost me shortly after getting off the train so I hope those going fare better.

Joke of the day was the husband and not to be touched shoe box under the bed. Sir Knob reintroduced a muzzy joke at the behest of Emu pleading for more muliculturalism in the joke department.

Food was an ample supply of pizza much to Botak’s relief. Another good evening.

OnOn

Pitt

Run 2642 – Mumbles @ Leeming Bowling Club

Run 2642 Write-up

Mumbles’ Run from Leeming Bowling Club Run date: Monday, 30 November, 2020

Co-Hares: Budgie and Colonel

Rising to the challenge, I fuelled-up the car and looked at the Street Directory, then decided I would rely on my GPS, aka “Phantom”, to get my car-full of Hashmen to Leeming. All went well and I was able to deliver Phantom, Birdman, Reluctant and Sir Knob in good time.

It was an unusually cool evening and most of the pack rugged-up BEFORE the Run. There was some consternation when The Hare failed to materialise at 6.00 pm, but he soon turned-up. We departed almost on time, with a good-sized pack.

My recollections of the Run are a bit vague, which is quite normal for me, and no reflection on the quality of Mumble’s route. I recall a pleasant amble in good urban territory, and getting back to the (newish) Bucket at about 7.00 pm. Then the fun started – apparently the Hare and his co-Hares had agreed that they would each be responsible for marking about one third of the track, BUT, unfortunately, the three tracks did not join-up! There was even a suggestion that Budgie had been missing in Leeming for some of the time. He denied this and threatened to abdicate his position as a co-Hare, but we weren’t listening, as usual.

The Circle was called and Polly and Sir Knob officiated. Polly told us what we spent on the new Bucket, and said that although it cost quite a lot, we would get 15 years of good service out of it. I did think that might be true for some of us, but not all! In any event, Polly’s account was well-received and we like the shiny new Bucket, but I still go to the back of the van to collect my Splash. I bet I am not the only one.

Sir Knob awarded Mumbles a score of 7.2, with which most people were satisfied.

Pembo did his usual excellent job of making sure that our hands were clean before we were able to get at Mumbles’ Subway wraps and sandwiches, all of which were consumed and appreciated.

Run 2641 – Sir Knob and Phantom @ Subi Oval

The run/walk started off with great promise from the old Subi Oval ( where the mighty Dockers played ) CAR PARK ,WHY THEY NEED A CARPARK THAT SIZE BEATS ME.

We got to the heritage listed gates and the first f#@$%^k up, Phantom ,the cohere could’nt read the map properly Dick Tracy suggested turn it upside down ,that didn’t work and we finally made our way across the oval to Bob Hawke College,quite apt I thought ,considering our hare was an EX

Labor polly.We continued on past Perth Modern were ,lo and behold, our cohare went to school .I really think they should change their logo ,something about exceptional students didn’t ring with me

From there we meandered thru Mueller Park and past Subi School of Dance .

The run/walk then meandered thru to Harold Boas Gardens  ,where many a wedding has been held and some divorces, from there I’ve got no idea as I SHORT CUT BACK TO THE BUCKET.

It was good to see my OLD mate Stumbles there, still looking robust as ever, and welcome back Conman from his hip operation, AND last but not least Antman’s son Junior Antman.

Now about the on on, we got the details of Barefoot’s funeral and wake ,may I SAAY A TRUE HASH LEGEND ,still running up to the last!!!!! The food was curry cooked by ( supposedly ) the hare but there was one small problem ,why didn’t they use the disposable lates instead of the ones I had to wash.

IWBDFQ

Mumbles

Run 2640 – Emu and Gumby at Beaconsfield

We gathered at a familiar car park next to the Dick Lawrence Oval in Beaconsfield to be welcomed by an equally familiar biting south-westerly.

It was good to see our hash run accorded national respect with the market closing for our stockbroker’s run. If he couldn’t trade for the afternoon no one else could either. Who knew that Emu had such power in the ASX? I will have to pay more attention to his financial advice.

A very long run then wandered through the surrounding district. And if I could find the map that Phantom gave me at the end of the evening I could give you more detail.

Suffice to say that for the sheltered hashers living in more salubrious suburbs the run was a socio-economic education. I thought it was excellent territory where even your scribe might have secured a majority vote.

The circle began with a minutes silence to mark the sad passing of our friend and long-term hasher, Barefoot. His genial and wise contributions will be greatly missed.

Our one visitor, System 5 ½, a professional colleague and friend of Barefoot, addressed the circle in memory of his friend.

It is frequently the case that a major world religion cops a bucket at an event led by Emu. No not that one – on this occasion it was the Catholics and the Irish who were the subjects of the jokes. Members might have to be more respectful at our Christmas lunch at the Irish club.

Down downs were awarded to non-walkers, short cutting walkers and runners returning suspiciously early- some claiming to have run 7.5 km nevertheless.

The food was chicken and chips and various hashers could be seen scooping up stuffing and remnant chicken scraps with their fingers at the end of the evening. I will not name the hungry ones.

I have forgotten what score I awarded the run although it might have been 8.5. I have discovered that no one remembers or records my score anyway. Apparently the joint masters will make it up when we determine run of the year at our final committee meeting.

Late in the evening Birdman distinguished himself by phoning a member of the western suburbs car pool to request us to return and pick him up. This was an easy request to honour as we were parked right next to him. It might be wise for Birdman to be prepared for a down down on Monday.

Thanks Emu and Gumby for another great evening.

On on

Sir Knob

Run 2639 – Xmas at Carine

To say this run began disastrously would be an under-statement.

The weather was appalling with lots of rain and a very strong, cold wind. Shelter zero and not that far from the coast.

Bring back global warming!

The hare then announced, somewhat expectedly, that the trail had been washed out, there was no beer in the van and that there were no checks or falsies.

Shit! At this stage the run score was zip!

[NB: I am reliably informed there will be plenty of checks & falsies next week to make up]

However, as the 11 runners set off to the west, things improved.

I should point out that there were about 40 walkers, all rugged up as though they were about to embark on a 3 month expedition to Mawson.

Anyway, there was some trail, it didn’t rain much and the territory was quite good.

Under better conditions, it could have been an ok run.

We even ran down an aptly named “Christmas Lane” in the middle of a nature reserve.

But about here, the huge pack split in two and I can’t vouch for the 2nd half of the trail as several of us had to simply backtrack.

We then wisely relocated to Carine open space to luxuriate under shelter.

Then, what a surprise. As you would expect only from the gentleman’s hash, we were treated to 2 buckets – the new one graced us with its presence and lit up a 1km radius with this superb white light, so much so I thought I was at Optus stadium.

We had a good circle, a few tears for Trump and then  Christmas redeemed himself with some tasty hot pies.

Sir Knob, known for throwing other people’s money around, generously awarded a score of 8.1

Always encouraging to see how many turn up even on dreadful weather nights. Great commitment and that’s why we remain the premier hash!!

On On Emu

Run 2638 – Antman @ Whitfords Nodes

 itHash Run 3rd November 2020   Ant man and Scummy Run

Forget about the run write up, what about “The Bucket write up?” That’s where it was all happening.

I will however touch on the run.  Back at the Bucket  Phantom handed me his map and said it might help you do the write-up.  It looks like a bloody marathon.  I couldn’t see any of them with a sweat-up  or you are all ultra fit or short cutters  (I think the latter).  

I overheard Q say it could be around 12ks.?  The only one I reckon who did neither was Pitt.  Well done mate.  You showed em all up.  Although it does look well set out in particular the nodes.

Well done Antman and Scummy.  Bit of humour there at the start with Antman trying to catch his dog!

For the walkers,  very pleasant.  Pembo and I + hounds lost sight of the boys on Hilarys  Marina  after Horse directed us up a FT.  So Pem and me decided to walk across the bridge and through the Quay.  Pembo read a sign  as we proceeded (do’s and dont’s)  One was no dogs.  I noticed underneath it also said (except Guide dogs).  I  suggested to Pembo if stopped, we have two of the above which need to get used to large crowds.  (forget the blind bit,  Great chick magnets).

Back at the Bucket things were happening.  Back to Pitt.  Rumours were flying around!  He might have carket  it,  bitten by a snake,  fallen off a node,  skitled by a car or even  way “layed”  by one of the skinny dipper sheila’s  on the beach.?

At the same time, our esteemed member Sir Knob called up Moses (lost his dog dish again) for a Down Down.  We were informed he was not available as he had locked his keys in his car.  Even the great minds of our mob and mechanics  couldn’t get in,  so called in outside help.  After he arrived less than a minute job done.  Mosses stress levels abated  until he got the bill

Back to the bucket.  I managed  to get  a joke in the “Renta Crowed  showed ” their usual applause.  (Trumpy could use this lot?)

Then there was dinner.  Compliments to Antman’s Missus.  Stacks of rice, sprinkled with  bits  of chook and topped with a yummy salad.  Excellent fare.  Except no-one told Scummy you had to supply the cutlery,  Where was the Hash Flash when you need him?  Balancing rice on a knife-blade.  Lots using their hands, if your an Arab, which hand don'[t you use?  

Best one of the night Sir Knob trying to fit a Ladle into his mouth.  Mind you he was a “Polly”.

Once again it was a great nights Hashing,  now I’ve got to go home and do the bloody dishes!     On  On    Xmas       

Run 2631 – Dick Tracey @ Carine

Perth Hash House Harriers, Run 2631 14 September 2020

Hares, Dectective Senior Sargeant  (retd.) Dick Tracey, Budgie

On a warm spring evening almost forty athletes gathered at Carine Open Space for the eagerly anticipated Dick Tracey run.

Before the start I inteviewed the famous detective, who, displaying commendable modesty, said he would give it a score of 9.5.

The packs set off promptly at 18.00 hours, runners in one direction, walkers a few degrees to the side. Within two minutes of the start, Phantom took a tumble trying to jump over a safety rail onto some steps. He handed the map to first deputy navigator Stewie and went to the local clinic for first aid. The GP  persuaded Emu to drive him to hospital to get his hand stitched up. Ably guided by Stewie, the thirteen remaining walkers did a clockwise loop, staying entirely in the open space. Back in 44 minutes, having covered 3.8 km. Just perfect.

The runners were in soon after the walkers. The venerable Pitt scored it an 8, despite having to cross Reid Highway twice.   Q gave it 7.5 ( I think, I seem to have inadvertently deleted the voice memos on my iPhone).

The circle was no more shambolic than normal. Several downdowns were awarded, deserved or not.

Dick Tracey served excellent chicken burgers with a very good selection of salads. No pots or plates to be cleaned by next week’s hare!

ON ON, Birdman

Run 2630 – Top Gun @ Second Bite

RUN WRITE UP FOR RUN 2630 ON 7TH SEPTEMBER 2020 HARE TOP GUN @ RHINO

The night commenced with a few downers.

1st downer, ACE the co-hare went home crook before the run even started. 

2nd downer, TOP GUN couldn’t get the door to the premises open.

3rd downer, the snaggers and buns had passed their use-by date.

Apart from all that at least it didn’t rain.

SHAKIN and DICK TRACY helped with the cooking.

CHUNDER and BUDGIE sorted out the splash and bucket, filling in for ACE. 

TOP GUN just walked around in circles trying to supervise.

The pack and walkers returned about the same time and were dry without any major grumbles about the run.

POLLY commenced the circle with down downs for DICK TRACY complaining about the ticket sales.

RUMPOLE for something to do with the joker.

SIR KNOB for a birthday.

POLECAT and MUMBLES for years of hashing.

POLLY finished off with a joke about a bloke with tight pants and no balls – still waiting for the punch line.

SIR KNOB gave ELBOWS a down down for cancelling the golf day.

ACTION won the raffle ticket draw.

SIR KNOB told the circle about a bloke who has a business called Coffin Confessions.  He related that this bloke would be in demand from retired politicians wanting to offload on the opposition.

SIR KNOB forgot to mention the run.  I checked with Q who informed me the run was about 8km and a map helped as some of the chalk was washed out. 

The HARE was given 6 out of 10 and TOP GUN was happy as it was his highest score ever.

Free piss was on again and TOP GUN had to clean the barbecue.  At least he did something on the night.

On On

Dick Tracy