Run 2740 – Moses – Lake Monger, Dodd St, North side

Perth Hash Run 2740 Monday 7th November 2022

Hares: Moses and Mastitis

Location Lake Monger

About forty five members and guests gathered at the northern end of Lake Monger on a pleasant spring evening to be greeted by Moses, almost back to full fitness following his recent injury, and Mastitis. Sir Tom’s guest, Marcus, came along again; that’s a good sign.

Shortly after 6pm the runners set off and, following a false trail along the western shore of the lake, headed north towards the Osborne Park industrial area. Phantom, map in hand, encouraged walkers to follow them. Not convinced of the wisdom of this move, Botak and I opted for the more scenic option of a stroll around the lake. Very pleasant it was too. We returned to the beer truck about 3.5 km and fifty minutes later.

The main packs of walkers and runners came in after about an hour. There were some mutterings of discontent about the trail markings but that happens most Mondays.

The circle, which was orderly and commendably short, included a good joke from Pembo.

Returnees included Botak and Kilkenny. Reluctant was thanked for his Spring Run hospitality. Guest Marcus picked Horse’s number from the hat but Horse was unable to pick the ace from the pack. Gumby and Polecat (get a haircut!) reminded us of the golf morning and lunch. RA Reluctant, on being informed that Moses had prepared roast mutton for dinner, upped his run score to 8.9.

Thanks to the hares for another good Monday evening.



Run 2731 – West Coast Spring Run at Kings Park

West Coast Spring Run

Run 2731
Monday 5 September 2022
Hares: Point and Bits

There was nothing about spring in the weather, a very wet night resulting in the run being washed out and Point having to do a live hare run. It is my run next week so I trust that The Griz will do a bit better in the weather department. It is always a risk using this venue but Point must have bribed the thought police and we did not see any sign of King’s Park rangers during the night – very unusual.

Dickie and Budgie arrived in the wagon and parking the vehicle was uneventful and happened without incident. It is always a source of amusement to us early arrivers to watch the dynamics and interaction between driver and hare as to the best location for parking.

A late start at 6.15 (some PH3 members don’t read the newsletter) and off went the runners – all 15 of them and the remainder waited for our dear leader Phantom to lead off the walkers. I made the fatal mistake of talking to Budgie and Dickie at the beginning of the walk and we weren’t concentrating and soon lost the walker pack. The hares were smart enough to get us out of the Park quickly and the walk took us through the office centre of West Perth then to Harold Boas Gardens and back to the Park via Havelock Street.

Basil Brush led the circle and his first act was to give a down down to Birdie who contravened hash tradition and called Scummie by his Christian name – its Barry! Scummy then joined him by making a disrespectful comment to the chair. Other down downs were Flasher who was looking remarkably fit having lost a stone – both in weight and as in kidney, Sir Knob (covid) and Birdman. Pembo joined BB and delivered his usual well researched joke. Reluctant as RA took over and called up Topgun who we were told went all the way to Whitfords Shopping Centre for the hash lunch but couldn’t find the venue and then delivered a good joke at Triple’s expense about a free helicopter ride from the top of Ben Nevis.BB finished the circle by calling up Fang who was noticed not having a drink at the drink stop – a fairly serious charge. Just as the circle was finishing, Dickies phone rang but he insisted that it was not an errant call but only his newly installed pacemaker sending a signal that the unit was in working order.

The committee put on the food which were hamburgers with all the trimmings and our thanks go to all the members who contributed to the food preparation. I was planning hamburgers for next week but will now have to rethink so as to avoid the criticism of having the same meal 2 weeks running – such are the dynamics of hash. All in all great night and our thanks to West Coast for inviting us to their run


Run 2721 – 27 June 2022, Conman & Phantom at Wembley Sports Pavilion, Jolimont

Run 2721 on 27 June 2022.

Conman & Phantom at Wembley Sports Pavilion Carpark, Jolimont.

Conman selected a venue under cover, with great lighting & great parking.  Because Conman’s knees were still crook from his two knee replacements, Phantom set a very well marked trail for him. Some super crafty false trails, lots of checks and enough FTs made for a great run. Full marks to Phantom.

The weather report was shocking, but 33 pitched up expecting to get washed out and of these 14 were runners. Not a drop of rain fell.

Conman delivered a fabulous meal of Chilli Con Carne in more than abundant quality in a Nanny pot that could have fed 100 Hashmen. We even have another nomination for the cordon blue award.

All in all, a great night that was given a score 9.

Written by Conman, published by Bushranger.

Run 2726 – Ramrod – De Lacy Reserve, Maylands

Ramrod & Sir Tom Arse at Maylands

De Lacy Reserve Maylands

Out of town on Guildford Road

Right on Peninsula Road

Straight at roundabout

Left on Richard Street (sign posted)

First right on Hillside Crescent, LFF.


The night threatened to be wet, cold and nasty and it was. The hare, Ramrod, told us the run was set with chalk which had mostly washed away by the storms. The runners were given a map (your scribe had that one) and the walkers a remarkably similar map.  Q commandeered the map I had because he said he has better eyesight than me (that is correct).

The run

We set out around the oval here two hounds immediately broke rank and ran the opposite direction to the peloton. Sanity soon prevailed and they re-joined us.

At the corner of Richard Street & Swan View Terrace there was some discussion as to where we actually were as the paper map only had a few street names on it. The walkers arrived and told us we were going the wrong way. Bugger they were probably correct. So we ran up Swan View Terrace, instead of Caladonian Avenue where the chalk was laid. No problem we eventually arrived at Corner of Margaret Street and Caledonian where there was a discussion on which way to go and where is Kathleen Avenue (where I lived as a bachelor). The walkers arrived and joined in the discussions. Mr Walker asked ‘Where are we?’. I stated the obvious, but that wasn’t what Mr Walker wanted to hear. The paper map only had a few streets marked on it so keeping in contact with the map was difficult. Keeping in contact with the map is fundamental in not getting lost on a 24 hour Rogaine sometimes in thick bush.

At Seventh and East Streets Rumpole took over navigating for the remaining 4 runners and lead them away from the Maylands Yacht Club in spite of being the most experienced sailor amongst us (apart from me who has skippered 42 foot Yachts on the Whitsundays in Queensland and British Virgin Islands in the Caribbean). I saw arrows and turned around called out ‘on back’ & ran down towards the Maylands Yacht Club Inc. and found chalk on the way.

Just before the Maylands Yacht Club I found trail in the Cycle way (PSP) heading east. Looking at the paper map in the light of the day (actually it is the light of the night), I now see that the trail went on the street north of the cycleway. I must have run on a false trail.

I eventually ran back to the bucket across the oval, clocking 5.70 km in 01:02:06 hours approximately. I was offered a Scotch whisky, cheese, and biscuits as well as the ubiquitous crisps.

The Circle

Pembo called the troops to attention and started the circle. I was given a down-down and accused of being a marathon man. He then told a joke about a husband and wife in the upstairs shower. The doorbell rang so the wife hopped out of the shower, wrapped herself in ta towel and went downstairs and opened the door. There was the neighbour who immediately took control of the situation and said, ‘If you drop that towel I’ll give you $800.’ The wife thought about that for a few micro-seconds and dropped the towel. The neighbour (I think it was Elbows) said my you have a lovely body and then reached into his pocked and pulled out the $800 and gave it to her. She went back upstairs and her husband said ‘who was that’, she replied ‘Elbows, our neighbour’. He said ‘Great, did he give you the $800 he promised to repay me today?’.


There were a few more down-downs for birthdays etc. Not sure who but these are the August birthday boys:-

Colonel (76)

Jack Russell (57)

Polecat (73)

Emu (75)

Flasher (69)

In case you were not paying attention the July Birthdays were:-

Soft Top (52)

Wagon (75)

Mastitis (57)

Lasagna (68)

French Tickler (69)

Dick Tracy (76)

Dick Tracy (76)

Pembo (67)

Prairie Dog (64)

Barcode (44) Ed. merely a youngster!

Haggis (71)

Reluctant (59)

Sir Knob was called to be the stand-in RA

He recounted the time early in his parliamentary career when he was door knocking and was confronted by a near naked constituent. He was looking forward to the next encounter and  sadly it was never repeated in the rest of his parliamentary career.

He gave the run a 9.16 out of 10 but raised it to 10 due to the appalling weather -what was Grizzly doing?

Great run site, lights, shelter, parking – it had it all.

Nanny led us out with ‘What do we do on a Monday?’


The food was plentiful and not just because of the low numbers. It was tasty rice and curry.