The Hon Sec’s 2500 run write up

PH3 2500th Run

Almost 50 years ago, several young men gathered under the banner of the Perth Hash House Harriers for the very first time, and last week we celebrated our 2500th Run, a milestone to be proud of. So, after giving ourselves a day to recover from our celebratory dinner on the Saturday night, the group gathered on the Monday for our official milestone run (we’ve actually already had our 2501 – 2504, but hashers like to do things differently for sure).

Our group was joined by hashers from all over, notably most of the Hamersley guys, the West Coast guys, a few Harrietts and some from Rocky City so I believe, at the Olympic Kingsway Sports Club in Madeley. A massive thanks to all those who joined us from other Hash groups, we ended up with over a 100 folks which was great. So off went the packs, one of runners and one of walkers on trails set by two very experienced hares in FT and The Mole. I was told before the run started that it was designed specifically to f*#k up Phranger from West Coast and I believe it worked well. I wasn’t on the run, but I have had to field several complaints from the elderly residents of Wisteria Lane, I’ve suitably redirected them to Hamersley H3. From all reports the run was well marked, with interesting territory, and a drink stop which was typically hijacked by Hamersley who, as we all know, take it up the arse.

Back at the Kingsway Olympic, there was a frantic grab for the 2500th t-shirts, poor Gerry Can was getting smashed by eager PH3 members desperate to get their preferred size. Equally as smashed was the poor girl behind the bar who obviously had no idea how quickly Hashers can put away stubbies. As the finger food was handed around, the circle got underway, with Barcode struggling to reign in the raucous crowd. Never the less, as usual what he had to say was worth listening to. Some of our more esteemed members (read old), including Fags, Phantom, Chunder, Wagon, Sir Tomarse, Horse, Mumbles and Polecat were called up for their more than 40 years of membership with PH3. Past members who are no longer with us were also recognised. Barcode then continued to build his legacy of unity by inviting Phantom and Boner to kiss and make up, whilst heading off a potential conflict between our current Hash Flash Sherlock and our newest member Con who is a professional photographer. Ace and Ramrod were called up for causing a fuss at the 2500th dinner with dietary requirement issues. Ace for being a glutard (correct medical terminology for one who is gluten intolerant) and Ramrod for dropping Barcode in it with his wife by not arranging food she could eat. Rumpole would also have been called up, but ironically, he was absent due to a particularly nasty bout of food poisoning.

Then up came our RA who had engaged some the PH3 CSI team to investigate who it was who had won the raffle prize of a free root at the knocking shop on a run some decades ago. In true law enforcement style, when they can’t find the actual culprit, they make up some evidence and make an accusation. Phantom was duly handcuffed (I’m told this was what had happened in the knocking shop too) and taken down. The hares were called up and commended for an excellent run. Some more beers, some beef roles and another Perth Hash event was successfully closed out. Thanks to all who helped out and all those who came.

On on,

Barcode

Horse and Pitt in Hazalmere

Horse and Pitt in Hazelmere

When I first arrived at the bucket, I thought we were going to be in the shit big time. Everything was going f#*king wrong. The bucket arrived full of warm beer thanks to the lack of ice. The hares had left the watering cans at home. There was no site of the Hon Sec (who apparently was caring for his wife, but maybe gone into hiding after he lost the run of the year trophy and then blamed the entire club for not returning it, only for it to resurface under his pool table.) There was no Grand Master either, though he did make a late appearance.

Quite obvious to all that there was only 1 week to go with this committee!

The run started on time with the hare pointing us on in the right direction while the co hare collected watering cans and Ice.

The run started with the usual loop around the park and then worked its way down to the Helena River Mosquito Plain. This is where it got interesting as we had all the runners following trail in a paddock, while a nameless walker started calling on, 400 meters away. To say this led to mass confusion is an understatement. To the walkers, the lesson learnt here is to allow the runners to find the trail!

On we went through some quaint suburban streets and up to the railway lines, where the pack briefly lost the trail before finding it again under the recently graffitied bridges. We clambered through the empty spray cans and used syringes and back into the houses, only briefly though as the trail then took us into waist high grass as we came back to the river.

We battled through and ended up in the new housing estate before coming back out onto west parade with a short on home.

A great run, well set by the hares.

The circle was high jacked by a minority group of hashmen trying to bribe the RA into changing our newly acquired member’s (Sunfish) name. This act of treason was convincingly shouted down and Sun fish shall live on. Gumby then reminded everyone what can happen if you try to change your name, you usually end up with a worse one! Plenty of poor hash men have copped names they aren’t too happy about, but that is the beauty of hash. They are hash names, used at hash, for hashing purposes.

The hares then provided a ham and salad roll which went down a treat. Great job Horse and Pitt.

2500 Run

I think the outgoing flock of seagulls deserve at least another two feathers in their caps.
One for the excellent social gathering of past and present members of the club on Saturday night, and the 2nd, one for the    venue and  the 2.5 run. Top marks to PR crew or was it the Phantom? for the gathering of the clans,  cause he knows everyone!  Must be why he had handcuffs on.
It might have been the acoustics or the West Coast pricks complaining about “No Chips”.  It was difficult to hear what was going on.  Anyway they soon shut up when all the finger food came out.  Talk about Seagulls.
 
After the circle, Hamersley  started bitching.  They thought that was all the food they would get, until they saw Perth Hash forming a queue to receive a very succulent roast beef roll.   Well done.
The Run must have been o.k. as I heard no complaints from the Harriett's.  You won’t anyway as they are always busy catching up on the latest gossip.The walk was very good, except for one small glitch.  The Phantom went down a dead end street;  he called it a false trail! until we got back on track.  Job well done to the Flock.
 
As they fly off into the sunset in February they may be  persued  by the Pack of Mongrels”,  You first heard  it from Xmas.
 
The title of the GM will be changed to FIDO and the ON SEC known as “The Bitch”.
Hash Cash will be the “Dog Catcher”.
The Circle, The Dog Pound”
All currant canines will be brought back in and all “Puppies”  the rest of us caught yapping in the Pound will be tied up on leashes,  15 meters away (watch out Scummy.)
 
Dog Collars will be sold by Hash Hasberdashery        with name tags extra.
 
On the runs or “Walkies”  as they will come to be known. There will be no running up the ass of anyone.  If you need a piss, you are required  to   stand on one leg  next to a lamp post.  Chewing  up pussys will not be tolerated, just ask  Antman.   Licking  your own balls is o.k.
If you need a dump, just ask Ramrod, he carries plenty of spare  yellow bags. 
 
On return to the pound there will be no more chips as the Mongrels have talked Pembo into bringing along 20 kilo bags of dog bickies.
And to conclude in the New Speak, it’s not ON On but Woof Woof.
 
Xmas (The Dog Whisperer) 

 

 


Run 2505 Xmas in Stirling

Run 2505 Xmas Stirling

The easterly wind was keeping the flies & midges away, as we congregated next to the open drain behind the Kathmandu Store in Stirling. Xmas said we needed agility & patience on a challenging run, just follow the arrows.

The runners & walkers set off and mingled together looking like a dog’s breakfast as they negotiated a hole in the dog fence to gain access to the open drain, eventually all climbed thru including the dogs. As per usual Deeply Borings dog wanted to be part of the video and dived in for a swim at the dogleg of the drain. He looked up, as his master tried to persuade him to climb out of the dirty, stinking water. Luckily he didn’t see the ducks exercising.

The culvert crossing at Scarborough Beach Rd held up all who had assembled on the western side Luckily the diamond mesh fence provided some safety hand holds to carefully navigate to the other side. Well done Mumbles. For one’s safety, all runners took a careful crossing of SBR to head south and find a massive false trail. I counted 29 walkers, returning from the false trail, only to head into the Anaconda car park& Botanic Bar car park. Did Bushie stop for a taster?

Over Leige St to the Greater Union Cinema, over SBR at the lights again and await in McDonalds for the less agile walkers to cross. Under, thru, above the car park levels of Westfield Innaloo to find a long straight stretch up Dongara St, where the runners could stretch the hamstrings and spread out again. The trail continued east up Cedric St towards the Freeway and back under IKEA to home at 6.45 pm.

The quietest part of the circle were the 5 dogs, all tired up, sitting on the concrete & looking at their owners. There is more respect from them, than the dog-eat-dog attitude of the front runners. The Onsec was dogmatic for 17 minutes of announcements, including anniversaries for The Mole 17 years & Antman 35 years. Birthdays for Deke & Elbows, who is looking dog tired these days.

Food was lamb cutlets & rice, plenty to feed the masses and no one took a doggy bag home. Virgin country and a difficult site to please the masses, well done Xmas, a score of 8. We all left to return to the dogsbody in the dogbox.

OnOn Horse.

2500 Run

 
I think the outgoing flock of seagulls deserve at least another two feathers in their caps.
One for the excellent social gathering of past and present members of the club on Saturday night, and the 2nd, one for the    venue and  the 2.5 run. Top marks to PR crew or was it the Phantom? for the gathering of the clans,  cause he knows everyone!  Must be why he had handcuffs on.
It might have been the acoustics or the West Coast pricks complaining about “No Chips”.  It was difficult to hear what was going on.  Anyway they soon shut up when all the finger food came out.  Talk about Seagulls.
 
After the circle, Hamersley  started bitching.  They thought that was all the food they would get, until they saw Perth Hash forming a queue to receive a very succulent roast beef roll.   Well done.
The Run must have been o.k. as I heard no complaints from the Harriett's.  You won’t anyway as they are always busy catching up on the latest gossip.The walk was very good, except for one small glitch.  The Phantom went down a dead end street;  he called it a false trail! until we got back on track.  Job well done to the Flock.
 
As they fly off into the sunset in February they may be  persued  by the Pack of Mongrels”,  You first heard  it from Xmas.
 
The title of the GM will be changed to FIDO and the ON SEC known as “The Bitch”.
Hash Cash will be the “Dog Catcher”.
The Circle, The Dog Pound”
All currant canines will be brought back in and all “Puppies”  the rest of us caught yapping in the Pound will be tied up on leashes,  15 meters away (watch out Scummy.)
 
Dog Collars will be sold by Hash Hasberdashery        with name tags extra.
 
On the runs or “Walkies”  as they will come to be known. There will be no running up the ass of anyone.  If you need a piss, you are required  to   stand on one leg  next to a lamp post.  Chewing  up pussys will not be tolerated, just ask  Antman.   Licking  your own balls is o.k.
If you need a dump, just ask Ramrod, he carries plenty of spare  yellow bags. 
 
On return to the pound there will be no more chips as the Mongrels have talked Pembo into bringing along 20 kilo bags of dog bickies.
And to conclude in the New Speak, it’s not ON On but Woof Woof.
 
Xmas (The Dog Whisperer) 

Run 2504 Phantom and Sir Knob perform in Hollywood


We go swimming very Monday. Well we did this Monday after gathering at Hollywood Bowling Club near Karakatta cemetery
Before heading out into the rain we were treated to an entertaining reParking of the van by acting tugger-in-chief Budgie. Well done to the driver and a variety of advisers resulting in the van being brought to the very adequate shelter without losing the solar panel on the van roof.
The hares looked like pastry chefs after trying to set a trail in the continuous deluge but it in the end was necessary to employ Action as a live hare as the actual hare, Phantom, had far more pressing matters such as keeping dry.
That way encouraged Phantom pointing to a waist deep puddle and off went the pack.
Despite a torrent of abuse from Phantom, the co-opted walk guide, Stewie, chose discretion over valour and led the walkers in the opposite direction.
The fair weather hashers who stayed at home missed a great run in good territory. Action led the way south then over Smythe Road into a section of bush adjoining karakatta cemetery. Completing the loop around new housing built on the old Hollywood High School site and across Dot Bennet Park then eventually cross the railway bridge to Stubbs Terrace.
A very wide loop took Action and his band of hardy followers into the bush at the rear of Shenton Colleges and back through the tunnel under Shenton Park Station. It was necessary to swim over the pedestrian crossing and into Evans Street, down an alley to Onslow where the first arrow was spotted under a shop awning.
A straight forward route arriving back at the bucket in about 40 minutes to coincide with the walkers.
The circle was well roofed and provided with excellent lighting under the club rooms. A 36 year anniversary down down for Stewie and a second one for birthday No 68. Some people are simply lucky that they do not show their age.
Barcode was a returnee from The Indonesian Woodlark Island (some people get all the good jobs).
Our Religious advisor, Tripple J was enthusiastically received and provided a wet evening with generous helpings of dry humour.
The food was chicken and salad rolls served by a Phantom wearing a suspicious surgical glove. I did notice Phantom had been wearing that all evening and was obviously intended to ensure any germs collected or chicken grease didn’t taint his skin.
Very well done to Phantom and Sir Knob. Good on you both for planning, setting and ensuring a fun evening. But a special thanks to the 30 odd hash men who turned out in very inclement weather to support your efforts, it was well worth it.
On On
Stewie

ARISTOCAT in home territory for a BONC

 

We have been here before .Like a 20 year marriage  -he knew what to do but could he make it interesting !   In the unfamiliar style of a Freo Supporter  -He did it well .

The runners took off for a large loop which gave the Wanklers time to reach the old traffic bridge and climb thru hidden limestone hills to the Signals Lookout .After a number of FTs the Wanklers emerged by the Army Museum followed by the Runners .

At this point the Runners looped the Swimming pool and then tackeled more limestone bush to emerge just behind the SCB Wanklers .

The Wanklers short cut past Horribly Long park while the runners took the longer Root,all arriving back around 7

So fat Wanklers stuffed from the hillclimb to0k the short Root home abut also got back at 7  .Top effort using some virgin territory and keeping the pack pretty well together.

Back at the Bucket some 50+ drinkers ,including around 8 BONCs , enjoyed the Hash and jokes .The Hills youth  were recognised for Graduation , especially Q (Brain ) young Seagull . FT got the Bell so we may not see or hear it again till 2018

Food was tasty marinated lamb and coleslaw in a bun. WEL DON ARISTO

 

PS If you don’t want the circle to go on so long then SHUT THE FUCK UP at the back

 

ON ON CHUNDA

 

Run 2497 Polecat 04-12-2017

by Perth Hash Hounds 

'A Cats Hang Out under Stirling Bridge'

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

2496 Emu and the old Piggery

RUN 2496            Emu & Thommo – South Coogee

Well this was by far the best run held on Entrance Rd, South Coogee this year. No question, it should win the “South Coogee Run of the Year” award.

As usual you are never too sure how many will turn up when a run is set below the Fremantle traffic bridge plimsoll line but on this occasion forty or so hashmen turned up for a run in an area that would be unfamiliar to most. We set off heading south for a small loop before crossing Hamilton Rd heading towards the local mosque, which just happened to be the former Watsonia cochon small goods processing plant, to the sound of the call to afternoon prayers. Being well-known happy clappers who holds godlike qualities close to their hearts we had to stop Crayfish and Bushy from staying to long on the prayer mat and so we continued in a close knit pack for some way towards the east.

The run moved in good territory with well set FT’s and checks to give all the old bastards a chance to at least stay within cooee of FT and Seagull. A note to remember – if you are too far behind just follow the Molster as he always has an incredible ability to reduce the yards to find the front of the pack. This is called “Short Cutting” and it should not be considered a sin to be such an accomplished master at the art as it takes many years to perfect this quality and Rumpole isn’t necessarily the best teacher.

We continued on throughout the newer parts of South Coogee but always to the east which was where most of the interesting area is. Most Freo people understand this magnetic eastern effect as there is this tremendous and powerful draw towards Cockburn the home of the mighty Freo Dockers. I digress even if it is recognized that this fantastic club has picked up a list of the best young players ever – just ask Colonel who apparently talked up the list on his walk with the vigorous but perambulating Mumbles and company.

The runners almost caught up with the walkers near the railway track where we got side tracked by Gnocchi with the pack, a little strung out now,  heading away from home again. Q and Debbie didn’t let us down and finally we started heading back and under the bridge to home. All in all a good run was enjoyed.

Back at the bucket we all had the opportunity of downing one of Jaapies birthday beers and Seagull took over the circle in the absence of our cerebral but deadly On Sec Bark Hode. All the formalities were discharged with a welcome to an old member Thommo and another welcome to that pommie guy?? who has had a number of runs with us already –  then on to Tripple J who gave us the benefit of his weekly diatribe – he does put in a lot of effort for the small amount of time he is on the crate.

Hash food was well prepared galettes de viandes with salade and a delightful range of salsas.

 
Top night enjoyed by all.

 
Polecat(also known as Aristo)

Run 2495 Rhino and Shakin

Even though I didn’t actually do the run due to a squashed foot, Iam reliably informed that it was a very predictable Rhino run.

In true Burswood or Tomato Lake tradition, there were long stretches between markings – always hard to set a really good run in old suburbs where blocks are big.

However, the leafy streets of Dalkieth and large houses extolling the benefits of capitalism and hard work made for pleasant scenery whist running.

 

Highlight of the run has to be Phantom’s dummy spit as he directed the runners whilst obscuring a check – now Phantom is normally very calm and collected, so perhaps that could actually be construed as initiative!

 

Other than that, seems run was uneventful and reasonably well set.

 

Back at the bucket, it was good that we were beside a plaque letting us know the land belonged to the Noongars – you’ll all be impressed I stopped Nanny’s dog from pissing on it!

Talking about dogs, if you went hungry, Rhino’s inattention allowed one of the local canines to devour a few snaggers.

 

Car parking & lighting good, tucker average and I think the score was 1.0 [or is that a typo?]

 

On On Emu

 

SEAGULL & Q Go Viral in Lesmurdie 2493

Theme: 

Flies, Ants, Snakes, Ticks, Rocks,  Heat, Dust, Shiggy, Hills, Wild animals (and neighbours), Bad manners, Bullshit and Beer….every Hashman’s dream. 

 

Well the Hillbillies didn’t disappoint tonight. A true celebration of everything basic, unrefined and rough as guts natural. SEAGULL and Q must have been pissing themselves whilst setting this run. The first half of the run was set in what could only be described as a rock quarry, undulating relentlessly over about 4 kms. This of course led to the downfall…litterally… of several  Hashers, having fallen victim to the” ball bearing” strewn, laterite track. Yours truly included…and not happy Jan!! Trying to run on this surface, up and down hills was sheer suicide. Fortunately there was some respite across  to the north side of Lesmurdie Road, where the trail continuedfor another 5 kms through semi suburbia, up and down hills but at least on firm ground. 

 

Residents unfortunate enough to be living anywhere along the trail were treated to the usual barrage of yelling and screaming etc and in one instance someone amongst  them even suggested that flyers be placed in the mail boxes of all the residents along the trail warning them of an upcoming Hash run in their street…seriously!!!?

Not a bad run all considered and TRIPPLE J awarded it a 9/10

 

Food was…different! Spicy potato, pumpkin and sausage casserole served with a ladle full of corn kernels and crusty bread. Very “innovative” one would have to say and it went down a treat.

 

Nice work Hillbillys

 

On on

SKID