Run 2627 – Another Prick in The Wall @ Subiaco

RUN 2627: Who were the hares? Where was the run? Have we run there before? What did we eat? What day of the week was it? What day is it now?

Unfortunately, the H3 song (“we go hashing every Monday…” – thank you Nanny) can only help so much to answer such existential Tuesday morning questions for an ageing H3 membership. Luckily for you lot, I committed to memory some of the key points of interest of Monday night’s run. Another Prick in the Wall (APitW) ably assisted by his pubic hair co-hair, B’man…set a low carbon foot print run of approximately 5 km.

This being my first walking run, an experience in itself, which I’ll return to later, I am relying on hearsay to comment on the running part of the run. By all reports, APitW was trying to reduce his carbon footprint by being extraordinarily efficient in his use of chalk/plasterboard. He is estimated to have used 1 square foot (0.09 m2 for younger members) of plasterboard over 5 km of trail. I can attest to his efficiency…. After the run, I asked the hares if they had any plasterboard leftover for next week’s run. They gave me two small pieces of plasterboard which I think should be enough to mark 200 m of trail. Be prepared for a short run, folks, or another super-efficient low carbon footprint run.

By all accounts, the run was ‘interesting’. It started in a southerly direction, then a westerly direction for about half a km before heading north, north-west, east, south and eventually back to the bucket. Is that a fair summary?

As I mentioned above, this was my first walking run (or run with the walkers). A few weeks earlier I got an infection (no, not that kind) in my foot when at Moore River getting out of my kayak into knee-deep toxic sludge, and so was a hobbler rather than a runner.

The walking group was a surprise for me. They are not dodderers, as many of you runners might think. They kept up a brisk clip of walking and banter for the 5 km, that the walk seemed to be over before it started. I remember snippets of the conversation… plenty of bullshit of course, and discussions of old pub hotels in rural WA and various escapades of our older members.

Walking through a graveyard with a group of ageing hashers was disconcerting, especially when Ace took a tumble and dropped like a sack of loose spuds when he stumbled over a tree root. Hope you are feeling better, Ace. J

The On On at the bucket was good. Plenty of good jokes – wish I could remember them – and down downs for the usual sinners, including Scum Bag, Sir Tom Arse, the RA, Nanny and yours truly (twice).

Bulk pizza was shovelled out to the ravenous mob of hounds. The run got 8.4 points.

Thanks APitW and B’man for a good run.

On On


Run 2626 – Grizzly @ Pop-Eye Lake

Did Grizzly forecast the weather right this time?

The above was the question to answer prior, during and after run 2626 on 10th August.  The weather forecast that I checked during the day showed a brief spell of “no rain” around the 6-7 pm but as we all know a forecast is a forecast and not necessarily correct as experienced during the last few runs. Arriving at the run side near Herdsman Lake that was not quite obvious as there where plenty of dark clouds and the temperature must have been around freezing pint or at least it felt that way due to the wind chill factor. Only a very few runners dared to go in short sleeves. 

Pembo arrived as usual with his 2 dogs. As the parking lot was reasonably full at the time of his arrival he decided that the best parking place was near the bucket. However, in order to get that spot he had to move a tree a few cm to the south, which he tempted to do with his ute but was unsuccessful. He only managed to kiss the tree without obvious damage to tree and ute. For this Pembo received the “parking award” which was hotly contested and narrowly beating the other nominees Reluctant and Polly. Well done.

The pack of around 30+ set off at 6 o’clock (hash time so always late) with a short false trail as a start that served as appetiser for what was to come. Of course, the false trail was a “runners only” event.

For there remainder of the run there were plenty of false trails and several checks keeping the pack together. One of the checks was a 3 way check: left, straight ahead and right. However, there was no straight ahead unless one wished to climb a fence and go through the bush.  This must have cost Grizzly 0.05 points for the run score later set by Goliath at 8.75 (we seem to go for more digits to differ between the various run qualities, so don’t be surprised if a future score comes out as 8.95555).

The run was well set and the front runners arrived home after around 49 min and 6.9555 km. The walkers arrived around the same time.

Now back to the question: Did Grizzly forecast the weather right this time?

The answer to this is “yes” and he must have accurately timed it as well. We all kept dry during the run but immediately thereafter the rain starting pissing down. BoM should give him a bonus for this.    

As usual the ON ON was lively with Pembo taking on the RA role. Some down- downs: PH3 hash dog owners (the Claremont dog owners community that wishes to have the Claremont Oval considered a leash free area and which the Tigers are worried about because the dog s**t they may encounter, should come and join the hash to witness how PH3 dog owners are behaving like “responsible” dog owners), Botek, Pembo, APITW, Reluctant and probably a few others.

All in all a good run.


Another Prick in the Wall (ak APITW or Prick)

Run 2625 – Rotator @ Coolibah Park

On another wet night the pack of 31 set off through the streets of Duncraig. Apparently, Grizzly had had enough of running in the rain, so he turned it off.

I’ve heard that he turns lots of things off.


Not even GRIZZLY or MOSES could save ROTATOR’s Virgin Run.

The weather before 6 PM ruined the markings of ROTATOR and SKID so the pack was given a sealed map to guide them. And then of course it rained no more !!!

Thanks to the movement of a cut off low pressure system moving N. True…no lies here.

It was great area to set a run and both walkers and runners arrived back about the same time, although LASAGNA and SON who were late got a little lost as did TRIPLE , our resident back marker .

We retired to ROTATOR’s front yard (God knows what the neighbors (sic) thought ) to beverage ,including red wine -this is becoming a habit – .The area was great if rain came and we were treated to a delicious vegetable soup plus more Reds. A combination that can increase methane the following day.

The circle had it’s usual frivolity and PHANTOM, that consummate COLLINGWOOD supporter was presented with a Collingwood watch. HOWEVER dear ELBOWS you are up for a Massive down Down as is turned out to be a CARLTON watch !

Any Carlton supporters need a new watch

Then to cap it all off SIR KNOB on the mound was tricked into being a likeness of STALIN

Good night, pity about the weather but having a beer and a josh with your mates is what it’s all about


Run 2624 – Cans – Christmas in July @ Stratton Community Centre

On a wet night the pack of 40 set off through the streets of Stratton. Not many had run there before, apparently.

Various experts commented on the likelihood of further rain. All were wrong.

The run was to Cans’ usual high standard and the food was excellent, so rather than put it in my words, here are the comments received so far;

Many thanks to the helpers who contribute to the successful run, circle & ONON.

The weather, neighbourhood or Covid-19 could not reduce the enjoyment of the night, better than being at Optus Oval.


Run 2622 – The Good, The Bad, The Ugly

What Happened Monday
Run 2622

The Good
The Bad
The Ugly
version of Bushies run in Yokine without the score by Ennio Morricone

The Good –
Chicken with corn in pea soup. A classic recipe by master chef Bushie with enough to feed a 50 hashmen and some.
The jokes by Sir Knob. Insanely funny. Where on earth does he get them from?

The Bad

Only 27 or 28 or so turned up. A small pack of runners possibly the smallest of all time set off and possibly the largest of all time 15, stayed put and who could blame them.

The Ugly

The wet. The wet. Ugly miserable wet. Lets hope there are not too many nights like this.

ON ON Chunda

Run 2621 – FT’s Cockman House Run

Was this FT’s Cockman House run or FT’s Cock-up run?

FT, always a forward planner, had planned this run site for a summer run. Well COVID-19 put paid to that. However, FT was up to the challenge, he provided shelter where there was no shelter, lights where there were no lights, no rain where there was rain and parking ….err the parking was fine.

The hashers assembled ready for the French challenge, sans the blue, white and red flag. We set off south down Cockman House Road towards Woodvale Drive, with no FT to lead the charge.

After a couple of FT’s (False Trails not French Ticklers) we headed towards Wanneroo Road. Moses handed the map to Bushie who conferred with Mastitis, but Mastitis claimed he didn’t’ have his ‘eyes’ so was as much help with finding trail as WHO is in managing COVID-19. Now I can empathise with Phantom, trying to ‘keep in contact with a map’ which has and many roads labelled as some hashers have set runs (that’s not many for those not familiar with my dry sense of humour) and is covered in shiny plastic which reflects a powerful torch beam back in ones eyes is difficult to say the least.

More of that later…we run back and forth in a southerly direction to eventually cross Wanneroo Road near Wild West Hyundai and Wangara Honda.  There are more car yards in Wangara than Parramatta Road! The run went up the hill towards PLE Computers as most hashers were trying to get back to Wanneroo Road. The real runners crossed Ocean Reef Road and headed north. But not far enough north apparently.

The pack fragmented into small groups as all were looking to head for the bucket. Reluctant remarked that Bushie should have been a politician as he confidently predicted ‘this is the way’ only to find it was a dead end. There were eight-foot-high fences to stop us entering the US style clover leaf intersection of Ocean Reef Road and Wanneroo Road (none of which were present on the FT provided MAP!).

Grizzly was complaining of sore knees and was looking for the quickest way back to the bucket – so were the rest of us.

Mastitis & Bushie found a way across the Los Angeles style roadway and sprinted (well ran) back to the bucket. Grizzly eventually turned up.

With the hashers now kitted out in their new Haby, curtesy of Crayfish and Bushie, the circle got under way. Polly told a joke that had been carefully handed down from his grandfather to his father and then onto Polly. There were down-downs for Entry Re-Entry from Bali2 and returnee Wagon. Wagon put on a carton of Guinness Extra Stout making the most of the ‘pay $50 for your birthday carton and get up to $90 worth of beer’ supplied by Perth Hash (go figure the math’s on that one & the effect on Perth Hash House Harriers Inc. bottom line!). Then it was over to our RA, Sir Knob, who told a ‘ripper’ of a joke about a lady who had a facelift. It eventually included an ex Liberal Cabinet Minister due to one of the hecklers suggestions that the said ex Liberal Cabinet Minister was the lady in the story.

Sir Knob was not complimentary about the area we ran though. Not up to Claremont standards let alone Cottesloe standards.

The circle concluded with the second rendition of ‘We Go Hashing Every Monday’ due to The Nanny singing the first one before the allocated time slot.

Food was very tasty. It was Subway sandwich with choices of chicken, ham and (roast) beef.

Sir Knob awarded the run 7.8 or there-about.

Grizzly was busy following Rumpole’s 14 page packing up the bucket instructions when your scribe left for home.

On On Bushie

Perth Hash Song #1

We go Hashing on a Monday,
We are the Perth Hash House Harriers
So pull out the stoppers,
We’ve all got big whoppers
And get us to the Hash on time.

When we are checking,
You’ll hear us call
When we are shagging,
The girl’s go “more – more – more!!”

We go hashing every Monday,
We are the Perth Hash House Harriers.
So forget about the rest,
We’re the best in the West

The one and only
Perth —-Hash—House—Harriers–ON ON.

Run A40 hex – Stirling Mafia hash territory

 What Happened Monday

 Run A40 hex

We met in Stirling Mafia hash territory, aka Lasagna’s’s starting point. Xmas brought along his new invention, The Social Distancing Rope, which consisted of a long piece of rope with loops tied at 1.5m intervals, so that each hash man, when holding onto his allocated loop was 1.5 mts from the hashman in front and 1.5mts from the one behind.

A brilliant invention that he should patent and send to the Government for more widespread use.

Once again we split into two groups, the runners headed east from the car park in Stirling out towards Balcatta and Princeton whilst the walkers headed West over the Freeway to Gwelup before returning over the Freeway at Karrinyup Road and back into Stirling.

Talk about social distancing, we were kilometers apart.

As it was BYO, everyone retrieved their own supply and a general discussion was had by all.


As Virtual Hash was looking for new virtual organiser, it appears that virtually nothing happened. Details virtually not available.


Run A3F hex – Triple J on Tranby

What Happened Monday

 Run A3F hex

We met in Tranby House car park Maylands. A number of inundated hashmen assembled for the second get together after the Wuhan Flu Suspension. It rained, quite a lot actually, but not to be daunted we set off, however we were inundated.

Once again we split into two groups, one who classed themselves as runners and others who rightly called themselves walkers. After a general idea of where we were going, Moses led the  runners off. The walkers, headed off along the river towards Garret Road Bridge, when out of the dark behind them, came a black clad figure calling On On as he passed through the pack. It was dark, he was dressed in black, “Who the fuck was that? Must be a hashman.” It was Soft Top who made it this week after missing last week’s because his soft top also had a soft bottom with a flat tyre. We continued onto Garret Road, returning through Maylands. 

Social distancing was practised perfectly again and Rumpole had the bucket under a suitable light, so hashmen approached individually to get their ration.

It worked very well, with everyone respecting the rules.

However, we do need to split into three groups; Fast Runners, Mid Runners and Walkers.


The Virtual Hash continued as well with Bushie driving it with virtual help from Gumby. Well Done!

We are expecting the imminent release of new relaxations of the Covid19 lockdown, which we anticipate may allow us to re-commence “normal” hash runs, starting 2 June.  Probably, food will have to be take away package food service rather than normal pots, queuing etc for some time yet.

We have now had two weeks where we have had a small group of runners and walkers meeting for a run/walk and a beer and this has worked pretty well. The plan is to offer the same for the remaining Mondays in May to exercise together maintaining social distancing.

Nothing is perfect in this world but for both weeks we have had some hashers turn up and there were no audible complaints.

Monday 11th, we will gather at “la seconda casa di Lasagna” Sheldrake Reserve, where Nanny will act as live hare for a ±6km run.
If you plan to arrive, please give us the nod so that we can ensure there is enough beer.


Run A3E hex – ANZAC RUN – Tuesday

Being a Tuesday run the Perth Harriettes were also running. BUT because of the COVIUD-19 lockdown were we really running? The lockdown had been relaxed slightly so groups of 10 were allowed to exercise together so long as they practiced the 1.5 metres social distancing.

At the Bushranger and Mary Poppins household in Yokine there were two events:-

  • A Perth Hash House Harriers Zoom Virtual Circle at 6:00 PM
  • A Perth Harriettes group of 5 run at 6:30 PM followed by a Mary Poppins meal.

Meanwhile,somewhere far far away in a distant Galaxy …. there was a Horse’s Rat Bag – Special Message from Polly on Mon 27/04/2020 9:40 PM.

 On Sec’s Message

I know that we haven’t had a run for several weeks and some hashmen have found that tough going. So I am writing this slowly so that everyone understands.

Today is Monday,

It is a Public Holiday

When there is a Public Holiday Perth Hash House Harriers run on Tuesday.

Tomorrow is Tuesday.

If you look at an archived calendar from the past you can see that we were supposed to have Run 2622 combined with the other clubs for ANZAC Day.

The Wuhan Flu scuttled that effort.

Now that the restrictions have been eased, we are going to have a “run” under the new rules.

It will be with a live hare/hares or maybe not.

Groups of no more than 10 will set off for 45 -55 mins and arrive back as though there had been a perfect trail set.

This was Polecat’s good idea. Well done I reckon.

There will be NO FOOD.

There will be NO CHIPS

Each group of 10 will have a gofer to go to the bucket and collect the rations for the other 9.

We don’t want to stuff it up and have it all cancelled again.

If you have some spare hand sanitiser, please bring it. Rumpole has been unable to source a sufficient amount, even though the distilleries have been making it. You get a very interesting cocktail if you use Whipper Snapper Gin and it has been labeled incorrectly.

There won’t be a circle and there won’t be any downdowns.

So that is the story to date.

We’ll see you there if you are coming. Otherwise we won’t

On On


Horse’s Rat Bag Committee

 Fri 1/05/2020 3:37 PM

What Happened Monday
Run A3E hex

Well I finally got the date and run right at the top, after a pointer from Bushie. Thanks

We met in East Perth. A number of intrepid, intoxicated, inoculated hashmen assembled for the first get together after the Wuhan Flu Suspension.   We split into two groups, a number who classed themselves as runners and some others who rightly called themselves walkers. After a general idea of where were going the runners led by Polecat, headed off. The walkers, changed leadership very quickly deferring to the superior local knowledge of Ramrod, headed off along the river to Claisebrook, crossing over the high bridge and then heading to the Matagarup Bridge as most of us hadn’t been there before. Along the edge of the stadium and back over the Windan Bridge and along the river to home, where we encountered a late comer in Grizzly.   Social distancing was practised perfectly and Rumpole had the bucket under a suitable light, so hashmen approached individually to get their ration.   It worked very well, with everyone respecting the rules.

There was also a Virtual Hash online. No details yet as to how many attended.